Seulgi was heartbroken but not exactly broken. She felt relieved when Irene gave her a one last glance before the elder dragged her luggage out of their apartment, their shared apartment. She closed the door behind her and exhaled a long breath that she had been holding since Irene stepped out of the house. She finally mustered up the courage that day. 

For the past two years, Seulgi had been suppressing her emotions to the point where it became toxic to her. Krystal, her bestfriend since middle school told her that she should talk to Irene about it and should not always put Irene before herself. Seulgi never listened. She would always smile and say, "Joohyun-unnie won't like it." 

Of course Irene would not like it. 

Irene Bae was the heart throb of many men in Korea and even throughout the globe. She was Irene Bae but Kang Seulgi was just a girl who saved her from drowning five years ago when Irene was still a trainee who went playing in the sea with other trainees. Seulgi remembered the very moment when Irene opened her eyes after performing CPR on her because she was a certified lifeguard, how Irene's eyes looked so glassy yet so dreamy. She had such beautiful pair of eyes, Seulgi thought. But being a professional, Seulgi called the ambulance to take Irene to the hospital without even getting her name. It didn't end there, of course. Seulgi was surprised when Irene went to the beach to find her after a week, after a week of silent prayer to see the girl with dreamy eyes again.

###

"Hey." Seulgi's eyes widened when she saw the familiar girl standing below her lifeguard tower. The girl was alone and was not in beachwear, so Seulgi climbed down the ladder and wore her snapback backward so that she could meet the girl's eyes. 

"How can I help you?" Seulgi asked carefully, looking at the girl in pure admiration and adoration when the girl had this faint blush on her cheeks. Seulgi thought that maybe it was the sun.

The girl looked down at her own feet that was slightly buried in the soft sand, wiggling her toes to play with the sand as she thought about what to say. Seulgi waited patiently. "I... want to thank you." The girl looked up to meet Seulgi's eyes for a quick second before she looked down again, her blush getting deeper. 

Seulgi rubbed her nape and adjusted her snapback. "It's my job." she smiled. 

The girl frowned a little, eyes looking disappointed but Seulgi did not notice it because Seulgi was listening to her own heartbeat that was thumping against her own chest. "Right... your job." The girl nodded and clasped her hands in front of her, looking up with a small but quite crooked smile yet Seulgi thought she looked perfect. "When does your shift end?" 

"My shift?" Seulgi frowned at the girl's question. "Oh... my shift." Seulgi finally realised what the girl meant and she chuckled awkwardly which made the girl giggle at the adorable sight in front of her. "Hmm... I still have an hour to go. Why?" Seulgi replied and tugged on the hem of her singlet as she felt embarrassed.

"Are you going anywhere after that?" the girl asked carefully, daring herself to look into Seulgi's eyes and Seulgi was surprised at how long she could hold the eye contact with a beautiful stranger. Seulgi shook her head slowly while gawking at the girl in front of her which made the girl smile in relief because Seulgi seemed interested. "I am Joohyun. Bae Joohyun. What's your name?" 

Seulgi blinked at the girl who was extending her hand for her to take. Seulgi felt dizzy when she took the hand in hers which gave her a small squeeze. "Seulgi. Kang Seulgi." Seulgi almost stuttered. 

"I will meet you in the bar there after an hour, Seulgi-ssi." Joohyun smiled and pointed to her back where the bar was located at. Seulgi looked over Joohyun's shoulder and grinned. 

"Sure." 

Seulgi waved at Joohyun before she left, she felt so happy like her heart was exploding. The girl did not turn back but Seulgi was also hoping that she would not turn back because she might see Seulgi gawking at her again. 

It was the longest one hour Seulgi had ever spent and when Amber came up to take over the shift, Seulgi immediately threw the card to Amber and then climbed down and even jumped down the ladder. Amber could only scratch her head as she watched the girl running toward the bar ahead in a speed of lightning. 

