Yoseob never dates friends. Or at least that’s what Doojoon thought, until the fifth year he’s known Yoseob.

Somehow, Yoseob started dating Junhyung. The two dated for a week but still Doojoon couldn’t help but have a mixed feeling of anger and jealousy.  

“We just tried to see if there was something and there wasn’t” Yoseob told him when he asked about it. And Junhyung just shrugged saying it was one of those spur of the moments kind of thing, “We talked, we got intimate, and we went out because why not? It didn’t work out, so now we’re friends again. Stop glaring at me and eat your burger”.

Doojoon didn’t stop glaring but he did ate his burger.

How come Yoseob agreed to date Junhyung who only asked him out on a whim? When Doojoon was there and willing to offer him his sincerity, heart, soul, trophies and even the god damned world, why couldn’t Yoseob want to ‘try and see if something was there’ with him?

Hyunseung was more than happy to give him the answer, “Well you never asked him out, did you”

“It’s not my fault!” He had said defensively then, “Every time our conversation gets close to the subject it somehow always ends up being ruined. Dongwoon’s ruined a lot of those moments, mind you”

“Well, try harder” was Hyunseung’s helpful, and only, response.

 Keeping Hyunseung’s advice in mind, he did try.  

A week later he convinced Yoseob to come to the stadium where his team usually trains for their matches. There on the center of the spacious field he arranged blankets and roses and wine…even heart-shaped balloons and candles. He would’ve hired a waiter and a violinist too if Hyunseung hadn’t lectured him about how “Simplicity is always best”.

And there, beneath the stars and the whole universe, he got on one knee, bared his heart out and finally voiced out the phrase he wanted to say since button nose and chubby cheeks came into his life. “Yang Yoseob, will you go out with me?”

He hadn’t expected Yoseob’s response. A tear-inducing laughter and “My tummy hurts! God you’re so funny!”

 He should’ve known better than to check the date first. Nobody ever takes anything seriously on April fools.

--

On the sixth year he’s known Yoseob the latter still managed to not be single for more than a week.

And Doojoon watched as some guy with permanently squinting eyes drove Yoseob around with a Porsche. 

“You’ve made plenty of money kicking balls out on the field. If you’re so jealous then stop taking the taxi and buy yourself a kick- car” Hyunseung commented after Doojoon complained about it.

Doojoon glared at Hyunseung, “It’s not just about the car, you know that!”

Hyunseung had chuckled then, “Of course. I know, and Yoseob doesn’t, that’s always been the problem”.

A pregnant silence ensued. Doojoon deep in frustrated thought.

“Maybe I should just avoid him” Doojoon had said when he’d had enough thinking.

“The world’s obviously against the thought of me being with him, anyway.  Maybe I should just do this one act of kindness for it and avoid him”

Hyunseung had mocked him then, saying “By all means, maybe you can hide in a cave”

Doojoon had glared at him then. Hyunseung voiced his frustrations.

“You haven’t even been trying hard enough and now you want to avoid him, just like that? As if your years of friendship with means nothing. Do I have to remind you that you dated me because you thought you could forget him if you did? You’re always choosing the easy way in life! When will you grow mature and face reality with the same ferocity you use to kick your balls out on the field?”

Hyunseung’s statement made Doojoon feel guilty. He dropped his head in shame and apologized. But soon his frustrations kicked in again.

“It’s just frustrating you know and it’s driving me mad. Whenever I see him, I just keep having this vision, a future. I see us married, living together with tiny little Doojoons and Yoseobs running around our tiny apartment, even tiny little Yanggaengs peeing on my shoes” He chuckled, it didn’t last long.  

“And then I see him with all these different guys and our future starts looking impossible”

Hyunseung looked at him sympathetically then and made to reach for his shoulders, probably to give him a comforting pat. But Doojoon had moved away then and continued voicing his frustrations.

