Even if it hurts, pretend that it’s nothing
Even if tears fall, know how to hide them
Place it in one side of the heart
Smile as if there’s nothing wrong
This is the way to break up

Minji smiled at the photo. It was from the aquarium they went to for their first date. Refusing to let her tears fall onto the delicate memory, she placed it back into her drawer, face down. Slowly, she wiped the trail of salty liquid with her sleeve and stood up from her bed. It was a cold day, from her window, Minji watched as people hustled about, each having a place to go and a purpose for it. She watched as the man took off his scarf and wrapped it around his female companion. He always did that too.

And can you smile?
Niga weonhajanha niga barajanha

“Yeoboseyo?”

“Minji ah.”

“Neh, Dongwoo oppa.”

“You’re coming today, right? You didn’t come yesterday or the day before, or the day before that either,” the older male said. As much as Minji wanted to go back, she couldn’t. The feeling was too much for her. It was, after all, where they first met.

“I’m not.”

“Minji, you can’t keep hiding forever. It’s been so long!”

“It’s only been a year, oppa,” Minji sighed.

“I know it’s painful for you, but you have to move on. You can’t change the fact that—“

“I’ll be there in half an hour,” Minji quickly hung up and tossed the phone onto her blanket that was a scrounged up mess. She got up and dressed. Adjusting her beanie and scarf, she grabbed her belongings along with her camera and headed out the door. As soon as she stepped out of the warmth of her house, a cold gust of wind stung her pale cheeks. Leaves danced by the sides as she trudged towards the studio. Minji would occasionally rub her nose and palms to keep them warm. If he was here, he’d nag at her for not wearing gloves and give her his own pair.

But he wasn’t.

She cursed as cold wind constantly blew in her face, messing up her nicely combed fringe. She arrived at the studio and opened the door. The familiar tingle of the bell announced her long-awaited arrival to her co-workers.

“Minji!” the youngest squealed and engulfed her in a hug.

Place it in one side of the heart
And know how to smile as if there’s nothing wrong

“Hello, Sungjong,” she smiled and patted his back.

“Minji, you really came!” Dongwoo grinned from his position behind the counter.

“I did,” she said. “Is the Devil here?”

“If you’re talking about Sunggyu, then nope, just left to get coffee for us,” he replied.

“Okay. Well, I’m here to help with all the projects you guys have,” she said, trying her best to sound cheerful.

“Great, come with me,” she followed him to the storage room located behind the photo shoot sets.  The memories flooded her mind as she looked over the particular set. It was his first shoot and he was awkward. It was also how it all started. This place held so many pleasant memories between them, that’s why coming back here was so painful.

Even if I wanted to see you,
I probably won’t be able to see you again.
Even if it hurts, I should bear it.

But she had to come back, the Devil would burn her house down and drag her out if she refused to. Besides, how else would Minji be able to pay the bills?

“It’s not much but you can start with this first. The model will be coming later at 3,” Dongwoo smiled. Minji nodded and went to her desk to read the details of the concept this time. Her job was basically just take photos of models in clothes, a photographer. Her assigned project was the shoot for the spring collection of this clothing line.

“Brats, coffee’s here,” the voice she had longed yet didn’t want to hear called out right after the little tingle of the bell.

“Yay!” Sunjong squealed and ran to his warm drink. Sunggyu’s gaze rested on the girl behind the desk. He would’ve thought he was hallucinating if Sungjong didn’t blab about how happy he was that Minji finally decided to come.

“You came,” he spoke. The girl became a significantly thinner and paler than when he last seen her. Those beautiful eyes that captured his heart now was filled with sadness and loneliness. That delicate face that kept his heart beating so fast was now pale and a fake smile masked her true emotions. He knew that smile all too well, she’s hiding everything. Sunggyu saw right through it.

“So I did,” he wasn’t replied with the voice that was once filled with warmth and happiness, but of hidden pain and loneliness. Ever since that day, everything about her had changed for the worse. He wanted to badly to go up to her and hug her tight, whispering words of comfort. He wanted to tell her that everything is okay, and that she’d be fine, but instead—

“I didn’t buy your coffee, though.”

“It’s fine, Sunggyu.”

There it was again. Her fake smile.

