How long has it been since their first meeting?

He counts silently, surprised when realizing that it’s not hard to count exactly how long, because their first meeting memory is still freshly lingering on his mind as if it were happened yesterday, or a few hours ago.

12 years 8 months plus 23 days.

He smiles unconsciously, a ‘niggard’ smile – she liked to say, no, quip him, to be exact. He suddenly could hear her voice ringing on his head, You should smile widely! Look, like this! Show your teeth, show your eye smile!

He laughed silently, recalling her attempt to make him smile properly. She volunteered herself as example, smiling widely as could as she can and it makes her looked silly and overly cute at the same time that make him uncontrollably laugh also back then. Look, she said at that time, your eye smile is definitely better than your niggard one.

If only she knew that it’s just her that able to make him smile like that.

He glanced at the guitar in the corner of his room, it’s an old guitar from her. It was his first birthday present from her, exactly when they’re just 12. He didn’t really happy at that time, because what’s the point of give him a guitar when he didn’t able to play it?

Don’t roll your eyes, boy, she said cheerfully, I’ll teach you how.

And that’s when she come to his house every single afternoon, lecturing him non-stop, no matter when he grumbled about how hurt his fingers was, and how about this isn’t going to work. But she didn’t stop, and he grateful for that because if it’s not because of her, that old guitar wouldn’t be here. It’ll stay in the corner of his shed and he’ll forget its existence.

He remembered one day, after his tiring practice with her being the strict lecturer, they sat at the couch grass in his backyard. They were staring at the orange sky, witnessed twilight with each other soft breath as the back sound. Oh, he loves how silent could be this beautiful if it were with her. Not some awkward situation that he could bear almost every time.

Kyung. She called him softly, almost like a whisper, When you finally adept at playing the guitar, would you promise me something?

He turned his head to her at that time, what promise?

That you will sing for me. She mumbled.

He gulped, feeling sudden nervous when she turned her head also and faced him, and smiled – a proper smile that she liked to say. But he liked to call it an angel smile. And did he mention that at that time, their face just separated several inches? And they stayed at that position for a quite long time, studying each other facial features.

She chuckled, seeing his stiff expression as her study result. He remembered clearly, it was his first time feeling his heart racing just because of laugh. He realized then, how small her nose is, but it just makes her cuter. Her skin made him think of milk. And her lips, he suddenly remembered the pinkish cherry in his grandmother yard.

Does it too hard? She asked, and turned her head back to face the sky, broke the intense staring contest earlier. To be honest, the reason why I teach you guitar is this. You know, I love to hear your humming tone. I know you will be a great singer if you want to. But all you did is just humming. Too bad! So I think I should teach you guitar, so there’s something accompany your voice.

And why you want hear me to sing anyway? Why would I sing for you?  He asked, not sound offending, but honestly curious.

She chuckled, Did I already said it? I love your voice, pabo!

Since that day, he learned guitar so hard. Even when she wasn’t around. And secretly, he also trained his vocal. Since that day afterwards, he sings with that guitar almost every day. When they were 17, he already made dozens of song. And that’s when he decided to sing for her. But thing just couldn’t go smoothly.

He already made numerous scenarios on his mind, wondering what kind of her reaction she would give. He smiled and feeling anxious, as it’s not merely a song, but a confession song, written and composed by himself by the help of the guitar. But at that day, his scenarios crashed. Reality took in charge, and that’s when he distanced himself from her, for the very first time in their long-time friendship – or so they thought.

He couldn’t deny how much he hates the fact that she brought another person into their world.

He hates the fact that it was a male, a certain male that also like her.

He hates when his place replaced by that male, how that male done something that he already done for years for her.

He hates her for giving her smile for somebody beside him.

Call him selfish, coward, whatever. He just can’t.

What’s wrong? Why are you kept avoiding me? She asked, stopped him at the corridor, felt frustrated. He just gave her his coldest gaze. He didn’t explain, his pride won’t allow it. He just simply put a classic reasons consist of three sentence, I’m not. I’m going to my class, see you later. But there’s no ‘see you later’. After that day, he didn’t walk her home anymore. Or waited her in the gate in the morning and walk her to her class. He didn’t wait for her to finish her task either, like he usually did. He didn’t sit with her at the cafeteria anymore. Did he say that his place replaced?

That’s going for entire year of high school. And it was still going on when they were turning into college students.

He attended the same college with her. One thing that he hates from himself; he actually couldn’t stay away from her. It turn to be his natural habit to check her safety, to check her if she were already eat her lunch, to walk her home secretly behind. That male is still there, be a barrier between them, but he no longer trust him. He heard those rumors during high school that that male made her cried, and he already witnessed it by his own eyes. That day was snowy night, and she cried alone at the park. He wants to embrace her badly at that time, comforting her, but his pride made him stuck at his position. At that night, he just silently watching her from a far, and walked her home behind. After that day, he silently watching her almost every time, always made sure that she’s alright.

Although he clearly distanced himself from her, but the girl did the opposite. She still treated him as her friend, trying her best to keep the friendship last. She still send him a present when it was his birthday, although not directly. She still greeted him cheerfully, although it was awkward. She still smiled to him, and that one that’s never change.

And that’s also made him still stuck for her, even after their graduation.

They work at the same place now. Being the professional they were, they threw their past and acting like a stranger to each other, work in unison formally. He is tired, he badly wants to give up, but he still walked her home in secret. Things are going same for their first year of work, and yesterday was the escalation of their unclear kind of relationship throughout the years.

He let out a sigh. Yesterday. Yesterday was a day that he would never expect would come. His glance still stuck at the certain guitar, and with running thought and aching chest, he took a brave step and take the guitar. For the first time since he didn’t know, he finally sings again. Along with the same old guitar that brought back so many memories that he couldn’t handle.

Right, he thought, I’ve promised. At least… at least I should keep my promise. And that night, he took his music book, and writes a song with the guitar. I’ll sing for you.