It was the next school day when I met Seungcheol again. I tried to forget yesterday’s problems and instead, gave him attention so he wouldn’t think I was still mad. Sometimes, what really makes a relationship work is to beat our own ego.

 

“Hi, Jagi!” I greeted him and clang my right hand onto his neck. He turned and I could tell he was kind of surprised. “Hey!” he greeted me back before kissing me, “I miss you.”

 

“Miss you too, Busy Boss,” I said. While we walked in the hall, I asked, “How was the result of the meeting?”

 

“We were just talking about strategies and made a deal on the intense practice schedule which is thrice to four times a week for at least the next three weeks,” he informed.

 

“Wow,” I commented, “you shouldn’t be sick, then.”

 

“I know,” he said. “You’ll watch the game, right?”

 

“Of course,” I said. He clang his arm around me and kissed my head from my left side. “So glad that I found myself a cheerleader,” he said, quoting a song and I laughed, because he was so cheesy. “So, what did you do last Saturday?” he asked. Suddenly, I was nervous to tell him about my day, which I never did before. I’m not the best liar and I wasn’t going to lie to him.

 

“I tried this new yogurt flavour and it tasted so good,” I told him.

 

“Really? You should take me there some time,” he responded.

 

*

 

For the next three weeks, our quality time decreased because he had to practice for the big game. Although I kept cheering for him—via text message mostly because our meetings also decreased—I felt rather lonely. Our phone calls decreased too because he got home late and he was already tired and I slept earlier, leaving his calls missed. At first, it was trivial and I kept denying that it was a problem, because I believe I would just have to beat my own ego and not be so sensitive. But then, it became so often. If I didn’t text him that day, he wouldn’t text me at all. Is he that busy?

 

Meanwhile, I always got cheered by Soonyoung whenever I felt kind of down and lonely, although I didn’t tell him that Seungcheol was the reason why.

 

Soonyoung: Should we go for a drive?, he offered one day.

Me: Where to?

Soonyoung: Hm… I know this place that could refresh your mind.

 

There was nothing better that I could do and I felt lonely, so I said yes to him. Besides, I liked his companion. Soonyoung picked me up at my apartment and he took me to a park I’ve never been to before.

 

“How come I’ve never been here?” I asked myself. Soonyoung smiled at me. “It’s quite refreshing, right?”

 

I nodded, agreeing, and we sat on a bench looking at a lake with a city view behind it. He put out something from a bag, which turned out to be our lunch. “Don’t forget to eat,” he said, “could never leave your tummy empty.”

 

I smiled at how prepared he was. He would make a great boyfriend and whoever will be his girlfriend would be so lucky to have someone as caring as Soonyoung, even to only little things like holding your hand while crossing the street or ask you to go for a drive whenever you feel down and even bring you lunch.

 

And then, it hit me. Is he actually trying to get closer to me?

 

I brushed it off. I didn’t want to judge him. If I assumed that it was what he was actually doing to me, I’m afraid I could never look at him the same way. It would just feel different, though I kind of liked the thought of it. The thought of someone wanting you to be theirs; to have someone to brainstorm with; to laugh and have fun with. And lately, I didn’t get that feel again with Seungcheol. I tried to understand that he was busy and I should be his support system, but I felt like I was the only one who was trying to keep the relationship going despite one’s business. At the time, I was tired of doing it. It made me question about his seriousness.

 

“Soonyoung,” I called him. “Yes?” he answered.

 

“Have you ever felt so tired of things that all you really want to do is take a break, a long slumber, hibernate, and maybe just continue life next year, when everything is fine again?” I opened up a conversation and I immediately regret it because I felt that conversation was kind of unpleasant. “Sorry, it was random and unpleasant."

 

“No, no, I want to listen. What’s up?” he asked.

 

I sighed. “Just kind of tired with some situations in my life. And it feels like everything is in my hands. If something gets broken and I don’t fix it, it won’t be fixed until I do, you know what I mean?” I explained. He nodded, understanding what I mean. “But that’s the price you’ll have to pay to be participated in something, especially if you are the leader,” he said. “I’m always the leader of every single choreographies that I make for other people, so everything is indeed in my hands. But you know what? In the end, when you’ve made it, you’ll be so proud of yourself because that’s what you’ve originally created; what you’ve been wasting your time with: a masterpiece,” he continued.

 

“What if you don’t make it?” I criticized.

 

“If you don’t make it? Hm…” he said, “the most important thing is at least you’ve tried. Because, if you don’t, you’ll regret it, like it could’ve been this, it could’ve been that. The rest is up to the world. There’s always another chance to try, anyway,” he finished. His thought was somehow soothing and I felt better instantly.

 

“Well… I guess so,” I said and he smiled at me. “Don't worry, everything will work out. Now, let’s put all your problems aside, shall we?” he said, before putting out a bag of breads. “Do you want to feed the ducks? It would be fun and soothing.”

 

I smiled. “Are we even allowed to?”

 

“Yes…” he smirked. I chuckled. “What’s with the face?”

 

“Face? What face?” he raised his eyebrows before he eventually chuckled. “We’re not actually allowed to, but let’s be real: the ducks need food, right?”

 

I laughed. “Bad Soonyoung.”

 

He stood up and started walking closer to the lake. “Rachel! Come!” he called. I ran up to him. He looked around before feeding the ducks. The park was quite quiet that day, so not many people were around, including the park polices.

“Here, feed them,” he said while handing me the bread. He was right, though. It was fun and soothing, somehow. I watched his face while he was feeding the ducks. He looked so happy, like he didn’t have any problems in this world. Feeling rather relaxed, I laid my head upon his shoulder. For once, I forgot about my problems with Seungcheol.

 

I didn’t know what it is, but with Soonyoung it was always so fun and relaxing and he could always refresh my mind away from the problems I had before.

 

Did I just start… developing feelings for him?