Seulgi had waited all day for the night to come. On Christmas Eve, she was standing under a lamp post in the park closest to the big Christmas tree. She was dressed in a fuzzy white sweater and a black A-lined skirt. She wore the same pair of thick black leggings and the black heeled boots that Myungsoo had bought for her before when they went on their first fake date. A thick pink coat draped over her shoulders, matching with her pink blush that she had applied earlier. She wore a red scarf, something that she personally picked out when she was shopping with Myungsoo. Her hair was tied in a single braid that rested over her shoulder.

"Mature clothes fit you the best," Myungsoo had told her when they had went shopping earlier, "so I'm choosing something that shows that you're ready for the next level. Also, the weather forecast said that we'll have the first snow tonight. That snow is going to make this confession even more memorable."

She could feel her heart racing. She had sent a text to Jongin if he could meet up with her later at night, which he promised after meeting up with Hyeri. Her cheeks were hot, even though she didn't even confess yet. It felt so…strange. She would've never imagined that she would have the courage to confess to Jongin. Heck, she never imagined getting close to Jongin in the first place!

I should really thank Myungsoo when this is done, Seulgi thought to herself.

As she waited under the lamp post, she didn't see Sehun, who was only a couple of feet away. Sehun, knowing that Hyeri had specific plans with Jongin, didn't bother to hang out with them during Christmas Eve. He kept getting frequent texts from Jongin to arrive at whatever location the two were hanging at, trying to convince his best friend to take part in the duo's activities. As much as Sehun appreciated the text, he knew that Hyeri wouldn't like it.

Besides, she had something she wanted to do and Sehun wanted to respect that.

I wish I could see Seulgi, Sehun thought, texting Jongin that he would't be able to make it to another location that he was saying. His heart sank a little. Too bad she already made plans with that Myungsoo guy.

His phone started ringing. It was Jongin. He raised an eyebrow, but accepted the call.

"What's up?" Sehun asked.

"Hey, you sure you can't join me and Hyeri? It's almost the end of the night," Jongin said.

"Dude, you've been asking if I wanted to hang out literally every two hours," Sehun said. He chuckled. "I'm fine. Besides, I'm a little busy."

"You sure? Well, I'm meeting Seulgi in a couple of minutes, too. Hyeri and I are going to part ways in a few minutes. If you want to hang out with Hyeri, she'll be free at nine," Jongin said. "That's when I have to go and see Seulgi."

Sehun widened his eyes. "Seulgi? Isn't she hanging out with Myungsoo?"

"I guess it got canceled or something," Jongin said.

Sehun felt his heart flutter. "S-Seriously?"

"Yeah. Oh, Hyeri came out of the bathroom. We're going to walk to the park near the Christmas tree. The big one, you know? I'm meeting Seulgi at the Christmas tree around nine," Jongin told him.

"Hey, I'm at the—" Sehun stopped when his eyes landed on Seulgi, who was just a few feet away from the large tree. "—Christmas tree…"

"Really? Do you see Seulgi?"

"Yeah…"

She looks great, Sehun almost said.

"Shoot. I didn't think she'd get there early. Okay, I'll be there in a few minutes. Can you let Seulgi know that I'm near?" Jongin asked.

"Absolutely," Sehun muttered. He hung up and approached Seulgi with a smirk.

Seulgi, sensing an unwanted presence walking up to her, whirled her head. She scowled when she locked eyes with Sehun. She quickly looked away, inching closer to the tree, hoping that the lights would somehow hide her presence. In a matter of minutes, she felt someone familiar stand next to her.

Ugh. Seulgi narrowed her eyes as she saw Sehun standing at the place were Jongin was supposed to stand. He looked up and smiled at Seulgi while adding a small wave. She continued to glare at him, but spoke to him.

“Why are you here?” she asked. She looked around. “Where’s Jongin?”

“Jongin is at the park,” Sehun revealed. 

"At the park?" She looked to her left. "That's not too far from here. I can just walk."

She began walking. Sehun widened his eyes and quickly followed her.

"Hey, he's kind of with someone," Sehun said.

