Word Count: 7,800 

A/N: I tried... I apologize if I didn't do justice to people with social anxiety/trauma/speech impediments. I hope you enjoy it, though I'm not entirely satisfied with how the story went on as I was writing it. 

 

 

Jongin stared down at the huge bear mascot head in disdain. Nope… No way I’m doing this again. He rubbed at his face anxiously; he was determined to stick to his decision, but the hard thing was putting it across in words, and to not feel bad about it while doing so.

 

Even though it was Baekhyun he had to turn down, he still couldn’t find it in himself to convey it verbally; he’d always had problems with his speech along with his social anxiety because of a particular incident when he was young.

 

“You’re going to say no right?” His best friend eyed him and sighed. “You don’t even need to say it… I can tell from how you’re acting up.” Jongin hated to think that it was a disappointed look Baekhyun had on his face. Stupid. You’re going to make Baekie upset with you. To say he had low self-esteem would be a massive understatement.

 

“S-S-Sorry.” Jongin stuttered and turned away from the other, hands clenched tightly into fists.

 

“Hey, hey… it’s okay, Jongin. I’m not angry or anything, don’t beat yourself up like I know you’re doing right now.” Baekhyun held his hands and gave them a comforting squeeze; the last thing he wanted was for the younger to freak out. Jongin had episodes before where his social anxiety disorder could escalate to extreme situations.

 

Baekhyun shuddered inwardly at the memory of his best friend fainting the last time he had to give a presentation in class. All it took was everyone’s attention on him for Jongin to sweat buckets.

 

“Calm down, Nini.” He smiled encouragingly when Jongin peeked up at him from under his fringe. “It’s not your fault that my dumb boyfriend quit as mascot to join the football team anyways.” Baekhyun rolled his eyes dramatically. “How he even got in…he’s so clumsy.” He shook his head in amusement, staring out at the field where said team was training; he could just about make out the other’s beanstalk figure in the distance from where they were seated in the stands.

 

Jongin snorted and followed the other’s stare, ducking his heads shyly a mere second after for he had spotted a familiar player shouting out instructions to several of his attacking teammates. Baekhyun, who was still oblivious to his best friend’s reaction, rambled on. “I just thought of asking you, you know? Because you did such a good job the previous two times…”

 

Jongin hummed and stared at his own feet. He didn’t want to correct Baekhyun; his previous times acting as mascot consisted of him sitting on the bench (and not moving for the entire game). There was even once when he thought the other team was looking at him and so he went to hide behind a bush, only coming out after a cat hissed at him because that’s my bush human.

 

“It’s also pretty last minute, I don’t even know who else to ask.” Baekhyun scratched at his head, a small smile growing on his face when he saw the football team being dismissed from training, Chanyeol already striding up to them. “I can’t possibly cheer and be mascot at the same time…” He sighed.

 

“I-I-I c-can d-do it, B-Baek…” Jongin relented. Besides, it’s just a bear mascot right? No one would be able to see my face anyways. It wouldn’t be that bad… right? He hated to let Baekhyun down, anyone down, for that matter.

 

Baekhyun eyed him, a tad unsure. “Are you sure you can do it?” He didn’t mean it to sound like he was putting down Jongin; he just didn’t want to put his best friend in a situation where things could go horribly wrong.

 

Jongin shrugged and glanced at him with wide, imploring eyes. “I-I can j-just stand still r-right?” He asked, almost as if he was begging. At least he stuttered less when he was calmer. Baekhyun couldn’t help but coo at the other for he looked so much like a pouty puppy.

 

“Of course you can!” He reached out to ruffle Jongin’s bed of hair. Even though mascots were supposed to act hyper to pump up the crowd during games, but screw the conventional. Jongin nodded in relief.

 

“Hey babe.” A wide smile spread on Baekhyun’s face as Chanyeol drew nearer. Jongin shyly averted his eyes when the latter leaned down to peck his best friend’s cheek. “Hi Jongin!” Chanyeol gave his shoulder a pat, a tad too enthusiastically for his liking.

 

“H-Hi…” At least he gave a feeble wave even though he didn’t look up from the ground; the other has always been around Baekhyun, so much so that Jongin was no longer as uncomfortable around him.

