Chapter 4. Jessica : A fragile dream.
“There you go.” Doctor Lim stopped the pointer at a tiny blob on screen. The petite image looked like a jelly bean to my eyes. “You are definitely pregnant. About six to eight weeks according to these ultrasound measurements.”
Two days after my mother-in-law's birthday dinner. Two days after the euphoria of a positive pregnancy test. My husband and I had had an appointment secured with our Ob-gyn. Now we were both in her practice room, both staring at the ultrasound screen in awe.
“It's so tiny.” Yuri commented, leaning over to see better but not letting go of my hand.
“It is.” YoonA, our doctor, laughed while cleaning my belly from the ultrasound gel. “What you see is actually just the gestational sac. Your baby is too tiny to be detected by simple ultrasound at this point.”
Yuri leaned closer and our doctor explained again. “But the magic is happening every second now, your baby's brain is starting to take shape, along with the heart, lungs, and intestine.”
“All of those in this tiny sac?” Yuri pointed at the screen.
“Yes. That's why mommy needs to stay healthy. The first three months of pregnancy are the most crucial time. Mommy needs to provide all nutrients needed for the baby to grow well.” YoonA handed us the printed version of the picture. “Here, one for the book.”
I took the picture with my trembling hands, staring at it with my teary eyes. I had been waiting for this for so long. I had dreamed of this over and over again. Holding the proof of my baby living inside me felt a little too overwhelming now. I sighed, clutching the picture close to my chest, trying to fight back tears.
My husband helped me up, gathering me in his arms and kissed my forehead. I couldn't find a word, just holding onto him as he helped me sit back on the chair in front of YoonA's desk.
“I'll prescribe prenatal vitamins and something to tone down the nausea.” Doctor Lim wrote in her prescription book while smiling at me. “Eat in small portions but do it often. Avoid lifting heavy stuff and try not to overwork, okay Unnie?”
“Here.” She handed the prescription to Yuri. “Daddy might need to slow down in bed now, spare mom's belly from unnecessary pressure.”
“Oh I'll just skip bed activity until our baby is born.”
YoonA laughed, palming her forehead. “No need for 9 months celibacy, Yul. Mom needs you too. Just be gentle. Mom's and baby's comfort comes first.”
Yuri nodded, hugging me. “Why are you so quiet, baby?” He held me at arm length, eyes looking at mine. “Is something wrong?”
“No.” I gulped. “It's just... I'm afraid I'll cry if I speak. This... I'm so happy.”
“Oh Unnie...” YoonA came around her desk to hug me. “It's okay to cry in joy. Stay positive, okay? Your emotion affects the baby too.”
I nodded, drops of tears actually fell onto my cheeks, but inside I felt extremely happy. My hand went to my stomach almost instinctively, silently hoping for the well-being of the tiny life growing inside.
“I'll see you guys again in a month, okay? If you feel any discomfort or bleeding of some short, call me immediately. Alright, Unnie?”
I nodded again, ready to leave, but Yuri asked more questions about pregnancy. He even collected every single health brochure from YoonA's desk. The good doctor practically had to shove him out of the door telling him she had other patients waiting outside.
“I got too excited, didn't I” My husband leaned back on the car seat, grinning at me. “I'm just so happy.” His hand moved to caress my stomach through my shirt.
“I'm happy too.” I rested my hands on top of his hand, sighing to keep my excitement at bay.
He kissed me on the lips, passionately, reverently, just like he always did. I was about to kiss him back when our car hit a bump on the road.
“Hey.” Yuri tapped at our driver's shoulder. “Slow down. There's a baby Kwon on board.”
I jolted in surprise, quickly rolling the hem of my camisole down to cover my belly. I was checking my baby bump when Yuri came out of the bathroom and startled me.
“Are you trying to seduce me or what?” He came up behind me, wrapping his hand around my torso, kissing my exposed shoulder.
I was in nothing but a flimsy camisole and a pair of , couldn't really blame him for getting attracted. Two weeks after my pregnancy got confirmed, my husband still patiently held himself back from having his way with me.
I turned around in his arms. He had just showered. The manly smell of aftershave and the fresh scent of his shampoo invaded my senses. “I was just checking my belly. I don't show much.”
“You have small built, darling.” He knelt, lifting the hem of the camisole and kissed my belly. “Wait a little more and our baby will grow so much you'll look like you have swallowed a beach ball.”
“Beach ball? Will you still love me when I'm getting that fat?”
“Are you kidding me?” He winked. “I'll run for this year Miss Korea in a heartbeat.”
I swatted his arm, pushing him by the shoulders and pouted accordingly. He laughed, standing and pulled me back into his embrace.
“You know me, Jessica Jung Sooyeon. I can't live without you. You might grow as big as Jamsil stadium and I will still love you with every beat of my heart.”
“Jamsil stadium? Jamsil Stadium! I'm not gonna be that big!” I tried to free myself from his hold. “Go find your Miss Korea and see if she pleases you like I do.”
