Soojung will never understand this. 

She knows that her boss, Mr. Lee, doesn’t like her. Ever since the older by 10 years confessed and Soojung had to politely reject the older because, well, she was never interested. And never will be. She was getting ready to be fired to the extend of already looking around for job openings, but thankfully Mr. Lee is not that unprofessional.

But her work has been hell ever since then.

More paper works, more projects, more helping this division and that division, more bussiness travels, more meetings that she should attend. And as much as Soojung dreads the overloaded schedule, she hangs on, all for her little four year old waiting at home, Jung Taeoh.

But, coming to work for a day-full meeting on the weekend?

Now, this is getting too much.

Soojung clearly remembers that when she signed the work contract three years ago, they never stated that she would be expected to work on weekends. That was why she decided to work in the company (aside from the pay). Even if she would be busy on weekdays, she would have time for Taeoh on Saturday and Sunday.

All the made-up reason Soojung says on the phone to his boss only goes into his right ear to come out from his left. Whatever her reason is, he still says, “I need my secretary for this important meeting, Miss Jung. This is a very important client from abroad that only has time for us this lovely weekend, and I hope you can understand how much this client will affect our company in the future.”

Soojung can imagine the smug expression her boss had at the image of ruining her weekend with a potential boyfriend, or husband (or in other words : his rival), where all she does on weekends is cuddling with her baby while watching Disney movies on the couch. (Or Iron Man, it’s up to Taeoh’s choice.)

But work is work. And Soojung can’t afford to get fired right now, not when Taeoh is starting to attend kindergarten and all. And they just moved to a better apartment complex, so Soojung should keep the money coming for both of them. For her son’s happiness.

Soojung taps her foot on the hardwood floors of the apartment as she waits for the call to come through. A few minutes passed but the person on the other line hasn’t picked up, and finally she goes right into the voice mail. Soojung tsks, wondering what the other is busy doing on a Saturday morning like this.

“Mama, look!” Taeoh then comes running into the kitchen, holding up a paper that he’s been coloring the whole morning. Soojung identifies three sticks figures in the middle of the paper, but before she can ask anything, Taeoh starts to speak first.

“So, this is you…” Taeoh points the second tallest stick figure with a red bow on the top of it’s head. His finger moves to the shortest stick figures on the bunch, the stick figures holding a cake on his hand, “This is me.”

“And this…..” His chubby finger hovers above the third stick figures. Unlike the other two, the stick figure doesn’t have any accessories to define it.

“Why, Taeoh?”

“This is supposed to be dad. But I don’t know him so.. I don’t know what to draw.” Taeoh’s mood quick to turn sour and he wraps his arms around Soojung’s neck, and she doesn’t have to see to know that the little one is sulking. Soojung hates this situation that always happens when they accidently talk about Taeoh’s dad.

And, she hates the fact that she has to leave Taeoh in this situation.

The phone on the kitchen counter rings again, the screen flashing the name Soojung was trying to call just then.

“Hello?”

A loud chatter behind greets Soojung’s ear before the other person on the end of the line greets back, “What happened?”

“Luna, can I drop Taeoh again at your place today? I’m so sorry but office called so suddenly. I’m sorry you already babysat him a lot this week but I really, really need your help for this one.”

A few seconds passes because Luna doesn’t immediately reply. Luna sighs, “Soojung, I’m so sorry.. I can’t today, and actually I’ve been meaning to tell you that I can’t babysit Taeoh anymore after this…”

Soojung’s expression falls, “Why?”

“I already got a job, and it is going to consume a lot of my time because I will be working from Monday to Saturday.”

“You should get a real baby sitter, Soojung. As much as me, and Jongdae are willing to help you guys anytime, but we have jobs now. We’re sorry.” Luna continues, concern evident in her voice.

But, who?, Soojung wants to say back.

“Can you help me this last time?” Soojung is now begging, “I’ll try to find a nanny after this.”
She hears Luna huffs on the phone, and she knows the other will agree in the end. “Okay, I will. But try to find a nanny after this okay?”

Soojung manages to croak out a yes before the line disconnects and she quickly prepares for the things to bring. Spare clothes, check;. Milk, check. Some biscuits and snacks to munch,check. Toys, check.

And, Taeoh.

She walks back to the living room where she left Taeoh for a while, to find the little boy is still sulking while playing with his crayons. She approaches him slowly.

“Baby, how about we have an ice cream after Mom is done with my work? You can pick all your favorites!”

For a while, Soojung can be relieved because the big smile the little one gives her proves that he will forget the dad matter for a while. They will have to talk about that, sooner or later. But Soojung herself doesn’t really know whether she’s ready or not.

Just like she promised to Luna, by Monday morning Soojung hands her assistant a stack of pamflets to paste on nearest announcement board and community centers. The big bold "WANTED : A NANNY" blaring in the front with more information about an interview on the upcoming Saturday, she hopes at least one or two applies.

She can only prays right now.

***

Saturday rolls in and Soojung finds herself waiting on the cafe where the interview will be held. She chooses one of the table near the window, looking right to the front of the cafe so she can take a glimpse of the people coming in and out, and of course, taking a glimpse of a possible potential applier. Taeoh is sitting quietly on his high chair next to her, coloring the book they brought from home. He’s into arts these days, after being into helping his mom in the kitchen a few weeks back. He already tried clays, making shapes from colored papers, and now he’s interested in coloring. Soojung only stares at the little ball of fluff with a proud face, the little has his tounge sticking out now and then as he moves the crayons with concentration.

The bell on glass door rings as a person opens it, Soojung immediately turns her attention to the person. The person is a female with quite colorful hair. She is wearing a short skirt that actually too short for Soojung’s standards, and shirt too tight on the...well… chest area. Soojung shakes his head and averts her gaze to another thing.Youth these days, she tsks.

