Standing in the ballroom looking at the happy faces of people around her, she felt out of place. She soothed her suit and walked to the cocktail table, picking up a glass and took small sips.

She eyed the room to spot her friends but couldn't seem to find them, except for the few faces she had seen on campus. Perhaps they are still on their way. It's still quite early. She took another sip before holding the glass, staring into space.

The way people around her caught up with each other, updating each other on their lives and laughing while reminiscing about the past made her think of her friends and she broke into a smile.

They were loud, fun and interesting. They brought a lot of laughter and happiness into her life and she was grateful for that. It was the best 8 years of her life, from high school till college. One particular person brightened up her days more than the others did. She couldn't help but smile as she thought of the woman who made her realize she could love someone so dearly. So much that she knew she's the love of her life and she can never love someone as much as she loves her.

She could still remember the first time she met her.

---

"Hi!"

She looked up to see the most gorgeous eyesmile she had ever seen. But she has never seen her around before. She would've remembered such a pretty girl no matter what.

"Uh, hi?" She greeted uncertainly. This pretty girl is talking to her, right? Taeyeon even made sure to glance around her in case she got it wrong and embarrass herself.

"Is this seat taken?" The girl asked, still with a smile on her face, standing beside her table holding onto her tray of food diligently. 

She looked around and found the cafeteria more crowded than usual. "N-no." She shook her head. "Feel free to sit." She gestured to the seat across her with a small smile on her face.

"Thanks!" Another eyesmile appeared and she found herself gulping.

The girl placed her tray on the table and took the seat across. Taeyeon stole glances at her as she ate and found her really good looking. She must be a new student. I've never seen her around before. She furrowed her brows and continued looking at her, unknowingly staring.

As if sensing she was being watched, she looked up to see the girl across her looking at her, frowning. She raised a brow and looked down to her tray to see if she ate too messily but didn't find anything out of the norm.

"Um.. is something wrong?" She asked timidly. It was her first day at this new school and she didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable or upset. There're still a lot to learn and she hoped the lack of knowledge of Korean culture wouldn't be of a problem.

"Ah, no." Taeyeon blushed and looked away. "Sorry I was just.. staring into space."

"It's okay," she paused. "I'm Tiffany. Tiffany Hwang." She stretched out her hand and smiled politely.

She looked at the outstretched hand and then to the girl's face. She gingerly shook her hand and introduced herself. "Kim Taeyeon."

Another eyesmile greeted her and she found herself drowning. She might have just fallen in love. How's that possible?

---

She could also remember how nervous she felt asking her out for dinner.

---

"Okay, Kim Taeyeon, you got this. You can do this. Just a dinner. Just ask her out for a dinner. A friendly dinner. Don't screw it up. Don't stutter. Dinner." She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Okay, let's do this."

She walked up to Tiffany who was at her locker taking the books she needed for her next lesson. Tiffany slammed the door shut and turned around, getting the shock of her life.

"Y-yah!" She placed a hand over her heart and gasped. "Don't do that! You scared me!" She punched Taeyeon's arm.

"S-sorry. I didn't mean to." She couldn't help but laugh at Tiffany's expression. She felt bad for scaring her like that but the spot on her arm which Tiffany's fist landed on still tingled. She liked their slight banter and the subtle touches.

"What do you want?" Tiffany snapped, which came off harsher than intended. 

"Wow. Angsty aren't we?" Taeyeon smiled. Instead of finding this side of Tiffany scary, she found her adorable more than anything.

"You scared me." Tiffany pouted. "So what do you want? I need to get to my next class. Mrs. Lee dislikes latecomers." She shivered at the thought of her tutor raging if she's late.

Taeyeon gulped and suppressed the urge to barf then and there. She was too nervous and could feel her stomach twisting and churning. Here goes.

Tiffany noticed the slight change of expression on Taeyeon's face and grew worried. She placed her hand on her forehead then her cheek and lastly her neck. "Are you feeling unwell? You look pale."

Taeyeon shuddered at the touch and involuntary took a small step back, making Tiffany's hand drop to her side. The brunette was slightly confused at Taeyeon's reaction.

"What's wrong Taeyeon?"

Taeyeon could feel goosebumps forming from her back to her arms and she could feel a slight numbness at the back of her head. 

"I-I.." She cleared and gathered her courage to look into Tiffany's eyes. "I'm okay. I just.. I wanted to- I-"

Tiffany laughed and shoved Taeyeon's shoulder playfully. "What are you trying to do? I don't have much time, Taeyeon. I'm running late."

"Will you have dinner with me tonight?" Taeyeon squeaked and shut her eyes. Her fists clenched tight at her side.

"What?"

She thought she was about to get rejected until she heard Tiffany's laughter. That brought a smile to her face as she opened her eyes to look at the eyesmile she loved the most.

"You went through all that just for this?" Tiffany shook her head and threw her head back, laughing. Taeyeon was too cute for her to handle. "Text me the location and time. I really have to get going. See you later." She gave a small wave and turned around, brisk walking to her class.

She turned around to look at Tiffany's backview and smiled to herself. Not so smooth but good job, Kim Taeyeon, good job. She silently held up her fist and punched the air, biting her lower lip to prevent herself from grinning like she had won the lottery. A dinner with Tiffany was so much better than winning any competition or lottery out there.

---

And the first time she held her hand.

---

"Thanks for the movie." Tiffany said as they silently walked towards the subway station.

Tiffany wanted to watch the new blockbuster that has caught her attention and Taeyeon volunteered to catch it with her over the weekend. She even paid for the movie, saying that Tiffany could pay for their next movie which might be something Taeyeon has interests in. Of course the American didn't know Taeyeon just wanted to hangout with her more often and that was just an excuse to do exactly that. Taeyeon was glad Tiffany gave in to her if not she would probably blurt out that she wanted to spend more time with her.

"Thanks for the company." Taeyeon grinned.

She was elated. It felt like yet another date with Tiffany and she couldn't help but wonder how a real date with her would feel like. Will they walk closer to each other? Will their hands brush across each other's? Will they hold hands? Will Tiffany give her a kiss on the cheek to thank her for a great date after she walked her to her door?

