What Jongup was feeling could only be described as an existential crisis. It was a little extreme, of course, that a 21 year old Korean pop star was suffering this kind of crisis at all, but it snuck up on him and now it was the only thing he could think about.

Okay, so to dial it back. It all started when Jongup was sitting on the couch in their dorm. All the other members were in bed (except Yongguk of course, over the five years of knowing him Jongup had become convinced the man didn't even know how to sleep), but he couldn't just yet. Not when his entire being was thrumming with the excitement of their impending tour. He had spent all day practicing in the wide rooms underneath TS Entertainment, and now that he had finally made it back to their modest dormitory, he was still too wired to lay down or possibly sleep, especially since he doubted Himchan would appreciate Jongup laying awake all night, tossing and turning when all the elder ever wants to do is just hold still so they could get some cuddling in. So there he sat, the television going softly in the background while he scrolled through Instagram, wondering to himself if he should give the fans a Selca or not.

It was then, however, that the television caught his attention. It was the start of some kind of documentary, and it was obvious from the opening titles that it was about space. He locked his phone and rubbed his forehead and thought Yeah. Maybe this will calm me down enough to sleep. Wrong. Very wrong.

“After the confirmation of the existence of Pluto in 1930, scientists all around the world believed our Solar System was complete. That was until December 15, 2015 when the Ninth Planet was discovered.” Jongup swore he was hearing things. His eyes widened and he turned up the volume, his lips parting as he stared. A ninth planet? Something further out than Pluto? From what the scientist on screen was saying (well, from what the subtitles were saying), it seemed to be huge. The same size as Neptune, at least. How do you just find a planet?

He stared at the screen as phrases like elliptical orbit and knocked out of planet-forming region were said and he could not get over the shock. If scientists just stumbled upon a giant planet on the outer rim of their solar system, then what else was there? Could there be even more planets? His mind was spinning, and he felt it still months later as he sat on a hotel bed far across the other side of the world.

The North and South American portions of their tour had been a success, and now they were touring across Europe, exploring places they had never been before. Currently, they were in Finland. He had never in his wildest dreams have thought he would venture to the nordic nation, nor did he expect he would travel half way across the world only to spend all his free time sitting on a hotel bed in Helsinki reading journal articles about a damn planet.

Admittedly, Jongup couldn't understand three quarters of what the articles were saying – not because they hadn't been translated into Korean – just because he had no idea what any of this space jargon even meant, (like seriously, do they just expect your average person to know what the hell Astronomical Units are?).

“Jongup?” a voice came from the doorway. The man startled and lifted his head, raising a finger to push his glasses further up his nose, watching as Himchan frowned at him with concern, “Jonguppie what are you doing in here? We're about to head out to explore.” he said. Jongup nodded his head, his eyes flickering back to his computer. He had only just started reading about the theory of the expansion of the universe, he didn't want to have to stop now.

“I'll come down in a sec, Hyung.” he said, his eyes fixed on the screen before him. Himchan arched an eyebrow and crossed the room, standing beside the bed and beginning to brush his fingers through Jongup's hair. He was sad they had cut it for the Feel So Good concept, he preferred when it was longer and soft.

“No you won't, Jongup. You'll come down now.” he dipped his head, gently guiding Jongup's head back so that he could seal their lips in a sweet kiss, “Because we're all leaving now, and I am not leaving you to sit in a room alone all evening.” Jongup looked up at his boyfriend before sighing and closing the lid of his laptop.

“Okay, okay.” he said. Himchan nodded with a satisfied smirk, watching as Jongup used one hand to pull up his pants, the other to flatten his hair before he grabbed a jacket.

“You don't need a coat, come on, Angel.” he said. Jongup frowned,

“But Hyung it will be getting dark soon-” he was cut off with Himchan chuckling and shaking his head.

“It's summer, Jongup. In Finland. The sun doesn't set, it's light for 24 hours.” he said. Jongup blinked, confused for a moment before he carefully nodded and followed his Hyung out the door.

