A/N: WARNING!!! - This chapter deals with things that could cause bad memories, do not read if reading about self-harm upsets you!!!

You have been WARNED!!!

~Kat

After school Taemin waited for Kai after practice and when Kai came out he half expected his friend to pass him by, not even realizing he was there. Kai didn’t have his friends with him though, so he walked straight up to Taemin with a slightly annoyed expression on his face.

“Why’d you wait Minnie?” Kai asked.

Taemin was sitting on a picnic bench near the entrance to the school, without a jacket. It was snowing and was about 20 degrees Fahrenheit, definitely way below freezing.

“I w-w-wanted-d-d to w-walk-k-k ho-me w-with you-u-u…” Taemin stuttered as he shivered.

“Oh, Minnie, you should have gone home so you didn’t freeze…” Kai said. He took his jacket out of his bag and draped it around Taemin’s shoulder. “You know you’ll probably get sick now right?”

“I-I-I d-don’t c-c-care…” Taemin said as he put the jacket on and cuddled into Kai’s side.

Kai shook his head with a slight chuckle and draped his arm around Taemin. They walked home quickly and when they entered Kai’s house they were greeted with the sweet aroma of steak and potatoes.

“Mom, we’re home!” Kai yelled out.

“Just in time for dinner! Come take a seat you two!” She calls from the dining room.

Taemin was still cold and shivering, and very red in the face, so when they walked into the dining room, Kai’s mom frowned.

“Kai, why is my Tae-baby so red faced?” She asked with deep concern.

“The little doofus decided to sit outside the school while I was at practice without a jacket.” Kai said.

“Oh Taemin, next time just come on home okay?” Kai’s mom said.

“Okay mom.” Taemin said.

He has grown accustom to calling her mom, just like Kai has grown accustom to calling Taemin’s mom, mom. Although, now that everything has started happening between his parents, they had started neglecting him a bit.

Everyone sat down and started eating, enjoying the warm food and having a great time making random conversations. After dinner Taemin and Kai helped Kai’s mom do the dishes, then went to Kai’s room to hang out.

“When was the last time we got to actually “hang out”.” Kai said.

“I have no idea…To be honest; I thought you were starting to hate me…” Taemin said.

“Hate you? Are you kidding me? Minnie, why would I hate you?” Kai asked seriously.

“Because I’m gay.” Taemin stated plainly.

“Dude, really? We went over this, just this morning Minnie.” Kai said.

“I know, I know. I just felt insecure I guess.” Taemin sighed.

“Well don’t okay? You’re going to be my best friend no matter what happens.” Kai said. “Now let’s get changed and get ready for bed.”

“Okay.” Taemin nodded.

Kai walked over to his drawers and pulled out a pair of boxers and a shirt for himself and a pair of boxers and shirt for Taemin too. He tossed them in Taemin’s direction before walking to his bed and placing his there. Taemin changed into the boxers, before starting to remove his shirt. He forgot about his wrists for a moment and by the time he realized it, it was too late.

“Taemin…” Kai said, staring at the boys wrists, even as Taemin tried to hide them.

When Taemin didn’t respond Kai walked over to him. Taemin shrunk away until his back was pressed to the door. Kai reached for Taemin’s arms.

“Kai no…” Taemin whimpered out.

Kai ignored him though and grabbed his wrists. He turned them so that Taemin’s palms were up and he could see Taemin’s wrists.

“Taemin…Why?” Kai asked, breaking his gaze from Taemin’s wrists to look Taemin in the eyes.

Taemin shut his eyes tight, trying not to see the hurt in Kai’s eyes.

“Taemin, please answer me…Why did you do this to yourself?” Kai asked again.

“I just…I’m sorry…I felt so lonely…No one likes me…” Taemin paused to sob, as all his emotions force themselves out in one go. “You and I…we were…we were drifting apart…my family is falling apart…and I think the worst thing is, I’m completely and totally in love with someone…and he has no clue whatsoever and would hate me if I ever told him…”

Kai took a moment to take it all in. His best friend was depressed, and part of it was his fault for neglecting him. Taemin stayed still, crying his eyes out as his fears of losing his best friend started taking over his mind. That is until he was shocked by Kai suddenly hugging him close and tears fell onto his shoulder.

“K-Kai?” Taemin wheezed out.