“And it’s worse when I’m not with him. When I’m not with him… I keep missing him waking me up in the morning with the touch of his lips and the sight of his blinding smile, and the time he laughed adorably at me when I fell from a tree trying to get his hat.  And even the time I gave him a sweet kiss because I was just so enamored with his cuteness when he burned the ramen we were supposed to eat for dinner. And all those things never even happened! I keep missing the memories or us that never was and… I just badly want them all to stop. And at the same time I don’t. And--”

A resounding thud.

Doojoon had punched Hyunseung’s apartment wall in his frustration.

But he didn’t cry out in pain, not even when Hyunseung was done bandaging his bleeding knuckles  and was beginning to wipe the few bloodstains off the wall.

“I don’t approve of you avoiding him” Hyunseung had told him that evening before he went home. “But I do think you need a time off, to think and clear your head. Take a week’s vacation, visit your mom, bond with your sister again maybe even go see the ocean. When you come back and you’re ready” Hyunseung smiled and lightly punch his arms “then I’ll nag you again about confessing to him”.

A break sounds good, Doojoon had thought. So he did and had one. He didn’t come back until after 5 months.

--

Despite Hyunseung’s disapproval, Doojoon had started avoiding Yoseob when he came back.

And he wasn’t even subtle about it.

He moved to a different apartment, one that’s just outside of Seoul, far from of Yoseob and whoever he’s currently dating. He stopped going to Junhyung’s apartment for movie nights on Sundays because Yoseob was sure to be there. He started making up obvious excuses whenever Yoseob wanted to chat and hang out with him. He even changed his number and told no one about it except for Hyunseung, despite Hyunseung voicing out his displease for Doojoon’s actions.

Dongwoon, Kikwang had started making jokes about it. 

“If you want to find Doojoon, he’s always eating at KFC” Dongwoon would singsong.

“Why?” Kikwang would immediately ask afterwards, holding in his laughter.

“Yoseob-hyung hates their chicken!” Dongwoon would say finishing with an imitation of a drum’s punchline theme.  Kikwang would then laugh his out

Junhyung would usually shrug at the joke, “I don’t think I quite get it”. Hyunseung would usually shake his head in disapproval. Yoseob would usually pretend to laugh along.

--

A miracle happened on the seventh year Doojoon has known Yoseob.

The latter stopped dating.

And socializing.

And smiling.

“Can’t you see what’s happening?” Hyunseung had asked him, arms stretched out in frustration “He’s clearly affected by what you’re doing!”

Doojoon merely looked at him then, “Why are you telling me this? Whether he dates someone or not…whether he smiles or not anymore…I told you I don’t care. Not anymore. Why are you bringing this up again?”

Hyunseung had groaned then, “I’m telling you this because you’re in a horrible state just as much as he is! You don’t hang out with us anymore, you’re even doing badly on your matches. Look, he stopped dating. Yoseob is single. Can’t you see what that means?”

Doojoon didn’t answer. He didn’t want to think. He didn’t want to start having false hope again.

Unbearable silence.

Hyunseung has had enough of Doojoon’s idiocy so he stormed off. But not before hitting the back of Doojoon’s, ever so hard, and shouting “He’s affected because he cares about you, get that through your thick head!”

--

On the third month of Doojoon avoiding Yoseob, he got a visitor.

A giant teddy bear. Heart shaped balloons. A bunch of roses. And a foreign looking man with an irritatingly pointed nose. 

“Surprise!” Dongwoon had shouted. Doojoon would’ve slammed the door on his face if it weren’t for the giant teddy bear blocking the entrance.

Doojoon had asked him what he wanted, harshly, and it made Dongwoon flinch a little.

“I came to apologize, can’t you tell from my presents?” Doojoon didn’t answer and glared at him. “Hyunseung-hyung told me everything and I felt guilty about ruining all your moments so here I am in all my handsome glory”.

Doojoon was still glaring and asked through gritted teeth, “Hyunseung did what?”

