They said destiny is the bridge you build to the one you love. It may be true or otherwise. If it is true then that's great. However, the main challenge is how long is the bridge? How long is it gonna take to complete it?

My bridge, I know for sure, isn't short nor does it take a little time to reach its destination. In order to get it done there were obstacles. Many times I was in the brink of giving up. You see, building the bridge isn't a one-sided job. If the opposite end isn't giving the respond there is no way this bridge will ever be done.

***

‘HER’

UFO

Fan: Noona! I like your solo in the concert. Was it, Almost? Your emotion is daebak. Personal experience?

Sica: keke komawo for coming to our concert. hmm personal experience?? What do u think?

Fan: ^^ u like someone, ne?

Sica: haha and u think I’ll tell u?

Fan: I know you like someone ^^

Sica: Shouldn't you be sleeping? It's school day tmrw.

Fan: Arasso. but noona..You're my Sica!

Sica: 'my Sica'? Andwi :p that can't be. Mianhae.

Fan: Wae? :'(

Sica: Because...... ya! Why are you still here??

Fan: Gdnight noona. Hwaiting! Treat me latenight dinner now. Keke.

Sica: aigoo *PUNCH*

***

‘HIM’

Sica: aigoo *PUNCH*

-This UFO conversation is unavailable at the moment-

           I miss that punch, Sica. My Sica. Always and still is. How I wish we can have another latenight dinner. I'm sorry Jessica. It has to be like this.

If only you know how much I want to see you, to talk to you, to spill everything to you, to watch your crazy yet adorable antiques, to do what we always did before again.

It's your comeback soon, don't you wanna show me your concept again? I remember the promise I asked you to make. I have to do it. However, I never stop wishing that someday I'll be the first one to see your new look, again. Three comebacks, you've surprised me without fail for three comebacks. Will you surprise me again for the next one?

***

Sometime in August 2011

           "Sica unnie, our next concept, have you heard about it? I can't wait to show Hae oppa." Yoona ask excitedly as I enter our dancing studio.

I laugh at her and shake my head. "Yoong, why don't you surprise him this time?"

"Hae oppa will get mad at me. But then that's actually not a bad idea." Yoona said. "Right, Seohyun?"

Seohyun who was clueless widened her eyes. "Of course, unnie.”

I smiled at them. Our maknaes, always the cute one. I used to be excited everytime there's new concept, just like Yoona. I couldn't wait to show him my concept, just like Yoona is to Donghae oppa. However, that was years ago. Now, I'm used to make it a surprise, just like what I suggested to Yoona.

Why? Just because……

Mid 2009

          "You're blond now? Is it okay for you to show me? You know how in the company no one is allowed to know our comeback concept if it's not the group itself." He said to me when I show him my new look for the Genie comeback, using a rather uninterested tone.

Taken aback by his reaction or rather unexpected of it, I said, "Are you kidding me? I always let you know first so it won't be a surprise to you. You never said anything before. What's got into you?" Another reason why I showed him is because he is special to me but he didn't know that.

"Alright. From now on surprise me. Don't tell me. Arasso? Promise me." He told me, now in a serious tone.

I know him. Too well that I know something is wrong. First, he isn't his usual cheerful self and second, he doesn't show any excitement like he always does when I revealed my new concept. The later one, I have to admit, made me disappointed.

"Ya! Are you okay? Something is wrong. Right? Tell me, oppa. Spill it. Don't leave me curious."

"You have not promise me yet." He insisted.

"Seriously, oppa? Fine. I promise. Tell me what's wrong then?" I asked again.

Now he is smiling and looked at me with an expression I couldn't read.

"You know you will always be my Sica. Don't forget that.” He said gently my head. “Let's go. I'll treat you latenight dinner." He then linked his arm around mine and dragged me along to our favourite place.

"Oppa, you're being weird you know, but thank god I'm starving. Owh and you still need to tell me. Arasso!" I reminded him.

***

           Of course, he didn't tell me. All we did that night was eat and talked like there is no tomorrow. Little did I know that there really is no tomorrow. For us at least. It was our last outing together. That night, 2 years ago, was the last time I had fun with him.

A month after that, I understood why. I know the reason behind his seriousness and weirdness. What I don't know is why he didn't tell me? Like how he wants me to surprise him, is he doing the same to me? Imagine the devastation I felt when I first heard of it. The lawsuit. The stupid lawsuit. Argh, even thinking about it makes my heart sinks.

Worse, imagine how blown apart I felt when I couldn't even contact him. It's been two years and I miss him. Kim Jaejoong, the only guy (apart from Heechul oppa, of course) that really knows me.

That's why I'm building this bridge. I am hoping I am not the only one because I want this bridge to be completed. I want to reach the other end. I don’t want anymore surprises.