 

He froze however when a pair of familiar cleats entered his line of sight from under his fringe. Familiar because he knew whom they belong to. Also because he’d been staring at their owner for far too long, so much so that it was easy to commit to memory.

 

“Hi Baek, hi Jongin… came to watch us train?” The voice, smooth like honey; every single word pricked Jongin’s heart just a little. He refused to look up. He wasn’t confident that he wasn’t blushing up a storm on his cheeks. Oh my god. Oh my god. It’s him… , , .

 

He was starting to hyperventilate, and he knew it.

 

So Jongin did what he always does in situations where he’s on the verge of breaking down. Jongin runs (or hides). He quickly grabbed onto the bear mascot head sitting beside him on the stands and shoved it over his own head. His arms and legs were still fidgeting, though his body remained rigidly upright.

 

Jongin thinks he hears Baekhyun slapping his forehead and Chanyeol letting out a snort.

 

“Jongin, are you okay? Jongin?” A worried voice that sounded too close to his ear made him look up. Now Jongin was more than relieved that he had the bear head as cover for he was surely red in the face and sweating because his crush’s face was inches away from his.

 

Or rather, inches away from the bear head’s.

 

Do Kyungsoo. Football captain and most popular guy in school; there isn’t one person in the entire school who doesn’t know who Kyungsoo is, who doesn’t respect and admire him, who doesn’t like the quarterback in some way.

 

Jongin gulped and clutched onto his bear head suddenly, startling Kyungsoo to straighten up and step back a little.

 

“I’m sure Jongin’s fine.” Baekhyun decided to speak out for the other, knowing that he wasn’t capable of replying any time soon. Jongin jerked his head up and down to add that little bit of assurance, the bear head bobbing aggressively. “Oh… okay.” He saw Kyungsoo’s face fall a little, which made Jongin nibble on his bottom lip anxiously. He knew the way he was acting could appear rude and aloof to the other. But the fact was he’s just incredibly shy. Jongin frowned, already berating himself for assuming that he’d upset Kyungsoo with his ‘cold’ attitude.  

 

However, the football captain knows that he had social anxiety. The whole school knows. But Jongin has always been self-conscious and a little negative.

 

“Are you playing mascot again for our game on Friday, Jongin?” Kyungsoo asked. It warmed his heart because he knew the other was trying to make conversation with him. Do Kyungsoo, nicest guy on the planet. Even willing to talk to stuttering me. What an angel. Jongin bobbed his bear head again, clutching at it to stop it from moving after a few nods. He could hear the other chuckling softly; it was a kind laugh for sure.

 

“Soo. We should go shower before all the warm water runs out.” Just as Jongin’s heart lifted at the thought that Kyungsoo was laughing because of him, and not at him, the ropes came back to bind his heart, constricting, suffocating him.

 

Because where there is Do Kyungsoo, there is also Oh Sehun.

 

Some would call them best friends; they’d known each other since young anyways. Baekhyun had assured him repeatedly that the two were just best friends. But Jongin, along with the majority of the school’s population, thinks that they are more than that. After all, they were so close that at times, it almost looks as if they are a couple.

 

Oh Sehun was another reason why Jongin finds it hard to approach Kyungsoo. That, his social anxiety, speech problem and of course, general shyness.

 

“Okay.” Kyungsoo hummed. Jongin looked up just in time to see Sehun wrapping an arm around the other’s shoulder, carefully steering him away from them. “See you tomorrow guys!” At least the latter made an effort to wave them goodbye.

 

Jongin’s heart totally didn’t skip a beat when he saw Kyungsoo’s eyes linger on him before he turned his head away.

 

“Argh, Jongin!” Baekhyun groaned and held onto the bear head gently. “When are you going to stop acting shy around Kyungsoo and just tell him you like him?” Chanyeol was nodding his head along with his boyfriend’s words. “B-But S-S-Sehun…” His words came out a little muffled because of the costume, but the other two heard him just fine.

 

“I told you they aren’t together!” Baekhyun threw his hands in the air exasperatedly. Jongin duck his head, legs still jiggling; it was one of his bad habits when he got nervous. “You’re scaring him.” Chanyeol whispered harshly into Baekhyun’s ear before patting Jongin’s knee comfortingly. “Hey buddy… it’s okay to confess your feelings to Kyungsoo. We can tell he likes you too from the way he treats you.”

