"Jongin, I've never said this to you before just because you're so squishy, and nice, and fluffy, but you look like you're about to punch something."

Jongin shot Chanyeol a scathing look, proving him right. Black ichor had slithered across his heart again and taken a deathly, vicelike grip, pushing Jongin into the blackest of moods. He could barely muster a smile to greet everyone when he got to school. The most facinating thing to him so far, already halfway through thte day, was the smoothness with which his pencil moved across paper and, at the same time, left behind a solid grey line as it passed. He wondered if people could do that—leave a trail wherever they went, sliding away after exposing, with stark contrast, the homogeny of the world around them.

Chanyeol huffed. Jongin knew that his bad mood probably chafed especially against Chanyeol, who thrived on the upturned faces of those around him. So he was glad when Junmyeon showed up with questions for Chanyeol about his band.

He wasn't entirely sure he wouldn't punch something, if something punchable were presented to him. He didn't particularly know why, but in the past, whenever he'd been mad, he'd known preicsely what he was mad at. Once he knew what he was mad at he could usually come around and see everything from another perspective. His mother liked to say his empathy was smothering. He forgave easily and understood easily. Anger was more of a stranger to him than most kids that went to his school, so he was just as startled as anyone else to find it following him around like a loyal dog.

He settled into his usual spot at lunch with a sigh, sure that here he could lose the mood and relax. He could feel his forehead becoming tight from the knots his eyebrows had been making all day.

"Why so blue, Jongin?" Jongin jumped, his whole body shuddering and his heart leaping in his chest. When he saw Sehun sitting next to him, he relaxed just a bit, feeling an indigance rising like some integral second wave of the scare before.

"Jesus, Sehun!" His voice was a little too loud. "You scared the out of me!" 

Sehun started to laugh a little before he noticed Jongin's face was less than amused. But the last thing Jongin wanted was lunch how it wasn't supposed to be, the last thing he wanted was Sehun's face melting gracefully into concern. He stood up, his motions all jerking and awkward, shrugging his backpack on and picking up his tray. He felt the lunchroom fall into a hush but all that did was heat his cheeks and the tips of his ears and make him want to leave even more. 

His footsteps echoed too loudly against the floor and the crash his tray made against the garbage can as he threw away his food suprised even him with its violence. He felt like a kid slamming the door after being sent to his room. He was hyperaware that the cafeteria was tensely silent, that all those eyes were fastned on him like hawks to prey, that now there would be absolutely no denying to anyone that there was some sort of discord between him and Sehun.

A part of him was so glad at this fact that he wanted to grin and whirl in the hallway, and shout to the heavens that he was free. He couldn't, though. Most of him wanted to stop spending the energy it took to stand on his own too legs, wanted to cry and sob. It seemed so powerful for a while, as Jongin walked the deserted hallways, that he considered going up to the roof. His insides had never seemed stronger than his outsides. But he knew that if he went straight up to the roof after pulling a stint like that he wouldn't hear the end of it. People would want to stay over to see if he was okay and the interrogations would never stop. 

It was all rather melodromatic. Worthy of a laugh, if anything. There was probably a responsable way to handle everything. There was also probably a less dramatic way to handle everything. Jongin wasn't known for being a drama queen.

He remembered something Baekhyun had said before Sehun even arrived, that Sehun was always the center of some drama. He could see the potential for it, in the way Sehun sat in the center of everything and confronted what everyone said with genuine engagement. It wasn't that Sehun was a drama queen—or if he was, that was beside the point. It was that he drew drama, and people, to him with the sheer force of his Sehunness.

Jongin had kissed people before. He'd even had a girlfriend freshman year. Soojung was sweet and quiet and didn't take people's . He'd liked her a lot. But she'd moved to America, and it had been okay, and he'd been fine. 

But his goddamn mind kept circling back to Sehun's mouth, in an obsessive way that annoyed his rational thought. It was just there, all the time, the ghost of his lips, of their bodies pressing close together, Sehun's voice when he said Kai. He wanted to a gun and shoot the image and bury it deep in the oceean where it could suffocate and never come back. 

