Chapter 11. Jessica : Try again?

“Mommyyyyy!”

I jolted from my sleep. My neck felt stiff from the uncomfortable sleep on the armchair. I rose up groggily but managed to reach the hospital bed quickly.

“Hey, baby, it's okay. I'm here.” I lifted the small body up, hugging the whining boy tight as I swayed gently on my feet.

“I want mommyyyyyyy.” Jinki wailed, feet kicking while hands throwing weak punches on my chest.

My heart broke at his call for his mother. He was down with a high fever yesterday and my mother had decided to take him to the doctor. It ended up to be a severe in-ear infection and the poor little boy had to be hospitalized for a few days.

The worse thing was he couldn't even have his mom immediately. Krystal was on Prague, also sick after a long filming schedule there. Jinki's father was also there with her and they wouldn't be able to get here until Krystal was a little better herself.

“Your mommy will be here soon, baby. Sleep some more while we're waiting for her, okay?”

“Noooooo.” His wail was getting louder. I tried to stop him from moving too much because he was still connected to the IV fluid system but he wriggled his body hard. “Mommyyyyyyy.”

“Jinki-yah, please. You'll hurt yourself if you keep on moving like this.” I tried to rub his back, swaying him in my arms. “Stay still, okay?”

But he kept on wailing and tossing himself around in my hold, making me scared of ending up dropping him. No one could be asked for help because my parents had went home for a much needed rest an hour ago.

“Jinki, baby, come on. Stay still.” I started to sniff. I had no idea that taking care of a sick kid was as challenging as this.

“Hey. Jinki. Look!” Yuri came through the door and I never felt so relieved before. “Look what I've got for you.” He entered the room with a grin and two happy meal boxes in hands.

Jinki stopped wriggling immediately. Eyes rounded at the sight of his favorite meal.

“Yul! He can't have burgers yet.” I hissed at my husband who took Jinki from me after setting the boxes on the bed.

“Don't worry.” A smile adored Yuri's face as he helped Jinki sat on the bed. “Now who's my favorite nephew? Who's gonna get the happy meal?”

“Me.” Jinki wiped his tears with the back of his free hand, while the one that had IV needle on pointed at himself. “Jinki, uncle Yul.”

“Jinki? Hmmmmm.” Yuri scratched his head while taking one of the box and opened it slowly. “I don't know. Has Jinki been a good boy lately?”

“Yes.” The little boy nodded vigorously. “Jinki is a good boy.”

“Really?A good boy isn't supposed to cry this much.”Yuri wiped at remnant of tears from the boy's cheek.

“Jinki doesn't cway.” He wiped at his eyes again. “Jinki is a good boy.”

“Okay.” Yuri produced cups from the box. “Here's your happy meal.”

“Where's the buwgew?” My nephew looked disappointed at the cups of pudding.

“Burger? You need to get better first, baby.” Yul laughed. “As soon as the doctor allows, I'll buy you a truck of burgers.”

“I want buwgew.”

“Well... you don't want this Hulk pudding?” Yuri picked up one of the cups, showing Jinki the Hulk sticker on it. “And this, the Captain America one? I heard eating these puddings makes Hulk & Captain America strong. Don't you want to be as strong as them?”

As if trying to weight the truth of Yuri's words the innocence boy tilted his head to one side, fingers moving to touch the cup.

“Look.” Yuri opened the lid, showing green pudding in the cup to Jinki while leaning so close to the curious boy's face. “Hulk pudding. Raaaawr!”

Jinki giggled, touching Yuri's nose. “Huk pudding.”

“Yes. Want a bite? It will make you stronger so we can get out of here to get burgers sooner.”

“And cookies too?”

“And cookies too. Promise.” I sat on the bed, taking the Captain America cup and opened it. “Awww, look! This one is blue, Jinki. Come on, open up.” I took a spoonful of the pudding, happy to see Jinki ate it immediately.

“If you finish the whole cups. I'll give you this.” Yuri shook the other box. The rattling sound made Jinki's eyes widen again.

“What's in it, uncle?”

“Oh I don't know.” Yuri wriggled his eyebrows comically. “Happy meal toys maybe.”

“Toooooys?” The expression of utter excitement on Jinki's face made me smile. “Yaaaay!”

“Eat first.” Yuri set the box away, lying by Jinki's feet while watching the boy's mouth opened wide.

“Mow, Auntie. Mow!”

“More?” I laughed, spoon-fed him a big chunk of the pudding then kissed his rounded cheek. “That's my champ.”

“Aren't I your champ too?“ Yuri grinned teasingly at me from where he was lying.”

“You are now. Thank you for the brilliant idea.” I smiled at him while feeding Jinki who was busy scrutinizing each and every stickers on the cups. Feeding Jinki had been a struggle these days because all of the discomforts he felt, seeing my nephew ate the pudding so willingly made me happy.

“Minho's idea. But you're welcome.” Yuri sighed, focusing back on Jinki. “Look. I have more.” He took out a pack of stickers from his coat's pocket.

“Yaaay!”Jinki beamed.

“Say thank you, Jinki-yah.” I opened the lid of the second cup.

“Thank you, uncle.” He grabbed the pack from Yuri's hand. “Put on my hands, Auntie. On Jinki's hands.”

“Later, baby. Finish your meal first. Do you want the soup too?”

“Iron man soup.” Yuri stuck an Iron-man sticker on the lid of the cup.

“I-won man soup!” Jinki beamed again, extending his hand. “Put spidewman on me, uncle.”

“Okay. Here. Jinki the Spiderman.”

I watched in awe as Yuri interacted with Jinki. The sight of them laughing together both warmed and broke my heart at the same time. When the time to open the box of toys arrived, Jinki even climbed onto Yuri's lap and played with him happily. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom, afraid I'd cry in front of them.

Almost two years since I had had a miscarriage, the pain of losing my own child still came to me from time to time.

I still waited for the good news to reach me. There were times when my period came late and my hope soared high only to be crashed back to the ground a few days after. There were even times when I thought I should give up. But then I looked at my husband, and I knew I had to stay optimist for him.

Yuri had said nothing though. The subject of having a child of our own was never brought up in front of me again; not by him, not by his family. We never talked about it anymore. As if he was the one who already gave up.

I had started to consider other means of child-rearing now. Even had browsed for so many articles on IVF and surrogate mother. To talk about it with Yuri was another case though. I still didn't have the courage.

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