"Hyeri, right?" Seulgi asked. "I remember him saying that he's hanging out with her for Christmas Eve." She widened her eyes. "T-They're not on a date, right?"

"What? No," Sehun said. Seulgi let out a sigh of relief and kept walking. Sehun grunted, but he chased after her.

Sehun casually slipped his cold hands in the pockets of his trench coat. He kept stealing glances at Seulgi, who was busy warming up her hands, trying to calm down her beating heart. He couldn't help but think that she was cute. Clearly, she had put the extra effort to look more attractive with the way she dressed, did her make-up, and styled her hair. To Sehun, she looked like a tiny angel sparkling in pink.

"You look pretty today," he murmured.

"What?" Seulgi asked.

"Nothing," he said, shyly looking away.

Seulgi frowned at him, but changed her trail of thoughts when she saw Jongin from the thick bushes. "Oh! There he is!"

She excitedly ran towards him. Sehun followed her, but frowned a little when he noticed Hyeri's bashful expression. He saw Jongin wave at her, but when he turned, she quickly grabbed the sleeves of his black coat. With her cheeks hot and red, Hyeri looked at him, eyes begging for his attention. When Sehun concluded that she was about to confess, he quickly ran over to Seulgi and grabbed her arm, preventing her from running into their confession.

Seulgi widened her eyes. "What is your pro—"

"Sh!" Sehun hushed her and quickly forced her to bend low. Seulgi kept her eyes wide, outraged until he helped her sneak behind the bushes between two large trees. Seulgi was about to protest until Sehun placed his finger over his lip and pointed to the two, who were close. 

"J-Jongin…" Hyeri stuttered.

"Hm?" Jongin replied, raising an eyebrow, oblivious of the entire situation.

Hyeri bit her bottom lip. She grabbed his other arm, preventing him from running. Jongin continued to remain a blank smile. Hyeri looked down, her breath shaking, nervous. Then, she finally looked up, her eyes full of sincerity.

“I love you.”

Seulgi froze. She continued to hide behind the bush, remaining silent. Sehun gave her a small look before glancing back to see the scene.

“I really love you, Jongin,” Hyeri repeated breathlessly. She gently tugged on his sleeves, causing him to naturally turn to face her. She eyed at him. “Please accept my feelings!”

“I-I’m sorry,” Jongin said almost immediately after her desperation. “I can’t accept your feelings.”

Seulgi let out a silent sigh of relief. Good. Good. Besides, we’re talking about Hyeri. Jongin already rejected her a long time ago—

“Then can you at least tell me why you can’t accept my feelings?” Hyeri asked. “I told you that I wouldn’t mind being your girlfriend even if you’re not interested in me. I confessed to you before and you never told me why you wouldn't date me.”

So pushy, Seulgi thought dully.

“I can’t. I can’t do that, Hyeri,” Jongin told her gently. “I can’t lie to you, but more than that, I can’t lie to myself.” He took a deep breath through his nose. “I…I haven’t even told this to Sehun yet, but I think you deserve to rights to know this.” He looked down at her. “I have someone I love.”

Seulgi almost felt her heart stop. Her eyes widened as she anxiously waited for Jongin’s confession.

“…Is it Seulgi?” Hyeri asked him.

“What? No,” he said quickly.

Seulgi frowned deeply. Wait, what—

“Then who?” Hyeri asked again.

Then, Jongin made an expression that all three had never seen before. He seemed timid, out of place with his thoughts. The words were stuck in his throat, but his eyes clearly showed that he wanted to spill out his secret. After biting his bottom lip and shyly looking away, he made his confession:

“The person I’m in love with…is Jung Soojung.”

Seulgi froze. Oh.

Sehun made a small nod, unsurprised. Just like I thought. He likes Soojung.

He quickly looked down at Seulgi with a curious look. He was waiting for her reaction, but she didn’t move at all. 

“Jung Soojung?” Hyeri repeated. It took her a while, but she finally remembered the dull black-haired girl who was hiding in Seulgi's shadows. Hyeri furrowed her eyebrows before looking back at him. “Why her?”

