“I romanticized you to the point where the knives you pressed into my skin began to look like Cupid’s arrows.” - Unknown

Kibum sighed contently as his eyes fluttered closed. The timid winter breeze – that never quite touched him - flowed around his body carelessly and caressed him gently. The sweet, comforting whispers that the trees directed at him were wrapping around him slowly and lulling him off into sleep. The moon was hardly visible on the first snowless night that Kibum had been at living at Crystal Forests. A misty haze seemed to hang in the air and swallow up all light. Nothing was brave enough to move under the harsh smile of the crescent that hung in the sky.

Everything was peaceful.

Quiet.

Content.

Kibum lay back-down on the partially snow-covered rooftop, sighing peacefully. The colourless treetops stood tall in his peripheral vision like silhouetted knights standing guard and watching over him, protecting him from the rest of the world.

The stars hung overhead, all clinging to the long extended string called infinity. They too played their part in the symphony of night that drew Kibum in. Their eyes twinkled as they smiled down at him lovingly. Their endless web was the home in which he had grown up. They knew all his secrets, dreams, hopes, wishes, deepest desires.

When everyone else left him, one thing always remained; the stars. Even when they weren’t visible, they were always there as ghosts in the sky. There were so many more stars visible here than there had been in the overly-crowded city. Kibum was trying to put names to even the smallest stars that were unfamiliar. He could pinpoint the big ones, but the small inconspicuous ones that made all the difference were proving to be a challenge. 

Kibum always tried to reason that the city lights made up for the lack of stars, but they weren’t quite the same. They didn’t have the ancient knowledge of the universe that the stars possessed. They didn’t have the massive power that makes people wonder and stare in awe while questioning their existence. But most of all, they didn’t laugh. The stars always seemed to be laughing. A fond, loving laugh that echoed silently across the whole world and shook anyone who listened hard enough to hear it.

And how Kibum listened. And how it shook him.

The only source of unnatural light was coming from Jonghyun’s room. Although it was a floor below where Kibum was currently relaxing in the cold, the light still pierced the darkness brightly. Just like Jonghyun’s presence pierced the atmosphere. Or his words pierced the silence. Or his icy eyes, Kibum’s soul.

Jonghyun Kibum thought. Synonyms: cold, unpredictable, beautiful, a mystery.

Cold – freezing.

Unpredictable – annoyingly so.

Beautiful – the very definition of the word.

A mystery – Jonghyun was a mystery. And like all things mysterious, he captivated Kibum.

There were no patterns in his behaviour that Kibum could see. Some days he would be asleep before Kibum came home from dinner – which Jonghyun didn’t attend offten – other times he was up throughout the whole night – Kibum would know. Some mornings he would be gone before Kibum was awake and spend the whole day somewhere no one knew. Others he slept until after lunch, missing two meals and then skipping dinner.

Kibum reckoned that most of his diet consisted of the chips, energy bars and canned coffees that lay scattered around his house. He had two different feelings about that diet. The first was that it was really not good for Jonghyun’s health and that it must be the reason he was so skinny. The second was that it was unfair that he was so skinny eating all the junk he did.

He had talked to Jinki about it at lunch. Jinki wasn’t that surprised. After all, he had been dealing with this behaviour for the last four months. But Jonghyun was an adult who could make his own decisions; Jinki had no right to control him.

“Just try to show him you care.” Jinki had said. “Bring him food if he’s skipping meals too often for your liking. Wake him up when it’s after twelve. Confront him when he comes home late and offer him something warm. He might not show it, but he really appreciates small gestures.”

Personally, Kibum thought these were all awful ideas. Everything about Jonghyun was a mystery. Talking to him was like swimming on the surface of the deepest part of the ocean, knowing there were monsters far below you and unimaginable depths all around. It was a terrifying, vast void of mysteries.

“Jonghyun is like a small child. A stubborn small child.  He won’t approach you no matter what he needs. You need to see that he needs something and come to him. That’s when he’ll start letting you in.” Jinki smiled. “Just treat him like a very intellectual small child who has an above average IQ. He’s not stupid- well he is- but he’s really just difficult to handle. Give him the patience and care that he needs and he’ll warm up to you very quickly.”

His few interactions with Jonghyun had been short, meaningless and awkward. Awkward eye contact was the most common across the dining room when Jonghyun actually decided food was necessary for survival. He sat with a boy – Yoongi who had introduced himself to Kibum on the first day – and neither of them talked that much. They just sat in silence while they ate, seemingly enjoying each other’s presence.

The only time there was life at that table was when a boy called Jimin joined them. He and Yoongi would talk and laugh, but Jonghyun just seemed to watch in what could only be called amusement.

So Kibum lay awake, thinking. It was the early hours of the morning and it was one of those days that he just knew he was not going to get to sleep. Two red pills or no red pills, he was wide awake. 

“Tomorrow,” Jinki had said, “Taemin and I want to go out. Just for a walk. Come with us?” Over the past few weeks, Kibum had come to enjoy and depend on Jinki’s presence. He knew he was becoming clingy. He felt like a wall; constantly creating a barrier between Jinki and everyone else.

He knew he wasn’t the only person in Jinki’s life. He had thirty people who once were in the same seat as he was. A little afraid, awkward and dependant on his presence. And they were and still are just as important to Jinki as Kibum was right now.

He felt like he was creating a blockage between Jinki and his friends. Whenever Kibum was around, no one approached them. If Jinki was talking to someone, they would leave when Kibum came. They would politely greet him, say goodbye to Jinki and leave.

He knew that it was because they were looking out for his comfort. And it made him feel really guilty.