“It wasn’t on purpose, really. It was movie night the other night, and it hasn’t been the same since you and Yoseob-hyung stopped coming. We’ve mostly just been drinking, while Junhyung watched his movie. Hyunseung had too much to drink and spilled the beans. He made great emphasis on all my mistakes, mind you. He wouldn’t stop poking my ribcage with his fingers”

Doojoon had let him in then. He didn’t have a choice, the old lady from across the hall will throw a fit if she saw all those rubbish Dongwoon bought with him loitering the hallway. 

Doojoon didn’t say much to Dongwoon that afternoon. Dongwoon didn’t stop talking. He gave him another one of his highly motivating dongsaeng-speech. “Sometimes we just need to it up, face the person we’ve hurt and apologize. Life’s too short to just waste avoiding each other. And anyways, you can’t fool yourself forever hyung.  As the old saying goes ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ or whatever. You’re only making things more hard and complicated for the both of you”.

Doojoon wasn’t motivated when Dongwoon left later that night. But he did let himself get lost in his thoughts about button nose and chubby cheeks. Dongwoon said Yoseob became a walking black hole of depression, was he really affected that badly?

--

He wasn’t expecting to meet Yoseob a week later after Dongwoon’s visit.

He was driving around the city with no destination in mind when he got a text from a team mate of his, asking him to go back to the stadium. He didn’t know why he was asked to do so, but because he had nothing better to do, he complied.

He arrived at the stadium half an hour later and was expecting a tall, quiet guy to greet him when he entered the field. What he saw was button nose and chubby cheeks, sitting cross-legged on the ground and randomly pulling out the grass.

Doojoon’s breath hitched at the sight, his heart started racing. Seeing Yoseob made him feel both elated and terrified at the same time.

He suddenly remembered Dongwoon’s wise words ‘ it up, face the person and apologize’.

Slowly he made his way to where Yoseob was and sat beside him.

“Aren’t you going to make up an excuse to avoid me?” Yoseob had asked him bitterly.

And it took Doojoon a while before he answered, “I’m sorry. I’ve been a jerk, I shouldn’t have just avoided you like that”

“You think so?”  Yoseob laughed “I think you made an excellent decision, actually”

He thought Yoseob’s laughter was the same as Hyunseung, the night he and Hyunseung broke-up. But with more sadness.

“You suddenly left, moved and changed your number. You suddenly avoided me, as if I’m some kind of disease you don’t want to catch. Do you know how painful that was? I thought we were friends. Aren’t friends supposed to tell each other their problems? Why couldn’t you talk to me first before you went and made the decision to avoid me?”

Doojoon couldn’t speak. He couldn’t bring himself to do so, not when chubby cheeks and button nose has tears streaming down his cheeks and staring at him intently.

“You know what? I’m actually glad you left and started avoiding me without notice. I needed that!” Yoseob had added, it made Doojoon’s heart constrict painfully.

“I’m glad you moved, I’m glad you stopped talking to me, I’m glad you avoided me!”

 And no! Those are all a mistake, Doojoon thought as he listen to each and every word. He didn’t mean to hurt Yoseob, he just wanted to forget his feelings.  For they’d become quite a burden to keep.

“I’m glad” Yoseob’s loudly sobbing now, “If you hadn’t done any of that…If you hadn’t place a wall between us…then I wouldn’t have missed you. I wouldn’t have realized my feelings for you, you jerk!”

Doojoon almost fell back when Yoseob suddenly buried himself on his chest. He was sobbing louder and was starting to hit him with his fist. “You awful, terrible jerk!”

And ah Doojoon could live with a few bruises after hearing that. “Go out with me? Not for a week or a month. Go out with me, for the longest period imaginable” he blurted out.

Yoseob hit him harder then, mumbled an “I don’t know, you might just start to leave and avoid me again”

Doojoon laughed at that, “I won’t. I’ll stick to you like an incurable disease. And for the record, I did confess to you once and you totally laughed it off. You’re also a terrible jerk for crushing my spirit then”

--

last part's too rushed and terrible, i admit. oh well, i'm off to live what little life i have left