You ask me if I really don’t feel anything or if nothing’s wrong from time to time
Do I really look like nothing is wrong?
Do I?

“Min, are you sure that you are really okay?” Kyuhyun asked him for the umpteenth time.

Min.

That’s how Kyuhyun call him.

When they are still together, it sounds like a melody to Sungmin’s ear every time Kyuhyun calling him with his nickname. But now, it makes Sungmin’s heart to rip apart. Just a simple word from the one he loves, how it can make him to feel the pain that he was not supposed to feel when it didn’t anything to do with him?  How ironic.

“Min,” Kyuhyun called again.

“Why? If I said no, will you regret what you said to me? If I ask you to stay, will you stay? If I ask you to not leave me, will you not leave?”

Those questions Sungmin wanted to ask to Kyuhyun but he holds himself to ask those because he knows what Kyuhyun reply will be.

As Sungmin looked at him, is the pain in his face is not enough to show him that he was hurt? That he was not okay? That he doesn’t feel anything but pain? How ironic.

Maybe Kyuhyun is a damn numb that he didn’t see the pain in Sungmin’s face. But Sungmin can do nothing but accept the decision Kyuhyun make.

He begged to not do this. He kneeled in front of him and crying as he pleading to not let him go. But Kyuhyun hold him and make him to stand on his feet.

He asked Kyuhyun why he is doing this. They were okay. He didn’t remember they are fighting over something. He asked the reason why Kyuhyun suddenly doing this.

But what Kyuhyun have said made Sungmin to caught him off guard, he didn’t want to believe him. He wished he is hallucinating but he wasn’t, not when Kyuhyun said sorry and asked him to send him home. That was the most painful words he heard from Kyuhyun. What he can do? He doesn’t know what to do.

But what Kyuhyun have said, it will forever memory in his mind and heart.

“I don’t love you anymore, Min.”

They are really indeed break up.

Even now when I look at you my heart hurts
Even if it’s for a moment
I try hard not to let my tears fall
Don’t you know that I’m smiling like a fool?

6 months later

It’s been 6 months and Sungmin still not get over with Kyuhyun, the break up with Kyuhyun was still fresh in his mind and heart, it feels like it was happened  yesterday but no, 6 months had passed and yet, Sungmin is still suffering over it.

And it’s been 6 months since Sungmin saw Kyuhyun and that was the day when Kyuhyun broke up with him and sends him home.

Sungmin wonder how’s Kyuhyun now. Is he okay? How is his life? Is he has a lover now? He didn’t hear anything from Kyuhyun since that day.

And it makes him to miss him so much.

Sungmin sighs as he putting his paper works in his bag. It was time to go home and currently, Sungmin was not in mood to go home. He was thinking where he should waste his time because tomorrow is his day off.

‘Should I go to bar and drown myself with alcohol?’ he asked himself. “Maybe I should.” He decided.

Just as he got out from his new workplace, he saw someone to make his heart skipped a beat and makes it hurt, as if someone gripping it tightly from prevent it beating. It was someone he was recently thinking earlier. The person he wanted to be his side. The person he missed. The person he needs in his life. The person he loves, until now.

Cho Kyuhyun.

Kyuhyun definitely saw him because he smiled and raised his right hand, acknowledging his presence.

Sungmin had urged to run to him. He wants to hug him, he wants to kiss him, he wants to say that he misses him so much, he wants to tell him that he is still in love with him, that his love for him didn’t change just a little bit, he wants to hold him and never let him go from his arms.  But Sungmin holds himself to do those.

Now how can you and I become friends like before?
Can we really be like that?
Can we really?

Definitely, Sungmin was not in the bar, holding a glass of wine, hearing a loud music and seeing dancing bunch of people on the floor.

He was with Kyuhyun.

They are inside the cafeteria and a cup of coffee was in front of them.

They are in silent. The words were suddenly drop down after Kyuhyun asked him how was he and asked him if he have a time to have a coffee with him. Or course Sungmin, the more he longing for Kyuhyun and wants to be with him, he suddenly forgot his plan to go to the bar to drown himself with the alcohol, and he numb to nod his head, saying yes.

He didn’t want to high his hope between them.

No one between them dare to break the silence around them. Only melody music and the sound of the bell on the door of the cafeteria when some customers coming in and out could hear.

Kyuhyun was looking at him, unsure of what to say while Sungmin looking outside the cafeteria, trying to compose the words he want to say to Kyuhyun.

