It happened again Jae realized when he woke up with a start. “It was just a nightmare.” He whispered to himself grateful for the feeling of relief that washed over him when he realized that it’s all been a bad dream. True, it’s been almost a month since he’s been having that same dream painfully recurring each night he went to bed.

Burying his face in his hands, he rubbed his face a couple of times to get the sleep out of his eyes. Sniffing loudly, he turned his head to squint an eye at the digital clock, its red interface the only light that illuminated in the darkness of his room. 4:30 a.m. right on the dot, he thought to himself.

Laying back down on the cool sheets, Jae realized that he was sweating again despite the cool temperature that he maintains his room in. Throwing the covers off his lower body, he began to divest himself of his tank top as he headed towards his bathroom where he threw the shirt on the hamper hidden beside the bathroom door. Slapping the switch on which flooded the bathroom a harsh fluorescent light, Jae groaned when the light hurt his eyes. Squinting his way to the sink he rested his palms against it and tilted his head as he took a look at himself. Rubbing his open palm against his cheek Jae opened the faucet and proceeded to splash cool water against his face. He got another scoop of the cool water for another splash before he closed the tap letting the water drip off his face as he leaned forward to take a closer look at himself.

He had lost weight he observed as he let his gaze roam on his reflection. Dropping his head to his chest he held on to the side of the sink and stretched his lower back as he reveled in the quiet that the middle of the night brought to him. Standing back up, Jae grabbed the nearest towel beside him and wiped his face dry then carelessly tossed the towel back on to the rack only to sigh and hang it properly.

It’s been almost a month since he’s been having these nightmares with each night getting more and more intense. Tonight was probably the worst he thought to himself as he looked back. Ever since the Elle photo shoot when they asked him about his tattoos especially the one on his back he’s been having these bad dreams. It would always start off innocently, someone talking to him about the tattoo on his back with him saying the same thing he did at the shoot, “The one on my back, I barely see it so that sometimes I forget. But when I do, I remember…” He would say. But then almost always something painful would happen, a deep painful piercing in his back. He would reach around himself to see what was causing it but every single time he pulled his hand to see the cause he would wake up in a sweat.

Tonight was the worst he thought as he slid on the floor and rested his back against the cold porcelain of his bathtub. Ignoring the cold, Jae ran his fingers through his hair and locked them on the back of his head trying to understand what was happening to himself thoughts swirling in his head.

Just as he was about to give up, Jae stood to go back to bed when suddenly he felt a piercing pain on his back. Jae whimpered as he tried to reach behind himself to see where the pain emanated. Suddenly a burning sensation began to spread towards his chest as though his heart was being pushed out of it. Groaning in pain, Jae struggled towards the sink so he could look at the mirror what was happening.

Reaching behind him Jae felt something wet. When he pulled his hand back he saw that it was stained with red. Bringing his fingers closer to himself he could smell the coppery scent of blood. Blinking several times at the realization that he was bleeding Jae turned his back completely to look at his reflection on the mirror when he realized that there was something sticking out of the edge of his tattoo.

Pinching it with the edge of his fingernails he pulled it out wincing at the pain and biting his lower lip in the process. He then examined what he pulled out only to gasp. It was the beginnings of a black, thorny quill. Jae’s breathing began to come in shallow gasps when he realized what was happening. This was what he saw in his dream. Jae reached over again when a debilitating pain caused him to drop on the floor screaming and writhing in agony as the ache in his back began to spread across its expanse.

It felt like his tattoo was burning him alive. Jaejoong closed his eyes as voices began to pierce through his thoughts each one a stabbing pain that seemed to go through his heart.

First was his Changmin who cried and cried after they received their Album of the Year award for Mirotic, the culmination of years of hard work away from Korea only to come home and be reminded that this was where they started, where they became Dong Bang Shin Ki. Changmin who rarely called him hyung not because he didn't respect Jae but had to struggle with an image that never belonged to him but to Junsu. Changmin who would consciously stand in a way to make himself look shorter than Yunho because he didn't want to look taller than the leader. He'd take all the pain if he could feel his one-touches again.

Next was Junsu who tweeted in pain when Yunho denied knowledge of their plans to file a case against SM. For all the times that Jaejoong used to pray that Junsu would become less naïve, he would eat all his words back to have the Junsu who was innocent, the Junsu who has not experienced the real world, the Junsu who has not been tainted by feelings of betrayal and hurt by ones he most trusted, the Junsu who laughed with such an open heart, unaware that life could be so cruel.

Suddenly a salve seemed to emanate from hearing Yoochun’s voice. Jae didn’t even realize he started crying only to note how his face was wet with tears. His Yoochun, easily the most of emotional of them all became his source of strength amidst the chaos that has overcome their lives these past two years. Maybe because Yoochun had it hardest amongst the five of them before their debut, he wore his heart on his sleeve not because he was the weakest but because he was one to have the most to thank for and between him and Jae, life has handed them much to shed tears about.