A loud voice of someone cursing brings her attention back to the cafe counter, where she can see the girl from before arguing with the person behind the cashier. Soojung glances at Taeoh, feeling thankful that her son is too preoccupied by his coloring book to notice the loud cursing the girl said before. The girl and the cashier seem to have an agreement after another minute of talking. The cashier goes to talk to his friend on the coffee machine about something, leaving the girl leaning against the counter, still letting out a string of curse word under her breath, uncaring to the shocked young mother holding her palms on her daughter’s ears beside her.

As if the scene before her isn’t enough to make Soojung shocked, the girl looks around after getting her drink and her gaze falls on Soojung and Taeoh. She walks with light steps at the two of them and smiling widely, making her looks so innocent, so different with the girl that Soojung saw just before.

“Excuse me, are you Mrs. Jung? The one who has an interview for baby sitters? If yes, then I’m here for interview.”

Soojung only freezes on her spot, eyes wide as she stares at the girl. Her mind is busy searching for a lie to say. There’s no way she will let this girl babysit Taeoh after what she saw!

“Eum..” Soojung starts, trying to sound composed. “I’m afraid to disappoint you, I think you asked the wrong person..”

The girl face turns annoyed immediately, before stalking off to the other table without saying anything, even sorry. Soojung’s ears catch her words before the girl is too far, Old woman and their punctuality

"I'm not old!" Soojung wants to protest, but then that will make her real identity revealed. So, for the sake of not causing a scene, she calms herself.

Twenty minutes later, Soojung is starting to lose her hope. The previous young girl is already gone sometime during the second 5-minutes, and Soojung couldn’t care less. What she cares about right now is the fact that nobody comes to the interview. Other than the girl from before

Is it always this hard, searching for a nanny?

“Mama…” Taeoh calls her softly, short arm reaching up to tug on her blouse sleeve. When she turns to him, she sees him eyes closed and mouth opens, yawning. “Are you tired, Taeoh?” Nod.

She stands to raise Taeoh from the high chair and lean him on her shoulder. “Want to sleep on the stroller first? We’ll wait for another 15 minutes and if nobody comes, then we’ll go home to Kai okay?”

Kai is Taeoh’s new friend, in a form of stuffed toy poodle with brown fur. He’s been neglecting his iron man figurines and turn to Kai every time he needs something to hold onto lately. Which is, a good thing of course. Soojung can’t remember how much bruises Taeoh had because of he slept with his face on the hard figurines.

After safely strapping Taeoh in the stroller, Soojung sips her tea and takes a glance to the watch. 4.15 p.m. She’ll wait until 4.30 and if nobody comes, she’ll drive home.

“Excuse me?” A soft voice comes from Soojung’s side and she turns her head to meet a young man’s face. Pretty tall, brown locks, thick lips, eyes wide and looking all fidgety.

One word : handsome.

Soojung slaps herself mentally for thinking such a thought in this situation, before paying attention to the said boy again. “Yes? May I help you?”

“Are you perhaps, Mrs. Jung? I’m Jongin, I’m here for a nanny interview?”

***

“Introduce yoursef.” Soojung says as she scans her interview question list. They are sitting in front of each other after Jongin went to get his coffee and cupcakes.

“My name is Kim Jongin. 23 years old. I’m an university student, majoring performing arts. Ballet, in particular. I’m so sorry I was late. It was because my friend called for help so suddenly and he sounded so desperate I had to come and help him..”

“No worries, you came at the right time. I would be on my way home right now if you didn’t come.” Soojung laughs lightly. “Second question, why do you want to apply for the job?”

Jongin scratches his head, grinning sheepishly. “Actually, I need some extra money because my rent is almost due and the cafe I worked on before is now closed.”

Classic.

“How about your schedule? It must be packed, right? How will you fit babysitting my son in? I need you to pick him up at the kindergarten at 12 and take care of him at least until 5. And sometimes I can come home late too, and sometimes it is without a notice beforehand. But you don’t have to work on weekends.“ Soojung stops to take a breath. She eyes Jongin, she doesn’t scare him, right?

Thankfully, she doesn’t because now Jongin is replying her questions with ease. “I can manage. My class is usually in the morning and practice starts at night. My schedule is flexible. I’m in my second year right now so I have less classes to take because I get to choose.”

Soojung nods, pretty satisfied at the answer. “Do you have any experience on taking care of a child?”

“I don’t have any younger sister and brother. But I babysit my baby niece from time to time, and she’s quite handful sometimes. So, I think I have experiences. I think handling boys will be easier than handling girls, Mrs. Jung?”

Soojung wants to laugh at Jongin’s confidence, but she holds it down. You won’t know until you try. Let Jongin experiences it first hand by himself.

“Okay, then. Can you start by tomorrow?” Soojung decides to end the interview, seeing now the sun has starting to set on the west and Taeoh is wriggling on his stroller already, whining softly to go home.

Jongin nods eagerly, standing up as Soojung rises up. “Yes, I can start whenever you want, Mrs. Jung.”

“Good thing, then. Can I have your number? I’ll text you my address later.” Soojung hands Jongin her phone, “This little guy really wants to go home quickly.”

After typing his number and saving it, Jongin gives the phone back to Soojung. Their fingers touch at the slightest moment, and it brings pink dust on Soojung's cheeks. She curses silently at herself for acting like a high school girl in front of Jongin today. Thank God for the cafe’s yellow-ish lighting that hides it perfectly.

“Then, I’ll see you tomorrow, Jongin-ssi.” Soojung bows politely, with balancing Taeoh on her arms.

“Just Jongin is fine, Mrs. Jung.”