But Jinki didn’t seem to mind that much. He was always patient with Kibum and very gentle. Taemin was the only other one who sat with them.

The pretty boy didn’t seem to understand a lot of what they were talking about. Jinki had explained to Kibum that Taemin was not completely retarded. He didn’t need supervision 24/7. He just found it very hard to comprehend and learn certain things. But he could sense the atmosphere. If the atmosphere turned more serious then his smile would drop a tiny bit and he would subconsciously lean towards Jinki.

He hadn’t touched Kibum since the last incident. He seemed to be aware of how Kibum would tense the slightest bit when people came close to him. So he never came too close, but never dropped his cheerful smile.

Taemin was intelligent. Kibum reckoned. He was intelligent in the same way an animal was intelligent. Despite his below-average IQ, he picked up things. Little things in the environment around him. And he reacted to those little things.

Taemin liked to talk, he liked to tell stories. Little things that happened in his day. Small things like his favourite type of flower blooming in his flower patches, or the time there was a family of hares living near their house. Simple things pleased Taemin.

A lot of the time Kibum spent with Jinki and Taemin, he ended up telling stories. Often they spent meals exchanging stories. Kibum would tell him stories from his childhood – leaving out all the bad ones – and watch as Taemin’s eyes lit up at the smallest things and tiniest details.

Taemin lit up the room. His golden presence was always radiating off of him. And it was really beautiful to Kibum. He could see why Jinki loved the boy.

He could see why everyone loved the boy.

There wasn’t a person who didn’t stop to greet Taemin or ruffle his hair or just smile at him and ask if he was well. Taemin was someone that everyone adored. Some days he would sit away from Kibum and Jinki with his other friends. It didn’t escape Kibum’s notice that Jinki would always angle his chair in a way so that he had a perfect view of Taemin. It was sweet.

Naturally he accepted the invitation. Jinki said he could choose where they went. He and Taemin had seen everything so many times that they didn’t mind going down any of the paths.

“But.” Jinki had said somewhat nervously. “I’d really like it if you invited Jonghyun.”

And Kibum regarded that as Jinki’s worst idea yet.

“Please, Kibum.” Jinki had said. “If tomorrow he decides to skip breakfast, bring him something, wake him up and tell him that Jinki says he needs to exercise. Really, the chances he’ll agree are so small, but it’ll show him that you care.”

Kibum did care. He cared more than he would like to have admitted. Although he didn’t know why. Maybe it was because Jinki was right; they were a lot alike.

So he found himself mumbling a miserable, “I’ll think about it.” – Something Jinki had learnt meant ‘yes’ and rolled his eyes when Jinki started thanking Kibum happily.

So now Kibum lay on the roof, regretting everything. The sun had slowly started to come up, and he was struggling to see what was left of the stars.

The distant, rhythmical tapping of Jonghyun’s keyboard had stopped long ago, but his lights remained on. Kibum assumed that he had fallen asleep while working.

“Jonghyun’s a writer.” Jinki had explained. “It’s his escape. He loves to transport himself to his fantasy worlds. He practically lives to escape; something he’s pretty good at.”

So when the sun was dancing over the horizon and the stars returned to being ghosts in the sky, Kibum got up and dusted himself off. He would probably catch a cold. Jinki would probably be mad. Taemin would be concerned. Jonghyun wouldn’t care.

The thoughts seemed to bother him a little, but he brushed them off. He walked down the stairs slowly. It was early; he was probably the only person awake.

So he flopped on to his bed and let his thoughts consume him for just a little longer.

>< 

Breakfast went by quickly. Too quickly for Kibum’s liking. Jinki gave an avid description of the foods Jonghyun liked and disliked, which ended up being rather pointless when he ordered food for Jonghyun as a takeaway.

Well, at least Kibum knew Jonghyun didn’t like fish for whatever important future references Jinki assumed he would need.

Jinki had invited Minho to eat with them. Kibum had grown quite fond of his driver. His serious personality was peaceful and calming, and when they talked it was relaxing for Kibum.

He told the occasional joke which Kibum would laugh at no matter how bad it was because Minho was just funny in his own weirdly tranquil way. Sometimes he would ask Kibum questions and when Kibum felt extra brave he would ask some of his own.

Kibum noticed changes in himself. It had only been three weeks, and he was laughing at and with the few people he had become close to in such a short amount of time. He found it rather amazing that these people achieved what no medical professional could in such a short amount of time.

So Minho had eaten with them and there was a light atmosphere at the table. Minho gave his personal suggestion as to where they should go. He said that his favourite lane to walk down was the ‘Dagger’ one.

When he mentioned it, Taemin’s eyes lit up and he clapped happily. Kibum thought the name sounded a bit violent for the boy, but his cute reaction was enough to settle it.

When Minho drove him back to his cottage, he blocked out his ramblings because nerves were eating away at him. Minho just smiled at him in the rear-view mirror. He knew.

Minho dropped him off, and with a heavy heart and warm bag in his hand, he muttered a short ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’ to Minho. And turned to look up at Jonghyun’s house.

It looked like it wanted to swallow him.

He wanted it to swallow him.

He was regretting his life choices when he heard Minho stifling a laugh and realised how stupid he must look.

So with a deep breath he started taking careful steps towards Jonghyun’s cottage.

As he approached the door he felt his hands start to shake a little. He was nervous. And he knew it. But he didn’t know why.

Staring at the door that stood mockingly in front of him, he realised that Jinki was definitely a sadist. To make him do things like this, he must really hate Kibum. Or care for him.

So he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and knocked.

Once.

Twice.

And waited.

And nothing happened.

He heard Minho laugh after a moment of heavy silence.