I was still heartbroken three days after that. Either Seungcheol or Soonyoung hadn’t contacted me. Would they even try, I don’t even know. Maybe all that we really need is a break from love and some space and fresh air to ourselves, even though I kept checking my phone, hoping they are going to contact me again.

 

I went outside after three days to get some coffee by myself. It was cloudy and windy. It might rain soon. Just when I was about to enter the coffee shop, a guy preceded me. He was aware of it, then he turned to me and apologized.

 

“Sorry,” he said, “wait a minute… Rachel?”

 

I turned to him. “Seokmin?” I called him.

 

“Hi,” he said. “Hi,” I said back.

 

“Long time no see,” he added.

 

“Yeah…” I said, still kind of surprised that he was there.

 

“What are you doing?” he asked.

 

“Just going to get some coffee,” I replied.

 

“Come on in! After you,” he let me in first. After a while, he is still a nice and polite guy.

 

“How are you?” I small talked, when we sat down together at a table after we get our coffees. He ordered a cappuccino, just as I remembered.

 

“I’m fine, how about you? How are you and Seungcheol?” he asked back.

 

I sighed. “We just broke up,” I replied.

 

“Aw, I’m so sorry,” he said. I faked a smile. “What happened?” he asked.

 

“It was my fault. I betrayed him,” I said. “How are things?” I asked, trying to move onto another topic. “How is everyone doing? Jisoo, Hansol, Seungkwan?”

 

“They’re fine as far as I know. We still keep in touch everyday. Things are really great,” he replied. “My grades are increasing.”

 

“Hm,” I suppressed, “no new girlfriend?”

 

He shook his head. “I’m just focusing myself for college right now,” he explained and I nodded.

 

“Good for you,” I told him. He looked around the place. “This coffee shop didn’t change much, huh?”

 

I nodded. “Just as I remembered. Including you and your cappuccino,” I said. He laughed. “You, from when you didn’t like coffee as much, until you got so addicted you always asked me to go here,” he added. I laughed, remembering the old days when we dated. “I still go here to buy coffee. They have the best.”

 

In the middle of our conversation, Seokmin’s friend suddenly came and greeted him. “DK!” he called. Seokmin then stood up and they bumped their bodies into each other intentionally several times. “Hey, Hoshi!”

 

“Hey, DK!”

 

“Hey, Hoshi!”

 

“Hey, DK!”

 

He turned around and I was very surprised. It was Soonyoung. The Kwon Soonyoung. But… Hoshi? Why did Seokmin call him Hoshi and he called Seokmin ‘DK’? And wait, they are close friends? Just as I expected, anyway, they must have known each other. I could tell by the look on his face that he was very surprised too. Neither of us said anything, though. We just stared awkwardly at each other until Seokmin introduced us to another.

 

“Soonyoung, this is Rachel. Rachel, this is Soonyoung,” he said. We just bowed to each other. "Hi," I greeted him first. "H-hi," he said before Seokmin pulled him to sit beside him.

 

This is so awkward. I've got to escape this situation.

 

"I think it's my time to go..."

 

"No, no, no, it's okay, just join us," Seokmin said.

 

"But—"

 

"Come on, we haven't seen each other for so long," Seokmin insisted.

 

Sigh. I couldn’t say anything more. I was just so bad at denying at the time, maybe because Soonyoung was around too and I’ve been actually wanting his presence. Not that I didn’t want Seungcheol’s presence, but I couldn’t hope for him to come back. He must have really hurt. I had to let him go, anyway. I wasn’t the one for him.

 

"Remember when I told you I climbed a tree with my friend and couldn't go down when I was a kid?" Seokmin asked. "It was him!" he continued while pointing at Soonyoung. I pretended to be surprised. "Oh, wow."

 

"We met again last year at School of Performing Arts after years. Crazy, right?” I made the face once again.

 

We ended up eating lunch together that afternoon. It was kind of awkward between Soonyoung and I, but luckily Seokmin didn't notice it and he was always cracking up jokes and starting conversations, so thank God. At 2.30 p.m., we finally decided to split.

