Chapter 17. Yuri : Fear.

“See, fourth and fifth fixed ribs are definitely cracked.” The orthopedist pointed at the x-ray image of my chest on the wall. “They don't break apart though. No bone fragments either. No danger of punctured lungs. I think it's safe to just continue with painkiller to help you breathing easily, Mr. Kwon. These shall be healed in one or two months with proper rest and limited movement.”

“Good. Can I come back to my wife now?”

“You need to take the painkiller first. Also It will still be a while for your CT scan result to come up.” Sooyoung looked worriedly at me. “and your knee-”

“I agreed to come here for chest x-ray. As long as I can still standing, the rest can wait.”

It was easy to see conflict in Sooyoung's eyes. But I had wasted enough time to get through the X-ray procedure only to find out that painkiller and time would help me heal just fine. At this moment, I could still holding up despite the pain.

I knew I have to pay attention to my well-being too. But Jessica was in the OR now, battling for both her life and our daughter's life. I didn't like being one floor away from her. I stood up, heading for the door. Sooyoung stopped me though, wordlessly pointed at the wheelchair the nurse brought to my side. I complied, letting them wheeled me back to the surgery room.

Jessica's parents were already there with Minho. My mother-in-law practically ran to me. She hugged me tight, her tears wet my already soiled shirt. Her sobs broke my heart. I wanted to croak something out, probably a promise or two of how her daughter and her grandchild would be just fine. But I couldn't even muster the power to do anything other than sighing.

My father-in-law awkwardly squeezed my shoulder before getting back to the waiting chair. His head in his hands. We were all devastated. We were all helpless. We could do nothing but sitting here, waiting.

Second after second passed. I had never felt so much resentment toward waiting before. I wished I had enough fortune to trade for life. Sadly, I had to admit that prayer was the only thing I could afford at the moment.

After what seemed like a century YoonA and two other doctors came out of the surgery room. I jumped off the wheelchair, asking her so many questions with my eyes only because words had failed me once more.

“Baby girl Kwon.” YoonA smiled wanly at me, while making way for a nurse that wheeled an incubator out of the room.

Inside the box, I could see the tiniest human being ever. Small, wrinkly, and didn't even made a sound. Wispy black hair, pinkish skin, and closed eyes. Fists so small I couldn't even tell if she had ten fingers or not. There were too many things around and connected to her tiny body. Too many intrusion to her seemingly fragile existence.

I choked back tears.

I had been waiting so long to see my daughter. I had been prayed so many times for her presence. But this heartbreaking image had never once came to my mind before. My hands instinctively reached out for her but the box separated us. I ended up helplessly pressing my palms against the transparent wall of the incubator.

“She's a strong baby, already capable of breathing on her own.”

I looked up at the doctors. I didn't even know that a simple task like breathing on her own was such an accomplishment for a newborn. When I looked down at my baby again, I realized that with every breath she took, our daughter's chest visibly rose and fell. It seemed like she was using every ounce of energy in her frail body just for breathing.

“Can... Can I hold her?”

“We need to take her to the NICU first, sir. After a few initial treatments, you should be able to spend some time with your daughter.”

I watched as they wheeled my daughter away. My feet almost involuntarily followed their steps if my heart wasn't torn between my daughter and my wife. I looked up at the doctors again, asking them a silence question once more.

“The C-Section went fairly well. Despite the blood loss, Jessica Unnie is relatively stable at the moment.” YoonA explained to me.

“There might be other surgeries needed to be done. But we put those on hold until we can asses all the damage the accident has caused.” Another doctor continued. “At the moment, we're about to take her to the neurological ward fur further examinations.”

“Neurological?”

“Yes. The possibility of spinal cord injury need immediate assessment. We'll tell you more once we got an MRI done.”

Their words didn't really make sense for me but I knew the horrible reality such injury might bring. My mother-in-law sobbed harder by my side. I sat back on the wheelchair in shock, angry because Jessica wasn't safe even after the dangerous cesarean. Feeling hands clasped on my shoulders. I looked up to see Sooyoung smiled weakly at me.

“Your baby has been born safely and the C-section didn't bring more complications to Jessica. We should be grateful at the moment. Let's take this one step at a time, Yuri.”

I rubbed my face, nodding. “Can I see my wife?”

“At this time being, I'm afraid you can only see her as we take her to the neurological ward, Sir.” A doctor supplied.

I nodded again. It was good enough for me. After a while, nurses came out of the surgical room wheeling my wife in a hospital bed. Minho pushed my wheelchair as I held Jessica's hand in mine until we arrived in front of the neurological ward.

I watched as the door closed, separating me from Jessica once more. There were so many uncertainty ahead, so many dreadful possibilities. My head pulsated again as I prayed hard for Jessica's well-being. My vision got blurry.

“Yuri, you okay?” I heard Minho asked me. I gasped for breath, completely aware that something was wrong with me. But then, everything turned dark.

“Jessica!” I woke up in a hospital bed from a nightmare of losing my wife. A dream where she fell of a cliff because I wasn't strong enough to hold her. My breath caught in my throat as the remnant of the horrid imagery left my consciousness.

"Yuri..." A warm hand caressed my head. A comforting touch that strengthen me like a spell. After I blinked to see clearer, a loving gaze came into view.

I cried. I cried like I had never done before. At the look of my mother's face, something in me crumbled. The wall I built so I could stay strong for my wife fell apart in my mother's touch.

“My poor son.” She gathered me in her arms. Her hug was as warm as ever despite her old age. I sobbed, wordlessly screaming my pain out. She said nothing else, just rocking me like she used to do when I was just a little kid.

After a while, I found control again. I stopped crying at once, taking tissues that my mother gently offered to me.

As I scanned the room I caught sight of my father on his wheelchair, looking up at the ceiling, avoiding eye-contact like he always did. We, the Kwon men, weren't supposed to cry. He always taught me that being strong was any man's responsibility. I knew him well enough to see that inside, he cared for me as much as my mother did.

Sooyoung was here too, smiling wanly at me through her glassy eyes while standing next to another doctor.

“Jessica?” I croaked. I didn't know how long I had stayed unconscious. I didn't kno