Jongin came back down into the school feeling like a new man, or teenager, or whatever he was. A fresh air of wistful resignation followed him that filled him as it caught him, filled him with a lethargy that made him feel like he could sleep for ever and ever. Half the school loitered in the same hallway during the break, and Jongin easily wove his way between the younger kids like a streamlined boat through a choppy ocean. 

He stopped at the first person he knew well, which happened to be Taemin, who was on his phone. Taemin looked up when he felt Jongin's familiar shadow fall briefly across his face as Jongin leaned against the locker next to him. "You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," was all Jongin responded. They were quiet for a moment, and Taemin was just a body for Jongin to stand next to, to assure himself that here was someone he knew really well—here was someone he was really friends with. Here he could lean against the cool surface of the locker and let his senses be barraged by sound, and he could bask in the way his body felt after a good cry.

"But—oh my god—" Baekhyun stumbled up to them, dragging Minseok and Sehun behind him. Sehun was smirking a little and Minseok looked positively murderous. 

"Listen, Taemin will settle this, Minnie, because you are just definitely not growing over six feet tall, you're absolutely derr—"

"Where've you been?" Sehun's voice cut clear and low under Baekhyun's hurried, slurred speech. His question was directed at Jongin, who had only smiled a little bit in response to the upswing of energy Baekhyun had brought crashing in with him.

Everyone quieted, and Minseok sobered, tearing his attention away from Baekhyun to look intently at the floor. Sehun looked around, his walnut eyes widened as far as they'd go.

"What?" he asked, a lost probe of a question into that island of stillness in the sea of students in the hallway.

"Never mind," said Baekhyun finally, leaning an arm on Minseok's shoulder, even though he had to raise it practically above his head; Baekhyun was still shorter than Minseok. "It's not important."

"Why not? What's—is it some sort of secret or something?" Sehun asked. Jongin could feel him staring at him, but he didn't meet Sehun's gaze, choosing instead to pick at a loose thread in Taemin's shirt.

"I think class is probably starting soon," Taemin said, flicking some hair out off his face. But class wasn't starting soon; not soon enough that the had to leave, anyway. The hallway was still jam packed, so they were all really very close together and Jongin had to tell himself that it was ridiculous that he felt he could feel Sehun's confused breath. 

"He was on the roof," Chanyeol explained, his voice even deeper than Sehun's. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but he held himself back, running a hand through his hair.

"Why were you on the roof? I didn't know we could even go up there," Sehun said. He was just trying to be friendly; if anything, he was acting like he'd be expected to, especially after they'd hung out the other day. He was really being very nice, because, after all, it had been Jongin who'd left so abruptly. It should be Jongin trying to make the conversation. 

"Well, we can't really." Baekhyun was shifting from foot to foot. It had never been uttered out loud to the whole group; it had just happened to everyone at some point or another, so that now they each knew about it, and it was a silent pact. And now Jongin felt responsible for Sehun's exclusion.

Feeling he was probably feeling the best in the group, Jongin draped an arm around Sehun's shoulders and steered him away from the group, nodding recognition at Baekhyun as he passed and Wendy, Joy, and Irene took their places.

Once they were far enough away, Jongin took his arm off Sehun's shoulders and turned to him, finding that he had to look at their feet in order to get his thoughts in order. "We go up to the roof when we're really stressed, or when we want to relieve stress..." He said, hating how his voice seemed to trip and stumble over the words.

"To relieve stress? What, is there a punching bag up there?" Asked Sehun, and it made Jongin want to cry all over again when he saw the ignorance sparkle in Sehun's curious eyes. "Do you or something?"

Jongin gave a halfhearted laugh. "No. No, Sehun, we—we—" he exhaled. "We cry. We go up there to cry. I wouldn't ask where someone went if they disappear up to the roof in the future. It's just a thing you don't talk about."

Sehun had sobered enormously. "You go up there to cry?" He was digesting the information. "Why—" he seemed embarrassed but unable to hold back the first thing that popped into his head.

"Why were you up on the roof?"

Jongin shook his head, letting himself get carried away by the crowd towards their classroom. "No, there isn't ever a reason,'" he said. "It's like—like a drug? But better. But worse. All I know is it definitely doesn't have a reason." He wondered how weird Sehun found this school now.

It wasn't enough of an explanation for Sehun. He was waiting outside the school when they got out, but seemed frustrated that he wasn't alone and that a small clump of girls were lingering around him, debating with him the finer points of what was considered something a man could carry things around in and what a purse was. 

