Note : Before everyone starts asking, yes, this is based on an incident that took place this year. The only difference is that I shifted the time so instead of May, this happens during Christmas. And as for those who want to know what happened to the guy... you'll have to message me, posting it here would probably ruin the essence of the story. Distort the essence, if not ruin it. Anyway, enjoy the fic! I was planning on writing a chapter for Avalon but writing this was emotionally exhausting so I'll post one tomorrow or day after, okay? Thank you!

Listen to Voice of My Heart by Infinite : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKvz91RhuP0

The noise of the crowd disappeared as I walked past the markets, some of them selling dramas and movies in pirated CDs, others selling what now seems ancient Boys Over Flowers keychains and posters…

I was at my mother’s hometown, a small hilly town known for it’s beauty that hardly existed any more. If it was beautiful, it was only to the people who had seen the last of it’s good times and I, having visited this place over and over again as a kid, was one of them.

My grandfather had just passed away. It was the first death in the family and the funeral had taken place about half a month back. However, despite the 49 Days of no meat and exhausting prayers, I refused to go back to the city. I was ready to give up on my favourite kitchen and my comparatively luxurious lifestyle for this simple and peaceful experience. The previous year had been chaotic – not excluding dating a first-class liar – and I was prepared to spend an almost ritualistic 30 more days of no excitement.

But with the feeling of peace came the need for self-reflection. The five days until the funeral had left the scent of grief and sorrow in the house but my mother’s side of the family had always been cheerful and optimistic, logical in the sense that they never lingered on emotional scenes for too long. Maybe that’s why I was like this? Maybe that’s why I was so… realistic. But even still, watching the quiet backs of my mother and aunts and the generally laidback uncle now always sitting with a burdened smile…

I felt like an alien.

Those five days were long. Crying was a different matter altogether, I hadn’t even sensed any loss as such. My grandfather weren’t too close but I had lot of memories with him. But the moment I entered the house that day, all those memories vanished in a black hole. I couldn’t remember anything and I justified it as a shock. But slowly, as the hours passed and nostalgia hit me, the morbidity of the household didn’t. I wasn’t feeling sad. I wasn’t feeling anything. All I could feel, was the echo of my friends’ words, ones that would repeat all the time.

“Why are you always so rude?”

“You know, if you were God, we would all be in hell! Haha!”

“You shouldn’t worry too much. I’m sure you’ll find someone you can be comfortable with… as long as they can see through your, you know, death glare.”

“Do you even have a heart? How do you live…”

My brother continued talking about the new naruto shippuden issue he had read and I nodded, knowing fully well that the rare talker he was, each spoken word from him was to be cherished like a gem. But today I wasn’t listening. I was absorbing his expressions and actions, smiling at the right places and sighing when we finally reached our stop.

“You want me to come with you?” Sungyeol offered. I glanced up at the shoe store. I had figured some retail therapy would do good and dragged my younger brother out of the house.

“Sure, why not. I need a second opinion.” I gave a small smile as Sungyeol pouted and followed me in. The two of us pushed open the door to the small store, only to be greeted by chaos.

Six girls wearing what seemed to be the town’s definition of ‘hep’ clothes, surrounded a counter, whispering and giggling as one of them spoke in a loud tone.

“Come on, you should get out of here sometimes,” a petite girl pleaded, throwing her aegyo with full typhoon force at the guy behind the register. I scoffed a bit at the guy’s luck and turned around to start looking for a nice pair of wedges. The stores back home never had shoes my size, which was another reason for falling in love with my hometown.

“Tell them to leave!”

Poor guy, I thought at the back of my head, my central attention on the gladiator pair I found at the top. I turned around to look for Sungyeol.

“Yeollie-ah…”

My calls were thrown out of bounds as the guy stood up from the chair and in one swift move, rushed the girls out of the door. I caught his expression and widened my eyes. The store owner’s order seemed to have been a good excuse for him to act. So he was one of the quiet and tolerant ones.

I watched as the girls almost fell on top of each other, the one who had spoken, glaring at the guy. The guy shut the door, giving a look that made sure the group didn’t make their way back in. As he turned around, our eyes met.