"Jongin! Jongin, wait up!" Junmyeon huffed as he fell into step with Jongin. "Are you okay?"

"Probably, at some point in the future, or perhaps at some infantessimal moment as I talk to you, I will be okay."

"Jongin, that's not a real answer."

"Junmyeon, I don't want to really answer you."

"I'll take that as a no. Look, whatever is bothering you, I can't help if you don't tell me."

"You know, usually I'm fine with people knowing my buisness. Usually I don't have any buisness. Junmyeon, this has to do with me and him." Jongin was grasping, trying to find a reason, trying to put a name to the ichor. "There isn't space for two popular kids at school." He cringed when he said it, but, at the very least, it sounded like the sort of broken, twisted confession some teenager would make to a trusted friend. A teenager who was deep. That kind of shallow confession—yes, it was perfect. It'd do. 

"Since when did you care about popularity?" Junmyeon asked. "No—I guess that's insensitive. Since when did you care?"

"What's that supposed to mean? I care about plenty of things."

"Did you know that you're failing bio?"

"Oh dear god, not this again." Jongin rolled his eyes. "I'm not failing, my GPA is fine, and you all worry too much."

"Worrying about each other is all that keeps us from worrying about ourselves," replied Junmyeon, placing a warm hand on Jongin's shoulder. "Did you hear about this with Seulgi?" And with that Jongin was whisked down the hallway, the strobe lights of teenage drama numbing his mind from its panic.

He didn't see Sehun for the rest of that day, and when he got home Jongin danced and danced and danced, and then he watched movies until his eyes closed of their own accord and he felt his sister pull a blanket over his body. It had been months since she'd last had to do that.

He didn't see Sehun the next day either, and now whatever he'd felt yesterday was embarrasing. Any remnants of it sizzled somewhere with a blanket thrown haphazardly across it, obscuring it for some stupid, hormonal, freak-out. 

Sehun didn't show up for school the day after that either. People whispered that it was his fault, but it was just an annoyance in the corner of his hearing; he could ignore it. Everyone was nice to him as ever. He slept a lot and doodled a little and let the theories mount until there was a virtual war over the school between him and Sehun. Sehun seemed to be winning it despite his absence. Or perhaps because of his abscence. 

It wasn't important enough to linger after school and talk about, at least. Everyone streamed through the big glass doors at the front of school same as always, catching a bus or ducking into their cars or setting off on foot in clumps of two or three or five or ten. 

"Kai."

He was the last one out of the school and it felt like a ghost breathed thw word from right behind him. He almost didn't turn to look. He almost attributed it to the wind outside the school and the sudden brightness of the sun. But he did turn.

Sehun didn't look real, with white pressed collared shirt and a slightly loosened navy blue tie. His perfectly ironed pants made his legs look a mile long. His roots were just starting to show. He was, to Jongin, a siren.

Sehun didn't repeat himself, but Jongin was pulled towards him anyways. A breifcasae was slung across his shoulder. Jongin clutched the strap of his backpack. He cleared his throat. Sehun just looked at him.

"Where've you been?"

"Away."

"No , sherlock."

Sehun huffed. "Well, I'm back now. I just got back. What's been going on while I've been away?"

Jongin shrugged. "Not much."

"I wanted to text you," confessed Sehun, "But believe it or not I don't have your number. I've been kicking myself." Jongin looked down to see Sehun holding out his phone. He took it, its weight just slightly different in his hand than his own. He his lips.

"Look, Sehun, I don't think—"

"Don't tell me you can't just give me your number, at least. I promise not to put you on speed dial number one and then call you up when I get my periods and need tampons."

"Seriously, where do you get these—" Jongin started to pull away, rolling his eyes incredulously, but Sehun pressed the phone into his hand. "Seriously. I'll forget you exist in public, if that's what you want."

Sehun's eyes sparkled with a wiseness far beyond his years and Jongin felt something slither into his soul. He quickly tapped his number into Sehun's phone, sputtering the whole time. "I don't kn--why would y--you don't have any reason to say that, why would you for--why would I want you to forget me?"