When Seulgi reached the bar, she adjusted her snapback again and smelt herself. Yikes, she smelt a little. She grimaced and jogged to the counter. "Hey Yuri unnie, do you have deodorant?" She asked the bartender who was wiping the glass and the bartender named Yuri nodded before rummaging her backpack, taking a deodorant spray out. Seulgi snatched it and sprayed it over herself. "Do I smell okay?" She bent forward to let Yuri sniff her which the girl eyed her weirdly. 

"You sprayed a lot." Yuri said flatly and took the deodorant from Seulgi. "What's the matter?" 

"Do you see a girl in white shirt and black shorts?" Seulgi asked, eyes scanning the bar but could not find Joohyun. 

"Didn't notice." Yuri answered as she continued wiping the glasses. 

"I am not late..." Seulgi plopped herself on the seat at the counter and began sulking. She even ran here but the girl left. 

"I think it's that girl." Yuri whispered to Seulgi before turning around to carry on with her own things. Seulgi looked up and her face lit up when she saw Joohyun walking toward her, hands fidgeting as Seulgi watched. Joohyun tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled when she was in front of Seulgi. "Hey." Seulgi smiled. 

"Hey." Joohyun said back, swaying her body lightly as she stood in front of the seated girl. "Do you... want to take a walk?" she suggested, smiling at Seulgi and Seulgi nodded. 

"Sure." 

Seulgi let Joohyun walk out of the bar first and then she walked beside the girl, her dry lips as they strolled down the beach. Their bare feet sank into the sand but it did not matter. "How old are you?" Joohyun asked finally after they had been walking in silence for two minutes. 

"Erm... seventeen." Seulgi answered. "You?" 

"I am nineteen." Joohyun smiled. "Are you still studying?" 

"Nope. I quit school." Seulgi said. "You?" 

Joohyun smiled. It seemed like Seulgi was not a good talker. "I am a trainee." 

"Trainee?" Seulgi frowned. 

"Yeap. Like, I want to be an idol." Joohyun replied sheepishly and Seulgi nodded. 

"You can." 

"I can?" Joohyun raised her eyebrows. 

"Yes you can. You're very pretty." Seulgi said without thinking and then she blushed when she realised what she had just said. She checked the girl's reaction beside her and Joohyun would sure have a bright future because she was so good at acting or maybe Joohyun had heard it so often that it did not have an effect on her anymore. 

But the truth was, Joohyun was ecstatic. The girl she had a crush on said that she was pretty. It was so different from when boys called her pretty. "Thank you. You're very pretty too." Joohyun smiled shyly. 

Seulgi almost choked on her own spit and she looked at the girl. "I think... I am more of suave." She chuckled cheekily. 

"You sure are." Joohyun smiled. 

Seulgi noticed that the sun was still high up and the heat was rather unbearable, she took off her snapback and placed it gently on Joohyun's head that surprised the girl. Seulgi went in front of Joohyun and adjusted the snapback for the shorter girl as the girl watched her quietly, heart fluttering madly in her chest as she watched Seulgi's pair of focused eyes when adjusting the snapback. 

###

It was two years later when Joohyun called Seulgi to tell her that she was debuting. Joohyun was so happy that she blabbered on and on when she was on the phone with Seulgi and Seulgi was more than happy to know that her girlfriend reaped what she sowed. Joohyun would be debuting in a girl group with four members and her stage name would be Irene. Seulgi was happy when Joohyun was happy. 

They still met up despite the packed schedule that Irene had when she just debuted and because of this, Irene seemed to look very tired when their promotion had not even ended. Seulgi told her to get proper rest and they would meet during her rest day, she promised. But Irene never seemed to have a rest day. She was an instant hit. The sensation. People took notice of her because of her natural beauty and she started going on to a lot of variety shows as well as hosting. 

It became even more exhausting for Irene that the texts exchanged between the couple cut down to only a good morning text and a good night text while Seulgi would still send her other texts in between but Irene could only reply to the two greeting texts. Seulgi understood. She tolerated. Even when Irene was rumoured to be dating with this guy and that guy. She trusted her girlfriend because her girlfriend asked her to. 