“I’m sorry,” the guy smiled, looking apologetic and embarrassed. He saw my outstretched hand and quickly took out the heels from their place. “Which shoe size do you want this in?”

I blinked at him, acknowledging his professionalism and answered, “The smallest size in the store.”

He gave a nod and went to the storeroom. I sat myself on the stool and pursed my lips at my small feet. Slowly, I removed my sneakers and socks, feeling grateful for not having the power of the stink.

“Here ma’am, size 36.” I looked up and gave a polite smile, slipping on the pair. I gave out a laugh as I flexed my feet. Loose, as expected.

“I knew it,” I murmured and bent forward to remove them when suddenly, a hand stopped me. I blinked at the guy who shook his head and said, “Wait a minute. “

I watched as he tightened the strap and left my foot. “There you go, should be better.”

I wore the second pair and tightened them the same way. I stood up and walked towards Sungyeol, who was busy reading a book he had bought ten minutes ago. “How is it?”

Sungyeol nodded and waved his hand. I ignored his reaction and looked at the mirror, balancing on one foot then bouncing on my toes.

“What are you doing?”

I stopped and turned around, watching as the guy lightly laughed at me. I gave a smile and shrugged. “I can’t stand in one place. Need to check if these shoes are up for my life.”

He raised his brow in an amused way and I sat back down on the stool. Removing the pair, I started roaming around the store barefoot.

“I haven’t…”

“Hmm?”

I turned around and the man gave a small smile. “I haven’t seen you around here…”

“I’m from the city,” I answered.

“Oh… so has this town bored you enough?”

I chuckled. “It’s my mother’s hometown, I would never get bored of this place.”

The guy gave a startled look and I sat back on the stool with a new pair of shoes. “What’s that look supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” he said, raising his palms. “Don’t be offended but… I thought city people hated this town.”

“You’re not even weird.. you’re just… off-the-wall… twisted, you know?”

“Then I guess I’m not one of them,” I murmured and looked down at my feet, my vision not exactly focused anywhere. I could feel the guy’s gaze fixed on me, watching me as I played with the straps instead of enclosing them.

“That’s not too bad, is it?”

My eyes flickered as I stared at the guy’s smile. “Not being a part of ‘them’. How bad it could be? Just being a part of yourself, no one else.”

Before I knew it, I was talking to the guy, telling him about my life and my friends. The guy told me about himself and I felt small once he said he was working part time while studying in the town’s college.

“So you’re handling your family,” I counted on my fingers. “That’s why you decided to stay in town? Didn’t you feel tempted to…”

“Accept the scholarship?” The guy smiled and shook his head. “I was meant for a simple life. I’m fine with this, really. My family is more important. Grandmother is healthy but ever since father left us, I’m the only male in the house. I can’t just leave them alone like this.”

“True,” I murmured and felt even more guilty. What was I doing with my life?

“So you’re still in high school?”

I nodded. “I want to be a novelist.” It was the first time I had said it out loud, without disguising my dream behind the veil of ‘publications’ and ‘journalism’. I felt as the guy widened his eyes.

“Wow, that’s… you suddenly seem pretty cool.”

I laughed and saw Sungyeol do a double take at me. My chest instantly warmed. Did I really not that smile that much? How was I doing it now, then?

“So who do you look upto?”

“Murakami,” I answered without hesitation. The guy chuckled then covered his mouth, staring at me.

“Tell me you’re lying.”

“What?”

“I love Murakami!”

“Hey!”

The two of us looked up as Sungyeol waved his watch before me. “It’s getting late.”

I gasped at the time and instantly shot out of my seat. Sungyeol gave my new friend an appraising look then walked out of the store.

“So how do you go back home?” I asked while shoe-store guy, the name I had befitted to him, cashed in my buys.

“That beauty right there,” he grinned and my heart leaped as I saw a dusty but majestic Royal Enfield parked below.

“My ideal type,” I mumbled to my friends, “should have a bike.”

“All the middle-class workers have them,” Woohyun laughed.

“No. Not a biker boy. I know exactly what a biker boy is when I see one.”

“Woah…” I cooed.

“There you go!” Shoe-store guy handed me the bag. “Sorry about the others, come over next time and I’ll make sure you have an array of heels fit for you!”