Sunggyu nodded and placed Dongwoo’s coffee on his desk before sitting down at his own. Sunggyu opened this studio together with Dongwoo and Sungjong. Minji just happened to walk in for an interview and ever since then, the four of them had been working together. Minji got up and checked the set for her photo shoot later, and it just had to be that particular set.

Two years ago:

“Annyeonghaseyo, Kim Myungsoo ibnida, please call me L. I’ll do my best, please take care of me!” the handsome young man bowed a deep ninety degrees.

“Annyeonghaseyo, I’m the photographer for today, Lee Minji ibnida,” she smile and bowed back, holding her camera against her stomach to prevent it from dangling about. Myungsoo felt his heart skip a beat when she smiled. He liked how her hair was so long and silky, her smile that brightened up anybody’s mood,the melodious voice that came from and her beautiful eyes that could attract anybody.

“Are you ready?” Minji asked as she got off the set. Myungsoo replied with a pumped up “neh” and the photo shoot began. After numerous times of changing clothes, the photo shoot was completed after a tiring three hours. Both model and photographer were equally worn out.

“Since this is the first project we’ve taken up, we’d like to celebrate it over dinner. How does fried chicken sound?” Sunggyu smiled. The three staff that came along with Myungsoo, namely his manager, stylist and makeup artist happily complied. Dongwoo and Sungjong were obviously excited that their usually stingy hyung had agreed to open his wallet. Minji was surprised that Sunggyu would do that but agreed nonetheless. Who could say no to fried chicken? Besides, it was a good excuse to get to know the cute model better. The food came and Sunggyu paid. Everyone had gathered around the coffee table to eat. During this time, Myungsoo and Minji had gotten a considerable lot closer, close enough that they exchanged numbers. Sunggyu who had seen the exchange felt a small amount of jealousy brewing in him. He knew he had fallen for the girl as soon as she stepped into the studio for her interview. But he didn’t know that he liked her enough to feel jealous that she had interacted with a guy that wasn’t him, Dongwoo or Sungjong.

After some time, Myungsoo had finally gathered enough courage to ask Minji to be his girlfriend and the latter happily agreed. She liked him as much as he liked her. For their first date, the lovely couple decided on the aquarium. Myungsoo surprised her with a bouquet of her favourite flowers, white roses.  They spent some time walking around and admiring the colourful fish. Before they left, they commemorated they’re first date by taking a picture together.

--

“Lee Minji, is that right?” the professional looking man stared straight into her eyes.

“Yes, sir,” she said timidly.

“I’ve read the article about you and Myungsoo. Is what they reported true?” He raised an eyebrow at her. It had been five months since they started dating, during that period of time, more people had gotten to know about Myungsoo and he shot up to fame. Earning himself the title of most wanted model in Japan and Korea. For 5 months they had managed to keep it under wraps, they knew the public would come to know of it, they just didn’t expect it to be so soon.

“I- It’s true, sir,” Minji’s head lowered and she found new interest in the carpeted floor.

“Do you know how much this has affected his career? Silly little girls like you don’t know how much damage this article has done to his image, girls like you only care about your silly little lovey dovey relationships,” the volume of his voice began to rise slowly.

“I’m sorry,” she spoke softly.

“Break up with him,” he commanded.

“What? I can’t do that sir,” her eyes widened.

“You will do that!” he bellowed. “Before I destroy you pathetic little workplace! You don’t want that to happen now do you?”

Tears welled up in Minji’s eyes. She didn’t want anything to happen to Sunggyu’s studio. It was his baby, it was precious to Sunggyu as much as it was to Minji. She liked her job, being a photographer was her childhood dream and she didn’t want anything to happen to it, yet she didn’t want to break up with Myungsoo. He treated her well and she loved him dearly. Call her selfish, but she was thinking of ways to keep them both. But she had no choice to give up one, and it had to be Myungsoo. If she didn’t, the studio would be gone, and Sunggyu, Dongwoo and little Sungjong would suffer, including herself. That was four people compared to the two. As much as she didn’t want to hurt Myungsoo, as much as she wanted to take all the pain by herself, she had no choice. The very next day, she met up with Myungsoo. The words were hard to force out, but she did. She was so afraid to look into his eyes, she knew he was hurt. Minji was in just as much pain as he was.

