Youngjae is sitting down on the sofa in the living room the next morning while everyone feels like judging him. Noone said anything yet. They are all just there, being nervous without any reason, staring into the main vocal from head to toe. Sneeking into spaces that left open from the blanket which is covering Youngjae’s body. Not until Jinyoung took the temperature from his mouth and put his hand on Youngjae’s forehead for only God knows how many he did it already. After Jinyoung looked at the temperature for a while, and said “You’re pretty much okay now. Aaaandd, normal.”

Jinyoung and everyone shook their heads in sync. They’re all in disbelief. Much questions must fill in their little brains at the moment. Youngjae chuckled, look at these idiots. While playing with Coco who is lying on his lap now.

“Hey, are you sure he is okay, Jinyoung-ah?” The oldest hyung, Mark kindly asked Jinyoung but can’t move his stares from Youngjae. “Are you sure?”

“He kinda looked like a dead person yesterday,” Bambam said in justice.

“And he couldn’t remember all of those things today?” Yugyeom added.

Jinyoung thought hard and finally let out a deep sigh. “Ah, I don’t know. Better wait for Youngjae to get fully recovered to ask him your stupid questions. Now, this Park-actor should leave to the next filming set,” And he excused himself from the crowd.

Youngjae slightly smiled as Mark followed him to the room. “Is Jackson waking up yet? We have urgent issue here. Our main vocal seems to lose his identity. We need Jackson to hit Youngjae’s head somehow...” And Mark’s voice dissapeared as he closed the room’s door.

While Youngjae’s eyes followed them to the room, he moved his stares to Jaebum, who is standing at the kitchen’s door, far away from the others. Jaebum can’t not move his glares also from the younger. He should still feel worry as hell.

It’s not that Youngjae didn’t remember what had happened with him yesterday. He remembered it pretty clear. All of the pain, damn, he doesn’t want to go through all that again. It’s just that he didn’t know what happened to him and what reason to tell to the others. He just suddenly woke up, felt numb and couldn’t move even his finger. But he knows he still could feel. He could hear. And even he did cry, yikes...

So Youngjae decided to come up with this plan. “Oh, really? I think today is Friday the 31st. Why is it suddenly Saturday the 1st? Where the number 3 gone to? Did I sleep too long? Did I skip a day? Why noone woke me up yesterday? Do I have a supernatural power now?”

It is creepy, Youngjae, you’re an idiot.

But Jaebum knows. Deep down in his heart. Youngjae lied at the moment. And he feels sorry about that. He feels sorry about everything actually. He really means it. He knew that indeed the reason why Youngjae got sick yesterday was no other than himself and everything that is happening between them for the past two weeks.

Jaebum blamed himself for that but somehow he knows something. Suddenly woke up on one exact morning and feeling numb. Not the numb feeling like what Youngjae had where he couldn’t move his body, but exactly being lost. Lost on his own deepest heart. Almost can’t feel anything, but still feel something. Geez, you’re an idiot Jaebum, how could anyone understand your explanation if you explained it like this?

Whatever. That was two weeks ago.

Jaebum came to the dorm after meeting up with some of his old friends from high school. He felt very tired and a little drunk but still managed to get into his room. He couldn’t help but to sleep alone on his old room that he once shared with Youngjae. It was so damn cold that night without Youngjae on his arms. So Jaebum walked in to the room and lie down. To where he and Youngjae sleep together under one blanket over the past years. Yeah, Youngjae’s scent is still here, how nostalgic as Jaebum dozed off to sleep.

It was a very noisy morning when Jaebum opened his eyes. It was their day-off. Everyone seemed to gather in the living room to decide what are they going to do for their day-off. But he felt heaviness on his chest. His head spined around fast. He’s barely breathing. Something is missing, he felt something is missing. He couldn’t stop touching his chest here and there, and everything seems to be on its place but something is just missing.

Then that moment happened. Youngjae rushed in to the room. “Hyuuung, wake up! Let’s go for a daaaaattee?”

Jaebum still couldn’t get it. He still felt dizzy because of too much drinking from last night, but in fact, he only drank one bottle of soju. “Hyuuuung?” Youngjae shaked his body.

So Jaebum sat down and wiped his eyes to adapt to the light. “Why? Did you sleep weeell...” But was cut off by Youngjae.

“Look, it’s already 11. Everyone is going out. Mark hyung and Yugyeom went for a date. I mean, yeah, they’re not in a relationship like us, but yeah... Can you imagine it, hyung? They called it themselves a date. They promised to send us a quick selca later of what they’re doing. Haha, isn’t funny, hyung?