           Right, surprises. The exact same thing I proposed to Yoona.  Aniya, I can’t do that. I can’t be selfish. My situation and Yoona’s are different. If I'm her, I will definitely feel excited. I will definitely wanna show him. I will not surprise him because he is special, he should be the first to witness my appearance. Donghae oppa is special to Yoona, I shouldn't have asked Yoona to be like me.

"Yoong ah, forget it. You should show him first. If you let it be a surprise then he will just be the same like everyone else." I said to Yoona.

"Unnie, I thought you said..." She replied.

"I know and I was wrong. Don't do it. Show him because he's special to you. Right?" I said again.

She smile and nodded. Then I said, "That’s good. Anyway, I've book an appointment at the salon. I'll go first."

"You've booked already? I need to book mine too." Yoona said. "Have you girls......" She turn around to the others whom nodded in return. "Ya! Why is no one telling me?"

***

          "Sica, you look like when you just debut years ago. What's the new song concept anyway?" My hairstylist asked.

"That will be a surprise, unnie. Don't forget to buy our album. Okay?" I answered.

"You know I will. I've always support you girls ever since Into the New World." She said.

"Komawo, unnie. You're so loyal. Hopefully, all our fans are as loyal as you." I expressed my gratitude to her.

"Of course, they will Sica. You girls are the best. The nation’s girl group." She said showing her thumbs up. "Aigoo, your look now seriously remind me of your debut. How nostalgic is that?"

I look at my reflection in the mirror in front of me. It really brings back memories. Our debut is one of the things I will always cherish and treasure in my head.

"Komawo unnie. I'm going now. Remember, listen to our new songs!" I said again before exiting the salon and wave at her. "Annyong!"

           The place is only few blocks away from our dorm so I decided to just walk there. Putting my hoodie up and wearing my ray-ban, I embark on my journey home.

I stroll around taking my sweet time since it's rare to find time like this. At first, I was just staring at the ground afraid people might notice me. However, as time goes by, I want to take in the scenery before me. So I look up. Luckily, there isn't a lot of people, I feel relieve.

Along the way, I keep thinking how great it is to share this new appearance of me with someone special. I envy Yoona. I don't know why but the missing spot he left affected me now more than ever before. Maybe because before this there was always Heechul oppa to turn to. Of course, I can always go to the girls but sometime I need someone else.

I passed by a convenient store and stop to look at the magazines displayed. I smile to myself as I look at one of the covers. It's me. Then I look at the cover of the magazine beside it. *thump* It's him.

Slowly, my hand reaches for the cover and touches it. He looks great but a bit thinner. I wonder how he's doing now. I wonder whether he still thinks of me. Aish..again, I'm deeply thinking of him.

Slapped by reality, I lightly knock my head. Stop it, Jessica. Pull yourself together. I shake my head and take a deep breath. Without looking back I continue my walk but something stops me as I look up.

It's that image of him. Only that it's right there as real as it could be. Am I hallucinating now? This can't be. I only look at his picture and now I'm seeing things. I shake my head again. Now harder. Still, I can't get rid of it. Ignoring it, I start to walk again. Hurriedly that I knock on someone's body and lose my hold on the ground.

          I would have fell down if I wasn't caught by the person I bumped into. I look up to thank him but all I do is clasps my mouth. I realize I wasn't hallucinating after all. It was not a dream.

He is actually there. I'm actually looking at him. I'm actually staring at a figure I haven't seen for two long years.

Speechless.

Yes, that's what I'm. I stare at his handsome face. He looks great with that black hair. Just thinner. Argh. That face, I long to touch it. Thank goodness I still have my sanity in tact because if not anytime now I can hug him.

           It was him who broke the silent. "Si..ca..-ah"

I froze. It's been so long since I heard that voice calling me and the feeling is still the same. Please, tears. Don't fall now.

"How are you?" He asked.

I stand still, unable to even utter a single word to him. This meeting is too unexpected and I'm not prepared.

"It's okay if you don't want to answer. I understand. Anyway, I am happy to see you, Sica." He said and still I didn't answer.

"Umm...okay. I guess you're busy. Annyong, Sica." He left me while I am still trying to process our meeting.

           When I finally wake up to reality it hit me that I can't let him go just like that. It's what I've been waiting for. To meet him.

Without thinking much more I run and look for him. Please, let me find him, please. I silently pray. Also, silently cursing my foolishness earlier.

After what seems to be a long search I stop. Feeling heavily sad at the fact that I let him slipped. I've made that same mistake of letting him go, again. My tears that I've been holding fall ignoring the fact that I'm in public. Why? Why did you leave me again, oppa?

"Sooyeon-ah....." a voice call me. Sadly, I look up. My eyes widen behind the shade I'm wearing when I see the owner of the voice.

