I was walking. Just walking. Fleeing from the pain, the loss. I was trying to find an escape hatch, trying to find something that would make me feel any emotions. I’d felt all the sickening, devastating, heart-wrenching emotions before. And then today, I woke up, and they had faded. I didn’t want to fade along with them.

My sleeping patterns have been irregular for days. I haven’t spoken to anyone, I haven’t had anything to eat, and I don’t even remember what I’ve done. So, despite it being one in the morning, I went walking.

It was cold outside, and I hadn’t bothered with a coat. It worked, I felt something; cold. So I kept walking. I became more daring, heading into areas that I knew were dangerous, spending hours in dark alleyways, waiting. I found a new place every day, and there was always something new to discover.

I kept up my routine. I always kept my head down. I walked for a while, and the pavements disappeared, sloping down to join the road. But I kept walking. No cars were around anyway.

I noticed two guys in hoods walking towards me. I felt nothing. So I kept walking. They purposely bumped into my shoulder as they passed, but I always kept my head down.

I had seen the face of one. He looked a little like Jin. I had turned around to get another look, but I knew he wasn’t there. Jin would be at home. As usual. He never wanted to walk, even if I asked him. There was no need to worry.

I slumped down against a metal gate in my favourite alleyway. There was a new graffiti pattern on the brick wall this time. Simple, but effective. A big, red cross. It wasn’t done properly, since the red spray paint was dripping down. But that only made it more intriguing. Maybe whoever it was had been in a hurry.

I remembered this alleyway. There was a good reason why it was my favourite. All of us came here once. We just ran back and forth, racing each other all night. It’s one of my most treasured memories. It was the best feeling winning against Namjoon. He’s too competitive for his own good… He took the defeat well though.

That night, Yoongi and I managed to climb up the drainpipes and get onto the roof. The sight from up there was unforgettable, even though all we saw were lights from an aeroplane rather than real stars. I laughed at how stupid he looked, and he threatened to push me off. But I knew he didn’t mean it. With encouragement from Hoseok, we ended up re-enacting the scene from the Titanic. I’m pretty sure we were drunk… I remember being scared when Yoongi tried to show off. He jumped off the roof, his mint green hair flying in the wind, and grabbed onto the neon sign that was stuck on the side of the building. He whooped and hung there for ages, swinging and twisting. Although I yelled, he ignored me. I was the youngest after all. Finally Namjoon stepped in and told him to cut it out. Even though Yoongi pouted, he reluctantly hitched himself back onto the roof, right by my side.