“Then just Soojung for me. Ms. Soojung. We’re the same age anyway.”

Jongin looks taken aback at her words, but Soojung is indefferent. She’s used to it, living as a young single mother for four years already. There are worse reactions. Soojung shudders just by thinking of it.

“O..okay. Soojung, Jongin. Deal.”

“Deal.”

***

The next morning, the kitchen in Jung's household is lively. Taeoh is sitting on his high chair, munching on the toast Soojung made him as his eyes darting side by side with his mom's move. Soojung is now making the breakfast for herself, and also Jongin's, who will come soon to meet Taeoh for the first time.

Soojung knows she doesn't have to make Jongin's share of breakfast because the other probably already had his before coming but....

There's a chance that he hasn't, Soojung reasons, which actually sounds like a defend for herself when there's no one to defend herself from. Yes, that's the reason. No other reason.

Soojung asked Jongin last night to come in the morning just for today, so he can meet Taeoh for the first time under Soojung's supervision. And also introduce him to the staff at the kindergarten. So, when he picks up Taeoh on the kindergarten, the staff won't mistake him as kidnapping. Fortunately, Jongin's schedule is clear and he is free for the day.

The bell rings as Soojung is done putting the eggs into the plates. She quickly disposes the pan, and washing her hands. Before she gets the door, she turns her attention to Taeoh.

"So, you'll meet Jongin today. And from now, he will accompany you at home when mom is at work, okay? Be nice to him?"

Taeoh only nods and Soojung leans down to give his forehead a light kiss before walking to the front door.

Jongin is there when she opens the door, wearing a plain white shirt with jeans. He smiles when his eyes meet Soojung's.

"Good morning." He greets as he makes his way inside.

"Good morning to you too," Soojung greets back, smiling. "Ready to meet Taeoh?"

***

The meeting between Jongin and Taeoh goes... Surprisingly fine. Even if the word 'fine' here is defined as Taeoh running to his toys shelves to hide and climbing on his study table because Jongin approaches him. But, Jongin proves himself to be experienced at handling kids as he works hard to get closer to Taeoh. He seems to take notice of the amount of Iron Man’s items inside Taeoh’s bedroom and uses it to capture the little one’s attention.

One mention of the said cartoon hero and they are shooting imaginary laser attacks at one another while Soojung prepares for Taeoh’s stuff to bring to the kindergarten. When she’s done and ready with her satchel bag for work and Taeoh’s bag on one hand, she unfortunately has to stop the ‘war’ from happening in the living room. Taeoh whines at first, not wanting to separate from Jongin, going as far as wrapping his arms around Jongin’s legs. Much to Soojung’s surprise. But after a promise from Jongin that he will be the one who picks him up at noon, Taeoh unlatches himself from Jongin and happily walking to school holding Soojung and Jongin’s hands each.

“Good morning, Taeoh! How are you today?” Sunny, the bright kindergarten teacher, just like her name, greets the group of three when they arrive at the kindergarten main door. Taeoh retracts his hands from Soojung and Jongin’s hands to put it on his stomach, and bow down to politely greet his teacher. Soojung watches the scene unfolds with a proud smile on her face.

“Taeoh-ya! Come on, here! Juan brought a new toy today!” A shout is heard, and it turns out to be Soeon, one of the kid in Taeoh’s class. Without sparing a glance to his mom and Jongin, he runs off immediately.

“Kids..” Soojung tsks as she hands Sunny Taeoh’s backpack. Just after that, Sunny finally realizes the other person beside Soojung that has been silent from the first. “And.. Good morning to you too, Mr. Jung. Glad to see you with Taeoh and Mrs. Jung, today.” She bows politely.

“I”m not--”

“He’s not my husband, Sunny-ssi.” Soojung cuts Jongin’s words, “He’s Taeoh’s new nanny. He will be the one picking up Taeoh from now. I brought him with me today so I can introduce him to you and the teachers here won’t mistake him as kidnapping Taeoh later.” Soojung tries to sound cool and composed, even if her cheeks are now flushed pink. If she is this flustered at Sunny’s words, then how does it make Jongin feel?

“Ah..” Now it’s Sunny’s turn to be flustered, and she quickly bows to Soojung and Jongin, muttering apologies and apologies until Soojung stops her. “It’s okay, Sunny-ssi.”

After telling Sunny to tell the other teachers about Jongin, the two make their way outside. They stop on the gate, and turn to each other. “I-I think I will go to work, now. Thank you for coming with us today Jongin, and please always inform me whenever you already pick Taeoh up. And if you happen to not be able to pick him up someday, you can tell me, but please don’t be too sudden.”

Soojung wants to leave when Jongin stops her, “I’m sorry for what just happened earlier, Soojung. I hope your husband doesn’t mind, tell him I’m sorry.”

“But.. I…” I don’t have a husband, Soojung wants to say. But she stops herself from doing so. That’s story for another day. “It’s okay, Jongin. It’s really okay.”

***

The room is now dark, and the only sound that can be heard is the rain falling heavily outside ever since an hour ago. A strike of light pours for a nanosecond and Soojung automatically circles her arm on Taeoh’s little body and brings him closer before the sound of thunder reverberating inside the room. Taeoh whimpers, and Soojung can feel her night shirt is getting damp. She kisses Taeoh’s forehead and his back slowly, hoping the action will make the little one calm down.

Taeoh hates loud voices, he always runs away or whining every time they are somewhere noisy. But, the sound of the thunder seems to be his biggest fear. For Soojung, she hates the rain, she hates the thunder, she hates bad weather, in particular.