Just as Sungmin reaching his coffee to sip it, he suddenly heard Kyuhyun.

“You left your old work.” It was not a question.

“Yes,” Sungmin muttered and looked down, unsure where he would look.

A minute or couple, Sungmin was waiting to Kyuhyun to speak up again but Kyuhyun didn’t say anything again so he decided to break the silence.

“How are you, Kyu…” should he say the nickname he used to call to Kyuhyun? “…hyun?” a screaming no in his head says.

“I’m fine. I found a new job because I don’t like my boss in my old workplace.” simply reply Kyuhyun.

“I see,” Sungmin tried to smile but failed so he sips his coffee to hide his forceful smile.

They fell into silence again and the silence between them becomes an awkward.

“I, uhm…” Kyuhyun started.

“Yes?” Sungmin answered immediately, trying to lighten up the mood between them.

“I don’t know how to say this but I hope…” Kyuhyun paused.

Sungmin saw that Kyuhyun was hesitating to spill out the words he wanted to say. So Sungmin looked up at him, waiting patiently for what the latter wanted to say.

As Sungmin were looking at Kyuhyun, his heart thumping loudly, hoping Kyuhyun would say that he would like to come back to him and Sungmin will definitely agree.

But, what he heard from Kyuhyun, makes his heart to feel the pain he felt before.

“…we can still be friends.” Kyuhyun finished.

How Kyuhyun could ask him like that? Is that easy for Kyuhyun to say that?

Press the reset
Press, press the reset
I’m looking at you
Only you
Press the reset
Press, press the reset
You, I can’t forget you
Press the reset
Press, press the reset
How am I to let go of the person who’s standing in front of me
Press the reset
Press, press the reset

Sungmin was left dumbfounded and still looking at Kyuhyun unknowingly.

Is that easy for Kyuhyun to say? Is Kyuhyun okay with his relationship with him? Is that Kyuhyun wanted to do after the break up?

Sungmin didn’t say anything and Kyuhyun didn’t urge him to answer him. Kyuhyun let him fell in silence.

Sungmin remember the memories he had with Kyuhyun.

They were happy.

If he could return the days he was happy with Kyuhyun, he would.

He remembers when Kyuhyun sneak in his house and showered him with thousand kisses.
He remembers how Kyuhyun hold his hands tightly, as if he doesn’t want to let it go.
He remembers how Kyuhyun embrace him in his arms, and stay like that until they fall asleep.
He remembers how Kyuhyun would wake him up in the morning with his sweet kisses on his forehead.
He remembers when Kyuhyun would fetch him to his workplace and will go to park to have a quality time to each other.
He remembers when Kyuhyun was trying to make a food for him but it ended up to almost burn his house and Sungmin can do nothing as he saw Kyuhyun running like a mad man to save his precious kitchen and Kyuhyun will kiss him and hug him as his apology.

Those are now a memory. Beautiful memories he couldn’t erase.

You
Please say something
That your heart is aching with longing too
Like me
Tell me
My heart stops
I can’t breathe
My wounds don’t heal
I patch up the empty holes you left with tears today too
By any chance, would you go there?
Think about me occasionally?
Thinking this, I go crazy
Do you know this heart of mine?
I love you I love you
I promise you
I’ll hold your hand tight
I’m sorry I’m sorry
Come back to me
Press the reset

They are walking home.

The silence between them inside the cafeteria is finally over.

The awkward between them is finally over.

But, they are walking side by side as they are walking.

Kyuhyun looking straight while Sungmin looking down.

As usual, Sungmin is waiting to Kyuhyun to say something again.

That Kyuhyun will tell him that he misses him.
That Kyuhyun will tell him that he likes him.
That Kyuhyun will tell him that he still loves him too.
That Kyuhyun will tell him that he longing for his presence.

Please tell me, Kyuhyun.

“Sungmin, I…”

With those words, it makes Sungmin’s heart stop.

Is this it? Will Kyuhyun says that he missed him? Will Kyuhyun says that he likes him? Will Kyuhyun says that he still in love with him? Will Kyuhyun says that he was longing for him?

He hopes yes.

He will definitely not let him go. He will make sure to be a good lover. He will make him happy. He will show that he is a worthy person to him. He will make sure Kyuhyun will never leave him.

Please tell me, Kyuhyun.
I want you to be my source of my oxygen.
I want you to heal