The rain fell softly as if it knew of the hardships both behind and ahead. Each droplet alighted on her skin with just enough coolness to command her mind to the present, to pull her away from the pain of the past and the uncertainty of what was to come. The beads over her face joined to wash over her in a delicate cascade of trickles. She raised her eyes to the grey layer that touched every mountain top; there was more to come before the skies cleared, of that she could be sure.

It has been almost a year. A year of leaving Girls Generation; a year of focusing on Blanc & Eclare; a year of facing cameras alone; a year of fighting her dream alone; and a year of leaving behind those whom she treasured so dearly. She almost lost count of how many times she had waken up from a nightmare alone. She almost lost count of how many times she had to take the longer route about the SM building just so that she can keep their promises to go back to being strangers till they are ready again. She almost lost count of how many times she had the thought of ending Blanc & Eclare just to find back the number ‘nine’. She almost lost count of how many nights she cried herself to sleep while the songs they sang together went on playing through the night.

Sixteen years of hard work took her only a dream to be rendered worthless. She was merely a chess piece of the company, and so were the rest. But what really hurt her was how her eight sisters chose to live her dream for her so selflessly just so she can realize her dreams. She hated herself, and she hated the whatsoever big dream of becoming a designer because it was what that really took away a big part of her.

“For the first time in my life, one year actually felt like an eternity in hell,” she whispered, and a tear rolled down her rosy cheeks, seemingly washing away the strong front that she had painstakingly put on.

“I thought you’ve always wanted to avoid this building?” a familiar voice asked.

“Oppa…” she called out.

It has been too long. The main reason why she has been avoiding the SM building apart from the promise, was that she didn’t want to be reminded of the painful past. She hated how she was asked to make a choice between a family and a lifelong dream. She didn’t want to continue to dwell in the fact that she was forced to leave and the fact the she didn’t hold on to the eight girls strong enough. And so she tried, she tried to avoid walking past this building just so she wouldn’t meet anyone from her past. Whether was it Super Junior, F(x) or Girls Generation, she was contented to be able to watch them through a screen, knowing that they are doing well. She was happy with sending her well wishes in her heart. But today was a Public Holiday, and the girls were all overseas, busy with their respective projects and promotions. And she gave it a gamble, half-heartedly neglecting the simple fact that idols, do not have the privilege of a holiday.

“I don’t care about the promises you have made with them, but have you forgotten about the rest of us? How could you just vanish from our lives and all I could do was to search for your face and news on the net?” He reprimanded, heart shattering as he saw how this fragile ice princess was breaking apart, once again.

“The girls missed you… Taeyeon missed you,” he uttered. He never wanted to remind her of the millions of things she has been running away from, but he felt like Jessica deserved to know that she was not fighting this battle alone. He felt like she needed some form of comfort, and he knew best enough that the girls will always be her form of motivation in the darkest storm.

“Even so, our paths are never going to cross again,” she replied as she bit her tongue, hoping to swallow back every single tear that was threatening to fall. She trusts him, but she doesn’t want to let her care and concerns for the girls to become the force that will pull them back into the pain that they have taken so long to walk out from. Perhaps after so long, she had mastered the art of lying, lying about the fact that the girls were still the biggest part of her that god had taken away.

“You missed them too.”

“Maybe I did, but not anymore. We are grown ups oppa, they have to keep the flame of Girls Generation going and my string of fate with that name had broken a year ago,” she said coldly.

But her healing heart broke a little more.

“You are lying.”

“People parted, years passed, they met again and the meeting proved no reunion, offered no warm memories, only the acid knowledge that time had passed and things weren't as bright or attractive as they had been. We all know that there are not many true friendships in this industry, and if I can’t stand on the stage with them, they likewise will not regard me as a part of them,” she insisted, every single word against her will. Because all that had happened reminded her that they are always one, even when they were all so broken.

Without another word, she turned her head, walking away from him, walking away from the building that brought so much tears, pain and laughter. And with that, she was walking away from everything she treasures once again. But with her heavy steps, her heavy heart was filled with the girls, and the memories that can never be erased.

“Sica ah,” he called out and he watched how she slowly came to a halt. To Jessica, it was a pure reminder that even up till today, it is difficult to walk away from something she had once held on to so dearly because it will hurt, and she isn’t that strong.

Gently, he held the umbrella over her head, grabbing her icy cold hands to hold the umbrella.

