When morning came after, Sungmin woke up deciding it was the worst and best night he ever had in a long while. Long meaning since he received his very first paycheck (and immediately spent them for something insignificant) in his very first job after graduating college.

College.

He supposed it was the best time to things up. Not after. Not like this.

He gathered up the courage to roll his eyes and scan his surroundings, unable to ignore the searing pain smashing through his head. He closed his eyes, counted one to ten while taking deep breaths, careful not to wake the man beside him.

‘God’, he thought. ‘What have I done?’

He noticed the body-size mirror attached to a closet in front of him and the reflection before him confirmed everything. He was surrounded by Kyuhyun’s arms, with only a thin, white blanket covering their bodies. He bit his lower lip. Shivers went up his spine. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, knowing this happened, knowing this shouldn’t have happened, knowing things would change.

He could feel him breathing. God. He could still feel him. What happened last night should have drained his lust over his best friend. But it just made him more convinced about something. Something he was running away from all these years of knowing him.

He heard a grumble near his ear, and he knew Kyuhyun was about to wake up. He jerked and sat up as fast as he could, untangling his embrace in the process. He could feel him moving.

.

“Hey,” He heard Kyuhyun call out. “Hey,” again.

“What?” Sungmin hadn’t meant to be on edge, and he could feel Kyuhyun slipping away, giving him the space Kyuhyun thought Sungmin needed. He relaxed his shoulder a bit, feeling grateful and guilty at the same time. “What is it?”

His voice must’ve toned down a little, because the younger was getting closer, trying to reach for his hands.

“Can I tell you something?” His best friend said quietly. “Something honest?”

Sungmin nodded. “You always tell me something honest.”

“No,” Kyuhyun shook his head. “Not everything.”

He furrowed his brows, finding it out for the first time. Sungmin thought he was a bit naïve to think that Kyuhyun was too pristine, too pure to hide something. “Shoot.”

“I—“ He saw him his lip and felt his hold tighten. His eyes were as wide as the full moon last night, when Kyuhyun was watching Sungmin get wasted. “Sorry, just a little nervous.”

He waited patiently, quietly, as if emitting a single sound would stop the other from saying something. Something honest. And he felt tempted to do just that. Because where had saying something honest brought them?

“You’re too drunk. Come on, off we go.”

Sungmin had laughed when Kyuhyun said that the way a father would. But Sungmin wouldn’t know, would he? He spent half of his life sober, trying to look like an angel in his parents’ eyes that when he finally had a taste of alcohol—true alcohol, he couldn’t let go of it. At least for that night. They were at a friend’s party by the beach, and Sungmin was far too gone to walk himself back to his room. And Kyuhyun was far too nice to carry him back there. What you would expect from a good old friend?

The next thing he knew Kyuhyun was already gently laying him town to bed. His nostrils caught his scent, and he wanted to cry. He hid his tears by pulling the younger one down with him, and swiftly shifting their position so Sungmin was on top of Kyuhyun.

“You are drunk,” The latter chuckled, combing back Sungmin’s hair so their eyes could meet.

He shook his head. Apparently getting drunk made him stubborn and hard to deal to with. “If I was really drunk, I would do this,” He rolled out his tongue and suddenly Kyuhyun’s unguarded lips.

Kyuhyun jerked backwards. Sungmin laughed at how funny his best friend looked.

“What was that?”

“What?”

“Wh—why did you me?!”

He laughed harder, and lowered his head to do it again but Kyuhyun was faster. He held his face, trying to figure out just what the hell was going on but the older wouldn’t have it. Sungmin looked at him. He wasn’t laughing anymore. He felt his lips curling upward before ducking and attacking him with kisses. Kyuhyun kissed back.

. . .

I’m doing it. I’m really doing it.

I’m ruining everything.

He felt fingers not his own brushing his hair. Kyuhyun was looking at him, waiting for Sungmin to come back to him.

“Sorry. I uhh…” He looked away. “You kissed me back. I remember.”

He felt him withdraw, and cursed himself for feeling cold when he did.

‘Don’t make me need you.’ He prayed, but only to himself.

“What happened last night had been my What If for a very, very long time.” He finally blurted out, and pulled him back in. Sungmin’s back was against Kyuhyun’s chest, spooning him, and they were both looking at their reflection in the mirror. He tried to fight the idea of how perfect it would be to wake up every morning like this. He wasn’t expecting anything. He was the kind of person who had stopped expecting for a while now. He sometimes thought that his pessimism was the result of all the disappointment he caused himself.

Sungmin heard Kyuhyun chuckle.

“And I should mention that this is another ‘what if ‘of mine.” He gestured their position.

Sungmin blushed.

“How long is a ‘very, very long time’?” He asked quietly, shyly.

It didn’t take too long for him to answer. It never did. Kyuhyun was the witty one between them, anyway.

“College. First year. When you questioned everything I was telling our other classmates.”

He grinned then, and took his hand. He didn’t know where this courage was coming from but he thought if only he could be this brave all the time, maybe things would’ve been different.