When it became unbearable for Irene to be always away from her lover, she suggested that they should move in together and so they bought an apartment in Seoul near the company that Irene was in. Seulgi was still a lifeguard because that's what she liked doing. When they had small arguments sometimes because Irene was irritable due to stress, she would scream at Seulgi that she should stop kissing other people and ask her to quit her job. Seulgi would reason with Irene and bear with the girl. They would always make up after every argument because Seulgi would give in. 

The first year after Irene debuted was still not as bad. Even though they could not spend as much time with each other like before, they cherished every moment together and Seulgi would always wait for Irene to get home even if it meant at 3am in the morning. Irene did not let Seulgi search her up in the internet because she did not want Seulgi to see all the rumours and reports, but good thing that she let Seulgi watch her dramas but she would still ask Seulgi to skip the episode of her kissing the other guy. Seulgi always did what Irene told her to because she did not want to add on to the stress that the idol was facing. 

But things started to have a little change when Irene did not come home one night. Seulgi called her for three times in a row but they all went to the voicemail. It was 4am and it was snowing outside. Seulgi the heater and made herself a cup of coffee, holding on to the cup as it gave her the warmth that she had been depriving of lately. Irene started to get more annoyed with her over little things like when Seulgi forgot to wash the cup or when Seulgi did not close the glass door which made the rain drench her laundry. Every little mistake that Seulgi made seemed unforgivable to Irene. But Seulgi still gave in. She admitted that it was her fault that she did not wash the cup and that she did not close the door. She let Irene be. 

Krystal. 

Krystal would always shake her head when she listened to her bestfriend telling her about her "night" with her girlfriend. Irene seemed to be getting unreasonable and Seulgi would always just smile it off. When Krystal said that she should find a time to talk to Irene about it, Seulgi would always say that Irene did not have the time and that Irene would not like it. 

Sure, Seulgi definitely was aware that their relationship was straining and the distance between them seemed to be getting further. Irene seemed unreachable sometimes. Like that night. 

Irene did not come home that night. Seulgi stayed up and waited for her to come back until the first ray of morning sun light shone on her sleepless face. Seulgi jolted when she heard the key rustling at the door, she put the cup down onto the coffee table and ran to the door. "Unnie." Seulgi smiled and hugged Irene when Irene walked inside. 

"Why did you wake up so early?" Irene frowned and asked, pushing Seulgi away lightly as she needed to lock the door behind her. Seulgi's heart sank a little as Irene did not hug her back. 

"I was waiting for you." Seulgi forced a smile. 

"You did not sleep?" Irene stared at her with wide eyes, looking shocked. Seulgi shook her head. "Don't be silly!" 

"I called you many times. but you..."

"My battery died." Irene said and went to the living room to plop herself onto the sofa. She latched an arm over her eyes and sighed. "Seulgi-ah, there is something I want you to know." 

"Yes?" Seulgi asked and sat beside Irene. She took the other hand and played with Irene's fingers. Irene opened her eyes and looked at Seulgi without saying anything first and Seulgi leaned in to peck on her lips. Irene smiled. 

"The company... they pair me up with Taehyung. I spent last night with him and I am sure that photos are all over the internet now. So don't look up on it, okay?" Irene said quietly. Seulgi could only nod. "Thanks, baby." Irene smiled and moved forward to kiss Seulgi's nose. 

"For how long?" Seulgi asked, Irene's hair. 

"Until his comeback ends." Irene replied and sank into Seulgi's embrace. Seulgi smiled bitterly but Irene could not see it. She hugged her girlfriend in her arms and kissed her temple. 

"Okay." Seulgi said. 

###

Things started to get worse when the company decided to continue with the act and even take it further. Taehyung's comeback had surely ended but because the pairing popularity surged furiously high after the news of them dating broke out, the company decided to take it even further. Irene still told Seulgi to not look things up and that she should trust her. Until one day when Krystal asked her out to have a serious talk. 

