There is no other feeling that more beautiful than falling in love.

That sentence is maybe the right words to describe a high school-er’s feeling who is currently in love like me.

I'm falling in love. Falling so deep for a guy who I sure will regret it in the future. Someone that I hope I don’t have a feeling on him, because he is already in relationship with my own cousin.

Am I crazy? Maybe yes. I am crazily in love.

I believe... love is never be wrong.

Three months ago is the first time I saw him. My cousin posted a picture of himself with his boyfriend together on social media. I was mesmerized at the first sight. I never saw a guy who is this beautiful and as angelic as him. I then remembered the time when my cousin refused to introduced me to his boyfriend. My cousin said that I might fall in love with his boyfriend because he is just too pretty. He said it as a joke, of course, and I just responded him with a laugh. That time I never thought that I really will. I really fall in love with that guy at the first sight, and my feeling is increasing everytime I look at him. Eventhough it just from the picture.

If people ask me to decribe how my feeling toward him is, I will answer that we are like an idol and his fan. He give me some happiness just from seeing him on screen. He is someone that I feel so close to when the fact is he doesn’t even know that I’m exist. Someone that always in my mind eventhough we even never met each other. Someone that I want to keep in my arm forever but I can’t even reach him.

My feeling is like that.

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I tried to keep it as a secret from others, especially my cousin. I did it, but just for months. Unfortunately, my cousin himself who found out about this. The next thing happened is  predictable. He hated me, and refused to even meet me.

Love is never be wrong, but maybe... I choose a wrong person to be loved.

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That is the story from last year. I’ve already graduated from high school and went to a college in Seoul. My relationship with my cousin is still the same. He didn’t talk to me until this time, eventhough he was already broke up with that guy long time ago. My cousin now went to a college in another city with his new boyfriend.  I don’t know what happened between him and that guy in the past, but I hope I was not the main reason for their separation. I can’t bear any regret more than I already have. I was wrong. All I want is nothing but the mercy from my cousin. That guy is not even in my mind anymore.

I think that my love for him is already dissapeared, when the fact is it didn’t. My body is authomatichally reacting when that familiar figure is here, in the same room with me. This is the first time I saw him in real life and I... I still felling it. The same feeling from last year.

Friday, 6th November

Today is his birthday. I always remember his birthday and this is the second birthday of him with me as his admirer. I really want to give him something special this year, because I hadn’t that chance last year. I still feeling guilty, especially if I remember my cousin, but I just want to give him something, not telling him about my feeling. My cousin also wouldn’t know about it.

"Give him flower." My bestfriend, Kogyeol, give me an advice when I ask him which gift should I give to my crush. "Flower can speak thousand of words even without you speak anything."

Flower...

"You will not face him directly, right? You will just put the thing in front of his house, right?

“You know me so well, Gyeol-a...” I laughed. That is exactly my plan.

“It’s so you.” He rolled his eyes. “I think flower is perfect. For someone you love, it would be good either red or white rose." He added.

Flower...

It is such a good idea.

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I can’t believe it that I really ended up in front of his apartment with a white rose and a happy birthday note in my hand. Thankfully, Kogyeol has the best informant for me, Wooshin. Wooshin is my crush’s bestfriend and also happened to be Kogyeol’s friend from high school. I’m lucky that Wooshin is willing to help, because Kogyeol