 

But he treats everyone well. Jongin bit down on his bottom lip as the words failed to emerge from his mouth. I’m no one special.

 

“Also because we can see that Sehun’s growing irritated.” Baekhyun’s words next were what made him perk up. “W-What?” Jongin mumbled. “Kyungsoo pays you a lot of attention.” Chanyeol whispered before winking at him. “We can tell Sehun dislikes this.” Jongin couldn’t help but feel happy. Does this mean Kyungsoo might really like me? His hope went up. “We think Sehun likes Kyungsoo, but the other merely treats him as his best friend.” Baekhyun added.

 

“So you’ve got more than a half chance, baby bear!” A small smile crept up Jongin’s face as his cheeks heated up. Baekhyun and Chanyeol couldn’t help but smile fondly when the other placed his palms over his bear cheeks.

 

“A-Are you s-sure?” Jongin stuttered, voice lightening up significantly. “Yes!” Baekhyun almost yelled. “So tell him you like him soon, okay?” Chanyeol wrapped an arm around his boyfriend’s waist as they made to stand. “O-Okay…” Jongin nodded. His friends seem satisfied with his answer.

 

But Jongin wasn’t so sure himself.

 

 

 

 

“Hi Jongin, mind if I sit here?” Kyungsoo’s sudden voice so close to his ear, amplified by the silence in the library, made Jongin jolt and hit his knees on the table he was sitting at. Owww… Jongin whimpered and bit his bottom lip to silence himself. “I’m sorry!” Kyungsoo rushed out and crouched beside him, rubbing at his knees in a desperate attempt to remove the pain.

 

Jongin yelped and jerked his knees away from the other’s touch, surprised by Kyungsoo’s sudden care. He also saw that everyone’s attention was now on him because of the commotion he’d created, and he didn’t like it one bit.

 

Jongin didn’t see the slight hurt in Kyungsoo’s eyes.

 

“I-I-I’m o-okay…” His eyes darted around to survey his surroundings. Dammit. Jongin didn’t have his mascot head to hide in. He started to bounce his knees and nibble on his bottom lap anxiously, well aware of the fact that Kyungsoo was still too near and still staring at him. He’d dreamt about those big eyes staring at him, and only him, for far too long, but why was he feeling more self-conscious now?

 

“So…” Kyungsoo cleared his throat awkwardly. “Can I sit beside you?” The quarterback settled himself onto the couch beside Jongin’s even before he could reply; the latter didn’t even make an effort to stop him. “I saw you reading by yourself… thought I could join you.” Jongin’s face flushed at Kyungsoo’s smile, though he did offer the other a shy nod.

 

A quick look around showed that they were plenty of vacant seats near them, and yet, he chose to sit beside him. Jongin didn’t know what to make of it. Kyungsoo pays you a lot of attention. Chanyeol’s words from before drifted into his mind. Is this really true, he couldn’t help but wonder, heart full of hope that maybe, maybe, it was possible between them.

 

“What are you reading?” Kyungsoo whispered (because they were in a library after all). Jongin the spine of the book nervously before mumbling out a soft “T-The Boy with T-The C-Clown Face”. Kyungsoo brought his legs up and curled into a comfortable position, body turned fully towards Jongin; like an open invitation for him to tell him more.

 

“D-Do y-you want t-t-to hear a-about i-it?” Jongin hung his head shyly. He didn’t know where he got the courage to ask. Kyungsoo’s smile was beautiful as he nodded enthusiastically. “I like hearing you speak.” Kyungsoo graced him with a smile.

 

If it was any other person saying that, Jongin would have misunderstood at once and thought that they were being sarcastic and digging his speech. But since it was Kyungsoo, and because he can see the sincerity in his eyes with no barb in his words, Jongin knew that the other meant what he said. He smiled before averting his eyes shyly when he realized he’d been staring at the other for too long.

 

“O-Okay…” Jongin nodded before flipping through the pages briefly. He couldn’t help but notice the horde of girls standing behind the shelf nearest to them, shuddering inwardly when some gave him death glares because apparently they didn’t like how Kyungsoo was hanging out with him, hanging out with a loser. But the other’s encouraging smile was enough to push him onwards. His fingers were awkwardly stiff as he tried to flip through the book.

