“Jaehwan-ah.” Leo called out in disbelief at what he saw. Jaehwan turned his body and smiled upon seeing him.

“Hyung, come sit here with me.” Jaehwan said still with a smile, patting the sand beside him. Leo walked slowly, still couldn’t grasp the situation. He didn’t dare to walk quickly in case everything suddenly disappear. Jaehwan didn’t seem bother by it though, instead he let Leo had all the time he needed. Leo finally sat down and he stared at how Jaehwan still looked the same. His slightly curled brown hair being blown by the wind gently, his sparkling brown eyes which always showed how much he loved the other, his slightly plump lips which were always lifted in a small. Feeling too overwhelmed, Leo decided to tear his eyes away from Jaehwan to prevent getting too emotional.

“It was very beautiful.” Jaehwan said as he still gaze at the sea. Leo turned to look at the sea too and smiled ironically at the statement.

“Taekwoon hyung or should I call you Leo hyung now?” Jaehwan asked with a teasing tone but his eyes were filled with sadness. Leo gulped and looked away from those eyes so he wouldn’t feel so much guilty.

“I..it’s up to you.” Leo finally answered with a cracked voice.

“Taekwoon hyung.” Jaehwan whispered and the sound of his name being called by Jaehwan after so long snapped something inside him. He lowered his head as he could feel his tears were going to fall.

“Why? Why did you just come now Jaehwan-ah? I miss you so much…” Leo meant to ask it accusingly but his tone only came out as pleading. He took a large breath to prevent himself from crying.

“Taekwoon hyung.” Jaehwan said as he used both his hand to lifted Leo’s head so he was looking at him. “I’m so sorry. It hurt me as much when I saw how badly hurt you were. I hated myself for making you blamed yourself all this time, but I just couldn’t come to meet you. It would hurt both of us more if I had came when you weren’t ready to let go of me.”

“I’m sorry.” Leo whispered with guilt as he saw Jaehwan’s tears as he explained. He lifted his hand to wipe the tears from Jaehwan’s face. He didn’t like to see Jaehwan crying, especially if the reason was because of him.

“I didn’t like seeing you like this hyung. It broke my heart at how you lived for this past 5 years. How could I move on when you were struggling to live on?” Jaehwan’s words cause tears to fall down from Leo’s eyes too.

“I’m really sorry Jaehwan-ah. I only thought about myself and didn’t even consider how you would feel.” Leo apologized as he realized that Jaehwan looked exactly the same as he was 5 years ago. Because of him, Jaehwan couldn’t even be reborn or go anywhere. He wondered with guilt if Jaehwan could even leave this place for this past years.

Jaehwan shook his head as he smiled sadly at how guilty Leo looked. He didn’t want their last encounter to be filled with grief and guilt like this.

“It’s okay hyung-ah. It just make me sad to see how broken you were but I never regretted anything that had happened between us, so pleased don’t blame yourself anymore.” Jaehwan tried to cheer the other as he also wiped the tears from Leo’s face.

“Now smiled for me hyung. I haven’t seen your smile in a while.” Jaehwan smiled at Leo, and the sight was so beautiful that Leo felt himself smiled a little despite still feeling sad.

“That’s my Taekwoon hyung.” Jaehwan grinned and patted Leo’s head in affection. Leo didn’t have the heart to argue at how Jaehwan treated him although he was older as he saw the love in Jaehwan’s eyes.

Jaehwan put down both his hand and instead used one hand to hold Leo’s hand while he leaned his head on the taller’s shoulder, gazing at the sea again. Leo noticed that the sun was still in the same place, it was as if time was paused except for both of them. He lifted the other hand that wasn’t intertwined with Jaehwan and gently Jaehwan’s face, trying to feel him for the last time. Jaehwan smiled at Leo’s gesture but didn’t stop him.

“Hyung, do you remember the first time we met?” Jaehwan asked suddenly.

“Of course. You fell from your bike.” Leo answered, smiling at the memory.

“That was because you suddenly crossed the road hyung.” Jaehwan defended himself as he pouted but then smiled too at the memory.

“I tend to your wound right? I even brought you home.” Leo said with a small chuckle.

“Yeah. Back then I thought I finally met my prince charming.” Jaehwan chuckled too at his own words.

“That was cheesy.” Leo retorted shyly.

“But really hyung, even though you looked cold outside, I knew you were a warm person inside. Remember what I told you hyung?” Jaehwan asked with a grin.

“Which one?” Leo asked back.

“You had this special charm that attracted people and made them wanted to know you more hyung. And I believe it wasn’t only me who felt like that. There will be someone out there who felt that too and would love you like I was.”