I'm delusional, Taeyeon thought as she smiled bitterly to herself. Of course those things wouldn't happen. The last she checked, there was this guy who's interested in Tiffany and had been pestering her for a date with him. She knew Tiffany might say yes to the date since the guy's good looking and really good in all aspects; easily a boyfriend material. 

It was already winter and today felt colder than any of the days. She shivered slightly and zipped up her jacket to the end, stuffing her face further into the scarf. She liked moments like this, walking next to Tiffany quietly. They've never felt awkward with the silence between them and she always found herself looking at Tiffany discreetly through the corner of her eyes. She could never get enough of the side profile she loves so much.

"What are you planning to do after this?" Tiffany asked, rubbing her hands together. She had forgotten her gloves today since she was rushing out. She didn't expect it to be this cold.

"Probably laze in bed or something." Taeyeon shrugged, turning to look at Tiffany. "You?"

"No plans. I'd probably do the same. It's the right weather to snuggle in bed under the comforter."

Taeyeon noticed Tiffany blowing into her hands and suddenly thought of an idea. She threw caution to the wind and went ahead with her thought. She's from America so she should be more open and accepting, right? Let's hope this won't backfire.

"Shall we go somewhere?" She took her hands out from the coat's pocket, silently praying for her to agree.

"Hm? Sure. Where do you have in mind?" Tiffany tilted her head to look at Taeyeon, peeking through her scarf.

"Let's take a walk at the river." She almost reached out to pinch Tiffany's cheek. Almost. How adorable can this girl get? Taeyeon smiled wider, glad that the scarf blocked Tiffany's view from her lovestruck smile.

"In this weather? Are you for real?" Tiffany tucked her chin into the scarf, frowning at Taeyeon. "We could catch a cold you know."

"Why not? C'mon, I'll keep you warm." She cringed at her words but it's too late to take it back anyway. The fact that Tiffany didn't disagree or reject immediately boosted her confidence.

"How- oh." Tiffany blushed as Taeyeon took her right hand with her left, laced their fingers together and stuffed their hands into her coat's pocket. 

This was the first time they held hands and honestly it didn't feel weird or awkward. It felt like when she was still a kid holding hands with her best friend. Although she couldn't explain the slight tinge of red on her cheeks.

Taeyeon saw the blush on Tiffany's face and bit back a smile. Cute. They continued walking in silence, each in their own thoughts. Taeyeon wasn't sure if Tiffany's okay with the skinship but since the girl didn't pull away, it should be, right? She hope her hand wouldn't sweat and make her embarrassed. She would like to savour this moment for as long as she can. While she still can, before someone comes along and sweeps Tiffany off her feet.

---

Their first fight that made her question her place in Tiffany's heart.

---

Taeyeon walked back to the dorm tiredly as she rubbed the back of her neck. She opened the door and stepped in, removing her shoes and putting them on the shoe rack before turning around, greeting her roommate.

"Hey Yul."

She went to the kitchen to get a glass of water before gulping it down within seconds. She was about to take a seat next to Yuri but got stopped by the latter.

"Tiffany's in your room. She came by like an hour ago looking for you but I told her you're out and I wasn't sure what time you'd be back. She said she'll wait in your room so I let her in." Yuri looked apologetic that she let their friend in without Taeyeon's consent even though the two of them are really close.

"She is?" Taeyeon raised a brow and looked towards her closed door. "Okay, thanks." She patted Yuri's shoulder before going to her room.

She knocked once before opening the door, stepping in then closing it behind her. Tiffany was sitting on her bed, arms folded across her chest. And the way she looked at Taeyeon made her realize her friend was pissed off. At what, she wasn't sure.

"Hey, Yuri said you're looking for me? What's up?" She placed her bag on the floor next to the bed and sat infront of Tiffany with her legs crossed. 

"Where were you?" Tiffany asked through gritted teeth. It was like she's fuming mad.

Taeyeon would've laughed if not for the fact that Tiffany had this frown on her face and it looks like it wasn't time to joke around.

"I was out. You came to ask me of my whereabouts?"

"Where were you for the past 3 months?"

"Um, here? School?" Taeyeon paused when Tiffany's expression did not change one bit. "What's wrong, Fany-ah? Why are you so angry?"

"Ask yourself that question." Tiffany spoke with a scowl. She was trying very hard not to snap at Taeyeon but the innocent look on her face was starting to get on her nerves.

"What? What did I do wrong?" Taeyeon was confused and she was too tired to rack her brain for what could have been the reason to Tiffany behaving like that. Honestly she just wanted to lie down on her bed and sleep to her heart's content.

It seemed that nonchalance finally got on Tiffany's nerves as she raised her voice. "Where were you when I needed you the most? You promised me you'd be there for me no matter what, no matter how busy you are. But look, where have you been for the past 3 months? I couldn't even meet you for a simple meal! Did you find someone who's more worthy of your attention and you're ditching me now?"

If people were to eavesdrop on this conversation, they would think they're a couple but in fact they were nothing but best friends. Taeyeon wanted to laugh at this absurdness but she did make the promise to Tiffany, and she sort of broke it so she has to it up.

"Hey, what happened between the two of you?" Taeyeon asked softly and scooted next to Tiffany, placing a comforting arm around her shoulder to bring her closer.

Must have fought with her boyfriend, Taeyeon thought to herself and suppressed the urge to cry because her heart was aching. Not because Tiffany fought with her boyfriend but because she was friendzoned. She tried her best to not make her problems a burden to Tiffany but it really hurts listening to whatever that's going on between the couple. She would rather listen to her boring lecturer and do pain-in-the- assignments.

"We b-broke up."

Tiffany's voice broke as she thought of the cruel sight she saw just a week ago. She was alright with Taeyeon being busy with whatever she had to do but for the past week, she tried looking for the person she knew would console her and be there for her but to no avail. She didn't know why Taeyeon was so busy but she was bitter. She broke up with her boyfriend and at the same time her best friend disappeared on her. Only minimal text messages were exchanged and she couldn't even talk to her for more than 5 minutes. Taeyeon always said she's busy and would hang up right after saying she'll call her back later- which she never did.