“I’m sorry Taemin. So damn sorry. I left you alone, when you needed me most. If I had known…I’m so stupid…I let the popularity thing take hold of my life and I left my Minnie alone to fend for himself…I didn’t even know you were in love with someone…What kind of friend am I?” Kai sobbed out.

Taemin and Kai stand there for a moment crying in each other’s arms, not wanting to lose the moment. They were finally hanging out together, and could finally confide in each other again.

“Taemin…I’m sorry.” Kai whispered, still keeping him in his embrace.

“Don’t apologize…please In. You didn’t do anything wrong…” Taemin whispered back.

Another moment of silence passed before Kai finally stopped hugging Taemin. He grabbed Taemin’s wrists again and examined the cuts closely. Some were deep, and seemed almost to be an attempt of suicide, and those same cuts seemed fresher than the rest.

“Min…Did you…did you actually…” Kai couldn’t ask the words though.

“Try to commit suicide?” Taemin finished his question quietly.

“Yeah…” Kai confirmed.

Taemin looked up at Kai for a moment, thinking about lying to keep his friend from worrying, but in the end he decided the truth was for the best.

“Yeah…I actually tried to commit suicide.” He said with pain obvious in his voice. “Just a few nights ago actually…”

Kai’s heart almost audibly shattered. He had been so close to losing his friend and he had no idea that he was even depressed.

“May…May I ask why?” Kai whimpered.

“Why?” Taemin asked, talking more to himself than Kai, but Kai still nodded. “It was a mixture of things. My best friend ditched me in the morning…like always…”

That sentence gave a painful kick to Kai’s guilt.

“Then bullies found me and cornered me and if it weren’t for a teacher, I would have been beaten…I ate lunch alone while having to watch my best friend sit with people, who always tortured me, and have a good time with them…I was forced to walk alone because my best friend was at practice, and the only other friend I have was home sick. When I got home I found out that my cat had gotten hit by a car and then later told that it had been my mom coming home drunk that had killed him by running over him…and finally my parents told me they were strongly thinking about getting a divorce, and that’s where they currently are…going to court to file for a divorce and then taking a week or two to themselves to get away from each other and to get away from the stress of “having a gay son”.” Taemin said trying to keep his emotions in check, but still sounding very depressed. “So I sat there and grabbed my knife and stared at it for awhile. Finally I pushed it against my wrist and then there was blood…a lot of blood…I was so in shock that there was so much blood but that there was no pain, so I did it again and again…I realized the consequences then. I called 911 and lied, saying my arm got trapped inside of something with sharp objects and when I finally freed my wrist there were deep slashes and I was losing blood fast…they bought it and they were there about 5 maybe 10 minutes later. I was so close to blacking out then. You hadn’t been home, or our parents, and how the rest of the neighborhood didn’t notice, I don’t know, but they released me as soon as they were sure I was already…that’s why I missed school for a couple of days, I was in the hospital, but I had told my parents that I was spending the night at a friend’s house, so they wouldn’t find out…”

“Oh Minnie…I’m so sorry…” Kai said. “I can’t even begin to imagine how any of that feels…I’m sorry for my role in it…”

“I said don’t apologize…” Taemin stated.

“Okay. Minnie look at me.” Kai said.

Taemin glanced up at Kai, finding it hard to make eye contact, but eventually he looks at him, and holds it for awhile.

“Please don’t do this again…Seeing these cuts…it means I didn’t do my job…especially the deeper ones…I didn’t protect my Minnie, and it scares me so much that I got so close to losing you.” Kai gently ran his thumbs over the cuts. “So please Taemin…You have to promise me that this will stop…In fact, let us get you help. Medicine, a therapist…please…whatever you want.”

“In…calm down…I won’t do it anymore…and I don’t want medicine or a therapist…What I want can’t happen…” Taemin said.

“What do you want?” Kai asked gently.

“I want the boy I love to know my feelings for him and for him to return them…” Taemin said sadly.

“Who is it you love? That Kibum, Key guy?” Kai asked. “If you tell me then I’ll talk to him for you.”

“No it’s not Key…Don’t worry about who it is…I’m pretty sure he’s straight anyways.” Taemin said gently while gently slipping from Kai’s grasp and pulling the shirt he was given earlier, on. “Can we get to sleep? I’m pretty tired.”

“Yeah, of course Min.” Kai responded got into bed.