I felt like he was the one.

I felt like I couldn't live without him.

I felt everything in this world is all about him.

I did everything for him.

But at last, I realised that he used me.

I was blindly in love, I was desperately clinging on, hoping that he would truly like me one single day. But that day never came.

Instead, he liked someone else and used me, threw me away in the end. We were friends, but I don't think the emotions of him for me even as a friend were ever true. The depression lasted for 2 years. I was depressed. I cried underneath my blanket every night. Every single night. I feel used. 

And somehow, I felt useless to be used, to still have feelings for people like that. Once high school ended, everyone went separate ways, everyone went to chase after their dreams. I was still stuck in my past.

My past emotions. 

Those texts became shorter and shorter and up the the very end, he did not want to reply my messages anymore.

Only after these times, I realised I was manipulated, emotionally.

Slowly, I started to delete his messages, to delete the photos, to delete his number, to unfollow him on social media, to block him using all sorts of ways so that I would never be reminded of this phase of my life ever again. I succeded. You must be thinking that I am weird, I am crazy. But I couldn't do much, this was the extent I could do to delete him from my life. 

Now in September 2017, a year has passed since those emotions overwhelmed me every night. I was changed.

I learnt to be strong, to gather courage, to not fall for someone easily, to not take the initiative to text first, and to not make myself an easy target.

Now my heart is slowly turning into a stone, a cold stone in which I will dare not have feelings for anyone anymore because I feel that all guys are the same.

Guys wants you to text first, guys wants you to make the first move, guys were all the same to me.

Because I know that it takes a long time to heal, to recover from all the pain and tears.

And once I could stand up again, I do not want to repeat the same mistake, fall and hurt myself again.

That is why, I decided to shut the first door in my life, the door to relationships.