Trying his best to crawl towards his bedroom, Jae realized that he was still bleeding when saw the pool of blood on the floor. Struggling to stand up to once again look at the mirror, Jae saw more quill-like edges jaggedly sticking out of his skin. Scrabbling to pull out the quills another more tortuous wave of pain had him howling on the floor the pain consuming every inch of his sanity.

Yunho’s voice came to mind, his leader despite his younger age, to whom his relationship was always ineffable. The man himself was even harder to understand. His strengths were also his weaknesses. His loyalty is admirable but it is what also drove DBSK apart. His kind heart made everyone love him but in the end it's the one who forgave even the one who tried to poison him. His manliness was Jae's envy but it was also what stopped them from what was and what could be. Yunho was the only person who could cause Jaejoong pain and pleasure without even trying. No one else could make him feel extremely loved and extremely alone all at the same time. Some thought they were just friends, others wanted them to be lovers. He did not know which was worse, to have someone who makes you feel so happy only to realize that you can never have the pleasure of openly having that person love you back.

Desperate for relief, Jae began to scramble out of the bathroom ignoring the dripping of blood that began to stain his newly laid carpet. Stumbling out onto the hallway and flipping on the light switch flooding the house with light, Jae made his way to his kitchen tarnishing his walls where his bloodied hands lay. Falling on his knees before he reached the kitchen, Jae dragged himself on the cold marble tiles his blood oozing out of his back on the floor making it slippery.

Forcing his way to the kitchen Jae struggled to get on his knees to open a kitchen drawer and pulled out a knife. Shaking violently, Jae forced his hands to a tremble as he reached behind him and scraped his back with the knife’s edge only to feel a harder more pronounced piece sticking out of himself. A feeling of dread began to wash over him. Struggling to get on his feet, he ran back to the living room to see his reflection against the sliding glass doors onto the veranda.

Walking slowly towards his reflection almost hunching in pain, Jae reached back and proceeded to pull out the piece only to gasp in another fit of pain when suddenly something began to stretch out of his back. Falling to his knees, Jae began to see a pair of ebony black wings unfurl behind him. He gazed at his reflection in fear as the wings on his back stretched out to reveal its full expanse while the letters on his back began to burn but not in pain this time for as innocent as the pain in his back began, so was its abrupt end almost confusing Jae in its immediacy.

Not quite believing what was happening, Jae reached up behind him to feel the soft feathers of his wings. Scrunching his eyebrows he oddly felt scared and exhilarated at the same time. Standing up he stepped back and stretched out his arms as his wings also followed suit. Ruffling his feathers Jae felt an inner peace that he’s been longing for ever since the group broke up.

He began to move his arms experimentally trying to figure out how his wings worked when all of a sudden he knocked off a lamp in the process. Surprised at the sudden crash on the floor, Jae decided it was better to see how his wings worked outside. Quickly opening the door onto the veranda, Jae sniffed at the darkness of the night as he stepped out onto the cold with his bare feet.

Quickly expanding his wings, Jae actually laughed when he began to flap them as he felt the swoosh of air on his bare skin. Folding his wings around himself Jae felt warmth around his feathers, a warmth he didn’t even know he missed since the break up.

Gods he missed s, he thought to himself as he began to unfold his wings again. These past few months have been better somehow what with the pain of breaking up ebbing down to a dull throb. Junsu seemed to be better and Yoochun was adjusting well. Changmin from what he’s gathered from the snippets of conversations he had with those still physically close to him has become more docile to Yunho unlike when they were still five. Yunho, his leader who would never publicly complain about his personal pain, choosing to be seen as the one who betrayed in order to save face also seemed to be happier despite moments of sadness that even his manly image could not hide.

And Jae, the soul of the group, the one who stands in the middle, the one who could never forget for not only was Dong Bang Shin Ki carved onto his skin for life, it was carved in his soul. “Never forget.” He suddenly whispered to himself, a thought he said aloud, not really knowing where it came from. Looking out onto the sky as the first rays of light began to pierce through the darkness turning the sky into a dark shade of blue, Jae knew what he was supposed to do. He must make them never forget, he thought to himself.

Walking over to the other end of the veranda Jaejoong looked out at the city that was still asleep. Peering down from his penthouse Jae could make out the few vehicles that plied the road at such an early hour. Smiling to himself, he pulled himself up to the fence of the veranda and stepped up on to the ledge feeling the whip of the wind against his feathers.

Smiling to himself Jae knew that he had to remind the others of who they were, the Five Gods Rising from the East. Determined to see the four people whom he loved, Jae stretched his arms knowing that once they saw his wings, they would remember and that they would have to be back together with each other, just like the way it was supposed to be.

Turning his face to the sun that began to peek through the clouds up ahead, Jae let his face be warmed by the rays that seeped through the darkness. “Wasurenaide.” He whispered as he stepped out off the ledge, spreading his arms wide with a huge contented smile on his face.

