“Marry me…”

“Marry me…”

“Marry me…”

“…and you can’t say NO.”

She opens her now wet eyes and look intently on his expecting brown orbs. She can practically see his soul as he waits for her answer. He’s scared… and she knows it. With her shaking hand, Chaerin touches his face. All along their journey, she only saw her fears. Perhaps, Jiyong is also as frighten as she is.

“I’m sorry Jiyong but… NO.”

“It will just be a simple talk… probably a series of question will pop out but… will it be fine?”

“Sure. I kinda expected it already. What do you want to know? What should I do to make you believe I’m fine?”

“Okay, let’s start with Little Teddy Bear. How is he doing?”

“I don’t know… someone took him from me when I was…ten? Was it eleven years old?”

“And how did you feel when he was taken away from you? Did you feel any rage towards the person?”

“Of course I did. I think it’s a normal reaction, right? Unfortunately, I never had the chance to burst it out. You know, mature girls shouldn’t cry over a teddy bear…”

“But you love it. That was your favorite toy, right?”

“Maybe it was… however that time I valued which option should I prioritize more. If I retrieved my toy, then someone would be upset of me. And I didn’t like it. I don’t want daddy to hate me just because of a bear.”

“You seemed to act more of your age. You were just a child back then but you wanted to act more advanced. Why?”

“I had to. I had to be better for me to win. I had to be braved for my mom… I thought it was worth it, but I was so wrong.”

“How’s your relationship with your Mother?”

“Mommy becomes cooler now. She also smiles a lot this days. I think she becomes healthier too…”

“You have a closer relationship with your Mom?’’

“Yeah… for me she’s the best in the whole world.”

“Then how about your Dad?”

“……..”

“Do you have any issues with him? Conflicts probably?”

“I love my daddy but that’s it. We’re not close to begin with…”

“You speak with full of hate. Do you loathe your father?”

“No. Loathe is a strong word. I think it’s more of… upset. Longing perhaps? I am longing for a father that will never exists.”

“Do you think you can forgive him?”

“I don’t know. You can’t just forgive a person who don’t exert effort to get your mercy, can you?”

“Have you ever been in a romantic relationship with someone?”

“I’ve been…with Jiyong Oppa. Kwon Jiyong. That’s his name. He’s three years older than me. We’ve been together for two years and three months.”

“Is he an interesting guy?”

“Of course he is. I have nothing for him but good words.”

“Tell me more about this man named Kwon Jiyong…”

“He’s special. I mean, for me he is.”

“How is he doing?”

“I hope he’s doing fine. We haven’t contacted since I started attending this counseling. You know, Jiyong is the most loving man I ever met. He’s perfect.”

“Perfect? What a description. How did you say so?”

“He has a golden heart. He loves to see the goodness of people. He has a pretty face and carefree demeanor. Having him around relieves my stress. He’s just simply one of a kind…”

“But why isn’t he with you anymore? Did you, by any chance, push him away?”

“I didn’t. I just don’t want to burden him with my incapability. I don’t want him to see me in pain.”

“But you said he’s perfect. Perfect man shouldn’t experience pain.”

“……”

“Have you ever thought that maybe… he became perfect because someone completed him?”

“I don’t know…but I’m pretty sure he’s like that already even before he met me.”

“He’s like that? You mean he’s already a perfect man even before he met you? How sure are you?”

“…….”

“Let me ask you again, as a perfect man, do you think he’s still living a perfect life now?”

“……...”

“You don’t know because you are unsure. If we will go back to your previous statement, you told me he’s perfect. If you think he is, how come you can’t answer me now?”

“M…maybe he is?”

“See Miss Lee? You can’t give me an answer with full conviction because you too wonder if he’s doing fine. If we will sum up your answers, all you gave me is your views… and they were solely based on your feelings… your moods. You see, the only fact you gave me is the duration of your relationship with that guy. I can say he’s too significant that’s why I decided to ask you more questions about him.”

“Is that…bad? He told me I was clingy. I think he’s right.”

“Were you? Tell me more about it.”

“I mean, I used to guard him too much when we were together. He said it was suffocating. I badly wanted to hit myself when he left me… I badly wanted to change just for the sake of having him again.”

“Don’t you think being jealous is just a normal reaction? Don’t you think you were just taking care of him?”

“But he said I was too much… I think I became obsessed. I was just scared of losing him… He left me after having enough.”

“Really? Then he’s not as perfect as you viewed him to be. Have you even think that being tired is a normal reaction? He’s a human after all.”

“I don’t get it. I’m confused…”

“Then good. That only means you’re getting better. Sometimes, not knowing and having the answer is the best solution.”

“Then what’s the use of seeking advice if I will still be left with questions?”

“That was the source of your problem Miss Lee. You wanted to know everything. You are obsess of knowing what’s happening behind your back. You are afraid to trust people…even those you love. You are not clingy. You are not selfish. You are not jealous. You are not childish. You are just scared.”

“………..”

“Tell me, after going through those painful experience, are you willing to trust now? People come and go. People will either deceive you or relieve you. You can’t prevent that… but you, trusting people is your choice. Loving someone without inhibition is within your control. Use it.”

“Wh… What if I’m still not enough?”

“Of course you will never be. That’s why you need someone to be complete, isn’t it? Listen Miss Lee, nobody’s perfect until you made them feel like one. If you think your man is, then most probably you are the reason behind it.”

“Do you think I’m ready to trust people now?”

“Only you can answer that. Just always remember that when you will only lose your faith on someone when you started being scared. Fight the fear and choose to be happy…”

Chaerin studies herself in front of the mirror. Clad only with her black silky robe, she gently caresses her doll up face while her long curly blonde hair sways courtesy of the open window. It’s been so long since she last examined herself like this. Tonight will be a big step for her. Tonight, she will retrieve the person she misses the most…

…tonight, she will get the old Lee Chaerin back in her life.

After securing the robe around her body, Chaerin grabs her purse and proceeded outside. There waiting a p