“No matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away. You’ll always be that little girl I knew; the Jessica Jung I know. Your love for the stage never dies and your love for the girls is stronger than anything else. Not for any other reason, but because when I first met you, I knew you were someone with a burning flame that never dies. Only you can bring them back to the kind of happiness Girls Generation once had; only you can bring the brightest smile onto their faces; and only with you, is Girls Generation complete. Go ahead and lie to the world, and lie to yourself, but always remember that when you are tired of the pretense, promise me that you will go back to the girls. Because of all the promises you have made, the promise to go back to being strangers till you are ready again is what they want you to break.”

With that, he left the ice princess standing with an umbrella in the rain as he went into the building. What he never knew was that this umbrella gave her the warmth that she had been searching for in the past one year. Every word he spilled tugged her heart strings, seemingly reminding her that she was never going to move on; because the entire of her life and heart, was left as traces in this building, on the stage, and with the girls.

“Mianhe Heechul oppa, mianhe… The life I’ve always desired finds me, but unexplainable pain spreads over my whole body,” she wept silently, but this time, the tears never seemed to stop falling. Perhaps he was right about everything, and perhaps, she found a reason to cry tonight. Because for the first time in forever, she felt the pain piercing through her healing heart again. But then for also for the first time in forever, she felt like the girls were with her all over again. She closed her eyes as the rain continues to hit her face regardless of the umbrella, but it too, washed away her tears. And as memories fill her mind, the warmth under this umbrella was indescribable.

No matter how much pain she went through, she never wanted to let go of those memories.

The fire crackled as she stared up at the stars that were banked in the sky. If she was to call them beautiful it wouldn't do it any justice. It was more than that like staring into someone's eyes. And somewhere out there was her home, an incomplete home. She couldn't help it, but she hated returning to an empty dorm that started off with nine people. She had lost one of my friend, and she blamed everything on her incompetency as the leader. Maybe she was sent here to realize what friendship actually meant, because it was where it all began. But the only thing she did know was that it was all too late because she didn’t hold on to her friend tight enough.

“Shouldn’t you be on the plane?” he asked as he recognized the petite figure standing by the piano next to the window.

“Sica… She was crying,” she whispered, and Heechul could feel the chill in her voice plunge coldness to his chest.

To him, Taeyeon was never a girl that cries easily. Years in this industry had long carved her into someone who doesn’t reveal her emotions. But when Jessica first turned her back and walked away from the girls, he saw how helpless and broken Taeyeon was. It was not her tears that spoke of how much it hurts, but the silence and lost of emotions that repeatedly tell him that she is not fine. It was as though a one and only favourite vase dropped and broke, and she was helplessly picking up the broken glass piece that went on hurting herself.

“You saw…” he asked and Taeyeon nodded.

“Today, was the date she first trained together with me,” she smiled as her fingertips traced the piano. She would describe her sadness like death by a thousand paper cuts, for every time she remembered her loss it was another cut to her already damaged mind.

And with that, Heechul knew. He knew that Taeyeon had postponed her flight just so she could be here. It was not for anything, but for the fact that being right here right now at this moment gave her the hope that Jessica had never left. Her ninth sister was merely lost, but she still believed that Jessica could be back one day. She was still holding on to that glimpse of hope that somehow, they will be able to bring her back.

He couldn’t tell if it was pain that he saw in her back view. But somehow, it was all too familiar, because it was the same kind of helplessness he had just witnessed minutes ago at the entrance of the building.

“Silly, it must have been hard on you,” he uttered as he gently brought the petite girl into his embrace. He knew that words will never be able to console her, and believed that giving her the strength would suffice.

“But I had all of you, and Sica, she is all alone…”

“She is not. She is just fighting the battle with the eight of you in her heart,” he whispered and for that moment, Taeyeon’s eyes were still fixed on the crying girl on the street. Her guild and pain was like a flowing river, cold and unending. It washed all the goodness out of her and left her a mere shell of what she had once been.

“I wish she could break the last promise…”

“I know she would not, because that promise to you girls is the only thing that is still keeping her going strong,” he replied, knowing that the promise they made her keep was merely an act for her to chase her dream and never look back. The remaining eight girls pinkie swear that they will live Girls Generation to the fullest, not for anyone else, but Jessica Jung.

Flashback:

As the daylight left the sky, the rules of the daytime sky began to change. While the sun roamed abroad, the pale blue was gradient, and always brightest near the horizon. But as light turned to dark, large swaths of color exploded and burned briefly, like they were raging against their own inevitable demise. And as the colors lost their futile battle, tiny white pinpricks of light pushed their way through the ever darkening sky like the eyes of curious children peeping through the slats in a fence. The darkness descended like a shroud upon the Sky and the Earth alike.

She had been walking for god knows how long. She had no idea. All she knew was that the sky didn’t