"I can't do this, Chen. I can't–I ca–"

Baekhyun's sort of maybe beginning to hyperventilate. Jongdae's on the pre-med track so he should probably be doing something about that but oh, so it's Chen now?

Jongdae doesn't know when that happened. Just the night before his name on Baekhyun's lips was still breathless pants of "Dae. Oh my god. Oh, Jongdae." But it's a new morning and something's different. Apparently. Jongdae wishes someone would bother to tell him what that something is. And he wishes that that someone would be Baekhyun.

"What, Baek? What can't you do?"

This whole situation would be avoidable if whatever Jongdae and Baekhyun's relationship—or not relationship—included talking. Or communication. Or normal dates. Or basically anything other than Netflix and chill with a heavy emphasis on the chill and barely any Netflix. But that's not how it works—not how they work.

Not anymore.

"This. With you. Here. I can't do this."

Well, it looks like Jongdae got his wish. Only he wasn't really expecting the results. And now he didn't know how to handle them. Baekhyun didn't seem to have that much of a problem doing Jongdae the night before—or the night before that or the night before that or the night before–

Yeah. Baekhyun's still whimpering a pathetic "I can't" except now he's gesturing between the two of them. His fluttering hands make Jongdae want to catch his wrists and never let go. That thought surprises Jongdae because he and Baekhyun don't do feelings. They keep each other company and maybe, just maybe that happens to make him happy. But still. No feelings. Not between them. Just no.

"You can't do this here? Or you can't do this with me here?"

There's a difference between the two. It's subtle, but it exists and to Jongdae it matters. He'd noticed recently that Baekhyun seemed a little jaded. Seemed not as content at his new school as he'd hoped. Seemed not as successful in his new major and future career as expected. Seemed not as settled in his college do-over as Baekhyun had been sure he'd be. That is why Jongdae had to ask: because he can try to help, but only if Baekhyun wants him to.

"I don't know, Jong–Chen. Neither. Both. Does it matter?"

Not to Baekhyun, apparently. It does to Jongdae, but that's enough of an answer.

"I guess not then, Baek. I guess not. But if you hate it so much here, why? Why do you stay?"

The pause between them is gaping and silent and as expansive and ravenous as an expanding black hole. It's painfully obvious that Baekhyun has nothing to say to Jongdae. That, or he doesn't want to answer. But he does. It takes a while, another, longer moment, but finally Baekhyun answers.

"I don't know. I don't know that I hate it here. I don't know that I don't. I just know that you said before that I don't even know you that well. And you're right. I don't know you. How can I know you when I don't even know myself?"

Jongdae regrets saying that. He regretted it the moment it happened. Then Baekhyun starts to cry and his hands don't flutter anymore and Jongdae regrets saying it even more. He finds that he still wants to hold onto Baekhyun's beautiful little hands forever. But right now he lifts a hand to cup Baekhyun's face, brushing the tears away with his thumb. It's enough.

It has to be enough.