Flashback

“AHHH!! Oppa!! If you let me fall you are in sooo much trouble!! “She said giggling as she wobbled on her skates. Jiyong laughed and held her hands tighter.

“I promise I won’t let you fall. You trust me right?” He asked her. She gazed into his eyes, searching for something. When it seemed she had found what she was looking for, she kissed the tip of his nose.

“Yes, I trust you.” He smiled and guided her, moving his hands to his waist, helping her along while she clumsily skated...or attempted to skate. He loosened his hold on her after awhile. “No, no, no, no! Don’t let go!” she squealed smacking his arm.

“Yah!! You’ll fall trying to hit me! I thought you trusted me!” he said scrunching his face up. She laughed.

“Awe, that is such a cute face. I need a camera, I just wanna kiss you!” She said making baby noises to him, while trying to kiss his cheek. He scrunched his face up in mock disgust trying to avoid her. She lost her balance and toppled to the ground bringing him with her. 

“Are you okay?” he asked her worriedly searching her face. She looked up at him with a serious face and then burst out laughing. 

“Of course, silly, you’re so sweet, I don’t deserve you.” She told him when her laughter died. He moved closer to her and placed a light kiss on her lips. 

“No. I don’t deserve you.” He said smiling, gazing into her eyes before kissing her again.
_____

Jiyong had to smile coming out of that memory. “Dear, can you even see me, did you forget completely? I spend long nights by myself, erasing my thoughts a thousand times.” He definitely did erase them, but they always came back. Why did things have to end so wrong? He was so happy with her, so content and joyful. She was perfect. Why is it she had to go to someone else? Didn’t he love her enough? 

“Don’t look back and leave. Don’t find me again and live on. Because I have no regrets from loving you, take only the good memories.” He remembered how he had told her that in a letter. A letter to which he never got a response from her.
They were better off separated right? You’re not meant to be if they can find someone else to love. 

“I can bear it in some way; I can stand in some way. You should be happy if you’re like this. I become dull day by day“In a situation like this in which he had lost her to someone else, he did in fact become duller each day. She had been a bright light in his life, when she left, he was in the dark. Though he had managed to live past it, it didn’t stop himself from hurting over it once in awhile. The memory of the day she left him felt like ice in his stomach. 

Flashback

“Jiyong, I have to leave you. I love you, but I don’t think we are right for each other anymore. I think we should separate. I’m sorry.” She had told him one night, which happened to be White Day. He could only stare at her. Slowly, very slowly he could feel his heart sinking in his chest. 

“Don’t apologize, its fine. I don’t need you.” He said coldly, not looking at her and of course this wasn’t true. He did need her, he loved her. He couldn’t look at her face or it would break everything. His emotions would spill and he might beg her to change her mind. She rose from the bench they were sitting on, and stood in front of him.

“Is that all you have to say then?” She asked him. She had sounded angry and hurt, but she had hurt him and what she did was nothing compared to the words he had just spoken to her. 

“You’re my all…say goodbye” He hadn’t been able to tell her goodbye. He had just stood there unable to say anything else to her. She was leaving him and he didn’t know how to react. So instead, when she realized he wasn’t going to say anything else to her, she said goodbye to him. 
_____
Jiyong left the window and went to sit back down at his desk. He placed his head in his hand; he could almost feel how bad his heart had broken when she left him that day. 
“If you keep thinking about our past memories, I might go look for you secretly. Always be happy with him, so I won’t ever get a different mind.” 

He would have sat all day in that park unless Seung Ri and Tae Yang hadn’t come looking for him. Week’s after, he wondered if she was thinking of him, he almost wanted to find out if she was, because then, maybe they could reconcile and she would realize her decision as a mistake. But she never contacted him. Even though he had been in so much pain over her, he still didn’t want her to experience anything bad, like maybe regret or sadness at what she had done. 

“I hope your heart fees relieved. Please forget about me and live on. Those tears will dry completely, as time passes by.” He could easily explain that to her, but he could barely take his own advice at the time. He’d buried all his hurt inside and threw himself into working with Big Bang. He was strong and knew he could move on, but she was his first love. It was hard, very hard but he had managed. Having s around him helped, working helped, doing music helped, as well as his fans. 

“It would’ve hurt less if we didn’t meet at all. Hope you will bury our promise of being together forever baby. I pray for you” He'd wanted to tell her this but it was all in the past, and since it was the White Day it was only natural he think about the past like this. He was sure she was defiantly moved on from him, happy with someone else. He was happy too, how could he not be? He was alive and healthy and doing something he loved to do and he was surrounded by good people. 

