NOT EDITED

OR PROOFREAD

OR ANYTHING REALLY, APART FROM WRITTEN IN ONE GO AND THEN PUBLISHED STRAIGHT AFTER
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"Tao, how was-" Kris was cut off by Tao giving him a glare that could send him to Hell and back. He froze, staring at the younger with such shock his mouth fell open and his eyes were wide as saucers. Tao shook his head, glare softening a little. Just a little. Nothing much, considering it was back with full force when he looked away.

"Not now, Kris." he said, going to their shared room. Kris was completely stunned. What. The. Hell?

"Taozi?" he called as he knocked on their bedroom room.

"Not now, Kris." Tao's dangerously -and frighteningly calm- voice came to him through the door, and he blinked. Something was definitely wrong.

"Love, let me in?" he asked, and waited for about ten seconds before the younger's footsteps came closer to the door. It swung open after the lock 'click'ed, and he looked at Tao, eyes dark and deadly.

"What is it?" Tao asked, avoiding his eyes, staring angrily at the wall behind him. Kris raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

"Tao. Are you seriously asking me what the problem is here?" he asked flatly, and Tao closed his eyes with a long sigh before reopening them, full of love for the older man. But then he clenched his jaw and his gaze grew firey again.

"Nothing's wrong, Kris. I just... want to be alone for a little." Tao said, nothing but sincerity in his tone. Kris knew it was a lie though. Tao never wanted to be alone. He was the most sociable person in the world, and even though he hadn't always been that way before Kris met him, said man knew very well that something was very, very wrong.

"Don't you dare lie to me, Zitao." Kris said in a soft voice, but using the younger's full name to show he meant it. Tao stiffened, looking completely broken at that moment, that Kris regret it.

"I'm...I'm sorry, I just. I can't...I can't do this right now. Can we just talk about this later Kris? Please?"

"Um.. No, what the hell, Tao, this isn't something I can just ignore!" Kris exclaimed, gesturing the the other. Tao raised an eyebrow, annoyed.

"'This?' What exactly is 'this,' huh?" Tao asked, and Kris threw his eyes heaven-ward.

"This! Exactly yhis! Whatever the is making you mad at me!" Kris replied, and Tao froze, eyes wide and surprised. It confused Kris.

"Kris... no, I- I'm not-I'm not mad at you, I promise; please don't think I am, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you think that. I'm not mad at you, I swear.' Zitao said, cupping his lover's face with one hand and holding Kris' hands with the other.

"Then...what are you mad at?" Kris asked, relief in his tone making Tao feel guilty.

"Nothing. Forget it," the younger said, closing off again and dropping his grip on Kris' hands, caressing the older's face before letting his hand fall away.

"Tao." Kris protested, sounding genuinely pained that he couldn't do anything to help his younger lover, and it made Tao feel worse.

This was all their faults.

Tao's eyes glazed over as he remember what they said, their words and how they hit pretty ing close to home. Worst of all...they brought Kris into it.

"I'm a good person...right, Kris?" he asked suddenly, after a few awkward (for Kris) seconds. Kris looked at him curiously.

"Of course you are, love. If this is about-" Tao shook his head.

"It's not...not exactly. I just... met with some people I knew...before. That's all." Tao said, berating himself for being so weak to succumb to Kris. He took a step back.

"I'm a good person, then. Thank you, Kris." Tao said, a murmur. "I'll still be a good person because I came home, right? Instead of hurting them...right?" Tears gathered at the corners of Tao's eyes, and Kris pulled him in for a hug, carding his fingers through Tao's hair and shushing him sweetly.

"But...I made us argue, Kris. I...I don't feel like a good person.I feel like I should have just done it and come home. I wouldn't have snapped at you, and we wouldn't have had to fight, and-" he was rambling now, Tao knew, but he couldn't help it, so he was thankful when Kris stopped him from talking whith a finger over his lips.

"Whoever they were, Tao, even if they made us fight, I don't care. You did the right thing by not hurting anyone, and we're good now, aren't we?" Kris said, and Tao nodded with a small smile.

"Yeah. We're good now." Tao said, sounding happier. Kris smiled, but when he pulled back from their hug and Tao's alarm rang, the pager that hadn't made noise in seven months and was supposed to be returned tomorrow, Tao's eyes grew dark again, and he untangle himself from his lover. 

He picked up a remote from the chest of drawers next to their bedroom door and didn't even have to look as he punched in a set of numbers on it. The pager stopped beeping, and there was silence. Kris was numb to everything that wasn't Tao, especially when he saw the unfiltered rage in the other's eyes that came back with the reminder of the past.

"I'm gonna go take my mind off of this." Tao said, taking a deep breath, and letting it go through his nose. Kris nodded, kissing Tao's cheek before he left, and threw himself on the couch he was on when Tao came in.

Kris sighed to himself, drowning in sorrow for his lover.

Tao was a good person, Kris knew that, it was just the things he had done that were bad. He had stopped, thanks to Kris, but they both knew that it would always be an itch under the younger's skin no matter what. 

That was why, when Tao gave Kris an apologetic look as he opened a drawer in their kitchen that held a single knife with Tao's initials on the handle, Kris' heart broke for him.

That was why, when Tao swooped down to kiss him, all lips and tongue and love, Kris could only kiss back.

That was why, when Tao returned half an hour later, with blood on his knife and a lighter weight on his shoulder but heavier heart, Kris held him as he cried, muffled apologies breathed into his shoulder.

That was why, when concerning Tao's previous 'job', Kris could never interfere.

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I don't even know what this is, I'm sorry, OTL

But, just in case...

Tell me whatcha think?

~Anna