If Seulgi was lean with toned body when Irene just met her, Seulgi was skinny now that she was having depression. She only listened to Irene and always gave into Irene. Even though she talked to Krystal about it, she never talked in depth because she did not want her bestfriend to see Irene as a bad person. But Krystal saw everything. 

"See it yourself." Krystal only said when Seulgi reached the coffeeshop, tossing her phone onto the table for Seulgi to see the image. 

Seulgi narrowed her eyes at Krystal and asked. "Is it about Joohyun unnie?" Krystal nodded in reluctance and winced at the name. "I am not going to see." 

"See it." Krystal insisted. "You should know this." 

Seulgi was always tempted to look up on her girlfriend on the web but she promised Irene that she would never do it. But something pulled her to just do it that day. She took Krystal's phone slowly and pressed the button to wake the screen. She looked at Krystal who looked away and folded her arms in front of her chest. Then Seulgi's eyes widened. 

"It is fake, right?" Seulgi chuckled weakly and put the phone away. 

"Fake?" Krystal repeated. "Fake?" She laughed and rolled her eyes at Seulgi. "Seulgi, are you seriously that dumb?"

Seulgi clenched her jaws. The report was fake, it sure was. "Unnie said that it was an act and-"

"An act." Krystal scoffed and slumped into her chair, hitting her back against the back rest hard. "Don't tell me that the ing love bite on her neck is done by makeup." Krystal stared at Seulgi. "Seriously, Seul. How long are you going to do this for?"

Seulgi looked down, avoiding her friend's intense gaze and she sipped on her drink. "I trust her."

"I want to clap for you, Seulgi." Krystal laughed. "You're the most tolerating person on earth ever. Even when your girlfriend is paired with so many guys, even when your girlfriend is reported to be kissing another guy, even when your girlfriend is seen with a guy walking into a ing hotel room, even when your girlfriend has a lovebite on her neck that's not done by you but the other guy." 

Seulgi's mouth went dry. Krystal was right. Since when was she so tolerating? "I need to go." Seulgi said and hurriedly got up. Krystal did not stop her.

###

Seulgi smiled when she saw Irene back home early that day. Earlier than usual. At 12am. She let her gaze travel down to Irene's neck and the red mark was indeed there. Irene seemed to notice that Seulgi was staring at it so she covered using her hand quicky. "It was-"

"Taehyung." Seulgi completed it for Irene.

Irene's eyes widened for a second before she narrowed them. "You search it up?"

Seulgi shook her head and Irene was a little relieved but her lips went dry when Seulgi said. "Krystal showed me." 

"Krystal?" Irene winced. 

Seulgi nodded. 

"How many times does she have to talk bad about me?" Irene questioned, throwing her handbag over the sofa and she folded her arms. 

Seulgi sighed. "Krystal does not-"

"Yeah? Tell me about it. Tell me that she totally did not ask you to break up with me so that she can have you instead. What a joke, Seulgi. If she likes you that much, why didn't she confess to you when the two of you were still in the middle school? She should just get a life." Irene pursed her lips, staring at Seulgi.

Seulgi did not understand. Why did the table turn to her? "I was talking about you and Taehyung." Seulgi said softly, she did not want to start a fight with Irene. 

"I told you we are nothing!" Irene raised her voice. 

"Krystal and I are nothing too." Seulgi said, her voice was still soft. 

"Nothing? She totally wants us to break up!" Irene chuckled sarcastically and grabbed the magazine on the table before throwing it across the room. 

"Unnie..." Seulgi sighed. Her heart sure felt tired. But she knew that Irene would not like it if she stood up for Krystal at the moment. 

"I am tired, Seulgi. Let's go to bed. We'll talk about it tomorrow." Irene said coldly and walked past Seulgi to their bedroom. Seulgi looked down before walking to the other side of the room to pick the sprawled magazine up, putting it on the table again. She knew that they would never talk about it tomorrow. 