“But I don’t want anyone else.” Leo whispered in defiant as he put his hand down.

“You’ll learn to love them too someday hyung. I want you to at least try that for me.” Jaehwan requested sincerely as he looked straight at Leo. Leo gulped and nodded reluctantly.

“You never visited me hyung.”

“I…couldn’t bear to go there.” Leo replied and saw the sad smile on Jaehwan’s face,

“Hyung….” Jaehwan said as he glanced nervously at the sun. “It’s time to say goodbye, but I think goodbyes are sad and I’d much rather say hello. So we should say hello to the new future that await for us. Promise me hyung that you’ll live this time too, but not just living. I want you to continue with your life, find someone new and love them like how you loved me, please hyung.” Jaehwan pleaded, his eyes were shining from the newly formed tears.

“I promised.” Leo said, his voice cracked as he himself was on the brink of crying.

“Let go of me hyung.” Jaehwan requested, a tear slipped down his face.

Leo hold Jaehwan’s face as he looked straight in his eyes, trying to talk as he chocked on his tears. “They told me that when you really loved someone, you should be willing to set them free. So that is what I’m going to do Jaehwan-ah. I will step back and you will move on. I will let you go…Your happiness meant everything to me Jaehwan-ah. I will carry your smile with me everywhere, like a warm and comforting glow and I will move on too.”

Jaehwan smiled a little as he heard what Leo said and his body started to glow.

“I love you.” Jaehwan whispered and closed his eyes.

“I love you more.” Leo whispered back as he closed his eyes too and leaned in, kissing Jaehwan for the last time. Leo opened his eyes and saw that Jaehwan’s body started fading away and Jaehwan smiled at him for the last time before he disappear completely, leaving Leo alone on the beach. Leo hugged his legs to his chest and sobs out loud, the only sound beside himself was the waves.

He lifted his head at last and realized that the sun has set completely and it was already night. The sky was full with stars and he watched as a new star appeared between all those others, shining more brightly than its neighbor. He heard Jaehwan’s voice talking from the distance.

 Tue, 30 Oct 2018 9 a.m.

Leo woke up from his sleep as the bright light from the sun that seeped in through the room’s curtain hit his eyes. He tried to open his eyes and tried to focus on the thing he saw. He was a little surprised that he had turned in his sleep and now facing Ravi. Their face was surprisingly close although Ravi was supposedly a little tall than him. He blushed a little at the close proximity but can’t help himself from staring a bit. Ravi looked calm in his sleep, not looking fierce liked when he was awake, while his usually styled up hair was down, and Leo wanted to try to touch his white hair but refrained from doing so.

He got a little lost in his thought as he remembered the dream he had yesterday. It was so real and he believed it had recall happened. He felt light when he woke up just now, like a load of weight had been lifted from his chest and it didn’t hurt as much anymore. Maybe because he was already beginning to forgive himself and because he knew Jaehwan would finally be able to get on. He didn’t want to drag on any longer on his past and maybe, like Ravi said, it was time to move on.

But the last thing that Jaehwan told him before he awoke made him confused.

I’m jealous hyung that I’m not your destiny, but I sincerely hope that Wonshik will be the one.

Who is Wonshik anyway? And why did Jaehwan even mentioned him? The more he thought about it, the more confused he became so he decided to let go of it for now. There’s no point in trying to think about someone that he didn’t even know. Looking at Ravi’s peaceful face one last time, Leo finally got up to prepare for breakfast. He didn’t even packed anything yet even though they’re supposed to catch a train this afternoon.

But first he went to take a shower first and changed his clothes into a new one. After finishing, he got into the kitchen and saw the bowl of porridge that Ravi gave him yesterday. It had gotten bad though, being put outside the whole night so he didn’t have any choice except throwing it away. He just hoped that it was something Ravi brought on the store instead of him cooking himself. But looking at the condition of the kitchen which was still neat, he dared to say Ravi didn’t cook it himself.

Leo made the breakfast as simple as he could with what little ingredient he had left. He hadn’t even done grocery shopping for almost two weeks, what with him always staying at the boutique so he wasn’t even aware of his house’s condition. He made himself and Ravi sandwiches and coffee before deciding that it was already too late for Ravi to sleep.

When he get back into the bedroom to wake Ravi, he just noticed that his phone had new text messages from yesterday.

From: N

Leo-ah, Ravi asked me for your apartment’s passcode and he said you forgot to take something and he was helping you to take it, so I gave him your passcode.

From: N

Wait, didn’t you tell him yourself? Why would he ask from me anyway?