Soojung was pacing in front of the telephone for a while now, the said thing hadn’t rang since Sehun went to work that morning. He said that he would do his usual schedule that day, three back-to-back flights to and from Japan. Nothing was unusual that day, but maybe the rain that was falling from dawn had been bugging Soojung’s mind since she woke up.

She glanced at the clock once again, one hand rubbing her now swollen belly. It was eight o’clock in the evening and Sehun’s last scheduled flight was supposed to land since two hours ago. But if it did, then Sehun would be home right now. The fact that Sehun wasn’t with her made Soojung grew anxious. What if something happened? The question ran inside her mind again and again as her fingers scrolling down the most trusted and fastest news portal that she knows. But nothing like she feared came up (for now), so she let herself laying down on the couch for a while, fingers massaging her temples.

Sehun, where are you now?

The sound of another strike of thunder startles Soojung out of her thoughts again, and the sound of Taeoh wailing registers into her ears once again. The sound breaks her heart over and over but she is lost at how to calm Taeoh down.

“Taeoh..” She decides to talk, to distract the little one with her voice. “Did you have fun today? With Jongin?”

At the mention of Jongin’s name, the swollen eyes are now lit up, showing pure excitement. The trace of fear before has gone completely.

“Yes, mama! Jongin-hyung was there when the bell rang! And then we went home through the park! The park was beautiful mama, and there was…”

Soojung only smiles and nods, answering when necessary at Taeoh who is narrating about how he spent his day. By ten o’clock, Taeoh finally gets tired because of the talking and falls asleep on his own, Soojung reaches out to the bedside table to get her phone. She fiddles with her phone for a while, and puts it back when the notice of a message delivered appears.

To: Jongin
Thank you for today. Taeoh loves you already. Good night.

Soojung just feels really thankful right now.

***

To : Jongin

You don’t have to pick Taeoh up today, my job is done for the day and I will pick him up.

That is the text Soojung sent to Jongin a few hours ago, just after she’s done with the meeting. Her boss let her out early for today, seeing that there isn’t any more important schedule for the day, and also as an apology for making her went to work on Saturday a few months back. Soojung is elated, it’s been a while since she last picked Taeoh up herself, and her son will definitely like the idea of eating out for lunch.

That is the reason why she is confused when she sees Jongin walking past the kindergarten gate, whistling as he looks around the garden.

“Jongin, why are you here?”

“Soojung, why are you here?”

“I texted you, didn’t I? I finished my job early today and that’s why I’m the one who will be picking Taeoh up today. You didn’t receive my message?”

Jongin pats his hand in a forgetful manner, “Ah, I forgot to charge my phone battery last last night, and it kind of died on me this morning. So, yeah, I didn’t get your message, I’m sorry.”

“MOMMY!” A shout registers before Soojung can respond to Jongin, and when she looks at her side, there’s a little boy running in joy at her, both arms open to wrapped around Soojung’s waist.

“Jongin samcheon! You’re here too with momma?” Taeoh’s head peeks out from behind Soojung, all smiley eyes. Jongin gives him a small wave. And then Taeoh looks up to his mom again, “Momma, I’m hungry…”

Soojung tsks and ruffles the kid’s hair, “Aigoo, you’re always hungry, aren’t you?” She chuckles, “But momma is actually wanting to take you out to eat. So come on! Where do you want to eat?”

“At the beef restaurant!” Taeoh beams happily, excited just at thinking about his favorite food. “Jongin samcheon! Let’s go!!”

Jongin looks surprised at the invitation, eyeing Soojung for answer. “It’s okay, you can come. The more the merrier, right?”

The shopping district where the meat restaurant Soojung and Taeoh frequently visits is crowded like usual. Soojung tightens her hold at Taeoh’s hand when they step out of the car, not wanting Taeoh to just jump right out and run by himself.

“Welcome to the restaurant. So, a table for two?” A waiter greets them at the front, smiling brightly at the three of them. Jongin nods automatically as a confirmation as Soojung is busy with her phone.

“Taeoh, let’s go to our-- eh, a table for two?” Jongin’s sentence halts in the middle when he realizes what the waiter just said. He looks around and he can’t find Taeoh’s fluffy black hair, and both of Soojung’s hands are on her phone.

“Soojung! Where’s Taeoh?!” At Jongin’s question, Soojung tears her attention away from her phone, looking around. She looks blank at first, and after a few agonizing seconds, she finally realizes the situation.

“Oh my God, oh my God, Taeoh. I was looking at my phone and I didn’t realize…” Soojung starts hyperventilating as she looks around, and she seems like one second away from a panic attack when she doesn’t see who she needs to see. Jongin doesn’t want to make the situation worse if Soojung has her attack here so he sits her down on one of the chairs, and tells one of the waiter to make a glass of tea and accompany Soojung while he’s put searching for Taeoh.

“Soojung, I’ll find him. We’ll find him, okay? He won’t be far. Now please try to calm yourself, and I’ll come back bringing him, okay?”

As soon as the waiter arrives with what Jongin ordered, he flies out of the restaurant. Tracking back the way the walked on from the parking lot. The packed area is making his search hard. Dammit! Is myeondong always this crowded?

He tries to search every nook and cranny but he can’t find Taeoh. He stops for a while, trying to think about where Taeoh can possibly go when someone pats his shoulder from behind. He turns around and a middle age woman is starring at him.

“Is there something I can help you?”

“Are you searching for a kid? This short,” The woman lines her palm with her wrist, “black hair, and bit chubby? Wearing a brown orange-ish kindergarten uniform?”

“Oh my Go! Yes! Did you see him? I’ve been searching for him, his name is Taeoh!” Jongin can’t contain his relief when the woman tells him that yeah, she sawTaeoh walking around confusedly and on the verge of tears and now he is waiting at the woman’s store.