###

It was their fifth anniversay that day but Irene said that she had something to attend in Jeju. Seulgi invited Krystal over since Irene would be gone for at least three days. She did not want to spend this supposedly lovely night alone. Krystal and Seulgi were sitting in the living room watching movie and Krystal fell asleep halfway through the movie, head resting on Seulgi's shoulder. Seulgi let her best friend be. They had nothing going on between them anyway and they were bestfriends. 

She was so engrossed in the movie that she did not realise that someone was coming in. 

Irene clenched her fists when she saw the scene in front of her. Krystal was leaning on her girlfriend and Seulgi even put an arm arond her. Irene slammed the door shut loudly which startled Seulgi and woke Krystal up. Seulgi looked completely surprised to see Irene in front of her. 

"unnie, why are you here?" Seulgi asked and stood up to walk over to Irene. 

"Why can't I be at here? Are you wishing that I was away?" Irene questioned through her gritted teeth. Krystal rubbed her sleepy eyes and stood up too, looking at the situation in front of her eyes. She gave a cold glare at Irene and then looked away. "What were the two of you doing?" Irene stared at Krystal and then back to Seulgi. 

"We were watching movie-"

"And what were the two of you going to do if I didn't come back?" Irene challenged. 

"I didn't want-"

"Don't bother, Kang Seulgi! I knew it! The two of you are cheating behind me." Irene said, pointing finger at Seulgi who was in a daze from what she had heard. 

Krystal rolled her eyes and pressed her lips together. She reckoned that she should remain quiet. 

"I didn't..." Seulgi said and tried to walk up to Irene to take her hand but Irene shoved her. Seulgi stumbled a few steps back and looked at Irene in disbelief. "I didn't know that you're coming back." Seulgi explained calmly. 

"Didn't know? Or were you wishing that I didn't come back?" Irene questioned. "To think that I still bother to come back to surprise you on our anniversary." Irene chuckled sarcastically. 

Seulgi looked down. Irene looked so beautiful in the black dress. 

"You still remember that it is your anniversary today? Why am I so surprised?" Krystal finally said. 

Irene turned to glare at her. "You have no say here." 

"Maybe you should just let Seulgi go." Krystal stated firmly and Seulgi turned to look at her bestfriend in shock. 

"no. no." Seulgi said and grabbed Irene's shoulders. Irene stared at her and then looked away. "No unnie. I did not say that." 

"Of course you didn't. She did." Irene glared at Krystal who was not backing down either. "Are you that desperate for my Seulgi?"

Krystal laughed and looked at Irene incredulously. "If you don't know how to treat her well, someone else would. But I am not saying that the person is me. I don't like Seulgi that way." 

"Right. Totally. Who are you to snatch her away from me?" Irene questioned.

"Sure, I am nobody compare to you. You are so well-loved by everyone here and I am just an ordinary girl who happens to be Seulgi's bestfriend." Krystal spat. Irene scoffed and rolled her eyes. 

"Seulgi, choose between me and her." Irene turned to look at Seulgi, demanding an answer. Seulgi felt sick. She looked at her girlfriend with pleading eyes and then at her bestfriend who shook her head. 

"Krystal, go back first. I will talk to you next time." Seulgi said patiently to her bestfriend and Krystal nodded, taking her belongings before storming out of the house but not forgetting to give one last glare at Irene. "Unnie-"

"That's it. Screw the celebration. I am going out." Irene swatted Seulgi's hand away and turned around. 

"Where?" Seulgi asked even though she was feeling hurt. She still cared. She still loved the girl in front of her. 

"Anywhere but here." Irene said without turning back. 

"Taehyung?" Seulgi's heart broke at the name. Irene did not reply and just stormed out of the house as well. 

###

It was today.

The day when Seulgi finally confronted Irene because she could not hold it back anymore. Fortunately, it was Irene's rest day and Seulgi asked Irene to go into their bedroom to have a proper talk. Irene agreed reluctantly and switched off the tv before following Seulgi into the room. Seulgi sat on the bed, smiling at her girlfriend who followed after. 