I nodded and grinned. Suddenly the moment came.

That moment, it didn’t last forever. It didn’t last for more than five seconds, maybe not more than a second too. But it came nonetheless. The two of us, looking at each other with wide grins on our faces. Everything that was on his face, was on mine too. We were, in that moment, a reflection of each other and I felt something I had never felt with anyone before.

A connection.                        

                                                ***********************************

Two weeks passed. Shoe-store guy was not in the shop and after a long conversation with my best friend, I had come to the realization that this guy was probably the only person who I had spoken to with a light heart, without any worries, without any defenses. Words had flown out of our mouths, a spark had been formed and when my mother told me I had to return home for some work, I couldn’t help but feel an invisible string letting go of his image and tightening around me.

“It’s okay,” my best friend said. “As long as you know there are people out there who you can talk to without any defense mechanism.”

“Still… I…. Maybe I should have asked his name at least.”

“Um, Sora. Weren’t you the one who didn’t want to know his name?”

I sighed. Only my best friend could point out something like that without being on my hit-list.

I was getting bored in the house and the last day being only 24 hours away, I decided to head for the town pastry shop, my guilty pleasure. Christmas was all about cakes after all, wasn’t it?

                                                **********************************

“One butterscotch pastry….one chocolate éclair….” I my lips and sheepishly smiled as I continued ratting off names of almost every single pastry in the house. Thank god for the jeep, I thought as a girl handed me two heavy bags.

The moment I walked out the door, I stopped in my tracks. I blinked at the familiar figure and an ominous feeling took over as he recognized me and started walking towards me.

Really? I thought to myself. Today? Before I leave?

“Hey,” I said, my voice not clear all of a sudden. Shoe-store guy glanced at my bags and took hold of them.

“I’ll walk with you,” he said. I nodded and we moved towards the jeep, side by side.

“So where were you all this time?” I asked. Shoe-store guy gave a smile.

“Missed me much?” he said.

“Yeah.”

I was leaving now, how did it matter? My defenses had already disappeared with him and now that I was going to move away from the ONE person in the world who understood me, I let go of myself.

I returned his gaze and silence settled as we continued walking at a slow pace. The jeep was now about ten metres away.

“My favourite Murakami story,” the shoe-store guy said. “It’s called ‘On Seeing The One Hundred Percent Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning’.”

“That’s funny,” I cracked a smile. “It’s my favourite Murakami piece.”

Shoe-store guy looked at me with a soft smile perched on his lips and as I smiled back, another feeling shone between us. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it came close to feeling empty as well as drowning in something. My throat felt full but nothing came out of my lips and suddenly, as the two of us stopped walking, I turned around.

I had to go.

 “You still don’t want to know my name?” The happiness I had seen in his eyes the last time was now locked with something else. A grey cloud passed over his face and I knew I was looking the same to him.

“Let’s see if we meet again,” I said and that unknown feeling worsened. The shoe-store guy gave his signature smile, one that would draw upon my own face now and waited as I sat myself in the jeep.

I watched as he walked away, his back towards me and recognized the unidentified feeling. It was something I had read about in books. Something I didn’t think I would ever experience.

Heartbreak.

I was already giving so much to fate, I couldn’t let this one moment be granted to it either.

“Hey!” I shouted, making the guy turn around. I my lips and with a sigh, gave the biggest grin I could.

“I like you a lot!”

Even today, I don’t regret not knowing his name. Sometimes, no matter how perfect a moment might be, even for a person like me, there’s an understanding from within that says not to take too much from it. He was a protective elder brother who had fought with a gang of almost fifteen guys, walking away unharmed. He had given up a posh future to make his family live with a smile on their face everyday. This guy was my one hundred percent perfect guy and like the story, I know I had given up the chance of being with him when I had decided not to learn his name.

But after that encounter, something had changed within me. My ability to believe had returned. I was still the ice princess of the group but from time to time, I would melt with a hug or a smile, pulling my defenses away like a curtain. That meeting had been worth it and I know this, for the last thing I had seen was his smile and the last thing I had heard from him was four heart-warming words –

I like you too.