Jongin just ducked his head and hopped on the bus as it pulled away, the imprint of Sehun's disappointed face imprinted as an afterimage in his mind. 

"Does it extend to when you're at home?" The voice was the last one Jongin expected to hear, and he tottered for a moment, steadying only when a solid hand gripped his shoulder. 

Jongin looked around at Sehun. "How do you know where I live?" he asked. "No—actually, what I should be asking is why didn't Moonkyu attack you like—" never mind. Jongin looked back around at the city laid before him. 

"You're always so serious." Jongin could hear the pout in Sehun's voice and he couldn't help smiling a little, attributing the flutter of his heart to the shimmer of the lights below him. 

"I'm not always serious."

"Than what the am I supposed to think when I follow you home and your sister says you're probably dancing on the roof and I expect to find some fairy—I don't know—some sort of magical necromancy —and all I get is you standing on the edge of the roof with your toes tipping over the edge?" Sehun still didn't sound too serious, or too worried.

Jongin shrugged. "It's a thing I do sometimes. I think it probably makes my dancing better."

"I think dancing probably makes your dancing better."

"You're sassy."

"You're suicidal," Sehun shot back.

Jongin stepped down from the ledge and looked Sehun in the eyes. "No I'm not. Don't joke about that. I—I like hights. Did you know I used to know how to walk the tightrope?"

Sehun tilted his head. "Kai the circus performer. I can see it now, you doing a pirouette in the middle of a ring of fire balancing a bowling pin on your nose."

"That's oddly specific." Jongin laughed.

Sehun raised an eyebrow. "You're imagining it now."

"Watch it, I'll imagine you doing something worse. Let's see... I'm seeing a pink tutu..." Sehun poked him in the stomach and Jongin flinched away, laughing again. Sehun, unflustered, just turned and began to pretend to pirouette—and it just may have been the funniest thing Jongin had ever seen, sending him, gaffawing, down to the roof, his knees giving in. 

"Stop, my stomach hurts!" he pleaded as Sehun whirled around the roof. Sehun came to a giddy halt in front of Jongin, swaying for a moment on lanky legs before supporting himself by laying a hand on Jongin's shoulder. All that accomplished was knocking over a giddy Jongin, and they tumbled to the ground together, laughing again, and Jongin felt lighter than he'd ever felt in his life.

"I swear I usually feel like I'm thirty years old," Jongin said, sighing, loathe to get up from the ground "But then there's these times when I literally feel five and I wish I could stay that way forever, you know?"

"Fine, be five if you want to, but I like this height much better," responded Sehun, rolling onto his back next to Jongin. "You're the one who likes heights anyway."

"How tall are you supposed to be?" Jongin asked.

"Something over six feet. Probably significantly taller. I'm still deciding how I feel about it." Sehun twisted his head and swept his eyes slowly along the length of Jongin's body. "I'll probably be taller than you."

"Hmmmm, I don't know how to feel about that," said Jongin. 

"Stop, you're already taller than half the country," answered Sehun, folding his legs and standing up with a cute little grunt. Jongin couldn't tear his eyes away; Sehun was the skinniest person he had ever seen, and he just wanted to feed him. But he knew that Sehun only really went out with a group of friends, and besides, they barely had the same group of friends. 

He realized Sehun was staring at him and thought he should probably get up, instead of lay like a starfish against the rough concrete that smelled of rain. He couldn't have read the expression on Sehun's face for a million dollars; he'd never met someone he couldn't completely read. But he'd never met someone he felt he knew so well without talking to much, either. Finally, he counted to three in his head and rose, standing still for a moment as a headrush swept through his mind. When he focused on Sehun again the boy had his hands in his pockets, his shoulders scrunched in as if to protect him against the cold, and he was biting his lip.

"You look cold," he said absently, subconsciously reaching for his jacket, wanting to see Sehun relaxed again, his broad shoulders stretching for miles.

Sehun ignored him. "You're like—you're like a puma, or—I don't know—I'm not actually that good with words, but—" a sweet blush was rising in the boy's cheeks. "How are you that graceful when you're just getting up from a rooftop? Does dance really do that to you? If it does, I want to learn, I really do." 

Jongin looked down at the ground in confusion. "I—I don't—know—you—I—I spend a lot of time looking at myself in the mirror, I guess? Learning about how my body works?"