Jongin follows the woman to her store and Taeoh runs to him as soon as he steps in. The boy is crying loudly on Jongin’s shoulder, and Jongin has to kiss his forehead a few times to calm him down.

“I actually was walking to the security area to tell about this. But then I saw you, looking around like you were searching for something, and I think your face is similar to this kid I was going to report. Well, you’re his father after all, you two look alike.” The woman tells him after Jongin says thank you for the umpteenth time. Jongin wants answers that Taeoh is not his son for real, but the thought of Soojung waiting anxiously at the restaurant reminds him that he should go back quickly. Thus, he only bows once again and bids the woman goodbye with another thank you.

When they get back to the restaurant, Soojung is a lot calmer than before and she hugs Taeoh quietly. But Jongin can see her hands still shaking and the tears start coming out again from her eyes.

“Do you want to go home, Soojung? We’ll just buy take out and then we will go home, how about it?” Jongin asks with concern, Soojung is in no state of being in crowd right now. She only nods, still hugging Taeoh when they wait for their food to be cooked and packed.

The ride home is silent, Jongin takes a few secret glances at Soojung. Taeoh is now sleeping with his head on his mom’s shoulder, and Soojung is still not letting go of Taeoh. Like she’s afraid of missing him again. There are sobs heard occasionally but Jongin doesn’t comment, but it breaks his heart a little everytime he hears it.

Jongin shakes his head, trying to supress the growing feeling of wanting to hug and protect the two persons on the passenger seat with all his might, and focuses his mind back on the road.

***

Six month passes since Jongin first came, and life has been easier since then. Soojung won’t have to worry anymore about who will pick Taeoh up and accompany him throughout the day until she’s home. And she will always come home greeted by the door with a happy, giggling Taeoh and equally happy Jongin. Happiness is infectious. Soojung finds herself smiling too.

Everyday before they go to sleep, Taeoh will tell Soojung what he does for the day. One day, Jongin took him to the new ice cream parlor down the road. One day, Jongin played soccer with him in the park. One day, he followed Jongin for a while to the older practice building and being showered with love from Jongin’s friends. One day, Jongin taught him how to do simple ballet techniques. Jongin this, Jongin that. And a smile never forgets to be on Taeoh’s face everytime he speaks.

Taeoh has never once brought up the topic of his dad again, and Soojung always forgets her promise to tell Taeoh as soon as possible. Or she’s just afraid at approaching the topic again. And she thinks everything will be fine.

Until one day.

“Mama’s home!” Soojung shouts cheerily once she opens the door, expecting to see Taeoh running to the porch to greet her and giving a welcome home kiss, but none. Even after she puts her high heels back to the shelves, there’s no one coming for her, not even a shout telling Soojung that they’re in the kitchen.

Soojung makes her way to the living room, only to find it empty. It’s unusual already to not find Taeoh greeting her by the door when she comes home, and the fact she can’t find Taeoh (and Jongin) in the living room and also the kitchen, makes her worried.

The door to Taeoh’s room opens before she calls the police out of anxiety, and Jongin comes out from the room. Jongin looks… Tired? Just like he just had a really tough day.

Soojung only stares at Jongin’s frame until Jongin raises his head and their eyes meet. What happened?, Soojung mouths her question.

The other doesn’t answer, but only signaling Soojung to go to the couch. They are silent for a while. Soojung’s fingers playing with the remote control, switching up channels but finding nothing interesting. There’s tension hanging thick, up in the air.

“This noon, when I picked him up..” Jongin finally starts, “I saw him crying at the swing. I thought he was hurt but I checked on him and he was fine. No bruises and all.. I asked him, what happened? But he wouldn’t tell me, only crying and buried his face on my shoulder.”

“So I came to his teacher, and asked why.” Jongin stops, not continuing.

“Why?”

“His friends were mocking him today. They were in the middle of making cards for Father’s Day in a few weeks, and Taeoh said to his teacher that he didnt know who should he make a card to. Because he doesn’t have a dad, he said. And that’s the start of it all. Sunny-sonsaengnim didn’t tell much, but I can tell from her face that’s because it’s a bit harsh to tell.”

“He cried again when we accidently watched the TV and it showed a group of kids with their dads. He cried until he felt tired of it I think, and right before you came home, he just fell asleep.”

Soojung doesn’t realize she’s been crying until she feels suffocated and her attempt to breathe comes off in heavy sobs. Her vision blurs as her body starts to shake and she can’t hold it anymore. Taeoh’s words piercing right through her heart, making her realizes that she’s been hurting her precious little boy just because her own fear. The boy has been clueless, not knowing anything about his father just because Soojung is afraid of reopening an old wound.

You’re so selfish, Soojung.

She suddenly stands up, surprising Jongin but the other doesn’t say anything. “I’ll be, I’ll be in my room.” She needs time to be alone right now, “Can you please stay for the night? I can’t face Taeoh, for now.” I feel guilty, really, really guilty. “Please.”

Jongin nods, and doesn’t question when Soojung storms off to her room. Her legs giving up on her once she closes the door, and she cries as she hugs herself.

At some point, Soojung falls asleep. Hours later, she wakes up in a fetal position, lying on the cold floor. Still clad in her work clothes. She raises her body slowly, cursing inside at the horrible pain on her head right now. Must be the crying.

After balancing herself for a few seconds, she trudges to the bathroom to clean herself. She stops in front of the mirror, taking in the sight of her right now. Black and puffy eyes, she can make out the trace of dried tears on her cheeks. Her previously neat bun has now loosened, leaning more on to one side. She sighs as she raises her hand to untie the messy bun.
One word to describe her look right now : horrible.