"What?! Why?!" Taeyeon was beyond shocked. The last time she checked they were still very much in love. It's wrong but she couldn't deny feeling just a teeny weeny bit happy at the revelation. Darn it, Kim Taeyeon, the person you love is hurting and here you are rejoicing? Snap out of it!

Tiffany huffed as tears pooled her eyes. She tried her best to prevent tears from escaping her eyes but failed. The wound was still fresh and on top of that, the void she felt made her even more miserable. She lowered her head and stared at the floor, crying silently.

Taeyeon felt Tiffany shaking and lifted her chin using her finger. It broke her heart seeing Tiffany upset and she wanted to kiss those tears away so badly. If only she could. 

"Hey," she called out softly. "What happened?" She wiped the tears flowing out of Tiffany's eyes, feeling her heart ache even more. Tiffany hardly cried and when she did, it was the most heartwrenching sight. Taeyeon made a promise to herself mentally: to never let Tiffany cry because of her. She wouldn't forgive herself if she was the cause of those heartbreaking tears.

"H-he was seeing someone behind my back." Tiffany sniffed, wiping the tears with the back of her hand. She hated crying infront of people but Taeyeon was an exception. She was comfortable with her around, Taeyeon felt like a part of her. She knew her too well and she really craved for her best friend's comforting words and gentle hugs right now.

Taeyeon grimaced and hugged her tighter. That jerk. He had what I couldn't and this is how he treats her? Better not let me see him out in the streets because I'll make sure to kick him where it hurts the most.

"I'm so sorry to hear that."

"Of course you are." Tiffany snapped.

"How did you find out?" Taeyeon asked, ignoring Tiffany's sarcastic remark. She knew it was her fault for not being there for her and even though she's really tired, she would listen attentively to Tiffany. If her presence here could make the girl happier, why not? She'd gladly stay awake for days if it could make her happy. She'd do anything for her.

"I walked in on them having their oh-so-sweet date. He was stupid enough to bring her to my favourite cafe."

Taeyeon closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She couldn't imagine how painful it must have been for Tiffany. She berated herself for not being there for her best friend but to her defense she didn't know. And she was doing something else- something she thought was worth it. Something that could bring the smile she loves on her best friend's face.

"Did he mention why he.." two timed you?

"He said I'm too clingy and he can't keep up with me. That I'm too insecure and he felt suffocated. Things along that line." Saying it out loud brought her back to that fateful day. Her tears began to flow down endlessly. Although she didn't date her ex for a very long period of time, she really did love the guy.

"I'm sorry."

"You better be. Where were you when I was bawling my eyes out? Where were you when I needed my best friend most?" She stabbed Taeyeon's chest with her finger, channeling all her frustration to the blonde. "Must've found someone else to accompany. So who is it? The senior who has been buying you banana milk every morning? Or that cute junior you've been talking to lately?"

Yes, she blamed Taeyeon. If not for her being busy, she wouldn't have went to the cafe alone, she would have had someone to back her up, to protect her. She wouldn't have felt so lost and embarrassed because she knew Taeyeon would take care of everything. Of course she knew Taeyeon couldn't be there for her 24/7 but she hoped that she could at least be around at times like this. 

"I don't like what you're insinuating here. There's nothing going on between us and you know it." She frowned, not liking the way Tiffany just assumed without clarifying. It's frustrating when the person you're in love with doesn't know and thinks that you're with someone else, when all you could think of was her.

"Then tell me what you've been up to? We haven't met for months, Taeyeon! The most we did was text. It's like I lost my best friend, someone I can confide in."

Tiffany was acting like an upset girlfriend and it's starting to make Taeyeon feel frustrated because she was nowhere near being her girlfriend. Why can't she just stop thinking that Taeyeon found someone and 'abandoned' her? Why was she so butthurt all of a sudden? Granted, she wasn't there for her when she broke up with her boyfriend. But that doesn't mean she love her any less or that she doesn't care for her anymore.

"I'm still here, I'm still your best friend. What are you talking about? Don't vent your frustrations out on me just because you broke up and need to channel your hate on someone." The moment those words left Taeyeon's lips, she regretted. She tightened the hold on Tiffany's shoulder and gasped softly. "I- I didn't mean that. I'm sorry."

"Let go of me."

Tiffany's tone was cold and harsh, and it scared Taeyeon. No, she can't lose her.

"Fany, I'm sorry, I shouldn’t have-"

"I said let go of me!" Tiffany struggled and pried Taeyeon's hand off her shoulder but as she was getting up she got pulled back down.

"Look, I'm really really sorry. That was insensitive of me. I-"

"I don't need a best friend who'll disappear on me once she has someone else. I don't need a best friend who will hurt me. I don't need you." Tiffany spat.

Taeyeon knew Tiffany didn't mean what she just said but she wouldn't deny that it hurt. She was getting tired and fed up. Just what the hell is wrong with her? And what does she want from her? Does she even know how difficult it was to keep her feelings to herself and remind herself over and over again that they were just best friends? That she could never be hers? That this would always be an unrequited love?

"Hey! I didn't leave you, for goodness sake! I'm still here aren't I? You think the role of a best friend is just to be there for you whenever and wherever? I'm your best friend but it doesn't mean that you only come to me when you needed me, when you quarreled with your boyfriend, or when he's not free to accompany you. What am I? Your backup plan? Give me a break! I've always been there for you. It was just this once, okay?"

Taeyeon's chest was heaving up and down due to the anger. They glared at each other, neither wanting to take a step back. This was the first time Taeyeon snapped at Tiffany. She dislike quarrelling with her but logic and self-control flew out the window the moment Tiffany accused her of something she didn't do.

Tiffany admit that everytime she has a boyfriend she'd ditch her friends. But it's not like she didn't put in the effort to juggle both. The frequency she hangout with Taeyeon was considerably lower but they still met up. Unlike Taeyeon who neglected her for months.