 

"Well, this is my route," Seokmin said.

 

"Oh, guess we're going different directions, then," I told him. He nodded. "It was nice seeing you again," he said. I nodded. "Me too."

 

"Soonyoung, which is your way home?" Seokmin asked.

 

"Uh... this way," he awkwardly pointed at my direction. Uh-oh.

 

"Okay, then. Be careful, you two. Goodbye!" Seokmin said as he left us. We waved him back then walked in the same direction. I was planning on just being quiet, but then it would be awkward and impolite. Besides, I wanted us to talk.

 

"I thought you were supposed to go the opposite way," I said, remembering where he lived he once told me.

 

"Am I not allowed to walk you home?" he asked, which kind of surprised me. I didn't know what to answer, so I just changed into another topic. “What is ‘Hoshi’?”

 

“It’s my stage name. I use it when I perform at school,” he answered simply.

 

“What does it mean?” I asked again.

 

“Tiger’s gaze,” he answered, “in Japanese it could also mean ‘star’.”

 

“What about DK?”

 

“It stands for ‘Dokyeom’. It means… ‘doing things on various aspects’,” he answered, then he changed the topic, "so... was he the boyfriend you were cheating on?" he asked.

 

"No," I said, "he is my other former boyfriend."

 

"Are you planning on getting back together with him?" he asked me again, completely interrogating.

 

"No. We just accidentally met after our break up."

 

"What about the boyfriend you were cheating on?"

 

I let out a breath before I replied him. "We broke up. I told him the truth the exact same night."

 

"Wow, so brave," he commented. "What's his name?"

 

"Seungcheol."

 

"Has he contacted you?"

 

"Um... nope, and I don't think he would," I replied.

 

“Would you?”

 

I kept silent for a moment. “I don’t know. I guess not. He deserves someone better,” I said as I turned left, but he stopped. "Hey!" he called me. I turned to him, not saying anything. "Where are you going?" he asked.

 

"Uh... home," I answered.

 

"Nah. Let's go somewhere else," he said. "I always want to try the street food downtown," he continued while walking toward me. He looked at me in the eyes and this time I braved myself to do the same thing. "Come with me," he said.

 

I stared at him blankly, not sure what he just said. "Come with me"? It has only been three days since I broke his heart and now he's asking me out again? How could he trust me so much after what I've done?

 

"Wh... what?" I started to stutter.

 

“Aigo, you’re too slow. Come on,” he said while grabbing my hand real fast and began walking again.

 

We spent the rest of the early evening together. I didn’t talk much though, still so confused about the whole situation, but he still took me here and there between the food stands.

 

“You’re quiet today,” he finally brought up the conversation when we sat on a bench, enjoying our second street food we tried. I turned to him awkwardly. “Oh—um, really?” I stuttered, suddenly feeling nervous.

 

“Come on,” he leaned his body forward, “speak up,” he said. I guess, he couldn’t read the situation. I just answered, “I guess… I’m in confusion.”

 

“Why?”

 

“About the whole situation,” I spoke up. He didn’t say anything, still locking his eyes on mine. “I’ve just hurt you, three nights ago. And now, here I am, three days later, with you, again,” I continued. “I just… I just don’t understand why do you still want me around.”

 

He looked around. “I think…” he paused, searching for the words to say, “I think, instead of keeping yesterday’s problems, I want to know you better,” he finally said.

 

“I want to know you better”? What does he mean by that?

 

“I know, you must have reasons for what happened. I guess, I’ll truly understand when I know you better,” he finished. He really is amazing. I slowly smiled at him and he replied back.

 

Later, he walked me to the subway station. I went home feeling full because of the street food, but I knew I felt better, spending time with Soonyoung and working things out. I had a positive thought about it.

 

It was raining when I arrived in my apartment. I took a warm bath, put on my pajamas, wrapped my wet hair in a towel, made myself a hot chocolate, and the TV, while texting with Soonyoung again. I was watching a funny TV show when someone rang my doorbell. I stood up to get it.

