*****

Coming home never felt the same ever since. It was far too different with him being gone. Who could have felt this loss stronger than JaeJoong?

He didn't want to leave this place behind that used to be a home for five, but it just wasn't the same anymore. And never would be again. It had too many memories. Good memories. Beautiful memories. Memories that now hurt because they were wonderful ones.

“Hyung.” ChangMin sounded awfully concerned when he came home.

“What.” Inwardly JaeJoong flinched. He didn't mean to snap, but it happened far too easily nowadays. He was on edge. All the time, and it wouldn't go away anytime soon. ChangMin didn't mind though. It was just the same for him, as for everyone else.

“There's something we need to tell you.” JunSu this time. He sounded confused. If that wasn't curious enough, YooChun of all people was the silent one this time. JaeJoong just furrowed his eyebrows. He was irritated. He really didn't need this beating around the bush, neither did he need to be fluffed like cotton wool.

“For goodness' sake just get on-”

“Boo.”

JaeJoong swallowed hard. His eyes were stinging already when he turned from the others towards the voice he was so very sure would never tingle his ears again. His breath hitched, and surely his heart stopped to beat.

There he stood, right in front of his eyes, right where he belonged. Ever so perfect. Healthy. Alive.

“YunHo,” he whispered softly, too afraid to speak louder in fear that it was all just a dream. YunHo flashed him a smile. Still the most beautiful JaeJoong had ever seen.

“I'm sorry that I scared you,” YunHo breathed, softly, and opened his arms. JaeJoong didn't need any more than this to storm into YunHo's embrace, the tears finally breaking from his eyes when he buried his face in YunHo's chest.

“Oh, YunHo. Don't leave me ever again.”

JaeJoong blinks furiously at the ceiling. A dullness comes over him with tears b behind his eyes. A sob is muffled by his hand, fingers shaking when the tears start to fall. He curls into a ball and just cries.

He wishes, for all in the world, that life wasn't still the nightmare it had been for the past few months. But here he lies, wide awake and grieving and wishing that he was still in his dream. That YunHo was still with him. That YunHo was still sleeping beside him, still holding him. That YunHo had not been ripped from this world, unexpectedly, and with no hope of return.