 

“I-It’s a-about this b-boy… h-he wasn’t-t always a c-clown.” Jongin looked up nervously to check if Kyungsoo was following. The latter smiled and nodded for him to go on, leaning even closer till his knee touched Jongin’s thigh. “T-T-The boy u-used to b-be a p-prince before somet-thing happened t-to him.” He wasn’t even referring to the book anymore, too focused on the small contact. “What happened to the prince?” Kyungsoo asked softly, eyes blown wide apart in curiosity though there was a hint of something else in the way he looked at Jongin.

 

Jongin gulped, “He h-had an accident-t… H-His parents d-died in t-that accident a-and since t-then, h-he became d-different.” He hung his head and hugged his knees to his chest, curling more into himself. Kyungsoo’s hand fell off his leg.

 

“Different?” The other cocked his head and reached for the book, but Jongin snatched it away and hugged it to his chest, shooting the other an apologetic look after. It was a story he wanted to tell Kyungsoo. “D-Different…” Jongin nodded and looked down at his lap. “H-He saw h-his parents d-die a-and… a-and…” Kyungsoo placed his palm on Jongin’s knee when his bad habit started again. Now, Jongin was too aware of the other’s warm touch. “H-He tried t-to s-shout f-for h-h-help but he c-couldn’t.”

 

He looked up at Kyungsoo and it was only then that the other noticed the glazed over eyes. “Then what happened?” He asked. Jongin took in a deep breath before glancing down. “H-He became d-different a-and everyone l-laughed a-at him… He b-became a c-clown.” Kyungsoo didn’t know why his heart clenched at the heavy sigh escaping Jongin’s lips. “H-He was a p-popular p-prince. W-Well-liked. B-But he fell…”

 

“So he fell from grace and became a clown? Everyone disliked him for being different and shunned him, which explains why he became the boy with the clown face?” Kyungsoo sanctioned a guess. Jongin nodded, mouth slightly gaping in awe because how did he know? He was really certain the other hadn’t read the book before. “H-He was l-lonely because no o-one liked h-him anymore… h-he had v-very little f-friends left.”

 

Kyungsoo hummed before propping his chin up with his arms. “I think I disagree with your view, Jongin.” The said man gave a double take. “Y-You mean y-you disagree w-with w-what the author-r w-wrote?” Jongin whispered. Kyungsoo waved his hands dismissively, and Jongin wondered if the other knew. Knew that the book ‘The Boy With The Clown Face” was nothing like what he’d just described.

 

Because, there was no such book in the first place, it was Jongin’s own story.

 

“Being different doesn’t necessarily make you bad. In fact, we should all learn to embrace our differences.” Kyungsoo smiled. The way the other said it almost made Jongin feel it was meant for his ears. “It wasn’t the boy’s fault that he was seen as a clown. He only became one because the people around him were too stupid to see otherwise.”

 

“He wasn’t a boy with a clown face… he was the rightful prince that had on a temporary mask of a clown. That’s a big difference.” Jongin smiled shyly when Kyungsoo rounded off his small speech. “No one likes him, but I do.” Kyungsoo leaned back slightly when he felt a small blush building on his cheeks.

 

Kyungsoo gave his knee a gentle squeeze, eyes twinkling as he smiled kindly at Jongin. The latter stiffened, unused to the skinship and mighty aware of the glares from people near them. “So don’t think the boy became a clown, Jongin.” Jongin gulped at the intense stare Kyungsoo was giving him. Like he meant something else. “I still think he’s a prince… and we are all undeserving of his beauty.” The two were trapped in a bubble of comfortable silence before Kyungsoo cleared his throat in an attempt to break the silence subtlety.

 

“Uhm… look Jongin…” The other looked so shy, rubbing at the back of his neck. Jongin didn’t know if the pale pink on his cheeks could qualify as Kyungsoo blushing. “Do you want to h-” Whatever he wanted to say got cut abruptly when Sehun arrived at their table. “There you are!” The latter panted as he half-leaned against the edge, staring at Kyungsoo. Sehun barely glanced over at Jongin.

 

“Coach wants to see us. Something about alternative game plans for Friday.” Sehun jerked his head over his shoulder. Kyungsoo sat upright at once, glancing over at his best friend before turning back to Jongin. The words he wanted to say to the latter stayed stuck in h