OST: 불안한 마음

It is 12am in the morning and Kyungsoo has his heart on the plate.

Everything feels surreal to him– but he has gone through this ever since Jongin left. The right side of the bed is left cold, scent of Jongin's cologne is slowly fading and spaces then filled with Jongin's possesions are now left empty, waiting for the dust to settle down.

Kyungsoo gazes over to the ceiling, the void feels so real to him but he can't do anything about it. It feels too empty, and he feels like crying. He misses Jongin. It's been a few days and it's eating him alive.

Nights like these are usually occupied with yells on their throat, profanities on their lips, things thrown to the wall behind the door but now, the only thing that changes is, everything. 

For better or for worse, it changes.

The best part of it, Kyungsoo knows the reason why. 

----

The clock strikes 2am and Kyungsoo couldn't breathe. 

So Kyungsoo steps out from his bedroom and passes the living room. The air reeks of alcohol stench, Jongin's scent and a broken heart. Brands of alcohol bottles are all over the floor, and Kyungsoo closes his eyes, ignoring the scenes playing out before his eyes. 

The living room has witnessed all of the things happened to them, of how it all starts and in a matter of seconds, pieces of glass starts to fly across the room. Kyungsoo has never seen that part of Jongin, and the next moment Jongin spits out his words, Kyungsoo knows it's his first taste of heartbreak. 

"You're not that important for me to make all this thing about you, Kyungsoo!"

Kyungsoo opens his eyes to the realization, he shouldn't feel this sad. But he is, and there's nothing he can do about it.

When Kyungsoo had enough of the bad memories, he enters the pitch black kitchen with mouth too dry and cheeks tainted with dried tears. The flickering light from behind the window's bind is the only source of light but it isn't helping so Kyungsoo flicks the light switch on. Kyungsoo squints his eyes a bit, adjusting to the amount of light entering his cornea. He sighs.

He could need a black coffee now, he can't sleep anyway so he just might as well drink up some caffeine. 

Kyungsoo drinks his coffee black, no sugar. He loves the bitter aroma spreading in his mouth like a wildfire, he loves the aftertaste in his mouth, he loves coffee. But not as much as he does to Jongin. 

Coffee is bitter and it reminds Kyungsoo of his life.

Life without Jongin are both shades of black and white and bitter.

He needs something to remind him of his life without Jongin.

Kyungsoo has always kept his coffee maker on. So that sometimes when reality hits, or when life is so full of , he looks out for his coffee.

The thing about Kyungsoo is, he always holds sentimental values on things, especially the ones Jongin gave to him on special occasions and when he uses their 100-day anniversary coffee set, Kyungsoo couldn't handle his tears anymore.

It spells, "Soo x Jongin to eternity" on the cups and the saddest part is, Kyungsoo is not sure about their eternity anymore.

Everything in this house reminds him of Jongin. The smell of burning love, the warmth of their skin onto each other, and the taste of Jongin's lips on his. He reminds him of Kim Jongin, and he hates it. 

Kyungsoo pours in the coffee into his cup, slowly sipping in the black liquid down his throat. Kyungsoo groans in pleasure amidst his tears trickling down his cheeks.

Then, it starts. A trip down the memory lane of their faded love.

Kyungsoo has always known why Jongin comes home a little bit too late some days. Kyungsoo has always known why kisses are no longer their norms. Kyungsoo has always known why Jongin sometimes stench of and different man's cologne. Kyungsoo has always known why the usual 'I love yous' and 'I miss yous' are no longer spoken. But Kyungsoo only knows this man a few days ago. The man that completes Jongin's dream.

Kyungsoo knows because Jongin told him about it. 

He called Kyungsoo his nightmare and the other man, his sweetdream. Kyungsoo knows and it hurts him more than when Jongin told him he's been sleeping with other people.

Kyungsoo kept mum about it but Jongin won't let it go. So he threw a tantrum and turned their house a hell of a mess.

Kyungsoo asked if Jongin had stopped loving him. Jongin said no. But the next answer turned Kyungsoo's world upside down.

"I have never loved you and I had enough of you."

Jongin packed his things, left and never came back. 

While Kyungsoo is still truly, deeply, madly in love with Kim Jongin. He is still his world, and he always have been. Kyungsoo isn't sure what he feels anymore because the pain in both his chest and his mind is really eating him up.

Kyungsoo still remember the taste of spring when Jongin brushes their skins together. Kyungsoo still remember the taste of summer when Jongin decides to kiss his pain away. Kyungsoo still remember the taste of autumn when Jongin says I love you like chocolate melts in his mouth. Kyungsoo still remember the taste of winter when Jongin tells him to be his.

Kyungsoo still remembers and that pains him the most. He still remember the taste of Jongin, of how he has loved him, of how he misses him, of how he needs him, of how he still loves him.

The last night they were together on the bed, riding on their last love, Jongin chants Sehun's name and Kyungsoo knows that he needs to give up at some point. So he gives all up, especially Jongin.

Jongin knows he meant the world to Kyungsoo but he doesn't mind because he has his eyes on Sehun. Do Kyungsoo doesn't matter anymore. He crush Kyungsoo's dreams to achieve his own dreams.

But Kyungsoo still loves him more than anything else in this whole world.

---

3am and Kyungsoo flies like an angel.

Kyungsoo finishes his last sip of the coffee on his balcony rail with a speed dial dialing on his phone, Jongin.

He stands on the rail, arms spread as he faces the sea of lights. This is it.

With a weak smile, and a tear slipped out of the empty eyes, Kyungsoo takes a leap forward towards the light. 

Kyungsoo jumps, along with his own black liquid of death.

The air cuts through his skin, the seconds feels longer as the flash of his life goes through his last moments.

And there he sees, the last cracked image of Kim Jongin, before he closes his eyes and his bloody body lays limp on the pavement. 

Kyungsoo loves his coffee, bitter but he loves Jongin, better.

---

"Hello?"

"Kyungsoo, why are you calling me?"

"Hey, talk to me. I can't hear you, the wind is too loud."

"Kyungsoo? Hello? You there?"

"Move on, Kyungsoo. Don't you understand: I never loved you."

"Hello? Soo?! Are you playing a prank on me?"

"Whatever Soo. I'm hanging up."

Jongin really never loved him.

---

Author's Note:

Here's a 1k drabble from me before school starts! Ugh! Sorry for the ending though. I just have this imagination of Kyungsoo with his black coffee and a cheating Jongin lol and it strikes me at 2AM in the morning /cries/ okay bye. Have fun in 2016! I'll be back in November.

CHECK OUT MY OTHER STORY

MY OWN LITTLE MISERY (Ours)

Summary: 

I'm Do Kyungsoo and I loved a man once.

His name is Byun Baekhyun and this is our little story.

Dear Baek, do know something about me,

I love you, Baek.

Always.

[ANGST, MPREG, PG-13, BAEKSOO]