I stare blankly to the smiling picture in front of me. The warmth and smile from the individual in it engulfing my shivering self of mine. Winter kills my cell and scratching each blood line that I have within my body.

The promise that we made, have you forget it? The words and all your encouragement words , have you left them out in the history? I wonder. Why you always make me wonder on things? Can you cut that Jung Daehyun?

I walk through the mall that we walked months ago. I can still see your smiling self , waiting for me at the coffee house. I am watching you from far , looking at your watch. I smiled as I see that you were in the midst of whether to call me or not , worrying that I might not find you or lost in a way. I love to see this self of yours, worrying about me.

I remember the time when we talked for hours , you and I ; talking about random things for hours. You don’t mind to waste your credit at all on me. I always feel guilty about that. But you always say “It’s okay Youngjae , not that I call you every day though” . But then , you will call me few days after that. "Just how cute can you be Jung Daehyun?" said me weakly , and you will chuckled when I said that.

I phoned you on anytime that I want. You don’t mind at all. You will always say “whaddup Youngjae” afterwards and just listen to each nags and ramblings that I have. There was once when I feel so down when one guy rejecting my love and you are there , listening to each thought about it without any hesitation , while I don’t know that I hurt you without knowing your feelings at all.

“ Yoo Youngjae , do you mind if I ask you something?” asked you.

“Yes , what is it?”

“ do you…like me?”

I stunned and froze hearing this. This was years back, when we were still kids. How am I supposed to react to this while you were preparing for your studying abroad? How am I supposed to know if I like you though? Now that I think about it , I feel so stupid for not realizing this earlier that I supposed to.

You are always good to me. You never reject any offer of mine when I asked you to pick me when I wanna meet you. You never complained to pay for my food when I know you barely survived with the penny that you have. Your education fees are more expensive than mine though. How … did I not see this before? My feelings towards you?

How I did not realize that I have been longing for your touch and hug for years? Why I did not realize that I will feel this lonely when you are not around? And then … you said one day …

“Youngjae?”

“Yes Dae?”

“Do your best alright? I might not be around much soon” said you while holding my hands.

I chuckled lightly , having a thought that you were just playing around.

“aigoo , stop playing around” said me while laying my head on your broad shoulder. Your warmth engulfing me , makes me survived from the chills from the beach that we were at. And I looked up to you when you said…

“ I am going  to Ireland soon” said you while smiling , looking at the stars and slowly looking down at me who are now in my clueless look. You then caress my cheek and slowly hug me , tighter , and tigther as you slowly buried your face in the crook of my neck , hiding your face through my long hair.

“I will miss you , so much” said you while you engulf me with your warm hug.again...

“What are you saying? Don’t do this. When are you going?” I said this as I gently look up to your face which is full of tears. I look to you with wondering look as I say “why are you crying?”  ; and you just look to me , fully examining my face , as I look up to you too.

“ In 5 days”

The answer makes my eyes widen. You look closely as I jab down my jaw , not believing what you just said. “ No , no , no … you are lying” said me while slowly crying and standing up , leaving you by the bench , alone. I walked towards the beach slowly , crying in the process.

Daehyun slowly catching up with my paces as he slowly engulfing his hands through my shoulder. I brought myself to his warm hug again , crying slowly as I said … “you will leave me alone , here” slowly. Audible enough to his hearing.

“It won’t be long Jae” said him as I face him , hugging him , fully…not wanting him to go. Even though you know well enough that he is there to study and chase for his dream.

Year by year , I grow up slowly , learning about life. I started to learn how lonely it is without you. Time difference makes it had for us to contact each other. Then only I realized , how much you mean to me. I miss how I can bluntly call you any time before , but I can’t do it now.

I remember when you scold me saying that you can’t picked up my sudden call anymore , because of the time is not the same. Then only I know how we are now separated to each lane differently. I learned how I need to be on my own while preserving this feelings for you for  a long time.

I am starting to feel far away from you although I know that you still care. I don’t look at other guy after I confessed to you and I want you to know how hard it is while others keep on coming to confess to me and I slowly reject them for you. Did you see my efforts for you Jung Daehyun? Will you treat me like before too?

I know from your reaction that you love me as much as I did to you. But , I always think that you don’t feel the same. Won’t you just be you whom I know years back? Will you still give me your warm hug when I need them?

I am all confused to what I feel and what I want to feel for you to be honest. But as I remember our memories , I know … deep down in me , I miss you so much.

And I hope that time will heal everything as I wait for you to come back and whisper to me one day … that you love me too.

There , exactly 1155 words. It is hard to write one shot for me. I know the struggle for it. I hope that this is not too bad. I wrote this suddenly and mistakes might be here and there. Hope you can bare that along the way. Cheers for reading this. Have a good day ~