Part 2
LettersThen, our big event was held, our 2nd fan meeting. We were busy since early in the morning, practicing, rehearsal, doing make up, and other thing. But, one thing that didn’t missed from my attention was how Youngjae seemed a bit more nervous than usual. Usually, he would be the one who cheered us up.
“Youngjae, are you okay?” –I saw Mark approached him, putting his hand on Youngjae’s shoulder. I watched that little gesture, I stared hard at them until Yugyeom nugged me on the shoulder.
“Why?!” –I asked him, annoyed. He whimpered and said sorry before going to Bambam. My attention was back to Mark and Youngjae again. Now, Youngjae seemed a bit better, he laughed with Mark although I didn’t know what they were laughing about. Watching them so close together now, I couldn’t help but feeling a bit jealous. It used to be me who comforted him and usually Youngjae would run to me for comfort.
I sighed and informed them to get ready to the stage. We quickly gathered around and made a circle, reaching out our hands and shouted our motto “G-O-T-7 Jjai!” After that shouting, still in the backstage, I watched as Youngjae mumbled something. I could guess that he was memorizing his line. This time no one was interrupting me so I approached him.
“Hey, are you good?” –I asked casually. He looked at me briefly before nodded. I sighed didn’t really know what made Youngjae acted like that around me. He seemed to be fine the other day.
“Good that you are good. Don’t be nervous. You’ll do great.” –I encouraged him. He smiled at me. His eyes were telling me something that I couldn’t interpret it.
“Hyung…” –he called me, his fingers tangled around each other.
“Yes?” –I paid close attention to him. His face was a bit red.
“Can I… Can I h-hugged y-you?” –he asked shyly, stuttering. I was taken aback by his demand but quickly pulled myself again. I didn’t answer him. I just moved a step forward and wrapped my hands around him. His shaking hands hugged me back. I smiled to the hug as I smelled his hair. I miss this feeling.
“Thank you.” –he mumbled as he broke the hug. That short moment was staying last in my mind for the rest of the night even though I tried my best to focus on the fan meeting.
And the time for my video reading my letters for my members was in. I watched the members’ expression as they heard my voice and the words that I read for them. Just then, I heard myself said, “Next, Our Youngjae…” I immediately focusing on his expression and I couldn’t help my smile that was forming wider than before.
“Next, our Youngjae who sleeps with me under one blanket.Youngjae who is like my real brother.What words are needed? I’m truly thankful that I’m able to dance with you, sing with you,and stand with you on stage like this always.With your loud and bright voice, always ringing in our members’ ears, thank you truly, and I’m truly thankful.I love you, Youngjae-ah.”
I looked at Youngjae. He just smiled and laughed it, cringing a bit at the cheesiness of my words. That’s my Youngjae. The video stopped. The show was going on until I didn’t even realize that it was time for us to say good bye to the fans. I really enjoyed the fan meeting so much.
After the fan meeting, we headed to the dorm directly, not even celebrate it since we’ve been tired so much. Celebrating could go on another day, I said to the members. They all still hyped up about the fan meeting. The silence and calmness in the van that I expected did not happen. I took my blue backpack and searched for my note, but couldn’t find it. I frowned thinking so hard, where did my note gone? Yesterday, I still had it in my backpack. Confuse, but maybe I left it in the dorm. I just really hoped it was in the dorm and no one read it.
~ooo~
It’s been a week since our fan meeting and it meant that it’s been a week too since my note gone. I’ve asked every member, except Youngjae, but all of them seemed to not know what I talked about. I didn’t ask Youngjae because I was afraid to approach him and that he would ask me about the content of the note that I cherished so much. I couldn’t tell him that I wrote all of my feelings in that note, moreover my feeling about Youngjae. I sighed. I faced the dead-end way. I have no other choice except to ask Youngjae. I picked up my phone and called him, asking where he is now. When he said he was in the practicing room, I immediately went there.
I leaned in the door, watching him practicing some movements from our songs, not really wanting to disturb him. After a moment, he stopped as he looked at me through the mirror. He smiled and I smiled back at him, walked to him. I grabbed a bottle of water from the table and gave it to him. He mumbled a thank you. He was all sweaty and his face was red of intense practice, I guessed. I didn’t really stop myself to run my hand whipping his sweat that forming in his forehead. He stared at me, shocked.
“Hyung…” –he took my hand away.