From: N

Leo-ah~, don’t ignore my texts. What are you doing right now? I called to the boutique and they said you went home already.

From: N

Ohh, were you with Ravi right now? Jung Leo, you better told me all the details tomorrow when you came here okay?  Kekekeke

From: N

Have fun ;P

From: Hongbin

Hyung, you better call as soon as you woke okay? N hyung had gone crazy with his imagination and we couldn’t stop him. Loll

Leo rolled his eyes at how crazy his friend was. N was surely having a far enough imagination right now and he wasn’t sure he wanted to even know a bit of it. Leo glanced at Ravi’s sleeping form, he didn’t look like he will wake up anytime soon so Leo walked to the bed while dialing his best friend. He put the phone to his ear with one hand while waiting for N to answer while he used his other hand to shake Ravi’s shoulder.

“Ravi-ah, wake up please. We’re going to be late.” Ravi stirred a little in his sleep but didn’t seemed to wake yet and Leo could only sigh.

“Come on Ravi-ah, I made breakfast.” He tried again, this time using more force in his shake and Ravi seemed to struggle to open his eyes.

“LEO! Why did you just called now?” Leo tried to pull his phone away a little as he still shook Ravi to wake up.

“I just woke up. What are you fussing about? And nothing happened yesterday so don’t think too far.” Leo said with an annoyed tone as he changed to slap Ravi’s cheeks lightly when the shake looked like it didn’t work.

“Aww, are you sure? But you didn’t even reply me the whole night.” N said with a teasing tone and Leo could imagine him giving a suggestive look right now. Fortunately N wasn’t here or he would have got beaten for sure.

“I fell asleep as soon as I got home. You know how tired I was.” Leo tried to play the worry card so that N wouldn’t bother him anymore. He sat on the edge of the bed as he heard on how N fussed over him immediately. He tried not to feel guilty though and instead still working on getting Ravi to get up.

“Are you sure you’re alright? Do you need more rest? Maybe you should rest and you don’t have to come Leo-ah.” N said with worry and Leo regretted to even say he was tired. He stopped patting Ravi and just put his hand there for a while and focused on N first.

“No, I’m okay and I’ll come watch you.” Leo said sincerely as he tried to convince N. He wanted to be there for N on his important days, just like how he was always there for Leo too. He may have gotten annoyed at the other male more than often but he was still grateful to have the other for him all this time.

“Oh.. and Ravi-“

Leo was suddenly pulled by his hand toward Ravi, resulting in him half lying on Ravi’s body, their faces were only a few inches apart. He stared bewildered at Ravi, who had opened his eyes despite still looking sleepy, and was staring at him. Leo blinked at the unexpected situation and he was frozen for a while. Meanwhile he could hear N’s voice somewhere in the back of his mind.

“What about Ravi?”

Leo gulped nervously at their position and made a move to get up but he was stopped by Ravi. Ravi lifted a hand and put it on Leo’s forehead, while Leo blushed furiously at the contact.

“You didn’t feel sick again right?” Ravi asked while looking at Leo. Leo was speechless so he could only shook his head a little.

“Good.” Ravi said with a small smile and removed his hand, while they were still gazing at each other. Finally, Leo broke free from the trance as he heard N’s voice from his phone.

“Hello, Leo-ah? Are you still there?”

“Y-yeah.” Leo stuttered a bit as he quickly detached himself from the other man and got up from the bed.

“I’ll call you back later okay?” Leo said, still feeling a little dazed and without waiting for an answer from N, he closed the call. He could feel his heart beating a little fast and he tried to take some breaths to calm himself. After sometime, he turned around to see Ravi had sat up on the bed and was staring at him.

“Breakfast was ready and you should take a shower first.” Leo said, succeeded in sounding calm.

“I don’t have clothes to change.” Ravi stated simply as he pointed at his own outfit.

“Ohh…” Leo realized as he looked around his room, trying to find a solution.

“You could wear mine?” Leo suggested carefully.

“If that’s okay with you.” Ravi shrugged as he smile, finally going out from the bed.

Leo opened his wardrobe and rummaged through it to find some clothes for Ravi. He managed to find an oversized white sweater and a pair of jeans, which he handed to Ravi, along with a clean towel. While waiting for Ravi, he decided to pack his things so he wouldn’t be in a hurry for that later. After a while, he finished and it seemed like Ravi had also finished, as he came out from the bathroom. The sweater, which was supposed to be a little oversize for Leo, fitted perfectly for Ravi along with the jeans, although it was a little short for the other man.

They moved to have their breakfast and in the middle of it, Ravi’s phone seemed to be ringing.

