Our friend had dropped us off at my house. Once we got comfortable i finally decided to break the silence between us. But taemin embraced me and i realized i didn't have to. "Im questioning everything i believe in. Our clear path has washed away before us. Umma .. why have we not rested? We should not exist so why have we continued to come back. I don't understand this restless feeling in my chest." He admitted getting his face comfortable in my chest. He was always so light that when he laid on me i never minded. "Do you wish to stay with Onew?" I asked him and he nodded. "When i think of it i find this all to be sweet but sad. They could fall in love with other people whenever we had first died. But umma .. they wait for us .. they choose us each and everytime. Maybe .. maybe we should let them turn us this time." He said and i looked out of his eyes.

"I don't care to live that long Taemin. Think about it. Once we learn  everything there is, once we do everything we can do. What then? Yes i love him spending the rest of my life my natural life with him sounds lovely. But spending the rest of my life on this earth .. does not. What if we watch the end? What if nature finally punishes us for destorying it for so long? Do you really want to be around for that?" I asked and Taemin let out a small sigh. He understood what i said but i could see he still wanted to be turn. And that he wanted me with him. "Then consider the sadness he will feel having lost you again. Imagine how i will feel for losing you for the first time!" He said and i frowned "Taemin i'll come back though." I said and he shook his head "i want the umma i know right now!" He shouted and i pushed him off the bed completely now. I sat up folding my arms across my chest. 

"Taemin enough." I finalized. "So thats your final answer your just gonna leave jonghyun, onew and i?!" He shouted and i shook my head "thats not even what im doing stop it!" I shouted "you might as well just leave us already." He cried. I got up and walked away from him into the bathroom. I slammed the door and sat in my bath tub. I closed my eyes rubbing the temples of my head trying to relax the anger i felt. A internal debate forming inside me. I still stood by my arguement. But the appeal of being with them forever was intoxicating. It was honest fear that made me hesitate made me find tasteless excuses for. I didn't want to watch my family grow old and die. Watch my friends do the same from a far.  I didn't want to feel my body grow cold and the pain of it dying for a couple of days. But the thought of immortality never growing old staying with them forever sounded nice. And the thought of not feeling Jonghyun on my body was almost unbearable. Slowly rising i opened the door and quietly walked back to my bed where taemin waited. I silently laid next to him opening my arms so he knew it was safe to lay on me again. "Okay taemin i'll turn with you. I just .. lets wait a month. I need to say bye to everyone in s settle way. Learn to accept that my parents are gonna grow old and die .. and that im gonna watch it." I declared and taemin nodded slightly closing his eyes amd quickly passing out.

I've known taemin since birth. His family lived next to us. And when our parents became friends we naturally did also. Now he hardly ever sleeps at his own house. He had grown to attached to me. I ran my hands through his hair until i did the same. My mom was making us breakfast as Taemin steppedout into the living room with a phone call. He was telling Onew to come pick us up from my house. "Good morning mom." I greeted her. She smiled over at me and greeted me back. I felt tears threatening to erupt. I pushed the back not wanting to scare her. "Wheres dad?" I asked "oh he's still asleep he'll be down when its ready." She said and i nodded expecting as much. My father owned a few business. So he spent alot of his time at night managing them from his computer. In the day he spent time with my mother and i whenever i was in the house. I admired him for that. "Oh Taemin good morning how did you boys sleep last night?" She asked as we both yawned. "Not so great." Him and i said at the same time and both laughed. "Oh dear maybe after breakfast you should go catch a nap." She said setting down a surprising american breakfast. When dad took us on vacation one year my mother fell in love with it. And so she was always trying to make it whenever she could. I cannot lie i felt the same.

"Actually we are gonna visit with Onew and Jonghyun after breakfast." Said taemin his voice cutting through my thoughts. My mother frowned at this devolpment and i stiffened at the sight. Why should we go see them? My mother wasn't to old yet but her life could slip at anytime. And i spent all my time with people who did not have that. "Well i think we should go shopping with my mother instead Taemin. I know we need more clothes." I said staring into his eyes. And he read my thoughts and nodded in agreement. "True we could spend time with them later." He agreed and i sighed in relief as i watched her beautiful smile again. "You know its been an awfully long time since i've really seen Onew and Jonghyun. Instead of discluding them we should have them come to." My mother proposed and we nodded in agreement with her.