Forgive me?
Don't Forget MeMomo blames herself for everything, for the very reason that Sana and Mina were no longer together and really the cold, hard truth was that Sana would still be there if she hadn't made her move. The flashbacks, must she constantly remind herself of the feeling of poisonous temptation she had experienced that very night? Resistance was no other but a matter of fiction at the time, still she wants no more than to rewind back to that night and flip the tables. What if she never had spun that god damn bottle? It made her sick to think back to it.
Her members know how she's feeling, and they know it because she hasn't been eating for a few days (highly unexpected, coming from the top shikshin.) She'd pick at her meal with distaste, then swear to her staff and members that she just can't finish the rest for she was "much too full."
Thing is, the members aren't even sure of where Sana is. There was/is no news about any discoveries, she's missing that's for sure, but the added message on the back of the note said specifically:
"P.s. Don't go looking for me either. I'm doing fine, just give me time."
The members, the staff, the media, they all have to accept it. Perhaps Sana has really escaped this world or maybe she's still running from this situation. Maybe she really is "doing fine", just on her own trying to figure things out. But her well-being is composed of mainly false hope, the hand-written words of "Goodbye" on her last message to the members aren't helping.
Momo loved Sana as a sibling, had they been so close since 4th grade. They bonded over their passion for dance and it just so happened to be Sana who suggested that they'd audition for the company later on in middle school. The duo stepped through those doors and walked out successfully, only hoping for the best as a team.
So when Momo had read over Sana's hand-written message for the 2nd time, she was convinced that she had been the reason for all this. She grew ill and drifted apart from the other members. Mina on the other hand had never opened up to the others about what had happened the night Sana left, as if she possessed enough strength to repeat what Sana had told her the moment before she left.
Neither Momo or Mina hadn't stepped foot outside of the dormitory after the moment Sana had vanished with no intentions of returning. Weeks passed by, they've lost count and before they know it, it's the first birthday Sana will be spending with the group, or it was supposed to be.
Mina doesn't want to be in the presence of the others, whatever she has to say on this "special occasion" is sure to instantly shut them up.
"I'm going for a walk, I'll be back."
And the members don't need to say anything else about it. They're not exactly sure how she's dealing with all the weight placed on her shoulders, but they're going to have to respect it. The way she's dealing with her emotions are beyond any of the member's understanding, because she seems calm, just tired maybe?
"Okay, stay safe." The leader smacks on a fake, reassuring smile. Her expression gives off a dull impression, very unexpected from a woman with eyes like hers.
Mina mirrors the foolish expression back to her before heading out. For the first time in almost months, she feels as if she can really breathe. The crisp air is soothing, and the sun is just rising. The wee hours of the morning are bliss, she knows how much Sana enjoyed strolls around the block at this time. She's starting to regret the fact that she'd decline any (and every) one of Sana's requests to go about the streets. Had she gone would she have had more memories to treasure.
She knows where to head. The river looks at its best at only two specific times of the day, the early morning and late nights. The river is a mirror, as they say, to reflect both physical and emotional elements.
The sun is peeking over the horizon and the water looks unbelievable. All that reflects off the waterbed below her is happiness, happy memories and the beautiful scenery surrounding it. Her eyes sparkle at the visuals, in absolute awe.
Where she is standing right now, where the most important moment of her life took place.
----- (2015; SIXTEEN) -----
Sana takes Mina to the river, just the two of them, for the first time. Sana leads her to the railing and lets Mina absorb everything in front of her. Mina's eyes really sparkle at the sight, she points at the scenery like a child at a theme park.
"It's the moon!"
Sana giggles at the latter's tone. She loves how comfortable Mina is with her, she notices how Mina acts around her compared to the other trainees.
"...I really hate the two of us being considered rivals. We're friends- no, best friends- but this show is tearing us apart."
The atmosphere quickly grows awkward, the mood drops to an all time low. Mina made sure to save the best for last.
"So before JYP completely ruins our friendship, I'll take it to the next level."
Sana can't comprehend what she's trying to say but she finds no reason to interrupt her.
"Go on..."
The words Sana had spoon-fed her since the beginning of their trainee years, Mina boldly spoke (in her best effort to pronounce it correctly)
"Sana, I really like you."
Sana smiles from ear-to-ear, she laughs at the latter's accented Korean. She can say so much to Mina, right there, right then but she only had the confidence to repeat the phrase back.
"I really, REALLY like you too."
It's enough, enough for the two of them.
----- Sana's birthday; the bridge -----
Mina smiles to herself at the flashback, it's been a while since she's thought positively of such a memory. Such memories of Sana would only upset her but at where she was standing, there was no time for negative thoughts.
Sana loved her, nurtured her, and it's only time for her to accept that there is really nothing to do. She's learning to accept it, the other member's don't understand how she's doing it but, what's done is done. Sana is no longer within her grasp, it's reality.
Mina looks at the vast waters beneath her. The teardrop that drips and falls into the river,
"Do you forgive me Sana? You know I'm sorry...you know I regret it all."
She asks the waterbed miles below the bridge, she's given no response. Mina stands, straightens herself up, she understands, it's time to go. She's about to walk away now, back to the dorm before any of the members start to worry.
"Well, happy birthday Sana.." She mumbles to herself a second time before turning her back to the river. Bowing her head down, she begins the trip back home.
"Thanks."
A familiar voice is heard behind her. Soft-spoken, a bit high-pitched. Her voice is like silk, sweet and smooth.
Her tired, bloodshot eyes now wide open, she slowly turns her head to face this person.
Maybe she's been drinking too much these past days, or maybe it's the pills she took last night that's making her see such things. She refuses to give in any trust to her own senses.
Because standing in front of her is somebody she'd expect least to see.
"Sana?"
Comments