“I charged it for you since I thought you would needed that later.” Leo confessed at the surprised looked from Ravi. Ravi nodded in thanks and moved to get his phone, while Leo tried hard not to follow him with his eyes.

“RAVI YOU BASTARD!” Ravi flinched at the loud voice as soon as he answered the phone and he put the phone away from his ears, putting it on the speaker mode. Leo also got goose bumps as he wondered if Ravi had gotten into a big trouble.

“I’m sorry, really sorry.” Ravi apologized as he tried to deal with the woman in the phone, which Leo could only assumed as Jessie, Ravi’s fiancée.

“Well, sorry didn’t even made half of it, you know. Why didn’t you answer my call since yesterday?” The woman’s voice soften and it may sounded harsh but not angry anymore.

“Well, my mom called me hundred times yesterday and my phone died because of it.” Ravi explained as he walked back to sit and ate with Leo. Leo tried very hard to just eat his food and didn’t look interested at the call.

“I see…you’re forgiven for that then. But why didn’t you tell me sooner? Gosh, I didn’t even had to attend it too if I knew.” The woman let out a sigh and Ravi chuckled at that.

“Sorry though but something urgent came up.” Ravi apologized again as he looked at Leo.

“Ohhh, did it involve that man you’ve been looking at for this some time?” Leo and Ravi looked at the phone at the mentioned question. Leo blinked curiously as he looked back and forth between Ravi and the phone while Ravi shook his head to feign innocent. Leo was sure though that Ravi knew what Jessie was talking about.

“What are you talking about? Don’t sprout nonsense out of nowhere.” Ravi said with a nervous laugh and Leo only looked at him in suspicion. The line was silent for a while before Jessie answered again.

“Oh…my mistake then. Well, are you going home today? Your mother kept on asking me.”

“No, better stay away for a few days first.” Ravi seemed a little stress at the mention of his mother.

“Okay then. Good luck for you.” The call was dead and it was silent again. It was a bit awkward as they looked at each other but Ravi coughed to cover it up.

“Well, didn’t we had a train to catch? I had to go to my apartment to take a few things first.”

Leo followed Ravi to his apartment, his things already in hand, as they were now taking a bus there. Ravi took his car to Leo’s apartment yesterday but with how Leo couldn’t get in it, they decided to just take the bus.

“You know you could just go home for yourself first. I can wait in my apartment.” Leo stated again, still feeling guilty.

“It’s okay. What’s the fun in travelling alone anyway?” Ravi eased him with a smile as he ruffled Leo’s hair.

“You’re having fun because you kept on bothering me.” Leo said with a pout as he tried to arrange his messy hair, huffing a strand away from his eyes. Ravi seemed to be having an idea as he looked at Leo.

“Well, to celebrate you for moving on and my engagement being canceled, how about we do something first?”

“What is it?” Leo asked, half curious and half scared at Ravi’s idea.

“I’ll show you later.” Ravi ignored his curious look and instead smirked a little.

It turned out that Ravi brought him to a saloon where they had their hair cut and recolored. Ravi had his hair dyed a natural black while Leo choose a dark colored brown. It was kind of refreshing having a new hair color after so long staying with the red hair. N was surely going to make a commotion when he saw this. Meanwhile, he secretly casted a few glances on Ravi as they sat on the bus again. Ravi had always looked so well, untouchable and mighty with his white hair but with the new black hair, he looked mostly normal and warmer, like it was easier to approach him.

“What are you thinking?” Ravi waved a hand in front of Leo, which successfully snapped him back.

“Nothing. It was just weird seeing you with black hair.” Leo stated bashfully as he gazed at the window.

“Well, I kind of like this new one better.” Ravi chuckled as he looked at the Leo.

“Well, you looked like a puppy.”

“A puppy?” Leo stared at Ravi in disbelief at what he had just heard.

“You’re so cute and fluffy, like a puppy.” Ravi said with a grin as he patted Leo’s head affectionately. Meanwhile, the compliment made Leo blushed a little.

“Stop saying I’m cute.” Leo argued weakly as he felt Ravi ruffled his hair gently.

“No way. You’re my cute Leo.” Ravi teased with a small laugh and Leo hit his hand away from his head, blushing a little deeper while trying to glare at the younger.

They managed to get into the train on time and it was a few hours long ride so they would probably arrived at night. Leo had texted N though that they were already getting on the train and were heading there. N replied that they would fetch both of them on the train station later.

They were silent for a while, trying to catch their breath from the tiring day. Leo suddenly remembered his last encounter with Jaehwan last night and he felt like Ravi should also know about it.

“I…met Jaehwan last night.”

“Really?” Ravi asked, sounding surprised.

