Hands

Jihoon couldn’t help but stare as Soonyoung demonstrated the next move for their new song. The way his fingers curled into a fist and how they followed every move flawlessly... There was no explaining it.

Jihoon tried to copy the movements behind the blond, feeling clumsy in comparison to the prodigy before him. Trying to focus was difficult when all Jihoon wanted to do was sit and let himself be swept away by the mere presence of the other.

Those hands would ruin him. The way they held so much strength while dancing but were so gentle and soft while doing fanservice melted Jihoon into a puddle. He could only just control it in practice. Once he had the dance, he didn’t have to look at the dancer anymore. The sooner he didn’t have to look at the dancer, the less of a chance Soonyoung would realize how much control he had over the younger.

There was a reason Jihoon got so much better at dancing since trainee days.

Face

Jihoon looked away as Soonyoung started telling another joke to the other members. He just wasn’t in the mood to keep himself from throwing himself at the older, so the better option was to try to ignore him. To try to ignore the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed, to try to ignore the ridiculous expressions he made while getting others to join him.

Seungcheol sat next to him, seeing the dejected pink-haired boy. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Jihoon glanced up at the leader, sighing heavily before leaning back against the couch and closing his eyes. “Nothing. Just tired.”

“You sure?” Seungcheol asked, glancing at the others as Soonyoung made a grand gesture and the group around him burst into laughter. “That’s all?”

Jihoon cracked an eye to look at the dancer he so adored. Too cute. His eye closed again. “That’s it.”

Laugh

It was another touchy fan.

The fans that wanted to be remembered, so they tried so hard to hold hands and get certification that they were special, different in some way than all the other fans that did the exact same thing. Jihoon wasn’t in a touchy mood- he hadn’t even let the members touch him that day and it was getting harder and harder to keep smiling at this damn girl who was full-out doing aegyo at him and he just-

Jihoon’s eyes closed as Soonyoung’s laugh went ringing through the air during a fansign, and he couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his face in result. The dancer’s laugh was too infectious for Jihoon’s good.

He couldn’t help it that whenever Soonyoung made a joke, he broke into uncontrollable laughter. He couldn’t help that the other’s happiness was just too much for his poor little heart. It just wasn’t this fault that Soonyoung had become the main light in his life, the only thing that kept him going.

It wasn’t like Soonyoung realized how much better he made Jihoon’s day just by smiling. It wasn’t like Soonyoung would ever know how many times Jihoon was about to quit at his dream, but Soonyoung stopped him simply by being there.

Jihoon was so much better because of that laugh. Even a smile would make everything alright for a while. That laugh that made him want to stand and run ahead to keep up with its owner. The laugh that stuck Jihoon to his spot, that grounded him.

Jihoon’s eyes opened and he smiled at the fan he was with, thanking them for their gift and winking before giving them their signed album.

He made short eye contact with Soonyoung and smiled.

Eyes

Soonyoung was too expressive, Jihoon decided. His eyes told so many stories he would never say.

Like how worried he was when he arrived at the building at 7 AM, only to discover that Jihoon was still awake, composing.

Or how happy he was that Jihoon agreed to leave the studio to go get food, even though he could have easily found any of the others, who were all willing to go.

Or how upset he was whenever he got scolded, and all the pent up angst that he released through hours of dancing until he couldn’t even stand anymore.

Or how tired he was during the fansign that they were at after having not slept for more than a day, even though he was still smiling at each gift he received.

It was too much. Too much emotion, too many words, too many untold stories. Jihoon knew them all, had watched every miniscule flicker in Soonyoung’s eyes and it was all too much.

Mouth

“What’s up?” Soonyoung asked, plopping himself in the desk chair next to Jihoon.

“Hm? Nothing, why?” Jihoon hummed, returning to his phone game as if he hadn’t just been memorizing the dancer’s silhouette for the nth time.

“You were staring at me.” Soonyoung replied blunty.

‘ he noticed.’ “You had something in your hair. It’s gone now.” Jihoon said without taking his eyes off the screen, praying that the lie would work. Soonyoung was too close, he could smell his cologne, and if he didn’t leave soon Jihoon would kiss him and there was nothing either of them could do to stop it.

“But you weren’t looking at my hair.” Shhhhiiiiiiiitttt. “If I remember properly, you were staring at my mouth and you just lied to your hyung.”

Jihoon desperately tried to think of an escape plan. This was not what he wanted. It’s just that Soonyoung had slept well last night and his smiles were brighter than ever and it’s just so damn distracting because Jihoon has never wanted so badly to kiss that damn smile and the composer still doesn’t know what to say-

“I’m just messing with you! Geez, calm down. Although it’s good to know that you think I’m good looking.” Soonyoung winked as he stood and to go joke around with Jun.

Jihoon sighs. That was close.

There were some things Jihoon just couldn’t say.

You

Soonyoung was so many things. There were so many components to him that Jihoon had given up on trying to keep track of them all. Everything about him was so perfect, so cute and excited and happy. Soonyoung was so many things.

Jihoon loved all of them.

The way he could switch between a song like No F.U.N. to Adore U and look perfectly natural and at home in each.

The way he wanted to always be coddled and whined when he wanted something, usually trying to get one of the younger members to go get it for him as Jihoon chuckled in the background.

But just as much as Jihoon was aware of the extent of his love for Soonyoung, he was aware that Soonyoung didn’t feel the same. Jihoon could tell that Soonyoung wouldn’t be able to handle just how much Jihoon relied on him for everything.

Jihoon could tell that he should try to pull back, should try to be more independent, try to do everything on his own like he did before he met Soonyoung, before he even became a trainee.

Soonyoung didn’t rely on Jihoon like Jihoon did on him. Soonyoung didn’t need Jihoon to get through the day, but he was there anyways. Maybe, just maybe, Jihoon could be the same way.

But the truth was that he wasn’t strong enough. That he wasn’t able to do anything without Soonyoung. If he was only stronger, maybe he would do it himself. Maybe he would make it. every now and again he convinced himself that he could do it. That he could get over Soonyoung.

But then Soonyoung would lightly hug him with those hands, make a face at the young composer, laugh at a dumb joke, contain his emotions to his eyes, would spout nonsense with his mouth, and Jihoon found himself falling again.