 

“Seungcheol?” I greeted him, completely surprised. He stood in front of me, all soaked because of the rain.

 

“H-hi,” he greeted me nervously, “are you going to bed anytime soon?”

 

“N-no,” I answered, “d-do you want to come in?” I became nervous. He nodded. “Yes, please. I want to talk to you,” he said and I let him in. Seeing how soaked he was, I went straight to my wardrobe to grab a towel and his shirt that he once let me wear. I went back to the living room to give him the towel and the shirt. “Oh, thank you,” he said and I could see he was kind of surprised that I cared on him being all soaked up by the rain. Tsk, of course I care. He went to my bathroom to get changed while I went to the kitchen to make him a drink with all the questions in my head. Why is he coming back? What does he want to talk about? I thought he already said goodbye. Just when I thought neither him or Soonyoung were going to contact me again, they did.

 

“Have you eaten dinner?” he asked when he got out as he sat in the dining room.

 

“Y-yeah,” I lied while making his drink. I made him a hot tea to make him feel warm. “Thank you,” he said when I gave him the tea. I sat with him, waiting for him to speak up.

“So, listen, Rachel…” he began. “I’ve been thinking… I know that you’ve hurt me, but I think I also made a mistake here. I was so evil for not giving any attention to you despite my business. I was also stupid for concluding that you denied to watch my practice, whereas you haven’t said anything about it at all, and I’m so sorry. I was just kind of stressed and I needed you there. So, I understood that you liked the attention you didn’t get from me and instead from someone else…” he paused. “You know, maybe… we could forget about all yesterday’s problems and… maybe I could give you another chance.”

 

What.

 

“Think about it. We’ve spent all one and a half year together. I’m willing to make it work again. I say, we could figure things out together,” he continued. “I think… I think I love you too much to let you go.”

 

I stayed still, speechless, not knowing what to answer. He was willing to went through rain for this? I truly don’t understand why is he doing this. He knew I cheated. Someone else was involved in this. How could he convince himself that I could be trusted again? How could he ask me to get back together? I was the one who hurt him, I should be the one begging on his doorstep. He must have really loved me, but I couldn’t bear seeing him hurt again.

 

“Seungcheol, I…” I trailed, truly confused on what to say. “I’ll have to make it clear for you: I hurt you. I cheated on you. You shouldn’t be trusting me again. I don’t want to see you hurt and who knows if I won’t hurt you again in the future? I can’t promise you,” I explained. “I care for you and this is how I’m proving it. You deserve someone better than me, someone who will love you… and only you.”

 

He folded his hands. “So, you love him already? What’s his name again? Soo… Soonyoung?” he asked. I shook my head and I felt like crying again. I really care about this guy in front me and it actually hurt me too how much I want to be with him, if only everything was normal as it was.

 

“No, but…” I answered with my voice beginning to crack.

 

“What is it that makes him better than me? That makes you like him better than me?” he asked again, now starting to lose his patience, I could see.

 

“Listen, Seungcheol,” I held his hand, not answering his questions, “if you really love me, you have to let me go, just like I did. I promise you, there’s a better girl waiting for you out there, thousands even—“

 

“She’s right in front of me, Rachel,” he cut me and by then tears were rolling down my cheeks slowly, “and I’m so gutted that she couldn’t be with me, again.”

 

We went silent for a while until I broke it. “It’s late. The rain has subsided, too. You should go home and take a rest.”

 

He sighed. “Guess I’ll have to let her go if I really love her, huh?”

 

I nodded. He stood up and I followed him. Then, he opened his arms wide. “For one last time?” he asked for a hug. I accepted it and we hugged for the last time. He held me so tight, indeed like he didn’t want to let me go. He kissed my left side of the head meaningfully. After a while, I let go, not wanting to be in it for too long. I walked him to the door.

 

“Goodbye, Seungcheol.”