To add more, her stomach suddenly makes a sound, asking to be fed. And that’s when she remembers she hasn’t ate anything because she usually eats her dinner with Taeoh and Jongin, before the latter comes home every evening. Remembering Taeoh, Soojung’s heart aches at the memory of what happened today.

She needs to find a way to fix this. But before that, she needs a bath, and food first.

***

The light on the living room is on when she comes out of the room, the rays illuminating the hallway to it. When she gets there, she is met by the sight of Jongin sitting on the couch, glasses perched on his nose, reading his book. A blanket is thrown on his lap, and a pillow is there to support his arms.

As if sensing Soojung’s presence, Jongin looks up and Soojung freezes like she just caught at doing something bad.

“You’re awake?” Jongin puts his glasses at the coffee table and then stands up, walking to the kitchen. “I made some food when we were waiting for you come home, before he started to cry, and I bet you haven’t eaten your dinner yet.”

Soojung follows Jongin’s steps to the kitchen and sits at one of the chairs. Not long after, Jongin slides a cup of tea to Soojung and tells her that the food will be ready in a few minutes.

She doesn’t know for sure since when, but in the time Jongin is working for her, they grow closer at some point. It doesn’t feel like Jongin is working for her, but it’s more like a friend helping her. Soojung grows to get used to the latter’s company too, Jongin spends almost of his time outside classes and practices with Taeoh and Soojung, five days in a week. And sometimes Jongin comes over in weekends when Taeoh is in mood for a football game or another boy-with-boy game. Or even for just a simple brunch and movie on the couch.

Soojung doesn’t admit it out loud, but she likes it. She feels comfortable around Jongin, and it’s been a while since she felt like that. And it feels…

Nice. And Soojung likes nice.

Her train of thoughts is interrupted when a bowl of soup is placed in front of her and the smell is so good it brings smile on Soojung’s face. She quickly digs in, not forgetting to thank Jongin beforehand. After a few sips of the soup, Soojung finally realizes that Jongin is starring at her. There’s something in his eyes that…. moves Soojung’s heart. It shows pure satisfaction with a hint of concern.

“You’re not eating?” Soojung asks, eyes not meeting Jongin. She feels a bit flustered at the intense stare Jongin is giving her. She hopes the dim light of the kitchen will hide the blush growing on her cheeks.

“I ate already, long before you wake up.” Jongin answers casually, still not averting his gaze from Soojung. They fall into a comfortable silence after that, Jongin goes back to his book while Soojung continues to eat, stealing glances at Jongin once in a while.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jongin asks sotfly, after Soojung is done with her food and they are now at the sofa, mindlessly watching whatever program the channel streams at wee hours of the night. Soojung is silent, seems to be in deep thinking. Jongin nudges lightly at her arm, “Hey, you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I’m just asking. And maybe a problem shared is a burden shared.”

“But I want to.” Soojung answers. And Jongin doesn’t respond, giving the permission for Soojung to continue. He turns to his side, back resting on the arm of the sofa, to be able to see and study Soojung’s expression.

“Taeoh wasn’t born yet when it happened.” Soojung starts, “He was a pilot for the biggest airline in Korea. He wasn’t high in the rank just yet, but he already got some schedule for flight abroad. He had three scheduled flights to Japan that day. It was raining from the morning, and it was bugging me but I just passed it off.”

“His last flight was at around 4, from Japan back to Korea.” Jongin notices that Soojung’s voice starts to shake a bit in the end right now, and he shifts closer, but not too close. He still wants to respect the other’s privacy but letting the other knows that if she needs someone, he’s there. “I didn’t expect it to really be, his last flight.”

Now, Jongin understands why Soojung was nearly on a panick attack when they lost Taeoh on myeongdong a few months ago. She had lost someone she loved so early, just when they were starting to start a family. Taeoh is the reminder of him, her late husband, and losing the little one would probably meant losing everything.

“I didn’t really do much in my life after that. I went back to my parent’s house. I gave birth to Taeoh. I felt numb. There were times I just couldn’t hold Taeoh because he reminded me so much of him. And not to mention, people’s speculation that the accident was caused because of the pilot and co-pilot’s fault. It’s like having my husband died on a plane crash was not enough for me to suffer, I had to hear people saying that my husband caused it all.”

Jongin lets his mind wandering for a while, trying to recall the events for the last four years. And suddenly he remembers the plane crash accident that shook the whole of Korea a few years back. Jongin doesn’t quite recall, but he remembers hearing about the co-pilot’s wife that was pregnant at the time of accident. Jongin’s mom almost cried when she heard the news, saying that how hard it was going to be for the co-pilot’s wife. So.. It was Soojung?

And suddenly, Soojung’s face breaks out into a fond smile. “The investigation for the accident went on, at the end it was finally proven that it wasn’t a human error. And more, the black box proved that Mr. Kim, the pilot at that day, and my husband already did what they needed to do.”

“I got a lot better after that. And instead of looking at Taeoh with fear and sadness, I looked at him with pride. His dad was a great man, a great husband, and even if Taeoh wasn’t there yet when he was alive, I knew from the start he would be a great father.” There’s a clear adoration in Soojung’s voice, and that pricks Jongin’s heart a little bit. Oh my God, am I jealous? Jongin slaps himself mentally. It’s not the time to think about things like that Jongin!

“And that’s why Taeoh deserved a good mother too. And I took a few courses, and I searched for a job. And here I am right now.” Soojung finally looks up, starring Jongin right in the eye. “I’ve been wanting to tell Taeoh about his father, but I always think that maybe I should wait for a few more years for him to really understand. I didn’t know it would turn out like this. I can’t even imagine how clueless he was at the image of his dad when his friends mocked him? He couldn’t even say anything back, he couldn’t…”

Soojung is now visibly shaking, arms coming up to wrapped around her body. The tears are starting to stream on her cheeks. And Jongin finally moves more closer. He’s so close with Soojung right now, he can just throw his arms around Soojung and she can cry on his shoulder. But he stops himself before he goes further.