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Yunho woke up with a start, gasping at the horrible dream he was having. Dropping his head to his chest when he realized that it’s all been a dream Yunho groaned when the shrill ringing of his celphone pierced through his consciousness. He squinted to look at the time on his beside clock. 6:30 a.m. the red light flashed. It’s only been a hour since he went to bed, having had a late night rehearsal the night before.

Yunho rolled over and hid the celphone underneath his pillow muting the sound of the its ringing in the process. He barely fell back asleep again when his house phone began to ring and someone began to ring his doorbell and loudly knock on his door.

Cursing whoever was trying to wake him up at such an ungodly hour, Yunho sat up and sniffed before throwing the covers away from his body so he could twist and reach out to grab the phone that lay on his bedside table. “Hello?” He answered as he made his way out of his bedroom to his front door only to hear a familiar voice sobbing on the other line as he flung the door open to reveal a crying Changmin holding on to a obviously stricken Yoochun.

“J-Junsu?” Yunho said on the phone a confused look on his face as Changmin swallowed a sob extracting himself from Yoochun and flinging himself on his hyung his ragged breath hitching on his throat.

“H-He’s dead hyungie.” Junsu sobbed on the other end of the phone as Yunho tried to grasp his meaning while trying to keep his balance as Changmin began to tremble against him.

Yunho eyes began to fill with tears as he slid on the floor his knees buckling under him. “W-Who Junsu?”

Yoochun stepped onto the foyer and helped Changmin and Yunho up and grabbing the phone in the process. Yoochun began to talk to Junsu as he guided the two to the living room. Changmin and Yunho flopped onto the couch as Yoochun switched on the television to reveal breaking news on the death of Hallyu star Kim Jaejoong who plunged to his death at 5:30 a.m. that morning. “There was no evidence of foul play at the scene of his death nor was Kim found to have been under any evidence of substance abuse. Early police reports determine suicide as the cause of Kim’s death. No suicide note was found.” The reporter said as Yoochun finally slumped on one of the couches his face drained of color as he continued to whisper to Junsu on the phone.

Yunho looked over at Yoochun who looked straight into his eyes still not quite believing what he just heard. Taking a deep shaky breath, he whispered, “He’s gone.”

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The sky was a bright blue as family and friends of Kim Jaejoong gathered around his casket. Junsu was still inconsolable as he clung to Yoochun while they sat with Jaejoong’s family, Yunho and Changmin not far behind. As the minister began to dispense the final rights on Jaejoong’s body, the family was then given time to say their final goodbyes to Jae.

The crowd began to murmur when Jaejoong’s adoptive mother purposefully stepped up onto the platform where the casket lay and opened it. There was Jay laying in his timeless beauty. The embalmer did a wonderful job everyone thought despite the height of his fall.

Mrs. Kim began to sweep away the hair from Jaejoong’s forehead and she laid a kiss on it before sweeping it back. Next came Jae’s father followed by his sisters. Next went Jae’s manager and close friends. Just as the line was about to end, Yoochun whispered to Junsu who nodded and stood up. Shakily making their way to the casket, Junsu couldn’t help but whimper as he saw Jaejoong’s face.

Sobs escaped Junsu’s lips as he cried in front of his hyung’s casket tears flowing freely down his cheeks. Yoochun held on to Junsu as they supported each other. But then without warning Junsu fell on his knees as he continued to sob Jaejoong’s name.

The entire crowd couldn’t help but cry at Junsu’s heartbreak. Yunho looked at Changmin who was biting his lip so hard it looked like it was going to bleed. Grabbing his dongsaeng’s hand, Yunho made his way to the casket with Changmin behind him.

When they got to the platform, Yunho helped up a sobbing Junsu and hugged him. It wasn’t the first time that Yunho has seen Jae’s dead body but he did realize that it would be the last time that he would ever get to see Jaejoong. Handing Junsu off to Changmin, Yunho looked at Yoochun who looked at him with pure sadness in his eyes. Searching for understanding in Yoochun, Yunho went near Jae while Changmin and Junsu crowded around Yunho so that the others couldn’t see what was happening.

Just then a soft breeze ruffled the leaves on the trees and out of nowhere drifted down a single black baby feather that landed on the casket. Changmin reached out and grabbed it as he said his final goodbye to his hyung.

Stepping near the casket, Yunho gazed at his sleeping Jaejoong. Brushing his thumb across Jae’s lips, Yunho bent down to kiss his Jae. Leaning towards Jaejoong’s ear he whispered, “I love you so much Joongie. I will never forget. I promise.”

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Wow! Okay, so I don't know how I feel about this fic. I was intent on writing for my other fic Stand By You but this is what I wrote instead.This one beat the crap out of me tonight.

Would love to read your comments though...

P.S. This is not betaed so please excuse the wrong grammar or spelling...