“I don’t know. I just do,” Jongin said sheepishly. He laughed like a boy in love. “I wasn’t sure in the beginning, but now I feel like I can actually say that I like her. I like her a lot—Jung Soojung.”

Sehun let out a small sigh as he looked up at the dark sky. He was getting tired of listening to Jongin and Hyeri. Their conversation wasn't anything new to him. He knew that Jongin had a crush on Soojung and he knew that Hyeri was going to try confessing to him again on Christmas Eve. He glanced at Seulgi again, who didn't move. Feeling a bit mischievous, he started playing with Seulgi’s hair, twisting her braid of rich brown hair with his finger.

“Hey,” Sehun said, now poking her cheek. “Are we going to be here forever or what?”

Much to his surprise, Seulgi shot up from the ground. He looked up at her with wide eyes, shocked to see an aura of determination. Without a pause, she turned around and jumped out of the bush. Sehun gasped and hid away deeper into the bush while Jongin and Hyeri stared at her in astonishment.

“S-S-Seulgi?” Jongin stammered. Seulgi is Soojung's friend. Seulgi knows that I have a crush on Soojung. Or does she know? 

"Were you listening to us?" Hyeri asked, her eyes burning with anger. She couldn't believe that Seulgi was eavesdropping on their conversation.

Without a second thought, Seulgi marched right up to them. Then, she turned her body awkwardly at Jongin. Jongin flinched and held his breath.

At first, she wasn’t sure what kind of expression to make. What was she supposed to say to her crush, who turned out to love her friend?

“I-I heard,” Seulgi said honestly.

It was the first she saw Jongin look terrified. His skin was pale and he gave her incredible wide eyes. His whole body was shaking, fearing the idea that Seulgi would tell Soojung about his feelings. It was clear that he was not ready to face such a situation, and Seulgi was able to see that. Her heart stung a bit, but she kept head high.

Hyeri reddened, embarrassed. “Oh my god, you—“

“I won’t tell,” Seulgi told Hyeri, cutting her off. She slowly turned to Jongin and began to play with her hands. “I…I also won’t tell Soojung.” There was a look of relief on his face. “Instead I’ll…help you!”

Hyeri stared at Seulgi. She was so sure that Seulgi had a crush on Jongin. After all, they had been competing for the boy’s affection. If Seulgi was giving up this easily, then who was Hyeri trying to compete with?

Sehun, too, was deliberately surprised to hear Seulgi say something so ridiculous. Sure, it seemed like Seulgi and Soojung were close, but even in Sehun's eyes, it didn't look like Soojung wanted to get in a relationship. 

“Help me?” Jongin repeated. A little pink appeared on his cheeks. “R-Really?”

“Well, I-I can’t say that I can help you right away. Y-You’ll have to try and get to know her first,” Seulgi stuttered. She shyly tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear while looking away. “Soojung is observant like that. She’ll know if I’m trying to hook you up with her and she wouldn’t like that.”

“R-Right, right! I totally understand!” Jongin exclaimed. He smiled bashfully. “That’s one reason why I like her…”

Ow, ow, ow.

Seulgi felt a pang of pain stab through her chest. She clutched her hands on her shirt, trying to compose herself.

“Exactly! Um, we’ll talk next time, okay? I have to go. I’m, uh, meeting up with Soojung for a sleepover," Seulgi lied, twirling her fingers.

“Wait, but I thought you wanted to meet up with me in just a few minutes,” Jongin said, checking his watch.

“No,” Seulgi squeaked, trying to swallow.

“You sure?” Jongin asked. "We still have time to hang out. We can probably talk about Soojung, too! I can hear about what kind of person she is from you and you can give me some tips on how to talk to her!"

That's exactly what I don't want, Seulgi thought. "W-Well, I just wanted to meet up with you because… I, uh, had a feeling that you liked Soojung and I, uh, wanted to help you!"

Jongin turned beat red. "Oh my god. Am I obvious? Do you think Soojung knows?"

"N-Nope!" Seulgi stammered. She let out an uneasy laugh and looked away. "Well, that's all! I have other plans, so I need to go!"

