"She has feelings; she has a heart. In fact, she probably has the biggest heart among all the girls you know. Because although you've given her nothing, not one reason for her to be around, she's still there. And some day she won't be anymore."

"What are you even talking about?" I sighed deeply, thinking what nonsense Hyo's trying to say.

"Just think about it, Taeyeon ah. Ponder upon everything I said and if you look just enough, you'll get what I mean."

Rolling around in her bed, Taeyeon thought hardly about the talk she had with Hyoyeon right before her birthday gathering started yesterday.

"Ughhh that Kim Hyoyeon! Now my head freaking hurts!" 

The light knock on her door gets her out of her morning daze and a small head with light brown hair peeked in her room. "Taeyeon ah, breakfast?"

"Sure sure", she said, dragging her whole being out of her room, finding no one else except Jessica. She walked to the kitchen and lazily slumped herself into a chair across the other girl.

"Where are the others?"

"Everyone either has a schedule or has something to take care of." Jessica sighs.

"You?" Taeyeon asks with stuffed with cereal.

Cute

"Nahhhh~ I'm busy with my line preparations but its all the things that can be done at home. You?"

"I'm having an off day today. Everything's too overwhelming." Finishing her bowl, she stood up and washes them.

"Ahhh so you're stuck with me?" 

"Yeah pretty much. Hope I won't be much of a mess for you to take care of today." She said playfully, drying her hands.

Jessica walked to her direction and washes her bowl and spoon, while Taeyeon's smirking at her. Not knowing it made her heart weak.

Ignoring the look on Taeyeon's face, she asked, "Take care of?"

Taeyeon turned to the left to face Jessica, "Because I plan to be useless all day." she said, again with those tone of hers.

Jessica chuckled, "And here I am thinking maybe today I'd have a helping hand of a kid."

Taeyeon laughed her signature laugh, "Nu-uh," wiggling her forefinger in front of Jessica's face. "You're definitely having a kid around. But a kid to babysit." She said walking out of the kitchen and to where the tv is located.

Jessica sighs a little and smiled while shaking her head, this kid doesn't even have the slightest clue.

After Jessica showered, she gets all the things she needs for today's little line-doing-stuffs, deciding that she's going to do it in the living room. She goes out of her room in a simple white t-shirt and her leopard printed homewear just to find a 5 year old look-alike, 26 year old Kim Taeyeon, world's greatest girl group's leader, laying on her side, with 3 green beans surrounding her. AND unfortunately, Pororo was on the tv. Jessica lets out a small laugh and goes to sit at the table in front of the tv, back-facing the kid.

"Yahhhhh~ move a little. You have one big head Jung." Which in return, she earned a glare and that shut her up. But Jessica still moved a little to the side.

Taeyeon suddenly feels a little playful than usual, decides to kick Jessica's shoulders while she was drawing things.

"Yah Kim Taeyeon! Stop it!" She said, without glancing back.

But Taeyeon had no intention to stop.

"Aishh!" Jessica turned her had around to see Taeyeon pretending to focus on Pororo, innocently. "Do it again, I swear to God you're dead." With that said, Jessica continued doing her design when a green bean plushie was thrown in front of her.

"Hiiiii~ You can call me G" A highpitch, kid-like voice was heard from behind. Jessica turned completely and glared at the leader.

"Yah! I'm busy so stop it! If you're not gonna help, then don't be an !" 

Jessica groaned when she saw what happened to her design due to the playful Taeyeon's doings.

"And now I have to start over." she mumbled to no one in particular. What she didn't know was, Taeyeon's not even the slightest afraid of her because it has been more than 10 years and she knows that Jessica never eally gets mad at her. 

Soon enough another plushie hit Jessica's head.

"Yah you! Really?"

Their day went by like that. With Jessica busy preparing for her brand and Taeyeon busy messing around with the latter, not even minding to take a bath.

---------

"Really? You too? Hmm okayyyy~ See you tomorrow. Love you!"

"What? Who was that?"

Jessica slumped her body next to Taeyeon after the phone call. "Tiffany."

"What's with her?"

"She's not coming back either. Everyone's not coming back tonight." She sighs deeply

"Ohhh wait- Why are you sighing?" 

"Just because~"

Because it's hard staying with only you, you don't even know how hard.