"What do you want to talk about?" Irene asked lazily and appeared to be uninterested. 

Seulgi smiled. "Us."

"What about us?"

"This."

"Seulgi, I don't understand." Irene said with a straight face. 

"Do you still love me?" Seulgi asked.

Irene raised an eyebrow and nodded. "Why did you ask?"

"Do you love yourself more or love me more?" Seulgi asked and Irene frowned at her, annoyed. "Just answer me, please."

"I love you more." Irene replied, her tone was slightly flat.

"And I love you even more." Seulgi said.

"Seulgi, I need my rest." Irene said, looking at Seulgi who still had a calm expression wearing on her face. 

"I know."

"We will talk later. I am still very tired." Irene said and got up but Seulgi held onto her wrist. 

"Unnie." Seulgi called and Irene sat back slowly when she noticed that Seulgi seemed to be troubled. 

"Is something bothering you?" Irene asked, her tone was warmer now.

Seulgi smiled. "You finally asked."

"What are you talking about?" Irene frowned.

"Unnie." Seulgi let go of Irene's hand. "Let's break up." 

"What?" Irene stared at her. "Are you kidding me?"

"I mean it." Seulgi said calmly.

"Is it her?" Irene's eyes darkened and stared at the bed sheet. 

Seulgi shook her head. "It is never her."

"Then why?" Irene asked. 

Seulgi pulled her knees close to her chest as she rocked her body back and forth. "You don't even love yourself."

"What?" Irene stared at Seulgi as if she was nut.

"You let the company manipulate you. You let them taint you. You let them take you away from me." Seulgi said.

"Seulgi, I don't like where this is going." Irene said. 

Seulgi laughed softly. "Of course you don't like it. Unnie never likes anything that I do." 

"What are you talking about Kang Seul Gi?" Irene grabbed Seulgi's shoulders. 

"Don't you know?" Seulgi looked at her soon-to-be ex girlfriend. "You've changed." 

"I want you to take back your words." Irene said, her gaze bored into Seulgi's calm one.

"I have been holding this back for too long. I can't do it anymore, unnie. This is destroying me." Seulgi said. 

"Wh-What have I done wrong?" Irene asked in slight desperation.

"I have fault too." Seulgi said. She stood up and bent down, dragging a luggage out. "Unnie, please take care of yourself after I leave. If Taehyung makes you happy, then I am happy too. But please promise me that you'll never do to him what you did to me." 

Irene's jaw dropped when Seulgi said that. "I don't even like him!" She shouted and grabbed Seulgi by the wrist, stopping her from walking out of the room.

"It doesn't matter." Seulgi said. 

"Do you still love me?" Irene asked, her tears welling up.

Seulgi nodded. "More than you love me, remember?" Seulgi smiled. 

"Then don't leave me." Irene said. "I can change." 

"I need a break, unnie. Please do not be so selfish." Seulgi closed her eyes. "Anymore."

Irene let go of Seulgi's wrist and Seulgi's words stabbed her heart. Seulgi was about to leave the room when Irene called her. "You stay. I will go." 

"No unnie-"

"Listen to me, for the last time." Irene sighed, looking down. 

Seulgi bit her lip and slipped her hand off the doorknob. She turned around and looked at Irene who was fighting back her tears as she picked out the luggage under the bed, going to the wardrobe that the two of them shared and throwing her clothes into the luggage. Seulgi could not bear to watch so she left the room quietly. 

When Irene came out of the room after packing, Seulgi stood up from the sofa and they held eye contact for what felt like forever until Irene broke it first because she just realised what she had done to the bubbly girl that she met five years ago because of her selfishness. "Is there no turning back?" Irene asked softly, holding onto her luggage.

Seulgi smiled. 

Irene nodded slowly and walked to the front door. Irene turned around to give Seulgi one last glance before she walked away. Seulgi closed the door behind her and exhaled a long breath that she had been holding since Irene stepped out of the house. It was over for them. 

xxxx

tbc