Your phone was old. So occasionally, it would glitch like this, deleting all of your contacts and leaving you to guessing phone numbers and praying that they worked. This one, however, was a number you were almost certain you had right, so you didn't hesitate in sending the first message. 

You: "You're an arrogant bastard."

A response came almost immediately. 

Him: "But I thought you loved me?"

Was he serious? Had he not picked up on your less-than-subtle-violent hints for the past two weeks?

You: "....you are joking right?"

Him: ".... I was going to propose on Thursday..."

There was a momentary break as you realised the only possible explanation.

You: "This is the wrong number isn't it?"

Him: "No such thing as a wrong number!"

The stranger texted again. 

Him: "I'm probably not the arrogant bastard you're looking for, but I'm also probably much more interesting"

You raised an eyebrow in curiosity, responding before you really thought about whether texting a random stranger was a good idea. 

You: "oh really? How so?"

Him: "I don’t want to brag, but I've been told I look like a camel and a dinosaur at the same time."

You: "Well I do have to admit, that is impressive."

Him: "told ya. I can also fit 7 marshmallows in my mouth at once."

You snorted in laughter.

You: "...less impressive."

Him: "oh yeah? Well how many can you do???"

You: "......."

You: "I'm not doing it."

Him: "come ooooon!!"

You: "I don't even own marshmallows!"

Him: "that's a sad life you lead. Dealing with arrogant bastards without marshmallows can be seriously detrimental to your health."

You: "that's a scientific fact is it?"

Him: "obviously. Every scientist out there knows to keep a stash of marshmallows on hand just in case an arrogant bastard shows up. You can never be too careful with these things."

You: "speaking of arrogant bastards, I should probably go deal with mine."

Him: "noooo, he doesn't deserve you!"

You: "you don't even know who I am!"

Him: "in any case, go buy marshmallows first."

Him: "you need protection."

Him: "I can't in good conscience let you go into this battle without being prepared."

Him: "not the baby ones either, proper ones."

Him: "then come back and tell me how many you can fit in your mouth at once."

You: "....you are joking... Right...?"

Him: "no!!! You've insulted my manliness! I need to redeem myself!!"

You: "by making me eat marshmallows?"

Him: "exactly."

You were about to respond when you received another message. 

Him: "I gotta go, but I expect an answer by this evening!"

You found yourself smiling at whoever this guy was, despite what your day held at least it had started with this. 

Later that day you walked with your friends back to your respective apartments. You all lived relatively close (hence how you'd met in the first place) and were using the walk to swear about the "arrogant bastard" having just heard your recount of your day. 

You'd laughed along with them at the beginning, but then your attention had been stolen by a flickering light. A convenience store. 

"One second, I'll be right back." Without really thinking, you jogged away from your confused friends into the store, drawing attention to yourself with the little bell that jingled as you entered. 

"Excuse me, but by any chance do you sell marshmallows?"

Later that night.

You: "8.5"

Again, you received an answer almost instantly. 

Him: "no way! You must have bought the baby ones! Did you buy baby marshmallows? Don't lie to me."

You laughed out loud at how devastated he seemed. 

You: "No lying, I promise. Regular sized marshmallows."

Him: "hold on, I'm gonna do it again."

You: "not gracious at accepting defeat are you?"

Him: "this isn't defeat. This is WAR!"

A moment passed and you found yourself picturing a t-Rex with a camel's head trying to fill its mouth with marshmallows, struggling with its tiny arms.

Him: ".... Let's have war about something else."

You: "oh no! Couldn't you do it??"

You: "what a tragedy!"

You: "however will you recover your manliness now?"

Him: "I'm plenty manly!"

You: "idk... Can't even fit 9 marshmallows in his mouth... Seems pretty embarrassing..."

You: "I don't know if I'd ever marry a man like that."

Him: "yaaah! Give me a task to do, anything! I'll prove my manliness once and for all!"

You: "like what??"

Him: "anything!!"

Him: "I live with my five guy friends, if that helps you come up with something, they can tell you I'm not lying!"

He lives with 5 other guys? He must have patience of a god, either that or those friends were more like brothers. 

You: "hmmm... What would prove your manliness....?"

You: "what to choose....."

You: "Ok, gather your buddies. Tell them you have important news, but be serious about it, somber even."

You: "once they're all concerned and sat down, you sing ‘I'm a little teapot’ with all the actions and everything."

You: "and you can't tell them I'm making you do it."

Him: "how does that prove I'm a man?"

You: "too scared?"

Him: "oh I'm gonna do it, don't you worry about that."

Him: "I just looked around, one of my buddies isn't here, do I wait until he gets home?"

You: "oh definitely, can't do it without all 5 at rapt attention."

Him: "roger that. Mission "boiling water" accepted. I will update you when I am successful."

You laughed, only now noticing a soreness in your cheeks from smiling throughout your entire conversation. 

The next morning. 

Your phone would Not. Stop. Buzzing. Giving up at falling back asleep, you grabbed it and were prepared to yell at whoever wouldn’t stop texting you, until you saw who it was.

Him: "mission 'boiling water' has been successfully completed."

Him: "please inform me of my reinstated rank as "manliest and handsomest guy you know."

Him: "jeez, wake up! Some of us are waiting for the biggest news of their life here!!"

Him: "I'm not gonna stop spamming you so you might as well answer me."

Him: "hellooooooo"

Him: "manly man to sleepy head!"

You: "Fine! I'm up!"

Him: ":) :) :)"

You: "you have too much energy in the mornings."

Him: "only because this morning I'm going to be officially reinstated as the handsomest and manliest guy you know."

You: "when did handsome enter this deal?"

Him: "well it kind of goes without saying."

You: "aren't you a confident one."

Him: "and what else am I?"

You: "*sigh* fine, you're very manly"

Him: "and handsome."

You: "don't push your luck."

Him: "... You'll admit it eventually, you can't resist my charms ;)"

You: "if you say so."

Him: "I know so."

You: "how did your guys respond to the display of your manliness anyway?"

Him: "one of them sang along with me"

Him: "two were too in awe of my manliness to say anything."

Him: "one of them threw his slippers at me"

You: "hahahaha, that's hilarious! That last one sounds like a fun guy."

Him: "you're so mean!"

He didn't send another message, and not liking your immobile phone, you soon sent one instead. 

You: "you ok?"

Him: "no."

You: "what's up?"

Him: "you hurt my feelings."

You laughed lightly at his pouting.

You: "aww, I'm sorry."

Him: "not good enough."

You: "sorry with cherries on top?"

Him: ".... I'm not five..."

Him: "you know, people always say that actions speak louder than words."

You sighed, so this was the game he was playing. What a faker.

You: "what do you want me to do?"

Him: "I'm glad you asked ;)"

Not sad in the slightest.

Him: "to prove that you are capable of compassion, and to truly apologise to me,"

Him: "I want you to...."