"You think I treat you as a backup?"

"What am I supposed to think? Have you seen yourself when you're in love?" Taeyeon gulped, feeling a sharp sting at her heart. "It's like he's the only one in your life and you only have eyes for him. All you ever talk about is him." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The expression on Tiffany's face whenever she talked about her dates appeared in her mind and it screamed 'happiness' right in her face.

"What-"

"You know what, forget it. I'm tired. You wanna know what I did for the past few months? Fine." Taeyeon got up from the bed and took her bag, rummaging through it. She then pulled out a turquoise box and threw it on Tiffany's lap. 

"There, I worked my off for my father to get you that. I finally managed to walk into the store to get it today. From today onwards I'll give you the attention you need and want from me. I'm sorry I wasn't there for your breakup and for the past few months," Taeyeon paused, looking straight into Tiffany's eyes. "Happy birthday in advance, Fany. Although it's two weeks early. I hope you like it."

Taeyeon carried her bag and turned to walk towards the door, back facing Tiffany. "Remember to lock the door. Don't leave too late. Yuri has to sleep early since she got this swimming tournament tomorrow." With that she left and closed the door with a soft click.

She couldn't stand being in the same room as Tiffany. She was fuming mad and she didn't want to say anything harsh to hurt her. Yes, even at times like this she'd still put Tiffany on top of everything else. I am hopeless.

Tiffany stared at the box that has her name on it. Her hands were shaking when she opened it and her eyes welled up with tears the moment she saw what was inside. It's the necklace she mentioned to Taeyeon once when they were at the mall. It was just a casual remark and she didn't expect Taeyeon to remember since it has been almost three months ago.

Her eyes widened when she realized what's going on. The timeline! That was when Taeyeon started to disappear! She hit her head with the heel of her palm multiple times and cursed herself for being stupid. This hurt more than breaking up with that scumbag. Taeyeon must have felt unappreciated.

Taeyeon I'm sorry for being such an idiot, she thought as she held the box close to her heart.

---

That time when Tiffany hugged her tight and didn't want to let go. She was so afraid the girl could feel her erratic heartbeat.

---

She waited patiently outside the baggage claim and stuffed both hands into the jeans' pocket. She reached the airport an hour earlier to make sure she wouldn't be late or caught in a traffic.

She stared at the screen infront of her and made sure it was the right flight she's looking at. She didn't want to miss her best friend’s flight and get an earful later.

The large and bold word 'LANDED' appeared some fifteen minutes later. She let out a sigh and shuffled her feet. It has been close to a month since she last saw Tiffany. The American went back to her hometown during the break and it was an understatement to say that Taeyeon was devastated.

She bummed around doing nothing for a month. It was just different without Tiffany. The latter laughed at her when she whined over the phone, asking her when she'd be back. She told her to be independent, to find things to do until she gets back, and to stop whining like a little girl. She did all that. She would always listen to what Tiffany says. Their friends always laughed at her, saying she's whipped but she didn't mind. In fact, she loved it.

30 minutes went by and she could see people boarding the same flight as Tiffany crowding around the baggage belt as the doors opened when someone stepped out. She scanned each and every face to search for her friend and frowned when more and more people crowded around the area. She gave up and just stared straight ahead to the sliding doors that closed soon after.

Another 15 minutes went by with the doors opening and closing. Her eyes caught something pink moving towards the belt. Taeyeon couldn't stop herself from turning towards the person and she broke into a wide grin.

I should have known. She chuckled to herself and watched as Tiffany padded towards the belt, looking attentively for her luggage that's as pink as her outfit. She wore a pink sweater with faded jeans and pink sneakers. Taeyeon always loved seeing Tiffany in jeans compared to the relatively short shorts the latter preferred wearing. Although she had to admit that Tiffany has the body to flaunt. She just didn't like how people ogle at the person she loves.

She watched, smiling as Tiffany struggled to pull her luggage from the conveyer belt. She must've bought a lot of things back from California, Taeyeon thought to herself but frowned when a young man helped Tiffany pull her luggage and even put it on the trolley. She reduced her eyes to slits and watched intently to see if the guy was trying anything funny. She heaved a relieved sigh when they parted ways with Tiffany smiling shyly and bowing. The door closed soon after and she prepared herself mentally to see her best friend walking out that same door she has been staring at.

Tiffany pushed the trolley and with slow steps once she got out of the restricted area. She looked around trying to spot Taeyeon and when their eyes met, she broke into a wide smile and increased her speed.

Taeyeon locked her gaze on Tiffany as her smile mirrored her friend's. The smile grew wider and wider as Tiffany stepped closer to her. The latter engulfed her in the tightest hug ever and held on, not letting go even when Taeyeon nudged her on the side. She gave up and circled her arms around Tiffany's waist once again and held on as tight.

"I missed you."

It came out barely as a whisper but Taeyeon heard it. She squeezed the body in her arms and exhaled, relieved to have her back.

"I missed you too." More than you could ever imagine.

---

The first time Tiffany said 'I love you', the way Taeyeon wanted her to.

---

"Hey, what's going on? You're so fidgety tonight." Taeyeon wiped the corner of with a napkin.

Tiffany asked her out on a dinner and the girl across was not being herself for the whole meal. It could only mean one thing- Tiffany had something on her mind, or that she has something important to announce. Taeyeon hope it's the former because the only thing Tiffany would want to inform her was her being in a relationship.

Although the dinner was quiet but Taeyeon liked the atmosphere. It was almost like a date. Almost. So she hope Tiffany did not ask her out to this nice dinner just because she wanted to inform she's attached. What's worse is she would probably go on and on about how they met, what a gentleman the guy is and so on. Tonight's not the night for that.

Tiffany slowly took a sip of water and cleared . Taeyeon unknowingly tightened the grasp on the napkin under the table, her knuckles turning white.

