"I knew I'd find you here."

Donghae doesn't bother looking up as he hears the door close softly, followed by soft footsteps coming closer and closer. When they finally stop, so does Donghae's heart. He sits there, his knees up to his chest and his fists clenched tightly, willing back the tears.

"You should be out there with us, not hiding in the practicing room," a soft, familiar voice murmurs. Donghae is still looking down, but he recognizes the voice and the sneakers, and he wishes they had sent someone else to come get him instead. But then he laughs to himself, because he knows Hyukjae would've come to get him had he been sent or not. "What's so funny?" he asks, sliding down beside Donghae, their shoulders bumping.

"Life," Donghae lies. He's staring straight ahead now, the mirrors in the room disorientating, but he doesn't seem to care anymore. He can hear the cheers outside of his fellow members, and he wishes he could be happy like them.

"What happened?" Hyukjae whispers, his eyes filled with worry and despair and something Donghae wishes just wasn't there because it shouldn't be there. But he knows - and hates - that when he turns to look at Hyukjae, that exact same look is mirrored in his eyes.

"I don't know." And he doesn't.

Hyukjae leans in to share his warmth with his best friend. "They ask me what's wrong, you know. I want to tell them, but even I don't know what's been troubling you, Donghae." Now glaring at the younger male, he grabs his face and forces Donghae to look at him. "You used to always tell me everything, but now you won't even talk to me. What's changed?" he whispers fiercely, his eyes searching for something, anything.

But Donghae doesn't give it to him. "I grew up," is all he says before standing up and leaving the room and an equally broken man.

: :

He's rummaging through his bag, trying to find his iPod - or was it Hyukjae's? They both look the same... - when he realizes it's dangling by its headphones right in front of him. He doesn't grab it though, because he knows who's holding it.

"You left it in my room." Hyukjae drops it on Donghae's lap and sits beside him, crossing his legs and turning to his side. He's talking to Sungmin about getting some dinner later with Leeteuk when Donghae stands up and leaves the room, ignoring the stare he can feel burning into his back.

Hyukjae still doesn't run after him.

: :

"He's worried about you, you know." It's Kyuhyun who's leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed and his eyes tired. "He even yelled at me for drinking his strawberry milk this morning. I think your moodiness is rubbing off of him."

Donghae looks up, unimpressed. "He's always moody about his milk. It isn't a surprise."

"Yes, but he was even more moodier. I mean, he's Hyukjae. He isn't that hard to dodge when it comes to things like that, but today, he just kept whining and about how the milk was almost gone and how some things just can't be replaced so people shouldn't go around drinking it as if it'll always be there." Kyuhyun pauses and stares at Donghae, who was throwing a ball against the wall, an earphone in his ear. "Now that I think about it, it might be more than the milk that's got him like this."

"I doubt it," Donghae murmurs, nonchalantly throwing the ball and watching as it hit the wall with a thud and came flying back. It always comes back - at least that was one thing he could count on. "He's Hyukjae. He likes his milk. Now please go away, Kyuhyun. I want to be left alone."

Kyuhyun's lips twitches downwards and he walks over to Donghae, grabbing the ball midway through the air. "He's your best friend. Go talk to him." And he leaves, taking the ball with him.

Now even that was gone.

: :

It's raining outside and Hyukjae still isn't back. Donghae wonders if he should be worried - he should be worried, after all - and he goes downstairs to find Ryeowook to see if he had gotten back earlier and just didn't come up to say goodnight to Donghae. (But he doubts that was the truth, because Hyukjae never forgets, even when he gets back and late and all he wants to do is sleep, he comes up and sees Donghae one last time. He says that's the only way to end the day.)

Ryeowook, who is cleaning up the kitchen after having made dinner, frowns and tells Donghae, "No, I haven't. He didn't even come back for dinner. He doesn't have a schedule tonight, either, so I don't know where he is." Upon noticing Donghae's silence, he adds, "Maybe Leeteuk will know." That is, if you don't already, Ryeowook adds mentally, unbelieving that Donghae has no idea where his best friend is.

But Leeteuk is asleep and Donghae is awake and doesn't want to bother the already hard-working leader. He thanks Ryeowook quietly and leaves, not back to his own dorm, but downstairs.

He wants to take a drive.

But before he reaches his car, he looks over to the neighboring parking spot and notices that both familiar cars are still there. Hyukjae couldn't be far without them, and so he leaves the parking structure and sets out on foot. He curses Hyukjae as he does.

He finds Hyukjae at the park - he thinks how annoyingly and endearingly typical this is - with his sweats on as he kicks around a soccer ball. The field lights above him highlight his fatigue and head-strong attitude. Donghae approaches slowly, wondering if he'll be noticed, and when he notices Hyukjae coming nearer, he breaks out in a sprint and steals the ball. He notices the brief flash of surprise on Hyukjae's face before Hyukjae starts running after him towards the goal.

They come nearer and nearer but before the ball can be kicked into the goal, Hyukjae tackles Donghae and the two are in the mud, laughing at something unknown but agreed upon. Hyukjae's hair is clinging to his small face, and Donghae is sure that he looks just as horrible beautiful.

