Underwood
Review Portfolio
Underwood
written by SmileForMeTae and kikira-kim
Title: 8/10
I think that the name of each story plays one of the most important roles in them. It is one of the segments that buy a potential reader. The name of your story is simple yet it clearly refers to story. However the plot of your story is based on the development of the relationships between Kyungsoo and Jongin in condition of living Underwoods but not on the way how the life Underwoods works overall. We do not see much about the world of Underwoods. In my opinion it would be better to give a title which more refers to relationships of the boys.
Plot: 30/35
5/5: Originality
Having an alternative universe as a basis for the plot helped you to use your imagination in so much wider possible aspects. You were able to create a new world with its own rules and law. I can see that you tried to work with each detail to make it easier for the reader to see Underwoods/Upperwoods the way you saw it when you wrote the story. I can tell that your story is a unique piece of fanfiction.
9/10: Believability
For the alternative universe it a little bit hard to evaluate the believability of the story. However I can understand characters’ actions in the frames of the world you have created and I can clearly see the reasons for their actions in the specific situations as well.
8/10: Narration
Till the end of the last chapter we can’t tell what the final of the story we would see. It made the story more intrigued for me. You used a quite wide vocabulary in the story as well. Unfortunately you ended your story with so called “open” final. What was your reason to use the open ending exactly? Whether the main goal of each author to show their story to readers the way they see it by themselves? Because I really wanted to know what kind of the ending for the boys you saw when you ended the story in this way. But as a result, I couldn’t. I am not a big fan of open ending; however I believe that there are stories in which it is appropriate to use it. This story is not one of them.
8/10: Setting
You gave a full description to how the war between humans and wolves has started. It gave us a full image on its reasons and results. However you did not do the same thing when you wrote about the peace they found after three years after Kai's death. You wrote how this peace developed. But why now exactly? What was the catalyst for it? The good side is that you gave us a detailed description of Upperwoods and Underwoods that gives us the opportunity to see the differences between two worlds and what impact these differences had on its habitants. But also how did wolves make this portal between two worlds? I was lack of some more technical description.
Characterization: 33/35
8/10: Development
The story is based on two main characters - Kyungsoo and Jongin aka Kai. Starting from the beginning you showed how different they are and how their differences are based not only on their personalities but also on the impact they had from the different worlds they came from. In your story we see how Kyungsoo was taught to hate wolves, to be afraid of them, to see the enemy and the killer in them. But beeing forced to live in the other world he was able to see the other side of the coin. Not only love to Jongin changed him, but also the realisation that there will be also two parts who is responsible for any possible conflict. In the story we see three different sides of Kyungsoo - before his meeting with Kai, his life in the Underwoods and his life after Kai's death. For me it is three different people. And it is good, because you were able to show how Kyungsoo has grown. Then we have Jongin - a wolf, a soldier. From his childhood he was taught what is right and what is good. To kill a human, who crossed the boarders - it is right. Because human is danger, human is enemy. But how do you know what is right when you are mated with one of them? At first Jongin by himself did not realise that he is able to develop such a strong feeling for someone who is forbidden. Or he just did not want to. Because it is the nature of every creature - to hide deep in ourselfeves what scares us the most. Was he afraid of his feelings to Kyungsoo? Not so sure. Was he afraid of the impact his feelings may have on Kyungsoo? Definitely. Being mated does not mean to love. We saw how Jongin has grown. How the human in his life have changed not only his inner world but his vision of the world in common. The boarders of what is good and what is bad are not so clear anymore - every person has to deside by themselves on it. However there are still one big difference between these two characters-during all story Kyungsoo is an open book for us. I can't say the same thing about Jongin as well. His last decision on leaving Kyungsoo and let Chanyeol "kill" him left me really confused till the end of the story, because trying understand him I couldn't find the right explanation to his actions.
We also have to remember about another three characters - despite the fact the story is basically focused on two people, Sehun, Chanyeol and Baekhyun played their own role in the development of the story and how relationships of the two have grown and established.
5/5: Presentation
You have described both main characters and their friends enough to make it possible to have a picture in our mind on how they should look like in this story specifically- not too many details but enough even when you do not know how they look like in the real life.
10/10: Diversity
Every character of your story has their own individuality, which highlights their personalities and explains their reasons of actions in specific situations. However I am still interested what was the reason for Suho to fake his own death. Why was he so desparate to leave Underwoods?