He guffawed, falling to the bed with me in his arms. “Nobody pleases me like you do, Mrs.Kwon.” He hovered above me, trailing kisses down my neck to my shoulder to my arm. One of his hands inched dangerously close to my core.
My breath hitched when he actually touched me down there. He buried his nose in the crook my neck and I got to smell that ambrosial scent of his body once more.
“What's happened to the swear of nine months celibacy?” I while rubbing his crotch with my feet.
He laughed again, taking my lips in a sloppy kiss. “Your y body undid it.”
“May I?” Another one of his sweet kisses landed between my s. “I promise I'll be gentle.”
The need in me almost burst when I nodded. One deep kiss was all I could share to convey the desire I feel inside.
He kept his promise, keeping his penetration shallow and pulled out right before he came. He was nothing but gentle and caring to the very end. On the other hand, I came like exploding fireworks on his skillful fingers, feeling sated and satisfied.
It felt perfect, living my life with my loving husband, knowing our baby is on the way.
“God. I'm so tired these days.” One week shy of our next appointment, I could feel myself getting weary easily. Food wasn't my best friend still and dizziness came more often. I tried to hold on, ate and rest regularly, hoping these first trimester pregnancy symptoms would vanish soon.
“Don''t go to work then. Stay in bed.” Yuri, already suited up, fixed his maroon tie in front of the mirror.
“I can't.” I buttoned my shirt down, giving my appearance one final check before turning to help Yuri with his tie. “I have a meeting with Tyler and his gang this morning.”
“Cancel it. Tell them you're not feeling very well.” He gave me a kiss on the forehead. “Is the dizziness from last night still around?”
“A little.” I swatted invisible dust from his crisp black shirt. “This meeting will finalize the baby & kids collection. I need the designs to step into production process by the end of this month. Once the collection launched, I'll have plenty of time for myself.”
“You hear that, baby Kwon?” Yuri bent down, whispering against my stomach. “Mom is building up clothes empire for you. Grow well.”
I smiled. He did that a lot lately; talking to our unborn baby. He would read passage from economic journal or relayed recent sport news to this tiny person inside of me. Acts of affection that always moved my heart.
“Let's go. I'll drive you.”
“You'll be late.” I followed him out of our bedroom.
“So?” He shrugged. “Make sure you have your lunch on time. Don't forget your vitamins. Stay hydrated and try to get enough nap at noon.”
I covered my smile with my hand, actually amused by how bossy he could be when it came to the wellness of his child. ““Aye aye, captain.”
“Don't just aye aye me. Do as I told.” He flicked my nose.
I laughed, couldn't help it.
“Pancake?” Seulgi glanced at the timepiece rounding her slim wrist. “At this hour?”
“Uh uh. I had one yesterday morning at my in-laws' and now I want it again.” It was 3 pm and I just wrapped a grueling meeting with people who own 90% share of my brand.
“I'll see what I can do.” She pointed at my bowl of naengmyeon. “ You done, Unnie? You didn't even eat half of it.”
“But I finished the whole glass.” I pointed at my empty glass of lemon tea.
“That's not even enough calories for you to lift a pencil. You need to eat more, Unnie.”
“I know and I want to, Kang Seulgi. But if I eat too much I end up vomiting. All the food I managed to eat up to this point will be wasted.”
My kind secretary sighed and set my bowl aside. “I guess I'll just hunt that pancake you're craving for to the end of the rainbow then. Promise me you'll eat at least ten pieces of them.”
I gave a her a thumb up and smiled only to frown again when she served me mango and kiwi slices in a small plate. “Seriously, Seulgi?”
“Seriously. Yuri-ssi's order.”
“Oh I forgot. You are one of his minions now.” I sighed but started chewing anyway. I barely bit into a kiwi slice when the urge to pee hit me. I left my desk to go to the bathroom, feeling something strange in my lower belly.
I hiked my skirt up, tugging my down and sat on the toilet. Nothing happened. I waited for a moment and ended up peeing a little. When I stood up, a cramp pulsated inside my lower belly. It made me frown. I never felt something like that before.
When I looked down to pull my up, I saw it; the hint of blood on the white cotton fabric. The reddish stain was only the size of a coin but big enough to shatter my world. Panic engulfed me as I hurriedly fixed my skirt and came out of the bathroom.
I picked my phone, dialing YoonA's number. She didn't pick up. I tried to dial Yuri's number, but my hand shook and I ended up dropping the phone. When I bent down to retrieve it from the floor, the cramp jabbed again.
“Unnie? What's wrong?” Seulgi came to my side.
“Seulgi, help me.” Forgetting the phone, I moved slowly to sit on my chair. “Call Yuri. Tell him I'm bleeding.”
“Please Seulgi. Call Yuri. My baby.Oh God.” The cramp came in full force. It felt like something was tugging my uterus down. I wrapped my hands around my stomach, crying.
Please baby, stay with mommy. I love you. Please. I love you.
__ tbc __
Author's note : Please don't hate me.