“It was…unbelievable for me at first too. But he was so real and well so like him…” Leo said dreamily as he gazed outside the window. The event yesterday playing on his mind.

“Are you okay?” Ravi asked sounding concerned.

“No, but I had to accept the truth.” Leo thought sadly at what Jaehwan had said last night. How Jaehwan looked, how he said he loved him, and how he looked happy at last as he disappeared.

“The truth was, he now belonged only to my past, and it was time I begin to accept it, as much as it hurt to do so.” Leo whispered as his heart ached but not as hurt as before.

“I’m proud of you.” Ravi said as he put his hand on top of Leo’s, it comfortingly.

Leo didn’t mind the comfort as he gazed outside, at how beautiful everything looked. He turned his gaze and looked around him. There were families going on trip together, with children talking excitedly about everything that they saw and their parents answering with a smile. There were friends going out together, as they talked and laughed about something in common. There were lovers going on a date together as they looked and took care of each other lovingly. There were also lone passengers who looked tired coming home from work, but their faces lighten with a smile as they looked at their phone. Lastly he looked at Ravi who had closed his eyes and leaned back relaxed on his seat.

He suddenly felt sad and regret at the scene before him. He had never seen his family anymore than when they came here to visit him and they didn’t even go on a trip together. The last trip he went with his family, there had been Jaehwan who joined them. He never gone out with N for a trip together anymore too, it was always just the short time between meals and at home. They had gone out together with Jaehwan last time before the accident. And he missed how Jaehwan was always there with him, how they went everywhere as Jaehwan pleaded and he couldn’t deny the younger.

There were Jaehwan anywhere as long as he remembered. It was difficult for him to be in a place where Jaehwan’s memories were with him and that’s the main reason he had moved out to London. Leo unconsciously pulled his hand away as he bowed his head and it seemed to startle Ravi.

“What’s wrong?” Ravi asked worriedly as he looked at how Leo was.

“I’m envy of them.” Leo whispered quietly. Ravi turned to look around curiously and realization dawned on him.

“But I couldn’t be like them.” Leo whispered again, seemingly frustrated with himself as he fidgeted with the hem of his sweater.

“Why?”

“Because he was everywhere I went and it was difficult to bear with. It was easier to miss him at his grave, where he’s never been anything but dead, than to miss him at all the places where he was alive.” Leo turned to look at Ravi, his eyes showing sadness. Ravi stared at him for a while as he seemed to be thinking deeply.

 “I think you shouldn’t avoid going to those places forever Leo-ah. You should face them sooner or later. It may not be so bad once you try it but you had to give it a try in order for it to work. Remember what I told you that it was never a one –time thing? If it doesn’t work today then you could come again tomorrow and the days after that. I’m sure there will be the day where you only felt happiness as you had ever went there with him, not hurt because you’ll never be there with him again.” Ravi’s words hit something inside him and Leo sighed as he thought about everything that he just heard.

“I’ll thought of it.” Leo said with uncertainty and he looked at Ravi apologetically.

“It’s okay, that your time.” Ravi smiled slightly, the serious face quickly gone.

“Where did you get all those words? You sound like an expert.”

“Did you forget that I wrote all those cheesy love songs?” Ravi answered back with a chuckle.

“Now, I’m sleepy so be a good pillow okay?” Ravi said suddenly as he lowered himself slightly and put his head on Leo’s shoulder, closing his eyes. Meanwhile, Leo was startled and frozen as he felt Ravi’s head on his shoulder, a blush of embarrassment forming on his face.

“Ravi-ah…” Leo tried to argued weakly but Ravi didn’t even budge from his position.

“Sshh” Ravi said sounding sleepy while he adjusted his head on Leo’s shoulder.

Oh my god, I didn't even know where to start explaining to you guys for disappearing after so long. As I've said previously, I'm currently still in university and everything just keep getting tougher as the time goes by (which shouldn't be the reason for complaining). I barely kept up with anything related to Kpop anymore and then with times I just forgot about the existence of this site and this story. This few days I've managed to have a little time free for myself and that's when I try to catch up with everything (and Shangri La is so hot, how could I have missed it XD). I opened this account again yesterday and realized a lot of you was waiting for me to update this story, which I'm so sorry for abandoning without notice. This chapter was actually already finished written from a long time ago but I didn't get the chance to share it. And I haven't actually decided if I should and be able to continue this story as I've not indulge myself in this fandom as much as before which made me felt unfamiliar writing about them. Even if I decided to continue it, I'll made you guys wait for months and years which wasn't fair even from my point of view. I'll try to consider if first and kindly let me know your opinion too. Thankyou.