They weren't walking around for long. It felt as though the entirety of Helsinki was about the same size as Hongdae. Before they knew it, the six of them were strolling along the side of the harbour, giant seagulls squawking at them as they passed. It wasn't even a quarter as polluted as Seoul, and the air smelled so clean but he couldn't for the life of him get over the fact that it was light.

Daehyun and Youngjae were happily chatting and joking ahead of them as they walked over the cobblestones that lined the harbour. Junhong walked beside Yongguk, the younger lost in thoughts (probably feeling right at home, since Finnish people are apparently equally as giant), while the leader silently looked over the map, trying to see if there was somewhere they would want to visit. Himchan and Jongup took up the rear, being a few metres behind the others as the friends gave them privacy. It wasn't often that the two had the freedom to even talk like a couple, but here where no one could speak the language they conversed in they had a form of shield, and talk Himchan did. Jongup felt slightly bad, because as much as he wanted to hear the funny story his boyfriend was telling him, all he could think about was the Expansion Theory.

Not many people could use the excuse Sorry, I was trying to listen but I couldn't stop thinking about the molecules of the universe expanding until everything just disappears.

His mind was, once again, moving a million times a second. The universe was expanding, Suns were exploding (and imploding, mind you), black holes were in other celestial figures, Planets were being discovered left, right and centre and where did that leave him? He was nothing. He was an ant, no he was less than an ant. The size of the universe was making his head hurt and he could have sworn that he was feeling his own molecules expanding, as though he himself was about to disappear into a vapour. All of a sudden he realised he had stopped walking and Himchan was standing before him with a worried look on his face.

“Jonguppie, baby breathe.” he said, his fingers gently carding through black hair again, “Baby what's wrong? Are you okay?” he asked. His voice was hushed, but not because he didn't want to be heard. He had known Jongup for a long time, he knew how quiet the boy was and he knew better than anyone that when Jongup was upset, or unhappy he shouldn't be spoken to in a risen volume.

Jongup felt his cheeks heat up and he rose his eyes to look at Himchan, biting into his lower lip. He nodded his head and glanced around them, wishing he could kiss his boyfriend because that would calm him down significantly. He swallowed and forced a smile onto his lips, shaking his head, “I'm fine, Himchannie-hyung. I think I'm just tired.” he said. Himchan gave him a long look before nodding his head and gently rubbing a hand down Jongup's spine.

“If you'd like I can take you back to the hotel.” Himchan said, Jongup shook his head again.

“No thanks, Hyung. Lets walk a little more.” he said, turning his head and seeing the other four members having stopped a little way up the harbour to wait for them. They all knew that when Jongup was in one of his silent moods his patience and focus had a little more stretch when it came to Himchan.

They began to move again, but this time Himchan was silent. He looked out over the harbour, seeing the islands that dotted the water. There was a large one that had a strong looking wall around it. Yongguk had pointed it out to them, saying it was a fortress from a long time ago. There was a moment that his mind lingered on how cool that was, before his gaze flickered up and he looked at the blue sky that arched above them. It was late, around 10pm, but the sun was showing no real sign of disappearing below the horizon just yet. He wondered if he would be able to see Planet Nine if he looked hard enough. Stars were all just Suns from far away, right? He knew that other planets in their solar system looked like Stars, so does that mean Planet Nine does too?

The six of them returned to their hotel room after eleven at night. Sure it wasn't nearly as late as they were usually home, but in the midst of a world tour, they were exhausted. Daehyun and Youngjae retired to their room immediately. Junhong went to his and Yongguk's, but the leader went in search of their manager to discuss a few things (not before making Junhong promise to shower and get ready for bed. Jongup had always thought that man was part time leader, full time parent when it came to their precious maknae.)