He remembered what Kyuhyun was talking about. They were in their first year, the time when everything felt so new, so uncomfortable, like everyone was out there to get you. He only noticed him when people started crowding, and not because he was good looking, no. The Kyuhyun back then was too skinny, too scrawny to be considered attractive at that time. But it was because his words were too smooth, too engaging, as if everything that came out of his mouth was a fact and should never be questioned. Which he found boring, because it turned out that he loved arguments. For some reason, Sungmin felt annoyed that he was getting the attention, or maybe he was just jealous because he was already confident, comfortable. Unlike him.

He walked near them and blatantly (subconsciously) raised an argument, doubting his every word. Kyuhyun smiled at him.

If Sungmin knew he would feel this way for Kyuhyun, he shouldn’t have said anything to him in the first place. He should’ve let him go on and on and on about his religions (yep, the guy’s curious about everything) and philosophies.

But maybe it was the reason why he fell in love with him in the first place. Maybe it was because Sungmin loved it when Kyuhyun smiles approvingly to whatever his stand about something. Maybe Sungmin loved it when Kyuhyun’s sometimes afraid of him, of his thoughts about him. Maybe Sungmin loved it when Kyuhyun laughs to his lame jokes. Maybe Sungmin loved how overly concern Kyuhyun is whenever he opens up about his fears and insecurities. Maybe Sungmin loved it when Kyuhyun understands everything about him, or at least try to. Maybe… for the first time, Sungmin loved existing because of Kyuhyun.

And it was a dangerous kind of love, the kind of love that needs to be hidden, because it was scary to let out, but consequently hard to contain.

“I love you.” Sungmin whispered as he let out a tear roll down his cheeks. He didn’t know Kyuhyun felt it drop in his skin.

“I know.” Kyuhyun whispered back.

He shook him head. “No. You couldn’t. Not like that.”

“Not like what? Hey,” Kyuhyun urged the other to face him. “Not like what?”

Sungmin groaned. “Bastard, don’t make me say it.”

But he insisted. “Say it.”

He shook his head once more.

“Min, say it like a man.”

“You and your ist statements.”

Kyuhyun knew how much Sungmin hated it. So he kept saying them. It didn’t matter. Sungmin kept doing the same thing.

“I love you,” He took a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say and knowing he was failing. “Like Sally loves Harry, like Miri loves Zack, like Jenna loves Matt, like Rosie loves Alex.”

Silence.

“…You know I haven’t actually watched those movies, right?”

Sungmin stopped himself from hitting Kyuhyun with the lamp just beside the bed.

“I love you,” He was frowning while saying this. “Like a best friend shouldn’t.”

“I know.”

He should be surprised. But he thought he was kind of obvious, anyway. Now he was just embarrassed.

“God, I hate you.” He covered himself with the blanket, hogging it all to himself.

“You don’t want to hear my reply?” Kyuhyun asked, nudging Sungmin while covering his ness with a pillow.

“No. Go away. Go outside and tell our friends that I have a massive hangover. Tell them I won’t be around for the rest of the day or probably for the rest of my life because I’m going to kill myself once you’re gone so just… just leave. Please?”

Kyuhyun’s laugh reverberated around the room. “Fine.”

Sungmin saw a shadow of Kyuhyun standing up and putting on his clothes through the blanket and let out a sigh when he heard the door closed. Kyuhyun knew when to not be pushy, but sometimes Sungmin wished he didn’t. Sometimes he imagined what it would be like to not be acquainted to Kyuhyun, to be that guy he just met from somewhere and never got the chance to know more about him. Sometimes Sungmin wished Kyuhyun was not the best friend.

Few moments later he decided to stand up and take a bath. He was putting on his clothes and listing in his mind the number of shots he’d take tonight to forget about what happened before the morning came after.

Then the door burst open. Sungmin frowned at his smiling face.

“I thought I told you to leave?”

“I did. And I also told them we won’t be coming along with them today.”

“What? Why would you do that? Hurry up and go catch ‘em. You’d miss the island hopping.”

“But I’d miss you. I’d rather not miss you.”

He stood there, frozen, holding back his breath.

“And I was going to wait for when you’re finally ready to hear my reply, but it turns out that I can’t. I was ready to board with them but I couldn’t take a step forward knowing you’d be here, knowing you didn’t even hear what I was going to say because you’re too scared. We’re too scared.”

Kyuhyun was walking slowly, like the floor was made of glass and any careless move would have them falling in an endless pit.

“And I don’t want to be scared anymore. I’m tired of you pretending that you don’t love me and I’m tired of pretending that I don’t notice. I’m your best friend, of ing course I’d notice.”

“Kyu,”

“I love you. And what happened last night is not a ‘what if’ anymore. I don’t want us to be a ‘what if’ anymore.”

Sungmin nodded slowly, reaching for Kyuhyun, for his best friend, not hiding the tears anymore.

“This . Falling in love .”

Sungmin could feel Kyuhyun’s chest rising while hearing him chuckle. Kyuhyun agreed.

The morning came after, and it was the morning they listed down all their ‘what if’ and turned them into ‘what is’.

----

Ha. Told you it'd be short. Thoughts? Comments? Put 'em down below! I missed you guys! :D