"Taeyeon-ah, I know this may sound absurd and sudden but it has been going on for some time. I've been wanting to tell you but I can't find the right time." Tiffany started, looking at the table before meeting Taeyeon's gaze.

Taeyeon braced herself for whatever that's coming. She smiled lightly at Tiffany, urging her to go on. She knew Tiffany understood the small gesture.

Tiffany took a deep breath and exhaled, reaching out to Taeyeon's hand that was on the table. She interlaced their fingers together and squeezed gently.

Taeyeon was surprised at the gesture. What's Tiffany about to say that needed such careful gesture? She furrowed her brows and looked straight into Tiffany's eyes, returning the squeeze.

"I love you."

Taeyeon held her breath and her heart skipped a beat. She would've been fooled by the tender and loving eyes of Tiffany if she didn't know better. Calm down Kim Taeyeon. She is just referring to you as a friend. A best friend. Don't get your hopes up high. There's always something after this that would break your heart. 

"Tell me something I don't know," Taeyeon joked. "We've been best friends for years, Fany. Just say what's on your mind. I can take it. You don't have to sugarcoat it."

"I love you." The grip on her hand tightened, as if Tiffany was trying to prove her point. It upset her that Taeyeon thought she was joking but she was serious.

Taeyeon's jaw slackened as she stared dumbfoundedly at Tiffany. She could hear determination through her tone. And the way Tiffany looked straight into her eyes.. she loves me. She's not joking. She loves.. me.

"I know it's shocking a-and I understand if you don't wish to be friends anymore but I thought it would be best to let you know how I feel. I really love you, Taeyeon-ah, not just as friends." Tiffany smiled, albeit shakily and retracted her hand, lacing her hands together on the table.

They became silent suddenly, Taeyeon still in shock and disbelief whereas Tiffany was secretly hoping to disappear from the world. She should have given some hint and not surprise Taeyeon like that. Now she's worried because the person opposite is still not responding.

Tiffany opened to speak but Taeyeon suddenly stood up. She closed and waited for whatever that's coming. She knew there's a possibility they couldn't be friends anymore. But it still hurt nevertheless, when the moment is here for real. She's gonna leave, I'm sure of it. Good job, Tiffany, you gave up the best thing that's happened you for something uncertain.

What happened next made her worries fly out the window. Taeyeon leaned down and kissed her. It was a light and gentle peck, but enough to make her heart beat erratically. She had dreamt of kissing Taeyeon and when their lips touched for real, it was the best feeling ever. Taeyeon's lips were so soft. Better than what I've imagined.

Taeyeon pulled away and sat down with a goofy grin on her face. If she could scream at the top of her lungs she would. Nothing could explain what she's feeling right now. What more can she ask for? The person she love, loves her back. 

Tiffany looked at her shyly and mirrored her smile. Does this mean she feels the same way? The kiss.. The thought of Taeyeon's lips on hers made her wet her lips in reflex.

"You won't believe how long I've waited for you to say that, the way I wanted you to. Thank you, Fany-ah. You just made me the happiest human being alive."

Tiffany widened her eyes and gasped. "W-what? You-"

"Yes. I've been in love with you since the day you appeared infront of me. Sorry I don't have the courage to do what you did. I was afraid you'd push me away. I don't want to lose you, Fany. But I'm happy to know you feel the same way."

"Oh my god."

"I know, right? It's an unexplainable feeling. I'm so happy right now I could dance." Taeyeon grinned.

"Oh my god."

Taeyeon laughed at Tiffany's awestruck expression. She probably thought I'd leave her and never come back. This adorable being. "Yah, snap out of it!" She paused. "I love you too."

Tiffany blushed deep red and hid her face behind her hands. "This is so embarrassing."

Tiffany's words were muffled by her hand but Taeyeon could hear it clearly. She chuckled to herself. She couldn't put into words how happy she's feeling right now. Reaching out to gently pry Tiffany's hand off, she smiled at her lovingly and kissed the back of her hand. "Thank you."

"What for?" Tiffany met her gaze.

"For loving me." She grinned as Tiffany smiled bashfully at her. She found this side of Tiffany really endearing because the girl was usually confident. Seeing her being shy like that made her want to kiss her again, but she controlled herself. Not here, Kim Taeyeon.

"When did it start, by the way?"

"Hm?" Tiffany looked at her, confused.

"When did you feel.. things were different?"

Honestly she didn't feel a slight difference on the way Tiffany treated her so she was genuinely curious. Were they too close that the small gestures were overlooked by Taeyeon?

"I don't know when it started but you remember that talk we had with the girls a while back?"

Taeyeon furrowed her brows and thought back. "Ah, the one about the qualities we look for in our other half?"

"Yup, that." Tiffany nodded her head. "It was then that I saw you in a different light. I realized that the qualities I look for screams you. At first I was afraid to realize that, then I started to deny. But after a few weeks the feelings got stronger and I always have this urge to.. kiss you." Tiffany softened her tone at the end of the sentence, feeling shy. She could feel her cheeks heating up for the nth time that night.

Taeyeon smiled to herself, glad that she wasn't the only one feeling that way. "I do too, you know."

Tiffany looked up and locked her gaze with Taeyeon. She found the latter's slight smirk really attractive and it made the butterflies in her stomach do somersaults. 

"I've always wanted to kiss you whenever you pout or bite your lips. You don't know how much self control I need to not pounce on you at times like this." Taeyeon cleared and shifted in her seat, still not used to being so straightforward with Tiffany. She felt shy but it was the truth. That was why she pecked Tiffany on the lips instead of saying those three words which would have been sufficient.

Tiffany grinned and raised her hand to get the waiter's attention.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting the bill and getting us home so you don't have to control yourself." Tiffany winked and bit her lower lip seductively.

Taeyeon felt all her blood rushing to the top of her head and cursed softly. Tiffany would be the death of her. That one hell of a y girlfriend of hers. Girlfriend. She smiled to herself. She made a mental note to ask Tiffany to be her girlfriend when they're home. She knew they don't need to explicitly put a status but she'd like that confirmation. You're finally mine now, she thought as she watched Tiffany place her credit card on the tray.

