To Mr. N

I have a confession to make. The first time I saw you, sitting there at the back of the room, my heart skipped a beat. I didnt think it was a crush, nor did I think it would develop into something more.

As we spent more of our time inside the four walls of that room, I noticed my eyes always following you. This time I sat behind you and stare at your back. I noticed you that time you whispered a joke to your seatmate and laughed. I noticed you seriously discussing something with your friends. I noticed you secretly using your phone during class. And yes, I even noticed you talking to another girl.

From the people around us, I heard lots about you. From their stories, I was even more fascinated by you, your character, your attitude, your skills, your talents. I searched you in facebook and found out what I could. The more I found out about you, the more you looked "cuter" in my eyes.

Some time in the middle, I realized I keep wishing you'd turn around and notice me. But even when the opportunity arises, I stupidly stare back at you and look away. I knew then I'm developing feelings for you. I just didnt realize the depth of it yet.

More days passed, I still havent talked to you. How can I? I didnt know what to say... and I panic even when you're only 3 feet away from me. It's the distance that until now, Im anxious to remove but still cant. Still I keep looking at you from afar, so much that I think (and im afraid) that you noticed. Did you?

I struggled to get closer to you. But my lack of experience towards guys always prove to be greater. I still havent had a proper conversation with you. And probably, the only words I said to you was "thank you" when you opened the door for me. Im worried this time, that you might be thinking I'm a snob. I hope you know that I'm not. I'm just extra shy around you.

I prayed to God for a sign and that is to see you again. I gave myself a deadline for this. If within this week, I dont see you again, I'll stop. You dont know how scared I was of going to school earlier because I know its the last day for me, last chance since tomorrow is saturday. I almost lost hope. Everyday of this week, I prayed to see you. And every day that passed without seeing you, tore a piece of me. But guess what? I saw you this afternoon!! Yes!! we were a few feet apart, but I saw YOU! You were with your friends! I think you saw me too... ;) .. but I saw you and that was the only sign I needed :) That's why Im writing this now..

I know girls tend to overanalyze things. And when we like somebody, we tend to think/imagine that the person we like also stares at us. Usually, Im not one of those girls. But honestly right now, I think you noticed me always looking at you and I think there were times you stared at me too. Sometimes I think and noticed you try to approach me too but cant. I would like to know what you think about me.... Because honestly, Im so scared of what Im feeling right now. Its the first time I feel like this and Im scared it will hurt so much. So please, if this ever gets to you, and somehow you think this is for you, then.... talk to me? Message me in facebook? Post something? Do anything... just give me a hint. Let me know you got my message.

From,

Z.