"A regular Narcissus." Sehun smirked. Jongin had taken his jacket off now and offered it to Sehun. Sehun hesitated for a moment, but then seemed to ditch pride for warmth and accepted it with a small nod.

"It's not that," Jongin replied, leaning a little into the wind. It was a refreshing kiss against his back now, and he welcomed it like a martyr welcomed death. "People throw their bodies around like they're—I don't know—a shell? A disposable shell? Like they're one of those plastic containers that ramen comes in, but they just forget that they're throwing it away with the noodles still there."

"Are you comparing my brain to ramen or did I get that wrong?" Sehun asked. Jongin laughed a little.

"Guess so. But really good ramen, okay? The best ramen in the world." 

"I'm just gonna take that as a compliment," Sehun responded, narrowing his eyes. "Since I think I'm ranked higher in school than you anyway."

"I was suprised, actually," Jongin responded. "I didn't peg you for a hard worker."

"Okay, that definitely wasn't a compliment," Sehun said, grinning and swatting Jongin's shoulder lightly. Jongin giggled.

"Means you are a hard worker, for what it's worth," he mumbled.

"Your sister says you spend hours dancing every day. I don't know if I hold a candle to that."

"Did you seduce her or something? Seriously how did she let you in? And how did you know where I live? These are genuine questions I have," Jongin asked.

Sehun leaned in towards Jongin like they were a part of their very own private conspiracy. "You're so oblivious to some things," he said quietly, his close voice grinding at Jongin's body. "Half the girls know where you live and the other half are friends with you sister. The older ones, who were at the school when your sister was. I just told her I was Kisoo's boyfriend. There's quite the story floating around in her head now."

"Skill," responded Jongin, shaking his head. "ing skill. How you think of these things I do not know."

"It's called creativity," answered Sehun. "You should try it sometime."

Jongin realized how close Sehun was now; they'd been edging towards each other for a while, but Jongin still felt that with anyone else he wouldn't have noticed. But now he felt the faintest trace of body heat coming from Sehun and it made his throat a little dry. It made him want to his lips. When he did, he noticed that Sehun was staring at them. 

"I'm just not—I'm not creative with—" he took a breath. "With social—" They were genuinely face to face, same height, eyes staring at each other from close proximity. "—situations."

Sehun was, and before Jongin could think about anything else, Sehun had pressed his lips to Jongin's. His lips were chilled from the cool air and there was a slight cut in the bottom lip, but otherwise they were soft and firm and for one of the first times in his life Jongin felt he didn't have full control of his body, because part of it revolted and part of it wanted more but his entire body betrayed any rational thought, so he just stood there and let Sehun kiss him like a statue.

Sehun wasn't having it. He broke away and then tried again, making a small noise in the back of his throat, his lips trembling a little as they pressed against Jongin's again. Still not receiving any kind of reaction, Sehun pulled back a quarter of an inch, so that Jongin could still feel his breath on his face. He was playing with Jongin's shirt, pulling on it with small, needy motions like he was trying to tease something out of Jongin's soul that way. 

"Come on," he whispered, his brows furrowing, not looking away from Jongin's lips. Jongin's chest was rising and falling heavily now, to the extent that Sehun had to notice. "Come on," came his voice again, and Jongin felt like he was supposed to be giving something, with the plucking at his shirt and the whine-whisper of Sehun's voice. "I've seen it. I've seen you. Stop being Jongin and be Kai. Come on. Be Kai for a while."

Sehun kissed him again, and, expieramentally, Jongin relaxed his mouth, deciding to let one part of him, the bigger part by far, win just a little, just a small victory. But Sehun seized it and pressed closer to Jongin, his hands balling up in Jongin's shirt—and that was when something in Jongin snapped.

He was suddenly engulfed in fire, it felt like, and his arms circled around Sehun to pull the boy closer to him. His lips parted slightly and his tounge darted out to across the cut on Sehun's bottom lip, making the boy shudder. His hands travelled down Sehun's back and down to squeeze his aprecciativley, pulling the boy up and even closer. Jongin had worked Sehun's mouth open now, exploring recklessly, breathing with open-mouthed gasps. His hands stayed on Sehun's and now his own body tried to get closer to Sehun, with little motions and s.

"There,"  breathed Sehun between kisses, "There is what I wanted." And then, when Jongin, as if possessed, began to at his neck, "Kai."

Author's note: Sorry I've taken so long to update! Comments always welcome! Happy Holidays ~