Part 1
LettersWe’ve had a final stage of our fan meeting. I was glad that we’ve done great and no one hurts this time. After the fan meeting, we went to the restaurant that the staff had booked for us to celebrate our successful fan meeting.
After eating, chatting, and drinking, except for Bambam and Yugyeom which still minor, we headed directly to hotel. Only Jackson and Mark were drunk, so we helped manager hyung brought the two to their room. Mark was rooming with Yugyeom. Jackson with Bambam, and I was rooming with Jinyoung when I usually roomed with Youngjae. Youngjae roomed with manager hyung.
After we safely landed Jackson and Mark to their beds, we went to our own room. Jinyoung directly went to the bathroom. When Jinyoung was showering, I opened his phone, knowing him so well that he would use his mother’s birthday as the passcode. I searched for his twitter. Lucky me that Jinyoung never logged out his account. I surfed with his twitter, searching in the tag of GOT7 to gain some news or photos that our fans taken. I knew that they were not allowed to bring camera inside the venue, so I always amazed by their skill to hide such a big thing like camera inside their bag. The photos taken by fans were great. Not only their hiding skill, but also their skill of taking picture was amazing as well.
After a while, I found myself searching my own name on the tag, Jaebum JB, and I almost laughed out loud when I found myself portrait with my faked-angry expression versus my real-cute expression. Fans really took a lot. While drowning in my own tag, I found one short video with hastag #2Jae #JB #Youngjae. Without thinking so much, I clicked it. That video was showing my face expression looking at Youngjae who was standing beside me. Was this my expression every time I looked at him?
I was thirsty of finding others videos or pictures, so I searched in the new tag #2Jae. There I was, looking at more pictures of me and Youngjae that popped up on the screen. There were many pictures from every era of the comeback. Looking through these pictures made me realize that I surely had an intense gaze whenever Youngjae was staying beside me or talking. But, there was one picture that hit me more. That picture was around this time, taken not too long ago. If I wasn’t mistaken, it was when we were on the airport for our China schedule. That picture showed me how apart that we’ve been this time.
I was busy with my thought that I didn’t realize Jinyoung had finished his shower and asking me what I did with his phone. I jumped a little and hurriedly closed the twitter, not really finding a better excuse than being honest. Although he seemed suspicious, he didn’t question me again. So, I said my excuse to go shower. In the shower, under the warm water, I thought a lot about me and Youngjae. I couldn’t deny it that I’ve been apart with him. I also didn’t know why, it just naturally happened. Was it me who ignored him in the first place? Or was it him that drawing line between us? I didn’t know.
I finished my showered, feeling more refreshed. I took my phone and realizing that I was alone. Jinyoung was probably head out to the youngest’s room. I searched Youngjae’s contact on my phone, hesitating whether to call him or not. In the end, I just text him. Even texting him could make me thinking so much, typing and erasing, typing and erasing again.
“Aish… Whatever. Just text him a good night, JB!” –I said to myself. Then I really texted him only, “Good night, Youngjae. Sleep well”. When I drifted to sleep, a single tone rang. I picked up my phone, it was message from Youngjae. I hurriedly opened it.
Good night too, hyung. You’ve work hard today. Sleep well.
I smiled to his message, mumbling his name before falling asleep.
~ooo~
After that fan meeting, nothing much happened between me and Youngjae. We were in the dorm, resting after practicing. Youngjae was playing a game in the laptop on the couch. He didn’t seem to bother by my presence around him while in the opposite I was fighting with myself how to speak and take Youngjae out and solving this big awkwardness around us. I kept wandering around him, confronting that I am the hyung so I should be man up and just asked him out. That was as simple as that sound. After a while, Youngjae noticed my nervousness.
“Hyung!” –he called me, a bit louder, making me jump. He let a laugh.
“Hyung, why did you keep walking back and forth like that?” –he said between his chuckled, closing his laptop and put it on the table beside couch. My face turned red. This was the time. I should ask him out now. I said to myself.
“Hyuuuuuunggg…” –he whined not getting answer from me. I was about to opened my mouth when Mark interrupted me, standing beside the couch looking at Youngjae.
“Youngjae, can you come with me now? I need company to buy a few things for Coco.” –Mark said and smiled to me a little. I glared at him couldn’t hide my anger because he interrupted me. And Youngjae’s answer didn’t help my tension either.