Tiffany felt eyes on her and looked up to see Taeyeon smiling softly while looking at her. She returned the smile and felt fuzzy all inside. She didn't know how Taeyeon was capable of doing this to her just by looking at her. But she was glad she fell in love with her best friend. She never thought she would fall for a woman, her best friend no less. But since it happened, she was going to make the best out of it.

---

When she realized she loves Tiffany so much and wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her life together with her. 

---

Taeyeon blew her nose loudly into the facial tissue and crumpled it before throwing it into the bin carelessly. She plopped down to the couch and brought her legs up to the coffee table. She was down with a bad cold and all she did for the past two days was a blur. She woke up drowsily, ate and then went back to sleep.

The door opened and she turned her head to greet her girlfriend lazily. "Hey."

"Hi. Are you feeling better?" Tiffany took off her sneakers and placed them on the shoe rack before heading towards the living room.

"Much better. At least my head doesn't feel that heavy anymore." Taeyeon snuggled up to Tiffany, lying down sideways on the couch with her head on the latter's lap once she sat down on the couch.

Tiffany brushed Taeyeon's hair away from her eyes gently before placing a soft kiss on her temple. "That's good. I bought you congee. Do you want to eat it now?"

"Nah, later." She shook her head and shifted, lying on her back. "What would I do without you?"

Tiffany smiled lovingly, caressing Taeyeon's cheek with the back of her hand. She's not one to express her feelings through words but when she did, they always make Tiffany feel wanted and loved. "You'll probably have a hard time. But don't worry, I'm not going anywhere."

Taeyeon grinned, happy with the reply she got. "I'd kiss you right now if not for me being sick."

"You tease."

Tiffany gave her a peck on the lips anyway which made her grin wider.

"I like this." She looked up and reached out to cup Tiffany's cheek with her hand, her thumb gently brushing across the skin beneath it.

"Like what?" Tiffany continued playing with Taeyeon's hair, twirling around her finger.

"This. You, me. Us. I like the way we are right now. I'm comfortable. I'm happy." Taeyeon confessed, bringing Tiffany's hand to her chest and held it there, never breaking their eye contact. "It would feel empty without you."

She was never one to speak what's on her mind but right now she wished time could stop. She'd like to stay like this forever with Tiffany. In love, happy, contented, together. 

"Kim Cheeseball is back, I see." Tiffany grinned. "This means you're recovering well."

"You just had to spoil the moment." Taeyeon pouted, releasing Tiffany's hand.

"Love you too."

"..."

Tiffany chuckled and shook her head, unsure if she should laugh or cringe at her girlfriend's childishness. She leaned down and kissed Taeyeon with all she had. To hell with her sickness. She missed this pair of lips and she's going to make sure to kiss to her heart's content.

She pulled away from Taeyeon when she felt short of breath. The latter's eyes fluttered open and her cheeks were slightly flushed. Tiffany found the sight really cute and couldn't help but smile, her eyes curving up.

"Y-you could get sick." Taeyeon panted, her chest heaving up and down. That mind-blowing kiss turned her world upside down and she needed some time to reboot.

"I don't care. I missed you."

Taeyeon's heart swelled with love and didn't know if she could ever live without Tiffany. That's one thing she don't want to think of and hoped it would never happen. Life would really be different without Tiffany around and she's not sure if she could live with that. Tiffany's her everything, her world.

Her friends did warn her that she's getting too attached within a short period of time. But she's been waiting for this moment for so long. So sue her. Tiffany makes her happy and she's willing to do anything to keep her with her.

---

The day she found out love isn't always rainbows and cotton candy like the fairytales she read when she was young.

---

Something feels different. She couldn't pinpoint what exactly it was but something's definitely going on with Tiffany. She was more restless during their dates, she would choose to laze around in the apartment instead of heading out, and their physical contact has gradually decreased. Taeyeon brushed it off, thinking that maybe Tiffany was too stressed out at work. But after months of all the uncharacteristic behaviour, she realized that things aren't as simple as it seems.

Just like now, Tiffany was sitting at the end of the couch instead of being wrapped up in her embrace. She didn't mind it at first but she really missed having her girlfriend cuddling up to her. Whenever she asked Tiffany what's going on, she always got a nonchalant reply. She didn't probe further because she knew her girlfriend would get annoyed and the last thing she wanted was to fight with Tiffany. To be honest she disliked fighting with Tiffany so she would always give in to her, regardless whether she was in the wrong or not. 

Her friends called her whipped but she just felt that the time together with Tiffany should be spent happily. Why waste time arguing when they've already wasted time being careful around each other? Tiffany was like her dream come true. So she'd do whatever she can to make her happy, to love her like no other.

But tonight, something clicked in her and she really wanted to find out what's been bugging Tiffany. She needed to know. She was starting to get impatient and irritated, to be honest. Just how long was she supposed to put up with this? There's always a limit to everything and Taeyeon knew she's reaching her own.

"Fany-ah, what's wrong? Do you want to talk about it? You might feel better. I can give you advices if you need any."

Although she's a little pissed off at the way Tiffany was treating her, deep down she's more worried than anything. It's really uncharacteristic of Tiffany to be like that and she's starting to think something bad happened.

"I.." Tiffany looked at her, frowning while biting her lower lip. She didn't know how to put it into words.

The way she hesitated made Taeyeon fearful. She has a bad feeling about this. She scooted closer to Tiffany and held her hand. "Hey, remember when we first started we mentioned to be truthful to each other even if it'd hurt the other person?" Taeyeon paused. "Just tell me what's wrong? You've not.. been you for quite a while."

Tiffany started crying at the genuine concern Taeyeon had for her and she felt like the worst girlfriend in the world. How's she supposed to break it to her?

Taeyeon panicked when Tiffany started crying and engulfed her in a hug, patting her back soothingly, cooing softly in her ears. "Shh. What's wrong baby? Hm?" She hoped that nickname calling would make Tiffany smile but she just looked at her still with the frown.