"I have no idea." Sehun's voice was a steady breeze that washed over him and made him forget everything else. "You still like heights, right? That hasn't changed in the past two days?"

Jongin shook his head. "Why, do you wanna go somewhere? Aren't you tired after travelling from—from wherever you came from?" 

"Yeah, I'm tired." Sehun tugged at his shirt; it was mezmerizing. "A little sweaty. But this breeze is nice." His eyes were inviting, no, they were begging Jongin to take him up somewhere. 

"Okay." A blooming smile. "Okay! Sehun, I said okay!" Jongin giggled as Sehun threw an arm around him and pulled him into a brief hug. 

They couldn't go to the school roof. That was hallowed ground. They couldn't go to the roof of his apartment, because that held its memories as well. Jongin thought for a moment and then set off, hopping onto the next bus grateful that the school had already dispersed and he didn't recognize anyone. They sat across from each other, a few figures in between them on the bus. Sehun was watching him through the shifting people, his eyes sending sparks. Then, very deliberatley, he his lips. Jongin followed the path of his tongue intensley. Sehun bit his lips. Jongin studied the little white streaks that appeared. He imagined biting them himself.

He felt the bad mood coming back.

He looked back up into Sehun's eyes.

His mood lifted. Sehun's eyes heated up. Jongin's insides heated up. He realized hazily that he was totally ing hard in the middle of a bus. Then he realized that they had arrived at his stop and he d for Sehun's wrist before dragging him off the bus. He felt Sehun's gaze on him as he pushed through the lobby of the building, straight through to the elevators. He felt the hair stand up on the back of his neck as they waited for the elevator, Sehun's breath puffing faintly behind him. 

When the doors opened, Jongin practically bundled Sehun into the elevator, shooting the woman coming towards the elevators a scathing look that said don't you dare. The second the doors snapped shut Sehun's back hit the wall and Jongin's mouth captured his lips. His hands were attatched to Sehun's hips and Sehun responded with just as much hunger, his dexterous hands coming up to bury themselves in Jongin's hair. It was a hot, openmouthed kiss, a yearning mating dance of tongues without any kind of civilized thought behind it. 

When the elevator dinged, it took them a few moments to realize the cool air seeping into the hot elevator before they tumbled into the open air, for once distracted from one another, for once distracted by the sky. Jongin loved the sky, but never had it up his attention like a vaccum, crystal blue, dotted in gentle waves that softened the sun's glow and made Sehun's skin shine a pale white.

There. There he was. Back where he belonged, mouthing against Sehun's warm neck, across that bobbing adam's apple, and then Sehun's hands were firm around his waist, pushing him until Jongin took a few, stumbling steps backwards, trying to clear his head and shake the hunger from his eyes, but scared at the same time—scared of what was coming when the smoke cleared. Sehun's whole face was enveloped in a bright pink flushed, his lips red and swollen, his chest visibly working hard for air.

"Jongin." It broke him out of his reverie. He'd expected Kai. He'd heard it all of three times, but he'd still expected it. So now his eyes were confused as he watched Sehun shove a hand through hair, and he looked nervous. "You gotta explain the day I left. I'm sorry I had to go all of a sudden, but I still deserve an explanation."

Jongin still looked at him, his eyes glassy.

"You walked out on me. On lunch. Like a mothering drama queen. Like you were part of some broadway breakup."

"I did not." Jongin was a little indignant, his mind spinning, trying to figure out how to answer.

"Fine, it was more of a stalk like you were going to punch someone, or something, but still." Sehun huffed. "People were staring at me for the rest of the day like I'd done something wrong. That school is really protective of you, you know. The whole school. Any given student would protect you if they thought you needed protecting."

Jongin shook his head. "That's not true. You're exaggerating."

"You think I'm exaggerating?" Sehun raised an eyebrow. "I've been going here almost three months and all I ever hear about is 'Jongin this, Jongin that, Jongin looked extra tired today, how are we going to get the bio teacher to drop Jongin's last quiz.' It's disgustingly cute."