“Can I?” Jongin gulps, “Can I..hold you?”

Her mind is tells her that no, Soojung you can’t. He’s you son’s nanny, you can’t cross any boundaries. But her heart insists, you can say yes Soojung, don’t lie, you’re starting to feel something towards Jongin too, right? Soojung looks up at Jongin, who is now looking at her sincerely with genuine concern in his eyes.

“Please.” Soojung whispers.

And the heart wins.

***

Soojung wakes up to the smell of something cooking in the kitchen. There is a blanket wrapped nicely around her body to keep her warm and a fluffy pillow underneath her head for comfort. Her mind rewinds back to what happened last night and the last thing she remembers is, leaning her head on Jongin’s shoulder and crying to Jongin about how bad of a mom she was. And Jongin kept telling her that it was not true.

She feels her cheeks heaten as the memory plays inside her mind, and she doesn’t know how to face Jongin right now. She can just… act like usual right?

“Mama! You’re awake?” Out of nowhere, Taeoh’s face filled her vision with that big grin plastered on his face. No evidence of the heavy crying last night. The smell of baby shampoo invades her senses, and she knows Jongin must have had given Taeoh a bath. “Mama, wake up! Let’s have breakfast!” She feels the little one pulls her blanket and tugs on her hand. Seeing her son’s excitement, Soojung rises up and follow’s the little’s footsteps to the kitchen.

Soojung expected a stiff and awkward Jongin when they are together again, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Jongin is smiling at her like usual, picking Taeoh up and putting him in his high chair like usual, and slides the plate full with breakfast at her like nothing happened.

Is it just Soojung that seems to be thinking too much?

They talk about anything but what happened last night over breakfast, Taeoh is excited to tell what’s his plan for today, which includes coloring and a play date with Juan, Rahee and Rayool later that day like Soojung has promised him a few days ago.

Soojung think they won’t approach the subject but when Taeoh runs out of the kitchen to prepare his toys and things for the playdate later, leaving Jongin and Soojung in the kitchen, Jongin looks fidgety and she knows he wants to say something.

“I wish I didn’t cross the line last night. You look so sad and so broken, I just wanted to--”

“It’s okay, Jongin.” Soojung cuts his words softly, smiling at the latter. “You didn’t cross any lines last night. More importantly, thank you. For listening to me.”

“That’s all my pleasure. And I’m glad you trusted me.”

Soojung shifts her attention back to her cup of morning tea once again, lithe finger tracing the rim of the cup slowly. “Is there anything else you want to tell me, Jongin?” She is not blind, she can see how Jongin’s fingers twitch, and how he is still fidgeting on his seat, eyes darting everywhere but Soojung.

“I like you.” Jongin confess, surprising her.

“I like you. I adore you. I don’t know when this feeling started but I like how independent you are, how nice you are, how strong you are. Being with your family for the past 6 months has been a pleasure for me, and-- Oh my God, I shouldn’t have said this now you would be uncomfortable. Soojung-ah, I’m so sorry I said this please you can fire me. Don’t feel burdened by this I--”

“Jongin…” Soojung stops Jongin from rambling more and more. “First, no I won’t fire you. Taeoh likes you so much, he won’t let you go.”

“And I like you too.”

Jongin snaps his head so fast it almost cracks. His eyes are opened wide, staring with mouth open at Soojung. The scene is funny almost making Soojung laughs, but she holds it in, she doesn’t want to ruin the moment. She still needs to say something.

“But, I still need time to think about all of this. I don’t want it to only be a feeling that only appears whenever I miss the presence of someone beside me. You don’t deserve that.”

“But, I know for sure that, I’m comfortable around you. You make me and Taeoh feel safe, and it feels like everything is falling back into place once again. I feel peaceful, and content after for so long.”

“I won’t hold you back, I won’t ask you to wait for me. After all, it’s all your choice. And if you want to stop babysitting Taeoh, it’s still fine too. Afterall, you deserve to. I will find a way to--”

A hand on her own stops Soojung to speak more, and her eyes follow the tan fingers slipping it’s way through Soojung’s light ones.

“Take all the time that you need.”

Soojung wonders what she has done in the past to deserve another beautiful man in her life. Tears are threatens to fall again, and now it’s tears because of the overflowing happiness. She doesn’t know for sure, but Sehun must be smiling up there in the heaven.

She squeezes Jongin’s hands, “Don’t give up on me just yet, Kim Jongin?”

***

The Jung household is busy that day ever since the morning. Soojung is going back and forth between her room, Taeoh’s room, and the laundry room. Making sure everything is ready for the night. She also doesn’t forget to call her favorite florist to make her requested bouquet ready at 7 to be picked up.

Soojung is putting the last touch of fhe lipstick when Taeoh comes barging into the room, a drawing paper on one hand and he approaches Soojung.

“Momma! Look what I drew!!”

She takes a look at the picture when they are on their way to the car, Taeoh skipping happily by her side as he tells her the story about the drawing. After putting Taeoh into the car seat, she turns her back to Taeoh and fans her eyes, preventing the tears to fall and ruin her make up.

You would be pretty even without make-up, I told you.

“Baby, don’t forget to tell Appa later about your drawing, okay?” Soojung says as she slides into the driver seat, looking at Taeoh at the back.

The little one nods giddily, “I will, momma! But, will he like it?”

“Trust me, honey. He’ll love it.”