"Taeyeon-ah. I.." Tiffany took a deep breath. "I don't think.. I don't think I can do this a-anymore."

"Do.. what?" Taeyeon asked softly, somehow sensing where this conversation's going. And honestly that's the one conversation she don’t want to have with Tiffany. Ever.

"Tae.."

The tone Tiffany used was enough to confirm her guess. She could feel tears welling up her eyes, making her vision blurry. "B-but we've been doing fine!" Or I thought we were. But who am I kidding? She changed, or rather we changed. The signs were there for me to see but I chose to overlook them.

Tiffany suppressed her own batch of tears and kissed the corner of Taeyeon's lips, conveying her apology. She tried, she really did. The first few years she was alright with things between them. She was willing to change, she thought she could stick with Taeyeon for a long period of time. But she couldn't. As she grew older, the urge to have her own family grew too. And she wasn't sure if she could give it up.

Taeyeon took a ragged breath, keeping her tears at bay. "What went wrong? Did I do something?"

That broke Tiffany's heart even more. At times like this Taeyeon would still think that it's her fault. What was she doing to her? She knew she's going to break Taeyeon but it has to be done.

"Listen to me," Tiffany started, cupping Taeyeon's face with her hands. "You're not the one at fault. You didn't do anything. It's me. I.. I want to get married and have kids. Kids of my own."

Taeyeon slumped her shoulders and heaved a deep sigh. There was no way she could fight for Tiffany because she couldn't marry her. Well, not unless they get married in a country that legalized gay marriage. Even so, she couldn't give Tiffany a baby unless they go for adoption or pay the bank a visit. Either way, it's a really long and tough journey ahead of them. This was suddenly so complicated that her head's starting to hurt.

She loves Tiffany too much. And if letting go despite all her unwillingness would make her happy, she's gonna do just that. It hurt. But ever since she's aware of her ual orientation, she knew the road ahead will be difficult and full of obstacles. She knew how badly Tiffany wanted a family of her own because way before they got together, they talked about it once and ever since then it's etched in her mind.

How her boyfriend would propose, how her wedding would be, how her dream apartment would look like, how many kids they'd have.. Taeyeon remembered all that. She knew nothing would change Tiffany's mind. She wouldn't have told Taeyeon if she was still unsure, that's the way she is.

She closed her eyes briefly and let those tears fall. Then leaned forward to kiss Tiffany. She kissed her fervently since it's the last time she's allowed to do that. Before they breakup. Before I lose her. More tears escaped her eyes as she held back a sob.

She pulled away reluctantly and brushed her thumb across the red and swollen pair of lips. She would've jokingly said she's the best lipstick in the world to Tiffany if not for the fact that they're about to end the relationship. The best thing that has ever happened to me is slipping away and there's nothing I can do.

Tiffany was looking back at her with tears in her own eyes. Taeyeon brushed those tears away with her finger before she wiped her face with her hand. She sniffed, taking in the sight infront of her. She looked at Tiffany's eyebrows, to her eyes, her nose, her lips, everywhere on her face. She wanted to etch this face into her mind. Photographs don't do Tiffany justice and she don't want to be a creep, staring at her picture every single day. Although she'll most probably do that anyway.

"Taeyeon-ah, say something? Please?" Tiffany pleaded, her hand reaching out to Taeyeon. She'd prefer her raging or crying but this emotionless being infront of her made her afraid that she might have broken Taeyeon beyond repair.

Taeyeon looked at her with a pair of hollow eyes and she felt herself choking with tears. "S-sorry. I'm sorry, T-tae."

"I love you," Taeyeon said softly. "I'm sorry we have to end things but you should know I'll always love you." She reached out to wipe the endless tears streaming down Tiffany's face and managed a small smile. "Thank you for trying and putting up with me. Thank you for giving me a chance to love you. It's the best 5 years of my life."

Tiffany held the hand on her cheek and pulled Taeyeon forward with her free hand to kiss her. Thank you, Taeyeon-ah. I'm sorry.

Taeyeon reciprocated the kiss as eagerly. One last kiss. And I'll make sure you won't ever know of the promise ring I bought at your favourite jewelry store that has been lying between my pile of t-shirts for half a year.

She planned to give the ring to Tiffany on their 6th anniversary that's coming in a month. She knew she couldn't marry Tiffany in where they're living but she wanted to promise her the whole of herself. In Taeyeon's eyes that was as good as a proposal, an engagement, a commitment. Something that could be close to whatever Tiffany was hoping for. But well, happens.

---

Now standing in the midst of this huge ballroom with chandeliers from the ceiling, ushers and servers going around, she could do nothing but reminisce. It felt like it was just yesterday when she met her, but a decade has passed. She could still remember her laugh, the way her eyes curled up when she smiles, the way she pout, the way she bite her lips when she's nervous, the way she munch food on the left side of , the way she curls up into a fetus position when asleep, the way she glares at someone when she's angry, and so much more.

"Taeyeon?"

A familiar voice brought her out of her trance and she turned around to see her best friend, Sunny, standing a distance away looking stunning in a black cocktail dress.

"Sunny!" She placed her glass on the tray held by a server who walked pass and took long strides to hug her best friend.

Sunny chuckled and held her tight. "It's been a while."

They didn't contact each other for close to three years now. Funny how they could still feel comfortable around each other, not even an awkward moment.

"Indeed. I missed you."

Taeyeon broke the hug to take a good look at Sunny. Nothing much changed except for the fact that her friend has matured and she's rocking that short hairstyle.

"You cut your hair." She touched the ends of Sunny’s hair using her fingers.

"Yeah, I wanted a change and realized I kinda look better in short hair." Sunny shrugged.

"It does. You look energetic, young even." She grinned when Sunny slapped her shoulder playfully. "You can't deny we've all aged."

"30 is the new 20, Taeng." Sunny laughed.

There was a slight pause as they both took in the reality that they're standing right infront of each other, talking as if the past three years were just a fragment of their imagination. 

Sunny held her hand and gave it a light squeeze, her gaze softened and it was as though she was speaking to her through her eyes. 