Quickly, I wrap my arms around him. Not wanting to ever let go of the hug again. I bury my crying face on his chest. "Oppa! I thought you left."

"Sooyeon-ah, mianhae." He said, gently my back. "I miss you, my Sica."

Still sobbing, I said, "Me too. I always do." I hug him even tighter. If possible, I want to stay in this position forever. I don't want to lose him again.

***

           I watch a bunch of kids kicking football to one another as I sit on a bench. I feel everything seem interesting now. Of course, the most interesting is him sitting beside me.

"Oppa, do you remember we used to play soccer in the studio before. The girls against the boys." I said, smiling while still watching the kids playing.

He looks at me before watching the match in front as well. "Of course. I will never forget how strong you were back then."

"I was strong but you bit me everytime. No one was brave enough but you." I said, still having that big grin as I recall the memory.

"I wasn't brave, I just wanted to show off to you." He chuckled.

"I'm glad you did, oppa. I secretly love you teasing." I said softly and shortly regretted it. I slowly feel my cheeks getting hot.

"Sooyeon-ah, mianhae." He said. I look at his apologetic face. I know why he is sorry and I admit I was angry and sad but not anymore. It wasn't for long. As much as I wanted to blame him I couldn't because I knew he is not at fault.

I smile. Still having the urge to touch his face, I finally do so. It's been so long. I truly miss him. "Oppa, don't say you're sorry. You're not wrong."

He grabs my hands and holds them tightly. "Sometimes I feel whether I'm doing the right thing. Although, it's already two years now I still am not sure if I'm making the right decision."

"If you asked me two years ago I'll say no. But it's been done and I can tell you that you've done your best. Whether it's right or not, you're doing great, oppa. Don't regret it and don't look back. Just continue on doing your best for yourself. Promise me, oppa. And I'll promise you that I'll always support you. Remember that there is me who will always cheer on you because you're my Jaejoongie."

           Now, it's him that touches my face. How I miss that touch. Deep down I feel sort of relieve that I still have the same feeling whenever we talk and comfort each other.

"You've matured a lot, Sica. I'm sorry I've not been with you. I really want to make it up to you." He said, again looking terribly sorry.

"No, you can't be sorry. Promise me. I can't bear looking at you like this. I miss the cheerful you. Promise me, oppa. If you want to make it up to me, promise that."

"I promise, princess."

Princess. I feel my heart beat faster at that. He still remember that.

***

Once upon a time in 2002

"I hate you! Are you satisfy now that everyone laugh at me?" I cried and shouted at him.

"Ya..It was just a joke. Cmon. You're never like this." He tried consoling me.

I ignored him and ran away. I felt terribly angry at what had just happened. So they were playing a trick on me. I wouldn't mind if it was any other day. I would play along if I wasn't having all those muscle pain. I thought he would noticed that but no.

"Sica-ah. Why? Is something wrong?" He asked as he went near me. Again, I just ignored him. "Alright. Mianhae. Please. I promise it won't happen again."

I looked at him before sighing heavily. How could he have understood a girl with her period. Argh! It was frustrating. I shook my head.

"Sicaaaa, please. Don't be mad. What do you want me to do?" He said.

I didn't answer him.

"Princess. My princess. My ice princess. Please forgive me." He said cutely. I swear boys with aegyo should be banned. "Priiinceeess!"

"Erk. Arasso! Arasso! Stop with the aegyo. Anyway, oppa, my stomach hurts. So don't make me laugh."

***

          Owh right, we are in the park watching a football match. Then, I remember about my new hairstyle.

"Oppa! I want to show you something." I said excitedly to him who is now concentrating on the amateur match.

He turns to me and looks curious. Before I let him speak I take off my hoodie.

"It's my new look and you're the first one to see it." I smile hugely to him.

Suddenly, he touched my hair and look at me. His expression unreadable. Next thing I know he is smiling.

"Komawo." He simply said that one word for a reason I'm not sure of.

Seeing that I look clueless he starts to speak again. "For keeping my place."

It doesn't take me long to interpret what he means. "No one can replace you. I hope you know that. You'll always be my Jaejoong. Don't forget that."

***

October 2011

Yes. We went on separate paths after that. No. I'm not giving up on him, on us. It's a mutual understanding between us. Somehow, I can feel that, I know that, we will see each other again.

I know, no matter how far or how long we're separated or are away from each other, we'll always be in each other's mind.

I know now that two years ago, I didn't lose him because there weren't goodbyes. It's just a matter of waiting for the perfect time. Likewise, how there isn't goodbye now either, the time has yet to come.

I know that I'm not building the bridge alone. Although, our bridge might still be unfinished, I'm not afraid to carry on because I know somewhere along the way we'll meet, again. When that happens, we will be together.

After all, he is My Jaejoong, My J