“Sure, hyung. I would love to. We have to buy clothes for her too since she has been grown up now. Let’s go now!” –Youngjae excitedly said as he walked away with Mark, getting ready to go out, leaving me alone in the living room. I watched as they walked away, pouting. Sure, they were Coco’s mom and daddy.
“Hyung, we are going out now.” –Youngjae said smiling apologetic towards me before heading to the door.
After they left, I felt frustrated. Not really knowing what happened with me. My heart was aching so much, looking at the duo going out and the way Mark casually asked Youngjae out with him was making me even angrier. I never used to be nervous like this around Youngjae. Youngjae and I usually would always go out together when we were given some times to rest. I didn’t really know what to do with my feeling. I kicked the couch only to receive more pain. Now, both my foot and my heart were aching. Great! I sat on the couch for a while.
Then, without so much thinking, I grabbed my coat and bag then ran out of the dorm. At first I thought that I just followed Youngjae and Mark to the shopping mall. But, in the middle, I thought that it would be so embarrassing for me to face Youngjae and Mark or to be caught following them. So, I dragged my feet to the company again. I sat in the vocal practicing room, grabbing my note, and progressing with my half-worked lyrics. I began focusing on writing some lyrics until I felt like throwing up because all I could think was Youngjae and how we’ve been apart.
“What should I do? What should I do?” –I frustratedly mumbled to myself while doodling on the book. I kept scratching my note book until I really didn’t know what possessed me as I turned the page, to the new page and writing my heart out on the paper. There was a saying that ‘Sometimes only paper will listen to you’. I kept writing and pouring my heart, my feeling, my mind about Youngjae. After I finished, I was feeling so light and relieved. I guessed that I should write more my feeling since I couldn’t say it loud to him. So, from that time, whenever I felt something, I immediately wrote it down. My note book became my diary.
~ooo~
One day, before the 2nd fan meeting that we would hold to celebrate our 2nd anniversary, I was in the middle of the meeting with my manager hyung, PD-nim, and some of our staffs to talk about the fan meeting.
“Jaebum-ah, in this fan meeting, you should read your letter to your members. Have you written the letters?” –asked one of the staff. I nodded. I grabbed my bag, looking for a note that I used to write my letters for the members, but I couldn’t find it.
“Hm, sorry, hyung. But, I think I left it in the dorm. I should get it now.” –I said apologetically as I stood up.
“No need. Youngjae is in the dorm now. Let’s call him to bring it here. How?” –my manager hyung offered. I nodded, sat again calling Youngjae.
“Hello?” –I smiled wide hearing his voice, not really pay attention that all of people were watching me. It took me awhile to answer, he kept repeating his words. I heard my manager hyung cleared his throat. I smiled apologetic to him and answered Youngjae.
“Youngjae-ah… Are you in the dorm now?” –I asked.
“Yes, hyung. Why? Did you forget something?” –he asked me back.
“How did you know?” –I chuckled and half amazed because he could guess right.
“I know you, hyung. You are meeting with the staff and PD-nim now. You wouldn’t call me and asking me if I’m in the dorm or not if you are not forgetting something.” –he explained. I couldn’t help but forming a smile on my face. Again, I heard my manager cleared his throat.
“Ah… yes, yes, Youngjae. Hyung forgot to bring a book here. Would you like to bring it here?” –I asked.
“Okay. What kind of book, hyung?”
“My note book, the yellow one. Come to the room and it’s in my blue backpack, Youngjae. The book consists of something important. Don’t open it. Just bring it here.” –I warned him. I heard he laughed and mumbled ‘Stupid hyung’.
“Yah! What did you say?” –I faked an angry tone.
“Uh, I’m sorry, hyung. Just, you know when you warned someone to not do something, that someone probably will do it. And I’ll definitely look up the book.” –he chuckled.
“Yah! You…” –I was about to give a comment, but he interrupted me, “Don’t worry, hyung. I’ll bring it there.” With that, he hung up. I sighed. This boy.
“He will bring it here.” –I informed the others. They nodded and said that they would jump to explain other things.
Youngjae came in the meeting room around an hour and half later. I asked him why it took so long and he just said that he has other thing to do. I wanted to ask again, but he had these certain of expression that I couldn’t tell. So, I just sighed and nodded. I thank him although I found his gesture was odd. After handing me the book, he said he’ll go to the dorm again immediately.
~ooo~
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