"I'm fine, Soonkyu." Taeyeon smiled albeit shakily.

Sunny said nothing but held her hand tighter, smiling knowingly.

It's obvious she was far from fine.

---

Sitting around her friends, they talked and laughed as they waited for the ceremony to begin. It was great catching up with them again after so many years. Taeyeon was amazed how they didn't lose their touch and chemistry even after being separated.

She took a sip of wine and looked around the ballroom taking in more familiar faces, most of them were from the same college while some of them were strangers to her. The only ones who stayed together from high school till college were seated around the same table.

The lighting dimmed and she felt her heart beating rapidly. The hand holding onto the wine glass shook involuntarily and she immediately placed the glass onto the table to avoid any accident.

The ballroom suddenly became quiet as all the chatters stopped. Everyone focused on the big screen ahead and a video started playing.

Taeyeon couldn't help but smile when she saw photos of the days spent with her friends in campus. It brought back a lot of memories she tried her best not to touch. Her eyes automatically went to that particular red head. 

She still remember how shocked she was when Tiffany turned up in school with her hair red one day. The latter said she wanted a change and decided to be bold, and that the result turned out better than she had expected. Taeyeon couldn't get used to it but she had to admit that it did look good on Tiffany. 

Then came pictures of them. She had to stop herself from grinning when she saw the two of them smiling into the camera, her arms around her. It was taken when they were roommates. They just graduated and decided to move in together to split the rental. Those were one of the best days of her life. 

The video went on but her mind was preoccupied with Tiffany. It was not until the lights came on that she realized she had tears in her eyes. She wiped them off swiftly with her finger. Then she felt a hand covering hers that was shaking uncontrollably. She turned to her left and saw Sunny smiling at her warmly, her hand squeezing hers tightly. She tried smiling back but she couldn't. She wanted to get out of there. It was too depressing and she shouldn't even feel this way.

---

Tiffany stood on the stage with her hand around her husband's arm, looking at her friends and family sitting at the tables. She took the microphone from her husband and spoke into it.

"Thank you all for coming to my wedding, witnessing the best day of my life together with me." She smiled, glancing around the room. "This man here came when I was devastated, mourning for my failed relationship. He knew I couldn't return anything but he still stayed by my side and made sure I was taken care of. If saying that I wasn't touched would be a lie. His determination finally paid off and here we are, holding this wedding two years after getting together."

"And he's not the only one. I wanted you guys to know you played a big part in my life too. So it was my idea to do the video montage. And yes, to those who've watched me grow into who I am, those who grew up together with me, thank you." Her eyes landed on the blonde she missed and haven't seen ever since that night. Their gaze locked and she could feel her heartbeat against her ribcage. "I love you."

She cut short her speech and wanting nothing more than to dash down the stage to hug Taeyeon. She was indeed mourning for her failed relationship with Taeyeon and then he came along. The two of them are incomparable and she would never talk about them together. Both hold a special place in her heart.

She was just glad Taeyeon looked good and seem to have greater confidence. Her attention got pulled away when her husband motioned her to take a picture with the wedding cake. She did so absentmindedly, going through everything as told.

Finally it was time to go around the tables to take pictures. She went to their families' tables and took pictures with them, smiling and talking but on her mind she was thinking of what to say to Taeyeon once they meet. She wanted them to be friends, no matter how cruel that sounds. She missed her best friend. No one could understand her like Taeyeon did.

After all the phototaking, she walked towards the table where her high school friends sat, together with her husband. She scanned the table and frowned when she didn't see Taeyeon sitting there. The space beside Sunny is empty.

"She went back already," Sunny said apologetically, as if sensing what's on her mind. "She told me to pass you this and to say congratulations." Sunny took out a baby pink envelope and handed it to Tiffany.

She took the envelope gingerly and smiled, despite feeling disappointed that Taeyeon didn't stay to say a few more words or to congratulate her in person. Do you still hate me for doing what I did?

She held onto the pink envelope and mingled with her friends, taking pictures and laughing with them. She knew what that meant. Taeyeon wanted to close this chapter of theirs so she could start a new one with her husband. She knew Taeyeon was just trying to have the closure they didn't have 3 years back.

Thank you, Kim Taeyeon. I'll always remember you and the things you've done for me. I promise you I'll be happy. You must be, too. Find someone who can return your feelings and give you what you want- the things I couldn't give you. I love you.

---

Dear Tiffany

Congratulations! I wish you'll have a blissful marriage. I'm happy to see the interaction between the two of you. I could feel the love and I'm glad he treats you right. And you're finally able to fulfill your wish of having your own family. 

That's something I couldn't give you. It was great while it lasted. The only thing I regretted the most was not holding you in my arms longer and whenever I could. I guess I kind of took things for granted. I thought we’d be together forever, I thought we still had time, I thought I had you. 

Thank you for the wonderful memories. I know he's the one who could make you happy. I hope to see little Fany running around in the next few years, alright? Just please tone down on the pink stuff. And if it's a boy, please don't dress him up in pink like what you did to Prince Fluffy. 

Don't worry about me. Although it has been three years, I still can't get you out of my mind. It was one of the reasons why I chose to leave. I knew if I were to stay, I would fight for you, for us, and I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do. Because that's clearly not what you want.

I know, Fany, I know you've been trying so hard to adapt to the life you thought you wanted. It must be hard on you to ignore the gossips and comments made towards us. Silly girl, you kept those harsh words from me thinking I don't know? I know everything. I'm sorry, it was my fault. I should have protected you with all I have.

Let me say this one last time, I swear it's the last.

I love you, Tiffany Hwang. Always have, always will.

Farewell.

Yours
Kim Taeyeon

---

Happy New Year everyone! This was supposed to be posted on 31 December 2015 but well... I did quite a lot of editing. 

I know it's a joyful season but this just came into my mind a month or two back and I had to do this.

Hope you liked it!

Comments, thoughts and criticisms are welcome. I love reading those stuff. ^^

Have a very GG holiday!

-E

Edit: You can download the PDF here.