"Sehun." Jongin was begining to feel uncomfortable, like the breeze on the roof was snatching his cothes but instead of leaving his body it derobed his soul.

"But I bet they don't know you like boys." Sehun's dark brown eyes bored into him, hard with an edge of sass but a rounded point of empathy. 

His legs gave way and Jongin sank to the warm, black rubber ground, running a hand through his hair, and then through it again, and then again. "Sehun, I don't know what it is that you want from me, but-but—"

"What I want from you? You're the one who dragged me here!"

"Oh, come on, that's not fair." Jongin looked up at Sehun sharply and earned himself a barking laugh.

"Okay, true," conceded Sehun. "But I really can't help myself. You are what we in high school like to refer to as a god. You're ing hot."

"Thanks. So are you." The words felt papery on his tongue, but his insides glowed at the little blush that rose to the tips of Sehun's ears. "Look, hotness aside, you're probably getting yourself into a mess. Like, I might punch you in the middle of the hallway mess. I mean, when my sister left for college I locked her in her room so she'd miss her flight. But then the next morning I got up extra early to make her breakfast, and I ordered the next plane ticket with my own money."

"Crazy. Dammit," said Sehun, smirking to show that he was joking, "the hot ones are always crazy." he lowered himself onto the roof next to Jongin, and then, enjoying the warmth the roof had soaked up throught the duration of the day, lay back against it, his blonde hair splaying out like a halo.

"Well, yeah. All I'm saying is, probably I hate you." Jongin wasn't sure if he was joking or not, because that bad mood, that revulsion with himself, didn't feel like it had totally gone away. But it had been and pettted and it now sat curled in his heart, purring and paying little attention.

"Look at it this way. I've got going on, so I don't have time to worry if it's okay to think you're hot or she's hot or whatever." Sehun paused. "Damn, I could use a joint right now. I feel like this is a conversation—never mind." his eyes slid to look at Jongin, who still sat upright, propped up on his hands. "I'll corrupt you slowly. Anyway. You can worry about both our ualities, and I can worry about the future, and between us we'll probably have all the needless worrying down to a science."

"When you say it that way it sounds pathetic. I thought all feelings were important," replied Jongin, smiling a little. He liked Sehun's syntax—the way words fell from his mouth, the way his heart settled as they talked, the way the things that knotted his forehead seemed like harmless flies when he looked at them through Sehun's eyes. 

He started humming under the wind. He wasn't sure what Sehun was thinking about, but the other boy was studying the patterns of the clouds like they were the most interesting things he'd ever seen. Jongin looked at his face for a while, but then decided that the clouds were indeed interesting, layered to look like inverted waves rippling across the sky, some invisible force keeping them from crashing down and bring God's water from blanketing the city.

"I'd sing to it, but Taemin's upper register is far, far above mine," Sehun mumbled finally, and Jongin wondered how long they'd been sitting up there. Something told him Sehun's singing voice was one thing that might be best undiscovered.

"uality. uality," He riffed, and was rewarded with a jab in the stomach by Sehun's sharp elbow. 

"I'm trying to enjoy the pulchritudinous heavans, please keep the pretty boy to yourself." 

Then, of course, Sehun had to explain the meaning of pulchritudionous and Jongin had to defend Taemin and then they had to stare at the sky a bit longer because it was already sunset, and the sky was putting on a symphony for them. 

"I feel like I always tell myself I'm stressed, that I have too much to do, that school is so long, but then—" Sehun's arm extended, long and thin to frame the flushed oranges and pinks. "Do grandmas even spend a whole afternoon staring at the sky? Does God? , this should be a profession." He looked at Jongin, who was giving him the sassiest look he could muster. "And don't you dare tell me to be a weatherman, Kai, because if I'm a weatherman, you're a stormchaser."

Author's Note: I have returned to this fic and it's late and I have school tomorrow but what the hell. Please give it lots of love, I hope to be updating it semi-regularly now! And to think I wasn't even a Sekai fan when I first became a fan of exo... how times have changed...