She knows she was at fault.

She got scared and ended up losing her trust, not to him but to herself.

“How long do you plan on checking his Instagram account?”

Her sister asked her once again that day.

It had been her usual routine, sitting on her bed after school, just looking at her phone. Looking at the face of the person who she knows she hurt the most.

@minsuga

The account has not been active for months now, still that didn’t stopped her from staring at his and his son's picture. Their son's picture.

A part of her heart painfully clenched at the sight of her supposedly family. They should have been happy. Really happy.
If it wasn’t for her idiocy.

“I want to see them again.” She unconsciously blurted, eyes fixed longingly to the picture of a blonde man carrying a child. “I want to fix everything.” She murmured.

Her sister sighed and sat beside her. She put her hair behind her ear, giving her a look of pity. “You know it’s not that easy.” She said. “He's not going to forgive you…”

“I know.” Her voice cracked. “But can I at least try?” she added, a single tear escaped her eyes as she held her phone close to her chest. She knows what she said was true. Even if she was in his feet, she’d also not forgive her for leaving. Nobody would ever forgive a mother for leaving her child and the man she love.

Her sister gave her a look of pity before pulling her close to her chest, patting her back to at least calm her down.

“Jihoonie’s turning six in three months.” She sobbed. “I want to see him, I want to make everything right. Unnie…” She cried.

The older woman looked up and continued on consoling her sister. She tried thinking about what she could do, it hurts to see her like this.

But she know.

She know, even if they did go to where he was, the man will not accept them.

Forgiving wasn’t that easy.

“I'm sorry Yoongi, but I can’t do this anymore.”

Those words were the last things that she said before she left. She heard how Jihoon cried, yet she didn’t stopped. She closed the door behind her without much a word.

She continued to walk away, her mind completely blank. No thoughts whatsoever.

She felt numb.

She should turn back.

Turn back before it’s too late.

“I’m sorry Yoongi…” those words echoed in her mind. It sounded foreign. It sounded so painful.

But why can’t she do it anymore?

Thinking back, why did she wanted to leave in the first place?

She was at the last steps of the apartment complex when she finally halted. The woman gasped, before tears started falling from her eyes. She covered with her hand, in a poor attempt of blocking the sound that’s coming out of .

But it won’t stop.

The tears won’t stop.

It continued to fall faster as her knees gave in, making her sit on the last steps of the stairs.

I’m so sorry, Yoongi.

She cried alone that night. Even if he was merely a few steps away, she couldn’t bring herself to stand up and return. She couldn’t do it.

She could never do it.

Returning back to South Korea was strange.

Nothing much has changed over the years and yet the place looked foreign. It felt like it was her first time arriving at the country. Her hand felt cold despite of the layers of clothes that she wore. The amount of people in the airport was suffocating. With each eyes that she caught staring at her felt like judging her, telling her to just turn around and go back.

She bit her lips.

“Sooyoung texted me their address…” her sister said beside her, pertaining to their younger cousin who probably sold her soul to the devil just to get that small information. “Apparently they had been living with Seokjin now.”

The woman could only nod at the information.

She had been expecting him to leave their old address. He was never the type to stay at one place, especially if it reminded him of painful memories.

“Are you sure you want to go to straight to their place?” Her sister quirked one eyebrow at her, convincing her once again that they should not just show their faces without a plan. “We should at least bring our things to our hotel.”

“… no.” she responded. “I want to see them right away.” She said in a determined voice before pulling her suitcase towards the exit. Her sister could only sigh and shook her head, following her.

The rain was pouring really hard when they left the airport. They could barely even see pass it, making her more nervous than she already was. She took a deep breath and checked the time.

6:47 pm

The older woman called them a cab, wasting no time in riding the vehicle to avoid making the rain do any damage of sort. They sighed in unison when the soft texture of the taxi seat came in contact with their tired limbs.

The flight was tiring alright.

“Please take us to this address,” her sister showed the driver the address. The old man nodded at her before starting the vehicle.
The younger woman tiredly rested her head on the window, closing her eyes in attempt stopping herself from over thinking.

The coldness of the glass made her sigh. Somewhat it soothed her raging nerve. The rain was still falling hard outside, making the lights appear like passing orbs that guides gods and goddesses to heaven.

Rain.

Thinking back, he had always liked the rain.

The temperature during this weather was best for taking naps.

She remembered how hard was it for her to wake him up. How she would end up taking a nap beside him because he would pull her down to his bed.

She still remember the feeling of being embraced by him.

The feeling of lying beside him.

The feeling of just being with him.

Even after all these years…

… the memories were still fresh.

It's been too long.

She shivered with the sudden rush of memories. The woman opened her eyes and bit her lips, eyes trailing outside. The car was caught up in traffic, which somewhat prolonged her time before seeing him once again. The lump that had formed in doesn’t seem to disappear. Her hand felt colder. 

As if noticing it, her older sister took her hand, catching her attention. She gave him a reassuring smile which she reciprocated with her own uneasy one.

“No matter what will happen, I will always be here.” She said.
The younger female stared down at there hand and nodded.

“Thank you.”

black ▶ g-dragon ft jinnie kim

we can't be ▶ krissy 

I blame these songs, my room being too dark, and the wet weather  for this chapter. 

To be continued.