Taeyeon stands up and walked to the kitchen to get some orange juice. "Do you want some juice?", she yelled from the kitchen.

"Don't we have wine?"

Taeyeon rummages around and found a half empty red wine bottle, "Umm yeah. Red wine."

"Bring the bottle out." Jessica shouted.

Taeyeon comes out with an empty glass, a red wine bottle and her glass of orange juice, finding Jessica's again focused on doing her work. She chuckled and went to sit behind the latter, putting the bottle and glass where Jessica's stuffs are not located.

Jessica saw the bottle and the glass, put he her pencil down, and took the bottle. She mumble a thanks before chugging the wine down straight from the bottle. 

Taeyeon on the other hand was speechless looking at her. She knew the latter loves to drink and is one of the members that could take her alcohol but damnn.

Jessica looked back and saw Taeyeon wide-eyed.

"What? Doing this stresses me out and you're not helping either." She rolled her eyes and continued her work.

Taeyeon shrugged deciding to watch a movie. A scary movie. A motive behind a very innocent plan.

Unknownst to Jessica, Taeyeon sneakily put the movie on, and fast forwarded to the scene where she guesses a ghost or a scream would come out. She rests her arms on the couch and sat in a relaxing manner, waiting for the miracle to happen.

"Ya-"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"

Moments later, Taeyeon found a head under her chin while a hand grasp her pajamas. She lets out a hearty laugh but it died down when she noticed that Jessica was actually trembling. Alerted to the situation, she quickly hold Jessica face with both hands and tilted it so that she could see her face. her eyes were tightly shut, so was .

"Sica ya? Jung Sooyeon?", she asks slowly. Instead of receiving an answer, Taeyeon was caught off guard when Jessica launched at her with a tight hug. And that proved it, the latter was scared. 

"It's okay. It's okay. I'm sorry." Taeyeon caressed the other girl's head and back to reassure her that everything's fine.

A few minutes after that, Jessica calmed down. They parted and Jessica sat with her knees close to her, biting her nails and staring out in the space while Taeyeon sat with her legs folded, facing Jessica, looking at her because she was worried and very sorry. 

They sat like that for an hour and it felt like eternity to Taeyeon.

Taeyeon glanced at the clock and realize it's already midnight.

"Sica ya~"

No answer.

"Sica yaaa," Taeyeon nudges the girl slightly on the shoulders.

No answer.

"Let's sleep. It's getting late. I'll sleep with you."

Jessica didn't answer. She didn't even move. Taeyeon sigh a '' and decided maybe it's best if she just leave the girl alone for a bit. As she was standing up to leave she heard, "Why?"

"Hmm?" Taeyeon sat back down.

Jessica turned her head to look at Taeyeon with tears b in her eyes and that's when Taeyeon realized she went over the line.

"WHY?" She shouted.

Taeyeon was so shocked she found herself backing away in an uncomfortable position.

Jessica slide down the couch and hugged her knees, sobbing. Why would she do that?

Nothing was heard except for Jessica's sobbing. 

While she was thinking of all the whys in the world, suddenly she felt a pair of arms wrapped around her from behind. 

"I'm sorry." Taeyeon whispered. Whispers became chants.

The voice calmed her down. Taeyeon was chanting a whole ton of sorrys in her ear and that was enough.

Taeyeon wrapped her arms around the latter with everything she has because she knows she did wrong. She closed her eyes, she chanted her apology, she prayed to be forgiven when she was never wrong in the latter's eyes. 

Though she likes the feeling of all this, she couldn't just let it happen. This thing will drown her. She will drown her. She's not yet ready to do that. 

"Taeyeon ah. Don't do this. Let go."

But all she got back was a tighter grip.

"Tae-aeyeon please," she pleads.

But Taeyeon holds her tighter. With all her might.

Jessica sighs and took a deep breath. I have to do this. For me.

Jessica abruptly stood up, pushing Taeyeon on her back and walked to her room.

"Jessica! What's wrong? I said I'm sorry!"

"What's wrong?!" She shouted back. Then she let out a sarcastic laugh. "What's wrong?! Kim Taeyeon?! Really???" 

Taeyeon stands up and walked towards Jessica. She felt betrayed. Yeah, she did do wrong but it's not something to be that angry about. When she finally stood infront of the fuming girl, she sighs and hold Jessica's face with both hands, looking straight into her eyes. She wanted to calm the fire in the girl's eyes, not that she knows that its not her eyes that were burning, her heart was. 