Himchan took off his shirt as soon as the door to their room closed. He tossed it down onto the mattress and stifled a yawn, “Mmm.. I'm gonna shower. Want to join me?” He asked. Jongup knew he wasn't making an insinuation. Of course, Himchan loved to touch him ually, but moreso than that Himchan just loved touching him. Even when they were in front of the cameras, Himchan's fingers always felt the natural gravitational pull to Jongup's skin, but the younegr didn't mind. He hadn't minded even years before the two became a couple.

However just then, Jongup sighed, “I'm sleepy..” he said. He sat down on the edge of the bed and yawned, lurching forward and pressing his ehad against Himchan's stomach. The elder man smiled and his fingers through his young lover's hair.

“Alright. Get ready for bed, baby. I'll be out in a sec.” he said. Jongup nodded. He somehow managed to get his clothes off, stepping into the bathroom for a brief moment and brushing his teeth before finally making it under the covers.

One of the things he loved most about tour, was that it was so easy for the manager to say It's not a big deal. They're fine with sharing beds. It had been years since Jongup had slept in a bed alone, and a world tour would not change that. He stretched his legs out beneath the covers and exhaled with a happy sigh, his eyes closing and his vision being encased with black.

Black. Like space.

Yeah, not so sleepy anymore. He sighed as he opened his eyes and looked to the window. It was almost midnight, and it looked like the sun was about to set, but he knew that it wouldn't go below the horizon before it was rising once again. The shower shut off and Himchan stepped out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist. He closed the curtains, keeping silent as he assumed Jongup would already be asleep, or close to it. He dried the water from his skin and hung the towel up, before climbing into the double bed behind where Jongup lay, his arms securing themselves tight around the man's middle. A hand splayed over his stomach, rubbing a soothing rhythm against the skin before it stilled.

Jongup felt as though hours had passed. The curtain was black and heavy, but light still peeped in from around it, and it felt almost as though he were laying in bed in the middle of the day. One day, twenty-four hours. The time it takes the world to complete one rotation. Three hundred and Sixty Five days, that was the time it took the world to complete one full rotation around the sun. He remembered reading that this new Planet Nine took Fifteen thousand years to make a full orbit around the sun. The sun was pretty big, but not as big as so many other suns. Some suns elsewhere in the universe were hundreds of times bigger than their own sun, what would happen if they were to explode? Or implode? What if a giant sun, hundreds of times bigger than theirs imploded and it made a black hole, and all those molecules Jongup was worried about would slowly get across the universe and into-

“I can hear you thinking.” Himchan said. His voice was riddled with sleep, his arms tightening their hold around Jongup's middle.

“I'm sorry.” Jongup said, shifting slightly on the mattress and turning his head to look at his boyfriend. His smile was sheepish, and the bags under his eyes prominent to the protective older man. No matter how goofy Himchan pretended to be in front of the cameras, Jongup knew he couldn't wish for a better boyfriend. He changed completely when it was just them. Himchan was quiet when Jongup needed him to be, but energetic when he could handle it. He was strong and supportive, but he had the most incredible sense of humour, and he was so very good natured. Jongup wondered why it took him two whole years to fall in love with Himchan, when he knew deep down that it had taken him no time at all to do the falling. It was the admitting he had trouble with.

Though two years really wasn't that long, was it? Not when it takes fifteen thousand for Planet Nine to orbit around the sun. God, his entire life was nothing compared to that of a planet.

Himchan could see the troubled expression on his lover's face, shifting to carefully push himself up onto an elbow. He brushed his hand over Jongup's forehead, pushing the strands of hair from his eyes, “What's up, Jonguppie? You've been acting weird for weeks, but today.. You were especially odd.” he said, “Are you homesick? Do we need to call your Mama?” He asked, his voice gentle and not at all patronising. Even though it had taken a long time for them to come out to their families, Jongup's parents had barely faltered a moment before accepting Himchan as their fourth son. The same thing couldn't be said about Himchan's own family. Jongup tightened his hold on Himchan at the memory, smiling a little and shaking his head. Himchan saw Jongup's mother like a surrogate of his own, and when Jongup called home, he always wanted to be there. (My beautiful baby boys Mama Moon would say, Are you eating enough? Are you sleeping enough? Are you being overworked? Both would roll their eyes and hide their smiles.)