10/10: Purpose
As both Kyungsoo and Jongin are main characters, you were able to show the retrospective of their relationships from the point of view of each of them. There is no situation when one of them would be lost in the shadow of the other. During all the story they completed each other for 100%. You also showed the interaction between main characters and Jongin's friends and later between boys and their new friends as well and it was enough to evaluate the importance of their appearance and influence on the development of the story.
Writing Style: 15/20
7/10: Spelling/Grammar
Taking into account that you have a beta I was really confused by seeing some spelling and grammar mistakes in your story. For example: when you wrote “I know HOW you are Kai” where you have to use “WHO” (3rd chapter); In the sentence “If you believe me or not is your choice” you do not have to use “IF” (1st chapter); “swelling of the alpha’s not” (3rd chapter) you have missed the letter in the word “knot”. The same problem in "... and sat on IS usual place at the armchair" (1st chapter), where you actually have to write “his”; when Kai met Chanyeol there was a sentence with the following words: “reassured that it was his friend was one of them.” – too much of “was” (4th chapter).
5/5: Consistency
You have your own unique style of writing, which makes you different from other authors who write in the format of the alternative universe and you are able to save it through your entire story.
3/5: Flow
The flow of the story was slow enough to show the development of the boys' relationships, to show changes it these two boys, how their priorities after meeting each other have been changed. However in the 4th chapter I became more and more confused with each scene. Starting with the scene between Chanyeol and Jongin before the latter left Underwoods. Chanyeol said to him "I can’t give you eternity with your mate… or grant you two the life you deserve. But I can give you a few years if you are good in hiding and escaping. I wish you the best, my friend, I am sorry that this is all I can do for you". Jongin was a soldier, Jongin was a fighter. He was able to protect himself and Kyungsoo for 7 years and then what? He just gave up? Kyungsoo was the dearest thing in his life- the same Jongin meant for Kyungsoo. And Jongin knew what Kyungsoo felt when parents abandoned him. I am not sure that he actually wanted for Kyungsoo to have the same feelings one more time. As the final of your story is opened, we can look at it from two retrospectives. The first one in which Jongin was executed. I am againt any notes and explanations to the stories but I have read your ones because I have had too many questions for writing this review. You explained that "Kai indirectly made Chanyeol promise that he wants his friend to be the one to actually take his life." and Chanyeol just fulfilled his wish. Do you really think that after that Chanyeol would be able to live without any guilt for what he has done even taking into account that Jongin asked him? How he supposed to look into Kyungsoo's eyes after taking Jongin life? Did he even tell Kyungsoo what actually happened to Jongin and that he actually was the one who executed Jongin? Do you think that Jongin can be so selfish to ask Chanyeol about that? Chanyeol had such a big guilt after Baekhyun betrayed his trust and told everything to his mother. Baekhyun felt such a big guit towards Kyungsoo, what he actually has to feel knowing that because his inability to have his mouth shut, his mate had to kill his friend? Jongin was more than best friend to Chanyeol. Jongin was his brother. I will never believe that Jongin was too tired in the end from escaping for just giving himself to Chanyeol. In format of your story for Jongin being tired from escaping just means he was tired from happiness he had with Kyungsoo. Than we have the second option in which actually Jongin faked his death. As I remember Chanyeol came with the group. So does the members of these group were OK also to help Jongin to fake his death? If yes, what was actual the level of tolerance among soldiers to higher-ups? Did Jongin have the plan to come back some day? If yes, then when? The peace between wolves and humans wasn't predicted, he couldn't know that some day it will happen. So if to ask my opinion whether Jongin was executed or he was able to fake his death, I will tell without any hesitation that he was executed. Am I happy with such realisation? No. Not because I am a sappy romantic, but because as a result his death was for nothing. As a result his and Kyungsoo' fight for opportunity to be together and be happy was for nothing.
Total Score: 86/100
I am a er for Kaisoo, and I begged to give me this story for reviewing. It has a really great plot and idea. But it would be better if you showed the closed ending. Every time when I realise that some story has an open ending the first thought is "Oh, the author didn't know how to end the story by himself and left it in that way". As I said before I am against any notes and explanations. The story have to be clear for the readers. If after reading any story, I as a reader have some questions, the author has to be able to tell me "use your imagination". However after reading this story I had so many questions where my imagination wasn't worked anymore and I really had to read your notes to understand some parts of the story. Anyway thanks for the first kaisoo "sad ending" story in my life:)
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