And Bambam is doing his self-eating broadcast with Jackson hyung. Oh my God, Jackson hyung is back after a long time and I think they said they’re gonna go into the countryside if needed. Wait, did I hear it wrong? I mean, did they know how to get there downside without manager hyung drive for them, hahaha.

Come on, hyung. We should get some fun too. Other than today, when will we get this freedom again?”

Youngjae didn’t stop sending the information to Jaebum and wondering whether what place should they come today. But Jaebum just sit there, staring into this kid. His one and only little brother that he likes the most. He likes how energetic and bright Youngjae is and how he always comes up with a smile in every situation. That is something calming his weak heart – but wait, where is Jinyoung? Did Youngjae say something about Jinyoung already? Is Jinyoung the reason why he felt something is indeed missing from him?

Jaebum rose his hand, “Youngjae-ah, stop, where is Jinyoung?”

Youngjae stopped his mumbling and sit beside Jaebum. Put his head on Jaebum’s shoulder and his arms around the older’s waist. “Jinyoung hyung has another filming today, duh. Poor our mom really. Everyone is having a day-off but he is still working his off.”

Jaebum heart stopped a beat. “What, Jinyoung is still working today?” In which, Youngjae nodded.

“I’m sorry, Youngjae. I think I can’t go out with you today. We can go on another day. Just pick the day yourself and make a plan to where we should go. I need to see Jinyoung on his filming set now.”

But that was only a reason. Jinyoung was not the real reason. It was Youngjae. In which, Jaebum also didn’t ever get a chance to understand his feeling. He just didn’t wanna spend a day with Youngjae and he felt someway off with Youngjae being lovey-dovey with him again. So, Jaebum avoided him. He loves Youngjae, he knows it and Youngjae loves him too. They are in a somekind of romance-relationship with each other since months ago and nobody were found out about it yet. But when he woke up that day, something felt so off, as if he is digging his own grave. He should feel loved by Youngjae on his side and return the affection to the younger as that would bring smiles on the younger’s cheeks and that shining eyes staring at him which he loves the most, but no. He didn’t. Or he thought he couldn’t do it anymore. For now. He lost his feeling.

Jaebum swore to God, something is going wrong with himself. He felt different since that day. He lost all of his affection especially to Youngjae. Youngjae is now just... a member of his team. And Jaebum loves all of his team members. And by thinking he should give s the same amount of love and affection, that was when he found out that finally Youngjae may think that Jaebum might be pushing him away. But he just can’t let Youngjae knows about this. This should remain a secret until Jaebum found the answer he seeks.

And it has been more than two weeks now. But with Youngjae being sick yesterday, Jaebum noticed that this is getting harder by day. He still loves Youngjae more than he loves everybody on the team. But the feeling is still just not right. It is still not there on the right place where it should be. But Jaebum stands firm to his decision. He should keep his problem as a secret. So what he needs to do now is to gather the pieces of his broken heart as he told himself to love Youngjae harder than before. Wait, no, he is not broken heart. He just lost his feeling suddenly and he still didn’t know why. But not until last night, when the younger fallen asleep on his arms again. The warmth of his body. The smells of his hair. And his pale smooth skin. Those all belong to Jaebum and he misses that a damn lot. Love is hard, Jaebum.

But, it is still awkward to stand near Youngjae, what should I do? Jaebum has lost any idea. That was the reason why Jaebum just stood there near the kitchen gallery, staring on to the crowd in the living room, centering Youngjae, attacking him with questions.

Jaebum slowly cursed to that day, in which made him woken up feeling in full doubt about his love to Youngjae. Jaebum felt like asking for a help now but no, this should be a secret. Noone else should notice about this, but Youngjae. Jaebum was far too late now.

You are dumb, Jaebum. Is it because of the soju the night before? Did someone mix it with some magic formula? That is the most logical way to explain why his feeling to Youngjae gone a bit off lately. Jaebum sighed, as he already sighed more than 100 times this morning. I should love Youngjae, Jaebum told himself while clenching his fists. I should love Youngjae like before. I can do this again.

And Youngjae just sat there, silently watching Jaebum clenched his fists, giving no care to his surrounding. What is wrong with that hyung actually?

A/N.

Hey there, finally I'm getting better with my back pain so I am back with the new chapter.

I'm sorry if it's still a bit off from what I planned on at first, but still worth a go.

Oh, and thanks for the love and subscription. It really means a lot <3 ^^