Shivering, cold and alone; shivering from the cold, cold by the heart alone, alone: all on my own.

It's raining loud and heavy, as if the clouds share the same sentiment as I do.

I should be happy right?

No one's going to order me around anymore, no one's going to tease me, no one to serve, no one to prepare food for, no one to share the bed with, no one to hug me in the morning, no one to share this big space with.

I got this all for myself.

Myself.

Alone.

Chanyeol was a jerk. A big jerk, probably the biggest jerk I ever could possibly meet but HE is MY JERK.

Well not anymore. He left me

"You've been coming home late for a while now Yeol. What are you up to recently?" I said as I watch him from the sofa going inside the house.

"Nothing and please do mind your own business? Can you?" removing his coat, going on with what he's doing, as if were talking of something insignificant and he did not just indirectly shoo me out of his life

"You are my business, Chanyeol!!" now standing up, weaving my way to him.

"For crying out loud Kyungsoo I am not a baby. Leave the door open, I'll be going out" he said as he goes back to the door he just came from.

"Going out? You've just arrive!! My goodness Chanyeol!! Where do you even plan to go at this very hour?" I said, now shouting even louder with my hands up.

He just turned to look at me and sighed. Then continue to go on his way to the gates.

"CHANYEOL!! Hey!! Don't you dare turn your back on me like that!!"

Still as if he doesn't even hear a thing. As I can't contain this anger and frustration anymore I grab him by the arm and made him turn to face me as hard as I could.

"What the ing hell Do Kyungsoo?" he shouts.

"What the hell?" I snickered, soon to burst.

"WHAT THE HELL!!!! My life has been hell for s sake because of a jerk like you!! Now you're asking me "What the hell?" This is HELL!! You hear me? THIS IS ING HELL"

"So you want me to leave?" grabbing my arm so hard, as if my muscles and bone would separate.

"Isn't that what you want? Huh? HUH!!" pushing his hand away and punching his chest, pushing him away from me. As far as my strength can.

"I rarely get see your face here anyway."

"You want this? Huh? You want this? I'll gladly give it to you!! I'm sick of your nosy anyway!!" he said finally and sternly walking out.

"Farewell Do Kyungsoo!! I wish you happily never after!!" as he walks to the gate, stomping.

"Goodbye!!" as he slams the gate shut.

Or should I say I let him go.

"Don't you dare show your face to me ever again you jerk. I wish all the bad riddance you could get good bye!!" opening the gate even, waving my hands and smiling sarcastically.

Little did I know that as soon as those words left my mouth, I would be living in a hell never did anyone imagine, so much hell that it haunts me in my sleep, so much, that I never dream of waking up to face reality.

I got lost.

I've been lost.

I am still lost.

I've never been this lost.

It weird how the fights and arguments that I dreaded every goddamn day were the ones that I am missing now, how the jerk who made my life hard was the one who I want to hold in my arms so hard.

Now I am crying, continuously crying, never stopping even if I had to, even if I wish to.

Never thought there's something much worse than arguing every single day.

Never thought that shouting and fighting, were loving each other in a way.

Never thought there's something much worse than what I have felt.

Never thought that in such sadness one can drown and melt.

Never thought, never did once crossed my mind, never did I even dared to dream of, that you, again would knock and free my heart with sadness' lock.

No words shared. No words spoken. No voices heard.

Only moments shared. Only feelings the heart has spoken. Only feelings that took long enough for each other's to be heard.

Now as I was enclosed by your embrace, by your loving and soothing touch that heals.

I found my way.

I am not anymore lost.

I am home.

To Chanyeol a jerk. A really big jerk, probably the biggest jerk I ever could possibly meet but HE is MY JERK.

And he will always be.