Jongin nodded. "Yeah. For sure, let's keep in contact!" He turned to Hyeri with a bright smile. "Ready to go home/"

“Yeah,” Hyeri murmured. She gave Seulgi one final look before walking away with Jongin, who was planning to take her back home up to the subway station.

Seulgi slowly turned around. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

It’s okay, she told herself. She could feel her eyes start to water. Her heart throbbed in pain. You did fine. You did good. You did the right thing—

“Oh, and Seulgi?” Jongin’s voice made her stop her tracks. She looked up and turned around, noticing that Jongin, although a few feet away from her, was smiling and waving at her like never before. “Merry Christmas!”

me.

Tears covered her vision as she swallowed hard, hurting .

“M-Merry Christmas!” she croaked out. Jongin laughed briefly before skipping away with Hyeri, who still felt confused about the entire situation.

Seulgi quickly turned away and started running. She ran back to where Sehun was hiding, who casually waited for her while smiling. She quickly curled herself into a ball and covered her face in her arms while Sehun continued to give her a stupid smile.

In all honesty, Sehun wasn’t quite sure with the reason he was smiling. It almost felt fake and surreal. It was like his smile was trying to deceive him from thinking that he was happy. The words Seulgi had uttered made him feel great, but seeing her curled up and small made him feel…awful. He had just seen Seulgi do something beyond his imagination, and he was impressed. He was impressed, but…

Why does it hurt? he wondered, feeling terrible inside. He decided to throw away his thoughts by striking up a conversation with her.

“So now you’re going to help Jongin?” Sehun asked. “Honestly, I can’t wait how messy that’s going to turn out—“

Seulgi sprung back up on her feet again, surprising him once more. He slowly got on his feet after checking to see that Jongin and Hyeri were officially gone. He glanced at her face, then flinched when he noticed that her makeup smeared all over the place. Her eyes were watery and she kept sniffing over and over again.

Without another word, she started walking ahead. Sehun, intrigued by her abrupt actions, tagged right behind her.

“Um, you got a little something all over your face,” Sehun said, making a circular gesture with his index finger. He glanced behind him, then back at Seulgi. “Seulgi? You okay?” He snapped his fingers and broke into a smile. “Wait, did you wear make-up just to confess to him today? No wonder you looked different!” He started laughing. “You actually thought that make-up would help you confess? Wow, I can’t believe it!”

He stopped laughing when he realized that it was only him soaking up the positive mood. He looked down at her, noticing that she had a firm look on her face, despite her smeared lipstick and runny mascara.

“Hey,” Sehun said softly, playing with the end of her scarf. “It’s no fun if you’re not showing any reaction…”

The two ended up walking into a street tunnel. A few cars sped past them as the two walked on the provided pavement for pedestrians. The tunnel was dark, but the orange light made it visible for Sehun to follow right behind her.

“Kang Seulgi,” he called. His voice echoed in the tunnel. “Are you going to be quiet? If you are, I’m going to home!”

He frowned, but decided to keep silent as he figured that she probably couldn’t hear him due to the cars driving past them. But, there weren’t a lot of cars to begin with—only one or two cars would drive through the tunnel. Still, he kept quiet, trying to convince himself that even though there were hardly any cars, she probably couldn’t hear his echoing voice.

When they finally reached out of the tunnel, Seulgi continued to walk aimlessly. Sehun carefully examined her, noticing that she was acting odd. He made a deep frown, but quickly widened his eyes when he saw her sway towards the street. Horrified, he ran towards her and grabbed onto her shoulder, pushing her away from a car that drove past them. The cars honked at Seulgi’s dangerous and mindless action.

He felt his heart pound against his chest. He looked back apologetically, even though the car was already gone. Then, he made a face while he forced Seulgi to turn around. His heart throbbed again when he saw her blank eyes.

“What the are you doing?” Sehun shouted, snapping her out of her thoughts. “You almost got killed!”

“…Huh?” Seulgi glanced at the street. “Oh. Sorry.”

“What do you mean ‘sorry?’” he cried out loud. “Pay attention!”

Seulgi blinked her eyes, then scowled. “Well, I’m sorry, but I just have a lot of things on my mind right now!”