“Hm? Why? It’s not like we’ve never done it before, right?” –I said, just want to remind him that I used to do that with him before. He nodded, bringing his head low and sitting on the floor, leaning his back in the mirror wall. I sat beside him. He was still trying to arrange his breath. Silence was surrounded us. I didn’t really know what to say nor act. I wanted to hold his hand, but I couldn’t bring my hand up. Suddenly, I felt Youngjae rested his head on my shoulder. I tensed up a bit, shocked, but relaxed again soon.
“Youngjae…” –I called his name. I knew he’s listening to me, so I just continue, “Have you been practicing alone all of this time? Why didn’t you tell me? I can accompany you.” He sighed, still not moving his head on my shoulder.
“Hyung… Yes, I’ve been practicing alone. I just needed something to distract me from something that consumed my mind lately.” –he said.
“What was that? What is that you thinking?” –I asked, curious. Hearing me asking this, he lifted his head away, facing me. I stared hard at him. Looking into his brown eyes. I could see so many emotions there.
“Hyung… just listened to me, okay?” –he first asked me. I nodded. He took a big sigh. I watched him carefully as he began talking.
“First, I haven’t said my thank you for your letter to me in the fan meeting. I was so touched by that letter and I really am glad to have you in my life too, to be able standing in beside you, singing and dancing on the stage. I’m always been thankful for that.
Second, I want to say sorry because maybe I used to hurt you in the past. Sorry that I’ve been a bad boy in this story that I didn’t even know you’ve been hurting so much because you think that I kept my distance around you and kept drawing line between us. I’m really sorry.” –he paused as he took another big sighed. His voice was disappearing slowly that I should really pay attention to his lips movement.
“And, I’m really sorry that you can’t approach me so much and you felt like I ignored you and you felt I am closer with Mark hyung and Yugyeom now. I’m really sorry, hyung. I don’t know that you’ve been feeling those awful feeling…” –as he said that words, I opened my eyes wide, shocked wondering how he knew those things when I only wrote my feelings in the book. I opened my mouth to question him, but he was faster than me. He put a finger in my lips, preventing me to say a word. I sighed, defeated.
“Just, listen, hyung. Would you?” –he asked. I nodded.
“I know what you want to say, hyung. And yes, I know all of that. I’m sorry but I took your book away.” –he said as he stood up to take his bag, revealing my yellow note book. He opened my book and I could see all of the things that I wrote down for him. He read those loudly.
SaturdayTo: YoungjaeI miss you. That’s all I want to say.Watching you leaving with Mark today was making me suffer.I should be the one who asked you out, but I couldn’t even say a word.God, I felt like a fool now.Youngjae-ah, I know that you would never read this letter,But I really hope you can get my heartThat has been calling you out.I miss you, Youngjae-ah.-Jaebum-
ThrusdayTo: YoungjaeI miss you more than you’ve ever known.I guess I’m really a fool. Again, I couldn’t even say a word in front of you.I couldn’t bring myself to stay beside you.All I can do, just missing you like this. Watching you from far away.Youngjae-ah, when will you come to me again?-Jaebum-
SundayTo: YoungjaeI watched as you throwing up. I really am worried about you.Are you okay? Are you hurt somewhere?I watched as you took your medicine and said that was bitter.If I could, I want to be your replacement to take all the bitterness of the medicine and the pain from your body.I am hurt seeing you in pain, Youngjae-ah.Get well soon.-Jaebum-
WednesdayTo: YoungjaeI am alone again in the room, Youngjae-ah.Ever since you left the room, I’ve been feeling alone.Now, I don’t have anyone to talk to till morning comes.Now, I don’t have anyone to laugh with my jokes.Now, I’ve been feeling so alone. I miss you so much.-Jaebum-
FridayTo: YoungjaeYoungjae-ah. It’s hyung again. How are doing now?I am always worrying about you when you aren’t by my side.Forgive me that I couldn’t get any closer to you like before.I’m sorry, Youngjae-ah. I am really sorry. TT . TT-Jaebum-
TuesdayTo: YoungjaeYoungjae-ah, it’s hyung again. I hoped you didn’t bored.Today was so cold. I hoped you didn’t mindthat I nagged at you this morning to put your coat on.I just didn’t want you to be sick.I’m in pain when you are in pain.Hope you stay healthy, always. I love you.-Jaebum-
ThrusdayTo: YoungjaeHey, how are you doing? It’s been a rough day, right?I miss being with you. Now, you seem to be closer with Mark.Haha. Who am I that I got jealous over Mark or Yugyeom.Of course you would choose Mark over me. Mark is Coco’s daddy.And he is nice and handsome and he isn’t nagging mania like me.Youngjae-ah, I’m sorry… I just miss you so much.-Jaebum-