Months later after their fall out, he had been walking quickly to the car that was taking him to a meeting at YG and he saw her, standing at the bus station. She was still so beautiful. He had the urge to run to her, and take her in his arms, hold her and kiss her, not let go of her. He stood there unable to stop staring at her, when all of a sudden a guy came up to her, hugging her from behind. She snuggled into his embrace. Jiyong shook his head and got into the car. The car drove off, and he could swear out the corner of his eye, when the guy let go of her, she had been staring at the car as he drove away. 

“Oh girl, I cry, cry.” Tears slid slowly from his eyes. No more memories! He thought to himself. He looked at the clock it was already 4:00pm. Had he really spent so much time thinking of the past? He felt it was a waste thinking of something painful and then wishing he would have done certain things or said certain things differently. It was all in the past and that’s where it needed to stay. He wiped his eyes and looked at his computer, a small smile played on his face. He took out a notebook filled with composition paper and began to compose. 

“It’s Showtime….chyeahhh”He said to himself nodding his head as he heard the music in his mind. He closed his eyes for a second. 

“Dae Sung would be good on this part…give the hook to Tae Yang….Seung Ri’s back vocals…”He trailed off, writing note after note. He took a break and looked at what he had, and then got his cell phone and dialed Daishi’s phone number. He waited patiently for him to answer, tapping his pencil on his desk to the rhythm in his head.

“Hey man.” He said when he heard Daishi’s voice say hello.“It’s me GD. Yeah, I’m aiight. Listen; I have some material for the Stand Up album. I wanna know what you think of it. “And then he told Daishi all he’d come up with. Apparently Daishi liked it and wanted to meet with him in 2 days to do some music arrangements and record a demo. When he hung up the phone Jiyong was feeling pretty good. 

“Yeah boy!” he said clapping his hands in his own congratulations. He did some more writing until he fell asleep at his desk. 
________
“ Yo GD, wake up.” TOP was shaking his shoulder. Jiyong looked up at him slowly with bleary eyes. 

“What time is it?”he asked him stretching his arms out. 

“Its 9:45pm” TOP answered him sitting on a chair next to his desk. Jiyong searched for his desk clock under piles of paper. When did all this paper get here? I must have been working hard, he thought to himself. It really was 9:45pm. He lightly shook his head, sat back in his chair then looked at TOP sitting in his chair next to his desk.  

“Aye TOP! Didn’t I tell you to come back before 8:00pm?! What’s the curfew I gave you!” he asked TOP, ruffling papers on his desk to emphasize his fake anger. TOP looked up from his cell phone. 

“That’s hyung to you! “ TOP said in his booming deep voice. Jiyong laughed.

“Ahhh, our senior member has spoken. How was your date?” TOP looked down at his phone and smiled.

“It was good.”He answered scratching his head.

“Good? Just good? I mean, I can’t get no details or anything?”Jiyong said gesturing his hands with impatience. TOP thought for a minute.

“Hmmm. Nahhh.” He said, and then burst into laughter. Jiyong shook his head.

“Alright, I got you bro.”he said with a coy smile on his face. TOP smiled and he and Jiyong pounded fists. “Are the other’s back yet?”

“Yeah, they are in the living room.”TOP answered. He and TOP stood up and walked into the living room. Dae Sung was sitting on the couch eating a bowl of cereal watching TV; Seung Ri was on the floor texting on his handphone. Tae Yang was playing with Boss. Jiyong sat on the couch next to Dae Sung and placed his feet in his lap. TOP sat next to Tae Yang. 

“How did you guy’s day go?” He asked the others. 

“It was fun, we DJ’d video’s dealing with love and stuff for White Day.”Dae Sung answered with a mouth full of cereal. 

“We had to do over 10 takes for the commercial scene today. But the result is tight.”Tae Yang answered him. “So, did you get any writing done today?” he added putting Boss on the floor. Jiyong shifted his weight and moved his fedora to cover his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Yeah I did. I’ve come up with new material for our Stand Up album.” He answered.

“Sweet, what’s the song like?”Seung Ri asked him picking Boss up to give him a kiss on the head. 

“It’s a love song, the beat is somewhat of a fast tempo, but it still has a romantic vibe to it. I think people might be able to relate to it. I’m meeting with Daishi in 2 days to go over it and record a demo.” Jiyong answered moving his hand up to take his hat off his face. 

“Cool man. Have you come up with a title for it yet?”Tae Yang asked, sitting father back on the couch. 

“Yeah, I think its gonna be called… Haru Haru.” Jiyong told him.

“Oh girl I cry, cry
You’re my all….say goodbye”