“I'm not homesick, Hyung.” he said. He opened his mouth to speak, but his cheeks flushed red and he hesitated. Not wanting to say it aloud. Himchan smiled and slid a leg between Jongup's, entangling their bodies further together in an intimate action.

“Then what is going on?” he asked. Jongup in a slow breath. He thought about how to word it, how to figure out his concerns. He thought about the discovery of Planet Nine, he thought about the Galaxy, he thought about Expansion Theory, he thought about Astronomical Units (still uncertain about what they are), he thought about molecules and atoms and the Big Bang and the sun exploding and all of a sudden he was blurting out,

“I'm terrified that the Universe is expanding and Space is really really huge and it's going to expand so much that I'm going to turn into vapour and the world isn't going to exist anymore! A-And Planet Nine just appeared out of nowhere, and what if there are other planets?” He said it all in one rushed breath, his eyes wide, his fingers curling into Himchan's skin.

The elder man stared at him. He simply stared. Jongup's teeth sunk down into his lower lip, his eyes wide and filled with a kind of panic Himchan had never seen before. Slowly, his lips spread into a slow smile over his teeth, his tired eyes crescenting and an amused exhale fluttering out from his lungs, “The destruction of the universe, huh?” He asked, looking to Jongup with a smile that held so much love, “Planet Nine didn't just appear out of nowhere, it's been there for like four billion years. Plus, I promise you my love that we are a couple of billion years away from the destruction of the universe.”

Jongup frowned and he shook his head, reaching for his laptop as he carefully pushed himself to sit, “But Hyung, there are these suns that are huge and if they explode-”

“Then they'll cause a spectacular light show.” Himchan said, sitting up and sliding his hands down Jongup's arms. He took the laptop from his hold and gently set it back down onto the bedside table, before gathering the younger into his arms.

“No they won't! They'll make black holes!” Jongup said, his head turning and his eyes drooping slightly as Himchan held him close. His heartbeat was steady, and Jongup found it soothing to listen to, his lips pursing into a pout.

“Jongup look at me.” Himchan said, voice soft and gentle. Jongup carefull rose his head and faced Himchan, “Space is big. It's also scary.” Jongup nodded his head, “But it is also moving very slowly. The world won't turn into vapour, and neither will you, my Angel. If a star explodes, or implodes it will take millions of years for that to effect earth. In my life time, Pluto has been demoted, and this Planet Nine has been discovered, but Planet Nine has been searched for for a long time. It didn't just appear one day. Chances are in the remainder of our life, more planets will be discovered, disproved, promoted, demoted, but nothing is going to change in the next hundred years.”

Jongup nodded slowly, his teeth once again finding his lower lip, “Okay..” he said, shifting carefully closer to his Hyung. He tilted his head to the side for just a moment, “Space is really scary, Hyung.”

“I know.” Himchan said with a smile, kissing Jongup's forehead. They sat there for a while, Jongup listening intently to the steady thump of Himchan's heart, “I want you to promise me something, Jongup.”

“Mmm?” Jongup hummed, carefully straightening up again. Himchan smiled at him and brushed the pad of his thumb over the plush lower lip being attacked by Jongup's straight teeth, a silent command for the younger to release the poor thing. Which he does.

“No more reading articles about Space for a while, hm?” Himchan said and Jongup flushed, before he nodded his head and laughed shyly.

“I won't, Hyung.” he said.

“Good.” Himchan murmured. His hand smoothed over Jongup's cheek and he leant in to seal their lips. Warmth spread out in Jongup's chest, the feeling sliding to the crown of his head and to the very tips of his fingers and toes. Jongup wasn't worried about his molecules anymore, because they were sticking together with Himchan's love.