Doojoon has spent almost 7 years of his life being friends with Yang Yoseob.

Yoseob who first showed up in his life during his second year in college. Blonde hair. A scowling face demanding him to lower the music because "It's almost 2 am, I have my finals in less than six hours so I really need to study.  And I swear to god I am going to murder you down to tiny micro pieces.  I don’t care if you just moved in today!"—one of Doojoon’s exaggerations, of course. There was no threat of murder, there was only the threat of a phone call to the building's security.

 Now, obviously there was no love on their first meeting.  Or on the second one--when Yoseob showed up again later that day. Blonde hair. A box of donuts. Apologetic smile. And their shared laughter over the crazy effect of finals on every college student.

No there wasn’t love then, but there was fondness on the many meetings that soon followed.

Because Yoseob is cute.

He is button nose, chubby cheeks and a smile full of teeth.

He laughs at Doojoon’s almost non-existent sense of humor. In other words, Yoseob is perfect.

And Yoseob, Doojoon found out very quickly, was quite hard to date. 

Because from the first year he’s known Yoseob, the younger was always seeing someone. From bespectacled nerds to car-owning douches, Yoseob’s dated them all. None of them really lasts long though. They always only lasted a month or two.

Except for Woohyun. They lasted eight months.

And Doojoon was a little disappointed when the two of them broke up.  Because out of all the guys Yoseob had dated, he kind of liked Woohyun the most. For one thing, Woohyun was a nice guy. Overly-cheesy and always smiling. For another, he let Doojoon drive around with his car.

Doojoon liked Woohyun out of everyone Yoseob had dated. But he wasn’t going to admit that, of course. He has too much pride to do that.  

--

He remembered that one time, when Dongwoon had asked Yoseob why he’s never single for more than a week.

Yoseob had answered it’s because he doesn’t really like being single, “I’m not very good at it”. They were all gathered in Doojoon’s living room then, a bowl of chips amidst scattered piles of books on one corner and scattered CDs of horror movies on another. The whole purpose of their group study long forgotten because what’s the point? They’re all taking different majors anyway.    

Dongwoon had laughed at Yoseob’s answer, and of course, so did Kikwang and Junhyung. But not Doojoon, he was quietly watching Yoseob out of the corner of his eyes. 

Pretending to not notice the sadness that briefly showed on Yoseob’s face before it was masked with fake laughter, he pretended to laugh as well.

--

He got to know Yoseob more sometime during the second year he’s known him.

“We were a happy family” Yoseob had said when he caught Doojoon staring at one of the glass frames displayed on his living room. 

It in was a young version of Yoseob embracing a young woman a few years older than him. They were both wearing similar looking smiles. And button nose.

“That’s me and my older sister” Yoseob explained and had somehow proceeded to tell him of how his mother was very good at cooking burnt eggrolls every morning and how it was a habit of him and his sister to pretend to eat it only to feed it to the dog beneath the table when their mother wasn’t looking.

Yoseob told him how his father was always the better cook. “He makes these amazing kimchi dishes, you know! Says they’re amazing because he always made them with his love for us.”  

And of how every Sunday was spent at their house, playing board games and screaming at the karaoke for long hours. “We’d only ever stop whenever Mrs. Park, our old neighbor, would start knocking angrily at our doorstep. She was a very sweet neighbor when she’s not knocking and shouting angrily outside our doorstep”, Yoseob had started laughing then.

But soon it died down and was replaced with a tone of sadness. “Then one day I woke up to doors slamming, glasses breaking and my mom screaming. She caught my dad having an affair”.

A bitter laugh.

“He always did say he has a lot of love to give, we should’ve known he’d have the need to share it with others”.

Then Yoseob told him of how his mother changed when his father left. “She never smiled or laugh or told us she loves us. She was always crying, screaming, telling us she hates us. She says we look too much like our father and the sight of us disgusts her. She started physically abusing us, hitting and beating us almost every day.”

