It’s been a week.

A week since I last spoke to Namjoon. I think this is the longest we’ve ever went without meeting up or talking properly. It feels weird. I sighed, helping myself to another large spoonful of ice cream. Even when I broke up with Mingyu and was so broken hearted all I could do was cry, I only didn’t speak to Namjoon for a day before he turned up at my door with ice cream and let me cry into his shirt until I felt better.

Namjoon has messaged me a few times, but I’ve just been sending back short replies, telling him I’m busy with uni work, even though we usually study together, even though we don’t have the same classes. I helped myself to another spoonful of ice cream. A loud knocking at my door startled me. I quickly glanced at the time. 11:30pm. Who the hell?

I got up, not bothering to fix my appearance and opened the door revealing a pissed off Namjoon. “What the hell.” Was all he said before he pushed past me, kicking his shoes off at the door and making his way into my apartment completely uninvited. Why is he here? He can’t be here. I haven’t settled my feelings yet! I closed the door and shuffled my way into the living room. He had turned off my TV and was pacing back and forth.

“Why are you here so late? I was just about to go to bed.” I lied. He stopped pacing and turned to face me, his expression caught me completely off guard. He looked so upset. “You’ve been avoiding me.” He said simply. . “No I haven’t. I’ve just been busy…” I said lamely. He ran his hand through his hair in frustration and resumed his pacing. I didn’t move from my spot. Afraid that if I got too close to him I’d do something I’d regret and completely destroy our relationship.

“Too busy for me? Really?” he said, his tone mocking me. “You’ve never pushed me away like this. Is something wrong? If there is you can tell me.” He said as he stepped closer to me. I subconsciously took a step back. He frowned at me, a confused expression on his beautiful face. “There’s nothing wrong.” I said. Afraid to say anything more in case I gave myself away, Namjoon knows me better than I know myself.

“Bull!” he yelled, startling me. “I’m not stupid. I know there’s something going on here. It’s been a full week since we hung out. You’ve barely been responding to any of my texts and you haven’t been answering my calls. It’s driving me crazy!” I suppressed the desire to laugh. He’s going crazy? He can’t even imagine how I feel. “I told you. I’ve been busy! I’ve had loads of essays to do and I’ve been working a lot of overtime as well.” I said, hoping he’d buy my lies.

He looked me dead in the eye, I held his gaze. Willing my heart to calm down. He swore loudly, finally letting his gaze fall from mine. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief. “I don’t know why it’s frustrating me so much. It’s not like we’re dating or anything.” He said more to himself than to me but I still felt like all the air in the room had been out. I felt the burn of tears behind my eyes. Please no. Be strong. You got this! I cleared my throat, hoping my voice wouldn’t crack when I spoke.

“No. we’re not.” Was all I managed to say. I could feel the lump growing in my throat. I’m so ing pathetic. “Let yourself out. I’m going to bed.” I said quickly as I rushed towards my bedroom. I only made it a few steps before Namjoon grabbed my wrist and turned me around, his frustrated expression turned to one of concern. “You’re crying. What’s wrong?” he asked, his tone was so caring that I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. “It’s nothing, let me go.” I said as I tried to pull my arm out of his grasp, but he wouldn’t let go.

“No. Not until you tell me what’s wrong!” he demanded as he pulled on my wrist again so that I was standing in front of him. “For sake Namjoon, let me ing go!” I yelled. I’ve never yelled at him like that before. I hoped it would startle him long enough for me to pull my arm out of his grasp but instead he just pulled me into a hug. This is not what I expected. No, no, no! I felt the tears start to fall from my eyes. His arms wrapped tightly around me.

“Please tell me what’s wrong.” He said quietly as he my hair. Despite my better judgement, my arms wrapped around his waist. “I’m a ing idiot.” I whispered into his shoulder through my crying. “Tell me.” He said, still my hair. “I think… I think I’ve fallen in love with you.” His hand stopped my hair. I quickly pushed away from him, “That’s why I’ve been avoiding you. I’ve been trying to sort out my feelings. But don’t worry! I’m going to sort myself out. And then everything can go back to how it was.” I said, forcing myself to laugh a little, hoping he was more convinced by my words than I am.

Namjoon looked at me with an expression I couldn’t place. He finally lifted his gaze to meet mine, “What if I don’t want that?” he said in his warm, low voice. “What if I don’t want things to go back to how they were between us?” I must have looked as confused as I felt. “What do you mean?” I asked. He sighed loudly and ran his hand through his hair yet again. A small smile appeared on his lips, “Are you really that dense?”

“Yah, what the hell Namjoon?” I spluttered as he closed the distance between us, his hand cupping my cheek. “I’ve been trying to get you to be mine since kindergarten. I think everyone has figured it out except for you.” I’m pretty sure I’m staring with my mouth wide open. “W-what?” was all I managed to say. Namjoon chuckled at me, “Babo. I’m trying to tell you that I’ve been in love with you since forever.”

He didn’t give me a chance to say anything else as he pulled me tightly against him and pressed his lips against mine. My eyes slipped closed as I felt his lips press together against mine. My hands moved of their own accord and wrapped around his neck. His tongue my lips asking for entrance to my mouth which I gave without a second thought. Our tongues moved together in a kiss that was nothing like I’d ever felt before. It was as if we’d been kissing all our lives, it felt as natural as breathing.

Speaking of breathing, the need to breathe became so strong that we finally broke apart, my arms still around his neck, one of his hands cupping my cheek, the other wrapped tightly around my waist. He gave me a warm smile and placed a chaste kiss on my forehead. I smiled up at him, my tears completely gone. “Have you really been in love with me since kindergarten?” I asked, a hint of a grin on my lips. He rolled his eyes at me, “Yes. I can’t believe it’s taken you this long to work it out.”

“Why didn’t you just say something?” I asked curiously. He pulled me into a tight hug. “For the same reason you’ve been pushing me away for this last week. I was too afraid of ruining our friendship. I kept on imagining what it would be like if I confessed and you didn’t feel the same. I was worried that things would have become awkward between us and we wouldn’t be as close any more.” I hugged him a little tighter. “I’m sorry I made you wait so long.” I mumbled against his shoulder. “It’s ok. You’re worth the wait…”