"Sica ya, I'm sorry. Shouldn't have done that to you. I really am sorry. So stop being mad because I won't do it anymore, okay?"

Jessica's eyes soften, she was on the verge of crying. She looked down at the floor, letting a tear escape her eyes. "Then why are you doing this to me? Why?", she whispers back.

"I told you I'm not going to anymore."

Jessica looked up. She stared into Taeyeon's eyes, grabbed both her hands and said, "Then stop doing this." peeling those hands off her face. She turned around to head for her room when a hand grabbed hers.

"What?" Taeyeon asked in confusion. Taeyeon moved herself so that she was again facing the girl. "I'm not doing anything right now. I'm saying sorry and I'm trying to comfort you so what is it that's so wrong?"

Jessica sadly smiled. She looked at the way Taeyeon was holding her hand. "This." She said bringing their hands up. "This is what's wrong." She then pointed her finger on Taeyeon where her heart is located and said, "This is what's wr- nope." She shook her head and pointed to her heart, instead. "This is what's wrong."

Taeyeon's utterly confused. "Sica ya, I don't understand. What do you mean?"

Taeyeon never had to know the truth. Not now, not ever. But God, she was tired of bearing it and being it was midnight which is very famous for being the honesty time, she thought why not? No one's here and maybe this is her chance. Her only chance.

She made up her mind. She looked at Taeyeon. She smiled. "Taeyeon ah, what I mean is, nothing's wrong with you. I'm the one with all the problem. I'm the one who's stuck here. I'm the one who went over the line. I'm the one who should be sorry."

"What? Wait, I don't get it."

Jessica sighs, "I want to be with you."

"But you are with me. Right now." Taeyeon stated in confusion.

"No, I want to be with you. As simple and as complicated as that."

"You are. Right now. We're together."

Jessica shook her head. "You don't understand, Taeyeon ah. Nor will you ever."

That's when it hit her. She meant it in a way that is impossible.

"Sica ya, I'm sorry. But it's okay. I'm okay with that." Taeyeon tried consoling the lost girl.

"But you don't understand!" Jessica shouted, bursting in tears. "I'M NOT OKAY WITH IT! OKAY?!"

Taeyeon couldn't make herself to move. She was rooted to the ground.

Slowly, softly, Jessica walked towards Taeyeon. This time, she held Taeyeon's shocked face. "I-I love you, Kim Taeyeon. I'm in love with you. Don't you get it? You're the thoughts in my mind when I'm in a crowd of people. Your voice is the one that I search for when we're doing concerts. You're the one that makes my eyes brighter. The thought of your lips makes my knees weak. Your eyes are the only eyes I want to stare into whenever I need to calm down. You're the fire in my heart. Its you. Its been you for the past years. It's always going to be you. And I'm sorry."

But with that, Taeyeon ran away. She was afraid. She was scared to death. She's not familiar with these new found feelings. She had to go run far.

And run was all she did.

She ran from her.

She ran out the door.

She ran down the stairs.

She ran out of the building.

She ran and ran and ran.

Until at one point, she ran into an SUV.

And that was it.

The thing she realizes was, it is true. The 10 second flashback of everything you love just before you die. But she didn't expect to see flashbacks of them. She saw her mom, dad, brother, sister, her dog, her childhood, the nine of them first meeting, introductions, training years, laughters together, tears, all the inside jokes. At the very last second, she saw her. No it wasn't like in the movies where the girl is spinning in a cute floral dress and flower petals were falling around her. No. It was just her. Just a moment ago. When she was drawing, working, writing. When she was glaring at her. When she was fuming mad, saying she was wrong, she was not okay with everything. Confessing that she loves her. And the look on her face when she ran. That look broke her heart more than she ever thought. 

And everything went black.

She left her crying of pain. Of humiliation. 

Now, she's going to leave her crying again. Of regret. Blaming herself because of her sudden confession. Blaming herself because maybe if she didn't confess, she wouldn't have ran out. Maybe they would have ended the night, cuddling each other on her bed, one as friends, the other as more.

And now, everytime she sleeps, she only dreams of one thing. Nothing else.

Because Taeyeon left as her one and only beautiful nightmare.