I will probably get used to spending days without you
Tomorrow will probably be a little more comfortable

I will probably forget you little by little
Maybe sometimes I will think of you
And probably only good memories will come up

--

Model and singer Kim Myungsoo, dead in an airplane crash.

Every word hit her like a bullet. She didn’t believe at first. She tried convincing herself that it was just some rumour anti-fans spread.

But it wasn’t.

Newspapers, Internet and new broadcasts and every reliable source was publishing the same thing. It had only been a month since they broke up. The effects of the break up hadn’t cleared up yet, with his death constantly occupying her mind, Minji was heading straight into depression.

6 times.

6 times she had tried to commit suicide, half of them were stopped by Sunggyu and the rest were stopped by the passer-bys. The four months after learning the news of his death was just pure torture for Minji as well as her friends and co-workers. Shutting herself in her house, only leaving to stock up on her necessities, refusing to answer calls, refusing to reply texts, refusing to show up at work and refusing to come to terms with his death. It all seemed like a dream to Minji, a nightmare that she couldn’t wake up from. Sunggyu got sick of seeing his close friend and secret love wasting her life away. He marched up to her door and demanded Minji to open it.

When she ignored him, he broke the window and climbed in. Minji’s house was landed property, it was piece of cake to climb over the low fence and break into her window. Once he got it, he found her curled up on her bed crying. Frustrated, Sunggyu screamed and shouted at her. That seemed to be her wake up call as the days after Sunggyu had given her a good scolding, she made slight improvement. Sunggyu, Dongwoo and Sungjong invited themselves over to her house and kept her mind occupied in fear that Myungsoo’s death would creep its way in again.

Present

Unbeknownst to her, tears were streaming down her face.

“Don’t cry,” the man that she had been wanting to see appeared before her very eyes. She wiped her tears and blinked. Kim Myungsoo  was standing before her, smiling like the angel that he was.

“Myungsoo,” his name came out as a mere whisper.

“My girl,” he smiled. Before she knew, she was safely wrapped in his arms. But something was off, something was different.

“Myungsoo,” she began sobbing as she wrapped his arms around him. “Myungsoo, I’ve missed you.”

“Stop crying, I’m here now.”

Minji’s eyes widened as she realized the difference.  Myungsoo never wore cologne. This wasn’t Myungsoo.

“S- Sunggyu,” she clenched her fist. Again, she was hallucinating. Everything was an illusion.

Even if tears fall, know how to hide them

She pulled away and furiously wiped her tears with the sleeve of her cardigan.

“Stop wiping with your sleeve. It’s dirty. You really have to change that habit,” Sunggyu sighed and pulled out his handkerchief and wiped her tears. It was painful hearing her calling out a name that wasn’t his. For so long, he had been trying to bury his feelings deep within his heart. But every time she cried or smiled, his feelings would come back out. He was the most unhappy when he heard the news of her relationship from Minji herself. But what could he do? She didn’t return his feelings.

“I’m okay,” she sniffed.

 “Stop lying to me,” he whispered and pulled her closer to him, slowly wrapping his arms around her. “I know you’re hurting. You can cry in front of me.”

Minji released her emotions at the last sentence. Every sob, every tear was filled with emotions that she had been bottling up the whole time. After his death, not once did she confide in anybody. She kept it all inside. Sunggyu knew that if she didn’t let it out, she’d crash.

Sunggyu shut his eyes as she chanted her dead lover’s name, his arms tightening around her petite waist in hopes of providing her more comfort, assurance and security. He would never know how it felt to have someone you love taken away from you by death, but he tried his best to ease the poor girl’s pain. He knew it wasn’t enough, but it was all he could do.

“Myungsoo.. I love you.”

Only my welled up tears remember you
And there are so many traces of happiness
To me, love is such a painful thing
Even if it hurts, I should bear it

Dropping this fate I’ll wait for the day
When we’re in the next world
Standing face to face
And if fate changes again
I’ll fight for it this time

Hello! The last chunk of italic words is quoted from the english version of SNSD's Tiffany "By Myself". And her ringtone is Can You Smile. Other than that, the rest of the italic words in little chunks are from Kyuhyun's Poseidon OST, "The Way To Break Up." Hope you enjoy it, hehe.