MondayTo: YoungjaeYoungjae-ah, I felt like crying now.I miss you so much. I want to hug you.Having you in my embrace was the best feeling I’ve ever felt.I miss you. I miss you. I love you.-Jaebum-
WednesdayTo: YoungjaeYoungjae-ah, what should I do?Tell me.What should I do to make you mine again?To make me yours again?It’s hurt to hear you said that Mark was yours now.I don't know whether you just joked around or not.I miss you, Youngjae-ah.-Jaebum-
ThrusdayTo: YoungjaeYoungjae-ah, the day after tomorrow is our 2nd anniv.I can’t believe that we’ve known each other for almost 3 years.We’ve been through a lot of hardships together.Thank you for always being with me after all of this time.I am writing this while looking at your sleeping face peacefully.I miss you. I really want to say that words, but I can’t.It seems we’ve been distant now.Ever since you left me, finding your own place,I’ve been missing you.All the things about us seem to turn into some awkwardness.If I get any closer to you again like before,would you accept me? Would you?-Jaebum-
I watched him as he finished reading all my letters for him that I would never send or give to him. He flipped the page to the new one and wrote down something. I couldn’t see it since he moved his body and hid the written. He’s done writing. He smiled at me and gave me back my book. I opened to the page he wrote and read it.
Lovely dayTo: Jaebumie HyungMy lovely, Jaebumie hyung…I’m really sorry that I don’t know you’ve been through such a hard time,because of me.I’m truly sorry.Let’s start the new page and fill those with our beautifulLove and moments.Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,but the number of memories that take our breaths away.Loving and being loved is about being the bestand giving the best to the person we love and loved us.If we choose to leave the past, as we do,BELIEVEthat the future is already picking us up,because something beautiful and specialwill come on time,not too soon and never late.I miss you too, hyung. So much.Oh, and I love you too. More than the words could say.Already yours,Youngjae <3
I read his letter again and again and again. I would never get bored with his letter. Reading his cute hand-written which I could tell he gave his best to write it good and to every words that he poured his heart and mind to. I smiled wide to those. I closed the book on my hand and stared hard at Youngjae. No words were needed this time. He knew my heart and I knew him, we’ve speak louder than voice. We spoke through our heart.
“I miss you, hyung.” –Youngjae said, moved a little closer to me, still not breaking our stare.
“I love you, Youngjae.” –I managed to say that words confidently. He nodded, smiling so bright. Right, I miss him and I love him, My forever little ball of sunshine.
“Come closer to me again.” –I said, ambiguous. He moved again, closer, until no distant separated us. Our noses already bumped into each other. I stared at his eyes, hoping he knew what I want to do.
“Hyung…” –he whispered.
“Yes?” –I said, still locking my eyes with him.
“You… you could k-kiss m-me if y-you want.” –he stuttered, voice low almost like whispering. He blushed over his own words. And I couldn’t get happier than this. He could read my stare now.
I leaned in slowly to him, tilt my head. Our lips touched, and since he didn’t pull away, I deepened the kiss. Enjoying every sweet and cute voice he made between the kiss. I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulled him closer to me. I love you, Choi Youngjae. I said between the kiss. And I felt he smiled. From now on, I didn’t need to get worry about missing Youngjae anymore. He would never leave my side no matter whom he was close to, I know it.
~ooo~
"Oh!" -Youngjae exclaimed as we walking down the street to our dorm, made me jumped a little. He smiled apologetically before continue, "In case you are wondering, hyung. I took your book the day you told me to bring your other note book to the company. I found this book along with it. I'm sorry. Well... since you stupidly saying I may not read it, I ended up read it. You know that right, the more you warned me, the more I got curious." -he chuckled, broke our hold and ran off, sticking out his tongue to me.
"Yah! Do you know how much I worried about losing my precious book?" -I ran after him, catching him. I managed to catch him and pulled him into my favorite neck hold. He kept saying sorry and begging me to release him. I kissed the mole on his neck before realising him and took a hold of his warm hand again. Days can't get any better than now.
~END~
A/N: Wow, such a long story. I wrote it as one shot, but I should devided it into two parts since it took so long.
This was based on my dream last night. Haha.
hope you enjoy it. Thank you ^^
Comment are always welcomed! ^^
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