"You came," Hyukjae murmurs, lying on his back and ignoring the feel of the mud and water. He focuses on Donghae only.

"Why wouldn't I?" Donghae asks, sitting up and resting the ball in his lap.

"I was afraid you wouldn't find me," Hyukjae admits softly, and Donghae turns his head to stare at the older man.

"You could go half way around the world and I'd find you, Hyukjae," Donghae whispers, his smile saying he's joking but his eyes saying he's serious. "You can't run from me."

"I never plan to."

: :

Donghae still wonders what has changed. Time has changed everything, he tells himself bitterly. And he hates it so much because it's scary and unfair and how he wishes he could turn back the clock to when they were trainees and no one was watching them and controlling them.

When music was the priority and not the appearance.

When he would visit his family and tell them everything was fine, excitement still clear in his voice.

When he could dance until midnight with Hyukjae without having to worried about sneaking back into the dorms and waking up early the next morning for their schedules.

When his dreams fueled everything he did.

He curls up and thinks about how he hates the taste of disappointment.

: :

Hyukjae knows more than he will ever admit. 

"You're still you, aren't you, Donghae?" he asks one day over a cup of milk and leftovers from the night before. Donghae looks up, his chopsticks midway between the plate and his mouth. 

"What do you mean?" he replies curiously, taking another bite of food as he watches Hyukjae.

"The rest of us have changed. For the better or the worse... who knows. But you still have that light in your eyes, the one there the day I met you in the dance room that one summer day."

"It sure was hot that day," he mumurs, thinking back to the fateful day he got lost after Yunho gave him the incorrect room number and he stumbled into Hyukjae's dance practice, and he couldn't leave after seeing the way his body moved so fluently and powerfully. 

Hyukjae chuckles, bring the mug to his lips. "Yeah, it was. The sun's aged, though, and so have we."

Donghae doesn't reply this time. 

"You were honest with me from the beginning. I remember when you applauded, but then immediately told me I messed up my popping at one part," he says with a fond smile. Donghae smiles back despite himself. But the mood changes abruptly the second Hyukjae speaks again.

"You're still honest. Be honest with me, Donghae. Are you letting that light fade?" His eyes hold Donghae's in place as they always can. Donghae's crying on the inside, and he almost does on the outside.

But Hyukjae leans over the counter and places a hand on Donghae's cheek, warm and caring and always there. "Say no," he whispers. "Please say no and mean it."

But Donghae cannot answer.

: :

The lights are off and the music is blaring. Donghae thinks he might go deaf from it, but he thinks death by music is the best death of them all. So he suffers, letting the music control his body as he often does.

He does not hear the door open, doesn't see the light from the hallway stream in. His eyes are closed, his mind gone. That's how he likes things.

But his body feels another presence, never touching but there. The two bodies move together with ease unconciously, and the music takes them away. Their hearts and minds intertwine, and all that matters is in that room.

: :

"I can't promise you forever," Hyukjae whispers, and Donghae feels like his world stops for a moment and so does his heart. His eyes shut close tightly and he starts to feel himself pulling away again when a warm, strong hand pulls him back. "But I can promise you myself."

And Donghae collapses into his arms and falls asleep the words, "I love you," whispered into his ears like a lullaby.

: :

"We've changed, Hyukjae. All of us."

"I know."

"We've become men who forgot how to smile and laugh when there aren't cameras around."

"... I know."

"But do you want to know something, Hyukjae?"

"Yes, Donghae?"

"When you're around, I don't need a camera. I just need you. You bring me back to the days when everything was natural and fun, when I could remember what -" he hesitates, as if unsure if he should say this, but it's Hyukjae and he probably already knows. "When I could remember what I was fighting for."

"What are you fighting for, Donghae?" Hyukjae whispers, and Donghae shivers because he's closer now and the warmth between them sticky and sweaty but so much better than cold and alone.

He turns around and meets eyes so dark yet so bright. In them is a young boy with wild dreams and intentions of going places - not a man with finished dreams but broken expectations. "You."

And the distance is closed.

: :

Time passes and takes with it two men.

: :

"You have a very pretty voice," a small voice from the back of the room murmurs. The young boy spins on his heels and is met with a boy his age and his height with raven black hair pushed upwards. He stares for a moment before replying with a quick thanks, and then, the boy is gone.

It never occurred to him that he wasn't singing at that moment.

(But he heard anyway.)

A/N: The last two scenes, for clarification, is about them dying - I decided not to ellaborate as to when they died, how, and what they were doing before it, because the bitterly realistic part of me knows that they would not be truly forever together but she doesn't want to write that in fear of words becoming reality (what a sissy, I know) and then being reborn again in the last scene.

... why is all of my EunHae angst these days? In my defense, though, this was started a long time ago. I finally came back to revise/edit/add. Am I satisfied? Maybe. Not really. And why is Donghae always the center in my angst fics? Why am I asking questions? You guys wouldn't even know the answer T.T I don't even know the answer...

BUT I'M WRITING FLUFF, YA'LL. /excited.