“Were you okay with the fact that you were just about to lose your life?” Sehun pointed at the empty street behind him. “You almost walked in front of a car that’s going fifty miles per hour!”

“Okay, okay! I said I was sorry!” Seulgi yelled. As she started to get angrier, she noticed that Sehun’s hands were still on her shoulder, trembling frantically.

“What the hell were you even thinking about?” he asked her. “Jongin saying that he likes your friend? So what? Big deal!”

“I just…Why should I explain anything to you? You literally just saw me say that I’m going to help my crush get hooked up with my friend. Obviously I’m going to be paranoid about that,” Seulgi said.

“Well, can’t you just think about that when you get home?” he asked. “You’re being a nuisance if you’re thinking without knowing where you’re going.”

Seulgi glared at him. “Are you ing serious?”

“What?”

“Do you know how it feels when you find out that your crush likes someone else, and that person turns out to be someone that you not only know, but someone who is also really close to you?” Seulgi frustratedly pounded her chest with her fist. “I feel like I swallowed a thousand needles just now!” Her tears started to return and threatened to fall down from the rim of her eyes. “How can you expect me to not think about what just happened right now? How can you ing not expect me to do that?”

“So what? He’s just some measly crush—“

“I loved him since I saw him!” Seulgi yelled. She made a weak laugh. “I mean, I just started talking to him, and here he is, saying how he has a crush on Soojung and they barely exchanged a 'hello' when they passed by each other!” She ran her fingers through her hair. “I really, really loved him…” She blinked, and tears began to fall. “Really…really…”

Sehun stared at her, speechless. His heart broke into small piece as he realized how serious she was into Jongin. This whole time, he thought that she was just crushing on him, but seeing her now made him realize that she might’ve been serious.

Slowly, he reached to wipe away her tears, but stopped himself when she looked up and sniffed loudly. He retracted his hand and watched her in silence.

“And now I have to ing see him get hooked up with Soojung,” Seulgi murmured bitterly. “God, I hate myself!”

“Just tell him you can’t do it,” Sehun said quietly. “You don’t have to do it.”

“No, I have to,” Seulgi said. She wiped her tears with her hands, then looked down her palm to see that makeup was smeared all over it. “Aw, crap. I look pathetic. Myungsoo spent a ton of money on me to look pretty and now I just let that all to waste. I'm so pathetic." 

She continued to wipe her face with her hands while Sehun reached down his pocket to find a handkerchief. When he found one, he made a small smile and pulled it out.

“Here—“ 

“God, if I was with Jongin right now, he’d probably have a tissue or something,” Seulgi blurted, looking at the sky. “He was always the type who knew what to do in any situation. He was perfect.” She sniffed. “Damn it, I don’t think I can move on…”

“Well,” Sehun said slowly, starting to feel irritated, “Jongin isn’t the only guy in this world.”

“He’s the only guy in my world,” Seulgi said with a small sigh at the end. 

Sehun’s eyes grew cold and hard. He made a tight grip around the handkerchief before putting it back in his pocket. He looked at Seulgi with a grim expression on his face. She stopped and shivered.

“When are you going to stop talking about Jongin?” he asked her, clearly frustrated.

“T-That’s because I love him—“

“Why?" he asked. He grabbed both of her wrists and pinned her against the wall. Seulgi widened her eyes and started to let out shaky breaks. He narrowed his eyes and leaned close until their lips were centimeters apart. “Why—“ She could feel his breath against her moist lips. “—is it always Jongin?”

“I-I don’t understand why you’re so angr—“

“Look at me!” he demanded. When she didn’t, he leaned down at kissed her.

Seulgi widened her eyes, stunned. Her heart skipped a beat, but she quickly crushed the thought of romance by struggling out of his grasp. She quickly bit his bottom lip, causing him to cry out in pain and to back away. Finding this moment as a chance to escape his grasp, she kicked him away from her and slapped his cheek.

Sehun stood still, wide-eyed with a red handprint marked on his cheek. With his heart racing against his chest, he slowly turned around, only to see a teary-eyed Seulgi curling her fingers into an angry fist. A strong source of pain stabbed through his aching chest. He tried to swallow and was about to speak up with Seulgi opened and let the next four words trickle out of her lips:

“I ing despise you.”