And then of how they stayed like that for two years, until her sister turned 18 and left the house. She had looked for a job and saved money to rent a cheap apartment. She came back for him after 8 months, took him in and they were happy.  Then his sister started dating. Like their mother she wasn’t lucky. They were together for almost two years until he cheated and broke her heart the way their father broke their mother’s. But unlike their mother she didn’t lose her smile, she started seeing another man after a few months.

“I asked her how she did that, you know. Our mother’s world ended when our father left her, so how come hers didn’t end when that bastard left her” Yoseob told him then and laughed. He said she told him that their mother was a fool and only fools give up after having their hearts broken once. That being in love was too beautiful a feeling for anyone to give ever give up on entirely.   

When Doojoon got back to his apartment later that day, he realized he forgot the book he intended to borrow from Yoseob. He was too busy thinking of Yoseob’s sister and her answer to Yoseob’s question to remember.  

--

Doojoon seemed to have this tendency to forget a lot of things whenever he’s in the company of Yoseob. Like the fact that staring at people intently for more than a minute is considered weird unless it’s a staring contest, for one.

He’d spent most of his time staring at Yoseob whenever he thinks the latter wasn’t looking.

“Falling for me?” Yoseob had asked him, sometime during the third year they’d known each other when he had forgotten to look away again for the umpteenth time.

In reply, he had scoffed “As if!” then laughed loudly. If only to prevent himself from voicing out a ‘Yes, I’m falling for you. Very hard too, and it’s frustrating’

And it worked of course, and Yoseob had started laughing with him. In between, Yoseob asked him why he was staring if he wasn’t falling for him. And he had answered, looking away, “I got lost in your beauty”.

And that should’ve been the moment Yoseob found out he was madly smitten by him. Should’ve been the moment they’d start dating. But Yoseob hadn’t heard him then. Somehow, Dongwoon came into the picture and suddenly Yoseob is gushing over a puppy. What could’ve been their moment was over before it even started. Doojoon never grew to love Yanggaeng, especially since the dog had a habit of peeing on his shoes.

--

There were an abundance of their ‘what-could’ve-been moments’—as Doojoon liked to call them.

Doojoon’s personal favorite happened during the fourth year they’d known each other.

Doojoon just got drafted for the soccer team and Dongwoon was giving him this pep talk. He remembered Dongwoon asking if he had one special person. He had answered honestly then, “There is one, and it’s someone we all know”. And Dongwoon exclaimed triumphantly “I knew it! I’ve had my suspicions for a while now” “Don’t worry, hyung! I’m sure if you confess to him, he’ll gladly accept your heart. I’m rooting for you!”

Doojoon thought, he knew, that Dongwoon would tell Yoseob later. Because that’s how Dongwoon is, he was never the type to keep his mouth shut.

And Doojoon thought that he’ll be saved the task of confessing to Yoseob.

But Doojoon was a fool to ever have faith in Dongwoon.

Later that night he got a call from Yoseob sincerely congratulating him on making the team and “You jerk! Why didn’t you tell me you like Hyunseung? I thought we were best friends? I’m deeply hurt but still, don’t worry I’ll help you out. I’m on your side, buddy” And true to his word, Yoseob did help him with Hyunseung.

They started dating. And Hyunseung was a great guy, really, but he wasn’t Yoseob. They broke up on the sixth month.

“It’s Yoseob, isn’t it?” Hyunseung had asked him the night they broke up. Doojoon nodded his head, yes.  Because Hyunseung deserved to know the truth.

Hyunseung had laughed at him then, which surprised him. Because it wasn’t menacing “You-dare-break-up-with-me” type of laugh. It wasn’t angry nor accusing.

It was just soft laughter. It was a mixture sad and sympathetic. “I always knew you liked him”.

It came to no one’s surprise that they stopped seeing each other as lovers that day. They started seeing each other as friends.

And Doojoon never would’ve found a new best friend if it weren’t for Dongwoon and Yoseob's ignorance.

Still, Doojoon often wonders what could've happened if Dongwoon had thought of the right person and told Yoseob the right thing.