The venue is crowded when they arrived, and Soojung trusts her car to the valet service instead of searching for a parking lot herself. Taeoh, who dressed in a nicely fitted tuxedo beside her is looking around with curious eyes.

“Momma, appa is here?”

Soojung gives the woman waiting at the reception table her VIP invitation and show her backstage pass. But sadly she can’t go to the backstage now because the show will start soon, they got stuck on the traffic on their way to the venue from the florist. It’s good they don’t miss the show’s start. The woman immediately calls her friend to guide Soojung to her seat.

“Yes, baby. We’ll see appa’s performance today. But, sadly we can’t meet appa right now, but we will after this. Now will you be a good boy, and be calm throughout the show?”

The room darkens just after Soojung sees Taeoh nods as an answer. The little one also scoots closer to her, afraid of the dark surrounding them.

The curtain opens, there’s someone in the middle of the stage. Head bowing down.

There he is. Soojung’s favorite breakfast chef every morning, even if all that he can cook are grilled bacons and fried eggs (and now, sometimes pancakes). Soojung’s favorite teddy bear, even if he gets so skinny right now because of the excessive practice leading on to this performance. Soojung’s favorite jukebox, even if all he can sing is the off- tune Kim Dong Ryul’s Drunken Truth.

The music begins to play. And the show starts.

***

“Excuse me, excuse me” Just like what she expected, the show was a masterpiece and the way to the backstage is now crowded. Not only with the performers’ family members, but also with some others who want to take a glimpse of the performer even if from the outside. Soojung tries to manoeuver her way through the people. Taeoh is on her hold, not wanting to lose the smaller in the crowd. Someone stops her when she gets to the backstage door, but lets her go in once she flashes her backstage pass.

The backstage is no different with outside, but with maybe less people. It’s been a while since Soojung came here but she still remembers the way to the person’s room.

She doesn’t hide her disappointment when she opens the door and she finds that the room is empty.

“Searching for me?” A pair of familiar arms slides around her waist from behind before she can say or ask anything.

“APPA!” Taeoh shouts and he stretches his arms out to the other person, wanting to be held. The other person lifts him up easily, and attacks Taeoh’s face with kisses almost immediately. The small boy can only writhes and giggle. “Appa! It tickles!”

Soojung only watches the scene unfolds in front of him. The warm feeling on her chest is coming back again, and she’s really can get used to it. It feels nice, and like Soojung said before, she likes nice.

“Congratulations, on your graduation and also for the show, Jongin.” Soojung finally says after a few minutes. Jongin smiles at her from between Taeoh’s hair where he buries his face in before. He takes the flower bouquet Soojung offers with one free hand.

“And Taeoh, don’t you have something you want to show appa?”

“What is it?” Jongin asks as they move to the sofa. Once comfortably settled, Taeoh takes out a roll of paper from inside Soojung’s handbag, and opens it. It’s a picture of four stick figures, three in the ground and one in what seems to be sky, standing in what seems to be an airplane.

“So, this is mommy.” Taeoh points at the stick figure with long hairs and a pink bow on the top of its head. “This is me.” Now, it’s the smallest stick figure, with cake on his hand, typical Taeoh with food.

Taeoh moves his finger to the stick figure on the plane, “This is Sehun appa.” he says, proud evident in his voice, and Soojung can’t be more grateful with her decision to tell Taeoh as soon as possible about his late dad. His dad wasn’t someone to be ashamed of, but rather, he was someone to be proud of. With a little help and support from Jongin, she finally sat Taeoh down on one morning and told him everything about his dad. The little one was confused at first and asked a lot of questions, Soojung let him and explained it one by one slowly until he grasped what she meant. To make him understand more, she took him to Sehun’s grave. She could only hold her tears as she watched Taeoh saying hi for the first time, then sitting on the side and starting to tell his appa his day.

“And this, is Jongin appa.” Jongin looks closely at the last stick figure on the drawing. The stick figure is wearing a tutu, and there’s a scribble of ‘happy graduation Jongin appa’ (definitely Soojung’s idea) and a heart on the side.

“This is such a great picture, Taeoh. Do you want to take drawing lessons from Kris-samcheon later? I bet he will be happy to teach you.”

Jongin turns his attention to Soojung while Taeoh is thinking his offer, she has been quiet this whole time. He reaches out a hand, which Soojung takes happily and laces their fingers together. “Are you tired? Do you want to go home or get dinner first?”

“Of course, let’s have a dinner outside! I already dressed nicely and put on make up so let’s make use of this to its maximum. It’s been a while since I last dressing up like this, I miss the feeling of being beautiful for a night.”

Jongin chuckles before he leans forward to land a light peck on Soojung’s forehead, “I told you, you would be pretty even without the make up. Why can’t you believe me?” Soojung only rolls her eyes at Jongin’s cheesy attack and stands up, straightening her dress. “Let’s go, so we won’t be home too late later.”

“Wait, let me get my things first.”

They decide to only walk instead of taking the car because the family restaurant they frequently visit. Taeoh is holding Jongin’s hand as he walks, little feet kicking the small rocks he finds. Jongin only reminds him not to kick too hard or it will hurt other people. Jongin’s other hand is circling Soojung’s waist, the latter leaning her body on Jongin, absorbing the heat.

“Why do you wear the high heels? It will tire you out and it’s not--”

“Shhhh..” Soojung puts a finger on Jongin’s lips cheekily to shut the other up. “I’m still early, Jong. It’s not like it will tire me out much.”

“But still!”

“You’re such a worrywart. I hate that. But maybe that’s the reason I love you.” Both of them chuckle. “Instead of worrying about my heels, let’s worry about him.” Soojung hand-gestures to Taeoh, “Do you think he’ll be happy with the news?”

“He’ll love the news. That’s I’m sure.”