Without another word, she quickly turned and ran away, leaving a shocked Sehun standing in the middle of the empty streets. When Sehun finally came to realize what he had done, he covered his face with his hands and leaned against the wall.

I'm the worst, he told himself.

/ / / / /

That night, Seulgi ran. She ran anywhere she could, hoping to avoid Sehun. She wasn’t even sure if he was following her, but just in case, she ran. She didn’t want to turn her head and check. She didn’t want to. She wasn’t even sure if she didn’t want to do that. She wasn’t sure of anything. She felt confused, lost, and unable to think for herself.

She turned around at a particular corner and finally stopped when she had a good feeling that Sehun wasn’t anywhere close to her. She panted hard from her thirty-minute run. She dropped her hands on her knee and bent down, but quickly looked back up at the night sky.

A woman came out of a shop to bring in the shop’s sidewalk chalkboard. However, the woman stopped and noticed Seulgi standing in front of the shop, staring at the sky in a dazed manner.

“Seulgi?” Sooyeon called. Seulgi quickly looked at her, surprised. “Hey, Seulgi! What you doing there? You don't have work.”

“N-Nothing,” Seulgi croaked. “Nothing. N-Nothing, really. I don’t know. I-I don’t…”

Sooyeon paused. Just by the tone of Seulgi’s voice and how fragile she looked, she knew that something had happened. 

“You know,” Sooyeon said softly, “it’s kind of cold, right? This Christmas Eve is quite chilly.” Suddenly, drops of cold snow fell down from the sky. Sooyeon looked up. "Oh, it's the first snow." She pointed to the coffee house. “I’m closing the place up, but would you like to come in and have a cup of hot chocolate?”

Seulgi kept quiet before slowly nodding her head. Sooyeon smiled, then gestured to come inside as she carried the chalkboard into the shop.

The moment Seulgi stepped into the shop, she could feel the warm homey temperature along with the scent of vanilla and coffee beans. She glanced around, feeling a bit misplaced as she took a seat near the counters.

“I’ll be right back. I’ll even add marshmallows, whip cream, chocolate syrup, and cinnamon sticks. Sounds good?” Sooyeon asked, giving her a bright smile. Seulgi aimlessly nodded her head. Sooyeon pressed her lips, but nodded as she headed behind the counters to make the sweet treat.

She could still replicate the exact moment in her head: the soft texture of his lips, the sound of him breathing near her ear in desperation, the way his brown orbs stared at her as if she was the single most important woman in his life—

The scent of his fresh minty cologne still lingered in her mind. She slowly reached up to touch her lips. Then, she covered her bright red ears, trying to shut out any sound and trying to focus on what just happened.

Sooyeon returned to Seulgi’s table. She gently placed the cup of hot chocolate in front of the girl, but noticed a few drops of puddles on the table. Astonished, Sooyeon quickly bent down at Seulgi’s knees, looking up to see that she was starting to cry.

“Seulgi, sweetie,” Sooyeon cooed softly, “are you okay?”

“M-My first kiss,” Seulgi managed to whisper. Hot tears fell down from her eyes while some rolled down her cheek to her chin. She clawed her ears while she continued to shake her trembling head. “My first, stupid kiss…!”

She started to cry out in frustrated while she covered her face. She pressed her face against the palm of her hands as tears continued to fall down. Sooyeon gave her a sympathetic gaze before rubbing her knees.

“Want me to call Soojung?” Sooyeon asked. Seulgi only continued to cry, unable to think of anything else. Sooyeon quickly fished out her phone while she tried to give the poor girl a sisterly hug. “There, there…”

Seulgi’s first kiss—the kiss that was supposed to be done with Jongin. It was the kiss that was supposed to be with Jongin, the man she has always loved. It was supposed to be a romantic, mutual kiss—something like she had seen in dramas or comic books. It was supposed to be sweet and gentle, not hateful and forceful.

But most importantly, her first kiss was gone—just like that.